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Nigerian Man Who Intentionally Shuts Down Wife In Front Of Their Kids Changes - Family - Nairaland

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Nigerian Man Who Intentionally Shuts Down Wife In Front Of Their Kids Changes by ObiOmaMu: 9:09pm On Jun 16, 2017
Taking to Facebook to announce what made him change, a Nigerian man Stan Ekezie, revealed that eavesdropping on an argument between his kids made him stop undermining his wife in front of them. According to him, he did that because he wanted to show his kids who is in charge.

Here’s what he wrote;

“In order to show my kids who is in charge, I have had to overrule my wife’s decision a few times on almost every aspect of our family life, not in a malicious way though. Just enough to show the kids that I am in charge and my consent or refusal on any issue is final. Even when she says no, the kids will file an appeal with me, I will tell my wife to let them go, and even when she disagrees with me, she will still consent, telling them that if your dad says it’s ok, she can’t say otherwise. She always tried to maintain the hierarchy of leadership so the kids can see and learn. Kudos to her
One day I over heard the kids plotting to go to the cinema, the youngest one told them to tell mummy first, I know she will say no, then we can ask daddy and tell him mummy said no, he will most certainly always say yes and then mummy must obey, she won’t have a choice. I was flabbergasted, she was just 11 years old at the time. It suddenly dawned on me that I have been played, beaten hands down by my own kids. So when they came to ask my permission, I told them it was up to their mum and whatever she says is final, I cant do anything about it. The look of shock on their faces was priceless. From then on, I became the parent who didn’t have absolute powers any more, we became a team, she did the vetting because she is more thorough and hands-on, she knew each of them more deeply than I did, it was harder to play her. Once she has vetted, she will recommend approval or disapproval and I will act accordingly issuing the final approval or rejecting the appeal. All the things they used to get away with when I was solely in charge became more difficult or impossible.

The moral of the story is simple, empower your wife for effective control of your home, we are too busy battling to make a living, we can’t multitask, however women were created with the capacity to multitask, they can be successful at work and at home. An empowered woman will be respected by your children thus making it easy for her to teach and mentor them. The kids will pick up the slightest signs of disrespect and subjugation of your wife and build on it, this may make it more difficult for her to properly groom them in your mostly unavoidable absences from home. We should always ensure that our wives are not ridiculed or subdued before the children, a wife should be seen as a strong and indispensable component of the family unit.
The kids must see and know that we love and respect their mother and will support all her decisions. They must know that the house is hers, and that getting favours from daddy is dependent on mummy’s approval. Total authority should rest on her especially if she is a homely and virtuous mother. She knows the kids better than you, she shares a special bond with them and will punish them without emotions when they do something wrong. Ensure that the kids especially your daughters see her as the final say in almost all their affairs, her decisions concerning them whether we like it or not will always tow the line of reason. Most daughters won’t like their mum until they become adults, because she loves them and punishes them with the same amount of passion when they err.
I am sapiosexual , so I believe intelligent and powerful women make better wives and most especially mothers. I’d rather have a well accomplished woman mentor my kids than a subdued and voiceless woman, the later can only transfer her bitterness and frustration to the kids. A powerful and accomplished woman boosts her daughters’ confidence and gives them a befitting role model – Sir Stanley Ekezie”

http://www.lailasblog.com/2017/06/nigerian-man-intentionally-shuts-wife-front-kids-gives-reasons-changed.html

Lalasticlala

88 Likes 19 Shares

Re: Nigerian Man Who Intentionally Shuts Down Wife In Front Of Their Kids Changes by obataokenwa(m): 9:13pm On Jun 16, 2017
Very good lesson. My mentality about women changed after I read Myles Munroe's book (Understanding The Power and Purpose of a Woman). From that moment, I will support my wife and my girls to achieve whatever they want to achieve. Steve Harvey's Book (Treat Her Like A Lady) also did a great lesson to me. I smh for men that beat their women.

119 Likes 12 Shares

Re: Nigerian Man Who Intentionally Shuts Down Wife In Front Of Their Kids Changes by Theyveedo(m): 9:18pm On Jun 16, 2017
cool
Re: Nigerian Man Who Intentionally Shuts Down Wife In Front Of Their Kids Changes by silverr(f): 9:42pm On Jun 16, 2017
Lalasticlala
Re: Nigerian Man Who Intentionally Shuts Down Wife In Front Of Their Kids Changes by Nobody: 9:54pm On Jun 16, 2017
This shows that kids are smart and sensitive: they see and hear every. It takes a virtuous woman to keep a home and a loving man to get the best out of that virtuous woman.

Men should take it easy on the dictatorship. When you lord over your wife, she might rebel or better still give you the total submission you seek _ but we all need someone to counter us with reverence. Who else is better for the job if not ones spouse that knows you in and out? You're the head and a good wife knows this, you don't have to go out of your way to prove it.

A good woman is more powerful than you know, she is very analytical and discerning. When you take away that power to voice out her concerns, by forcing her into sheepish submission , there shall be issues. Maybe not now, but in future.

Some couples spend so much energy fighting themselves at home. Both trying to outdo the other _that's why they don't have any energy remaining for work and lovemaking .

42 Likes 4 Shares

Re: Nigerian Man Who Intentionally Shuts Down Wife In Front Of Their Kids Changes by auntysimbiat(f): 10:09pm On Jun 16, 2017
Hmmm... OK oo oo
Re: Nigerian Man Who Intentionally Shuts Down Wife In Front Of Their Kids Changes by NwaAmaikpe: 10:32pm On Jun 16, 2017
He is simply a woman wrapper who hasn't learnt how manipulative women are...


Before he will know it, he will be corked inside a bottle.

9 Likes 3 Shares

Re: Nigerian Man Who Intentionally Shuts Down Wife In Front Of Their Kids Changes by Ishilove: 10:52pm On Jun 16, 2017
So now he knows? Egomanic fvcktard

6 Likes

Re: Nigerian Man Who Intentionally Shuts Down Wife In Front Of Their Kids Changes by Nobody: 11:36pm On Jun 16, 2017
NwaAmaikpe:
He us simply a woman wrapper who hasn't lewrt how manipulative women are...


Before he will know it, he will be corked inside a bottle.
Get rid of this mentality. If you're scared of being corked inside a bottle, then you have no business being married to such a woman in the first place.

This is the same attitude some women put up, bringing unnecessary ego into their unions because they don't want to be corked inside a bottle too. To what end? It's a marriage nna, not battleground.

71 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Nigerian Man Who Intentionally Shuts Down Wife In Front Of Their Kids Changes by Nobody: 12:27am On Jun 17, 2017
Children are like sponges who soak in everything. That's why parents with little children should be careful how they treat each other b/c those kids are watching.

While he didn't realize how much his mistreatment of his wife was hurting his family on his own, but it had to take him overhearing his kids' conversation to come to this realization, I still appreciate that he was sensitive enough to see his mistakes, through his children, and change​.

16 Likes

Re: Nigerian Man Who Intentionally Shuts Down Wife In Front Of Their Kids Changes by ItsTutsi(m): 1:16am On Jun 17, 2017
I have never seen where a conclusion/moral is more than the story undecided

4 Likes

Re: Nigerian Man Who Intentionally Shuts Down Wife In Front Of Their Kids Changes by Evablizin(f): 2:10am On Jun 17, 2017
Oh thank God one has repented that is one down in the area of i'm always in charge i'm the man of the house i have the final say,good ladies are their to support you and make work easy not to collect your title.

1 Like

Re: Nigerian Man Who Intentionally Shuts Down Wife In Front Of Their Kids Changes by Erums(m): 8:22pm On Jun 17, 2017
Good morals here... God i feel like getting married so i can practice all dese lessons.... God help me ooooo
Re: Nigerian Man Who Intentionally Shuts Down Wife In Front Of Their Kids Changes by obataokenwa(m): 11:58pm On Jun 17, 2017
this worth front page.

Lalasticlala
Re: Nigerian Man Who Intentionally Shuts Down Wife In Front Of Their Kids Changes by cococandy(f): 12:25am On Jun 18, 2017
The man that will disrespect me in the presence of my kids has not been born. After the first time (if he's foolish enough to try it), it won't happen again.

My advice ladies: know who you marry. If he's obsessed with 'headship' during the dating stage, that's a big red flag.

Only insecure people need to put others down especially in the presence of others in other to elevate themselves.
If a man has to be taught that himself and his wife are partners and should always present a United front to their kids, he's not ready to marry.

22 Likes 6 Shares

Re: Nigerian Man Who Intentionally Shuts Down Wife In Front Of Their Kids Changes by Nobody: 4:58am On Jun 18, 2017
Ishilove:
So now he knows? Egomanic fvcktard
you are one of the reasons many Nigerians don't own up to mistakes.

It takes someone intelligent to make a mistake and try and correct it but it shows how shitty another person is who can't help but find a way to judge people and rain invectives.

cococandy:
The man that will disrespect me in the presence of my kids has not been born. After the first time (if he's foolish enough to try it), it won't happen again.

My advice ladies: know who you marry. If he's obsessed with 'headship' during the dating stage, that's a big red flag.

Only insecure people need to put others down especially in the presence of others in other to elevate themselves.
If a man has to be taught that himself and his wife are partners and should always present a United front to their kids, he's not ready to marry.

Your type just come online and make mouth and frost. See you threatening fire and brimstone over something you could school him over gently. Asking for headship ain't about insecurity. It's a result of what the environment, society, culture and religion dictate. He who pays the piper, dictates the tune. More reason we need to abolish all these bride price, women not contributing to the family resources thing so they can effectively have a say and get marriages to be a team efforr not the he is the man and needs to do the all in all.

No one is holding brief for him but both men and women are actually guilty of pushing such narratives that the man is always right and the woman with her idiosyncrasies cannot be trusted with decisions. As much as that is not true the many examples of women letting their emotions cloud their judgment fuels such belief systems. It is a known fact that most ladies are risk averse and would prefer the "man" make the decisions.


It would take a lot of time to change the perception but we can all do more by training our boys that yeah they have advantages in some areas but the opposite sex also have skills that can be used in achieving greter results in a home. That's more pragmatic than all you i have not seen a man born or whatever you keep spitting up there. The problem of marriages that we have currently stems from the advices and views of you extreme lefties and righties in both the male and female camp who believe in absolutes and don't see things the way they are.

Young single ladies should take the more pragmatic approcach. You can't remove decades of nuture and environmental stereotypes out of him in a day. Else you would just be jumping from one guy to the other. Men aren't robots that you can't speak to and mold their outlook towards life.

42 Likes 3 Shares

Re: Nigerian Man Who Intentionally Shuts Down Wife In Front Of Their Kids Changes by Ishilove: 5:11am On Jun 18, 2017
x240:
you are one of the reasons many Nigerians don't own up to mistakes.

It takes someone intelligent to make a mistake and try and correct it but it shows how shitty another person is who can't help but find a way to judge people and rain invectives.
^^

See him. Another member of the Brotherhood of Egomanic Fvcktards

6 Likes

Re: Nigerian Man Who Intentionally Shuts Down Wife In Front Of Their Kids Changes by Nobody: 5:26am On Jun 18, 2017
Ishilove:

^^

See him. Another member of the Brotherhood of Egomanic Fvcktards

Keep regurgitating abuses on a faceless forum. Shows how frustrated you are with life. It's just 5am on a new day in a new week and you are all worked up. We would keep praying for you that it heals.

42 Likes 1 Share

Re: Nigerian Man Who Intentionally Shuts Down Wife In Front Of Their Kids Changes by Ishilove: 5:30am On Jun 18, 2017
x240:


Keep regurgitating abuses on a faceless forum. Shows how frustrated you are with life. It's just 5am on a new day in a new week and you are all worked up. We would keep praying for you that it heals.
Nah, you're the one writing pained epistles on a Sunday morning and getting all worked by these two simple adjectives below that perfectly describe you:

'Egomanic fvcktard'

7 Likes

Re: Nigerian Man Who Intentionally Shuts Down Wife In Front Of Their Kids Changes by cococandy(f): 6:42am On Jun 18, 2017
You have actually spoken well and I do agree with the more important parts of your post like communication to educate the men, effects of social influence and abolition of bride price.

For that I'll ignore your other points the were out of line like the personal attack on me and your baseless generalizing about what women want/prefer.

When I said 'obsessed with headship' , it's not the same as 'talking about headship'. Two different things.
Bye.
x240:
you are one of the reasons many Nigerians don't own up to mistakes.

It takes someone intelligent to make a mistake and try and correct it but it shows how shitty another person is who can't help but find a way to judge people and rain invectives.



Your type just come online and make mouth and frost. See you threatening fire and brimstone over something you could school him over gently. Asking for headship ain't about insecurity. It's a result of what the environment, society, culture and religion dictate. He who pays the piper, dictates the tune. More reason we need to abolish all these bride price, women not contributing to the family resources thing so they can effectively have a say and get marriages to be a team efforr not the he is the man and needs to do the all in all.

No one is holding brief for him but both men and women are actually guilty of pushing such narratives that the man is always right and the woman with her idiosyncrasies cannot be trusted with decisions. As much as that is not true the many examples of women letting their emotions cloud their judgment fuels such belief systems. It is a known fact that most ladies are risk averse and would prefer the "man" make the decisions.


It would take a lot of time to change the perception but we can all do more by training our boys that yeah they have advantages in some areas but the opposite sex also have skills that can be used in achieving greter results in a home. That's more pragmatic than all you i have not seen a man born or whatever you keep spitting up there. The problem of marriages that we have currently stems from the advices and views of you extreme lefties and righties in both the male and female camp who believe in absolutes and don't see things the way they are.

Young single ladies should take the more pragmatic approcach. You can't remove decades of nuture and environmental stereotypes out of him in a day. Else you would just be jumping from one guy to the other. Men aren't robots that you can't speak to and mold their outlook towards life.

10 Likes

Re: Nigerian Man Who Intentionally Shuts Down Wife In Front Of Their Kids Changes by SexyNairalander: 2:34pm On Jun 18, 2017
booked
Re: Nigerian Man Who Intentionally Shuts Down Wife In Front Of Their Kids Changes by seunlayi(m): 2:35pm On Jun 18, 2017
Na him sabi
Re: Nigerian Man Who Intentionally Shuts Down Wife In Front Of Their Kids Changes by free2ryhme: 2:35pm On Jun 18, 2017
Papa wey say pikin no go sleep himself no go sleep
Re: Nigerian Man Who Intentionally Shuts Down Wife In Front Of Their Kids Changes by Flexherbal(m): 2:37pm On Jun 18, 2017
He should face the music.
Re: Nigerian Man Who Intentionally Shuts Down Wife In Front Of Their Kids Changes by Nobody: 2:37pm On Jun 18, 2017
Ass wipe man suffering from inferiority complex embarrassing your better half to massage your ego. Scum!

4 Likes

Re: Nigerian Man Who Intentionally Shuts Down Wife In Front Of Their Kids Changes by Rtopzy(f): 2:40pm On Jun 18, 2017
.
Re: Nigerian Man Who Intentionally Shuts Down Wife In Front Of Their Kids Changes by Nobody: 2:44pm On Jun 18, 2017
One "I am the head " obsessed fellow down ,millions to go, redemption is close

5 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Nigerian Man Who Intentionally Shuts Down Wife In Front Of Their Kids Changes by MrsAnyanwu(f): 2:46pm On Jun 18, 2017
obataokenwa:
Very good lesson. My mentality about women changed after I read Myles Munroe's book (Understanding The Power and Purpose of a Woman). From that moment, I will support my wife and my girls to achieve whatever they want to achieve. Steve Harvey's Book (Treat Her Like A Lady) also did a great lesson to me. I smh for men that beat their women.
with this understanding my Son, u shall go far in life in Jesus mighty name Amen

3 Likes

Re: Nigerian Man Who Intentionally Shuts Down Wife In Front Of Their Kids Changes by teamsynergy: 2:47pm On Jun 18, 2017
its really bad for any man to disrespect or beat his wife at all, not to talk of doing it in the presence of his kids....

its good d man realised his wrong doing

3 Likes

Re: Nigerian Man Who Intentionally Shuts Down Wife In Front Of Their Kids Changes by obataokenwa(m): 2:50pm On Jun 18, 2017
MrsAnyanwu:
with this understanding my Son, u shall go far in life in Jesus mighty name Amen
Amen. Thank you Ma
Re: Nigerian Man Who Intentionally Shuts Down Wife In Front Of Their Kids Changes by myahna(f): 2:51pm On Jun 18, 2017
NwaAmaikpe:
He is simply a woman wrapper who hasn't learnt how manipulative women are...


Before he will know it, he will be corked inside a bottle.

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