lonelydora:
It depends on what you call change. I don't believe in long relationship, reason I met my wife in January and did traditional in April then white wedding November. 5 years down and our love is still waxing stronger.

All I need to know about any woman is about 80% of the characters I can/cannot condone. I don't need ages to confirm what she may hide till marriage if she wants.

Once I am okay with her sex life, cleanliness, religious life, cooking skills, education level, family background, I'm ready to walk down the aisle, no time to waste.

ImaIma1:
You don't have to date for years to know someone is on drugs,etc.
What is important is what you actually do with the dating time. Are u people just going out seeing movies, eating out, having fun,etc?
Get to really know each other...talk and ask questions, observe behaviours and pick up vibes. It is not about just having fun. Open your eyes and the inner eyes too.

ImaIma1:
You don't have to date for years to know someone is on drugs,etc.
What is important is what you actually do with the dating time. Are u people just going out seeing movies, eating out, having fun,etc?
Get to really know each other...talk and ask questions, observe behaviours and pick up vibes. It is not about just having fun. Open your eyes and the inner eyes too.

greatwomenworld:
what prompted my post was a phone call I had with a male friend which turned into a debate .

He is about getting married and says something like one doesn't need to date for a long time before getting married ,maximum 6 months because there's nothing you want to know about your spouse, you will eventually find out everything when you become husband and wife living under the same roof .

Trust me, I debunk the notion because I am of the strong opinion that rushing in is dangerous. You need to know the person you want to settle with to a very large extent before tying the knot. The time you spend doing that, is up to you. but I am particular about the " LARGE EXTENT ".

I used my previous relationship as an example, I once dated someone who if not for longtime relationship and closeness, I wouldn't know that he abuses drugs.
Well, if I had rushed into marriage with such person, I'm sure I would be regretting because this guy was an addict. I cannot stand it.


talking about why people change after getting married, I really don't think that people change, we just haven't discovered who they really are until we find ourselves living together then the true colour start to display.

that's my opinion.

Tell me yours , I want to learn from you, i might have a wrong mindset.

People do not change in marriage rather, it is marriage that changes people, Let me explain
1. Marriage comes with a change in status-It is actually a paradigm shift from where you have always been, assuming with it a new identity
2. Marriage comes with it new responsibilities-In marriage, you assume new responsibilities,sometimes they are not optional but responsibilities that you will be wholly held responsible for
3. In marriage, you give up so many freedom-Freedom to be independent, freedom to go to anywhere you like without offering some explanations and defending them, freedom to take some decisions without consulting with someone, freedom to relate with anyone you feel like without someones interference and opinion, freedom to stay out late, to come back at your own time or even spend the night where you wish
4. Marriage comes with it some level of interference from outside opinions
5. Marriage comes with it some forms of body changes-A woman gets pregnant, a man being conscious to make sure the wife gets pregnant, sometimes,anxiety come in
6. Marriage comes with it some level of pressure from certain quarters and certain angle
7. The thought of not immediately having an option of walking away in marriage also brings its own changes
In summary, most of the time, people do not sit and decide that they will change in marriage, It is a whole new experience that you don't know when you start going through those changes. There are majorly three experience in life you cant talk about from outside if you have not experienced them,they are
1. Marriage
2. Death of a loved one
3. Poverty and deprivation

lonelydora:
It depends on what you call change. I don't believe in long relationship, reason I met my wife in January and did traditional in April then white wedding November. 5 years down and our love is still waxing stronger.

All I need to know about any woman is about 80% of the characters I can/cannot condone. I don't need ages to confirm what she may hide till marriage if she wants.

Once I am okay with her sex life, cleanliness, religious life, cooking skills, education level, family background, I'm ready to walk down the aisle, no time to waste.

lonelydora:
It depends on what you call change. I don't believe in long relationship, reason I met my wife in January and did traditional in April then white wedding November. 5 years down and our love is still waxing stronger.

All I need to know about any woman is about 80% of the characters I can/cannot condone. I don't need ages to confirm what she may hide till marriage if she wants.

Once I am okay with her sex life, cleanliness, religious life, cooking skills, education level, family background, I'm ready to walk down the aisle, no time to waste.

Zither:


Knew something like this would come up. I don't do online romance or relationships or that kind of thing. Besides, I have no idea what you look like and on top of that you're married. As regards stalking you, you should know by now that family section is a small place and we bump into a particular name often numerous times as we read through new or trending topics. The occasion for coincidental meeting abounds in such online community. Lastly, if you took the time to make a short investigation into my personality by looking through my comments you would have dispelled the notion of my stalking you because it is a stark contrast with my religious belief as a Christian.

I however believe I courted this reaction from you by unnecessarily throwing compliments your way. It achieved the opposite effect intended which was to convey my respect and appreciation of your wisdom.

Besides, following a member of this forum is likened to stalking them and it is the norm but you will confirm that I never followed you as a member. What else should I say but that you've got it all wrong.

ImaIma1:


Hahaha. You are obviously a funny and interesting person. See you around

naijaboiy:

Yea, a theory actually formed from experience and tell-tales.

I've been good. You? I'm really trying hard not to try "too hard". Help me recall please.

gideoN91:
It takes the grace of God for a man to be satisfied with one woman

greatwomenworld:

I don't think she meant it that way.. see the emijo, she was only joking .

ImaIma1:


Hahaha. You are obviously a funny and interesting person. See you around

LordKO:
The importance of self-realization, self-will and willpower can never be overemphasied.

Self-realization makes it very easy for one to dissect another within few days of close contact while willpower enables one to make rational decision as quick as possible. . . Someone who has willpower can never see raging fire and walks into it with hope that it'll abate when s/he enters into it. Meanwhile, self-will will save one from accepting what nature throws at him/pressure from small-minded people instead he does things according to his conscience conscientiously.

Yes, people do change, thus the importance of marrying someone who has achieved self-realization just like you ought and supposed to have achieved before going into the marriage union.

I for one for instance, I know that the worst thing I can do to myself will be to marry someone who's not of same ethical philosophy and belief system leanings like me.

WhiteLavender:

dont mind me, i dont want to blow my cover. Take care Dee! Might buzz you with my other monika.
Oh! Are you done with uniben?

Alright. When you buzz me with your other monicker we'll talk.

YesNoMaybe:


Na so e dey carry start.

Women and reverse psychology.

See you around.

dangotesmummy:
k baby you fine o.which owambe you dey go where you wear gele like this
So you're in naija now abi?

Hope you're enjoying our beautiful country

loveymom:


It's not easy going with the flow.

Am still struggling after 9 years of marriage. There are things I find difficult to overlook which has made me a sadist.

Am 70% sad and 30% happy.

HARDDON:


Physical changes..... Best reponse so far.....

Add these to the fact that everything changes in marriage n human changes are nothing but adaptive responses to dis change.

N changes in marriage are in two folds: positive n negative. I know d op is on d negative one



We also have character change..... i that used to just wear my sexy male bumshorts , sneakers , tshirt n roll out , now hv to learn how to dress responsibly, tell wify wherever i'm going n when i'd b returning. I cant justblow money on booze n brews on fridays anyhow again. I cant just have random gurls sleep ova again. I cant sleep out again. I wear my marriage band everyday n everywhere....luckily for Deeper life folks, they dont wear none

More responsibility in terms of caring for a wify n kids. More planning time. Thinking time

More WE than I statements

These r on d positive


On the negative,

because of alot of concurrent sporadic changes arround u, latent behavours u neva knew u had spring up...... your sweet wify gets preggy n from no where, ur sweet doll began to nag . u endured till she delivered hoping it wud stop, it neva did, u cudnt take it one day n to shush her, u gave her just one resounding slap! N true to it, it worked. B4 u knew it, u, that wudnt hurt a fly wen u were single, are now a wify batterer.

U started witholding money, she started talking to outsiders. B4 u knew it, u both r strangers sharing same bed.

U took to drinking n wudnt touch her , she ran into her Ex n got fvcked really hard, beginning of her outside swift legs n lies.....who can see in crimsom red?


Can you really tell why people change? Too many reasons

It cud be as a result of marriage itself ....people respond to d sudden bond differently , external influence, overbearing spouse, nagging , hiden xtas b4 marriage, dormant traits that got woken etc

KanwuliaExtra:


Soooooooooo, you went into marriage looking for happiness ehn?
Ya "God" don do you "499" not "419" o!

The best part of marriage na "THE PRE-WEDDING SUFFERING AND SMILING PHOTOS" o.
Don't be deceived darling.

Abi you nor get mama and papa?
When you are married to a NIGERIAN/AFRICAN MAN


ESPECIALLY, EXPECT THE VERY WORST. No surprises there.

Abeg go h-ask "Mrs. Pastor Suleiman" how to h-enjoy marriage jare!

9 years inmarriage? You still dey for honeymoon o!
Poor you.
Pele o.

Ya happiness-sadness ratio go soon reach ZERO:HUNDRED ke!
Brace yasef for IMPACT.

loveymom:


Lol thanks you just made me laff with this your comment muccheeeecheeeeche

KanwuliaExtra:


Oh yes o!
If dem gee you wan punch, GEE DEM 2 back.( I dun mean physical violence o)
First to quench ke.
All na game of "Chess"!
Very SWEEEEET!