When a man or woman gets sick, there are symptoms that
show. These symptoms show there is a problem and if the
person involved is not treated in time, the person may go
down depending on the health issue.
The same way, there are things that happen in our
relationships or marriage that are symptomatic of issues
that need to be addressed before it gets really bad.
What are these issues? They are issues you must not ignore
or close your eyes to. They must be addressed and you must
find a solution to them.
Let’s take a look at one of these issues.
The Communication factor
Communication is the lifeblood of relationships and
marriage. Without communication, there is no relationship.
The first thing a baby does after birth is to communicate. If
there is no response from the baby, there may be some
baby spanking just for the baby to let out his voice. When
the baby grows old and aged and dies, communication
ceases. Communication announces life, and its complete
absence shows something is dead.
Before you fall in love, there has to be communication.
Nobody proposes in silence. There must be a proposal and
response! Communication between the two people is what
births a commitment in their hearts.
I remember the Yoruba folklore drama we used to watch as
kids. Two warriors are fighting, but their battle is not so
much of weapons, because they have been so fortified that
the weapons don’t work. It was always a battle of words.
Incantations! They would chant incantations back and forth.
The moment one of them can no longer reply or respond,
he is as good as dead!
Communication births productivity and absence of
communication birth chaos and confusion.
You remember the Tower of Babel? They were going to build
a monument that would reach in to the very heavens! And
you know what, they were going to succeed! How do I know
that? God confirmed that!
"And the Lord said, Behold, they are one people and they
have all one language; and this is only the beginning of what
they will do, and now nothing they have imagined they can
do will be impossible for them." (Gen 11:6, AMP)
Why would they succeed? They were of one language!
Before God could succeed in putting a stop to their
ambition, He had to tamper with their communication. He
gave them so many languages that they could not
understand each other.
Dear people, if you and your spouse or spouse-to-be can
speak the same language, nothing will be impossible to you.
By this, I don’t mean tribal language, but rather in terms of
vision, direction and agreement.
As singles, the moment communication is disappearing from
your courtship, something is definitely wrong somewhere.
He used to call frequently before. She used to call seven
times a day, but now it is once in seven days, something is
wrong somewhere. You should get ready for any
eventualities. He says he is so busy. It doesn't add up.
You see, when you are in love with someone, you want to
stay in touch with that person. When I fell in love with my
wife while on Campus is the nineties, I wanted to stay in
touch all the time. I wanted to talk with her all the time.
Today, after sixteen years of marriage, I want to be with her
and I want to talk to her every time.
You have not spoken in six months and you say you are in a
relationship? Something is seriously wrong and you can as
well realise that there is no relationship, really. He or she is
just hanging there because he doesn't know how to tell you
it is over.
The other twist is that all you do when you talk is fight and
quarrel for hours on phone. This also is not healthy. When
your memory of courtship is devoid of flowers, gifts, love
and attention but filled with quarrels, bitterness and hurt, it
is not always a good foundation. Getting a mentor over your
relationship will easily help you on this.
As married couples, do everything possible to keep
communication going. Even when you disagree or have a
quarrel, make up your mind to keep talking. It is a
commitment both of you should make. The moment you
stop talking, you just held a grand welcome for strife in your
home!
One of the things you can do to keep communication going
is to forgive quickly! Let love rule in your house!
Wives, do you also know that if you can communicate wisely,
there will be less friction in the home? Learn the appropriate
times to say the right things!
As couples, the scripture advises that you should learn to
speak softly to each other when the other party is angry.
"A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir
up anger." (Pro 15:1, KJV)
Let me end with this humorous story. A woman, seriously
worried that her husband is always fighting with her went to
see an old man and asked for something she can use to
bring peace to her home. The old man gave her a matchstick
and told her to go back. He told her that whenever her
husband wants to fight, she should hold the matchstick with
her teeth and refuse to say a word.
As usual, that night, argument flared up, the husband got
angry and the woman quickly turned around and put the
matchstick in her mouth. With that the husband, visibly
angry kept on talking, but when she couldn't say a word in
reply, the husband simply left her and walked away.
The woman ran to the old man next day, and told him that
the matchstick worked wonders. The old man smiled and
told the woman, you mouth has been the problem all along!
When you didn't say anything, your husband left you!
In other words, the balance to a constant communication is
that you sound learn to keep quiet when anger or
unnecessary argument has been stirred. After a while,
tactically change the conversation to something else to keep
communication flowing!
May God grant you more understanding!

Olufemi thank u