Watch a Nollywood movie this weekend,

and tell me if i'm wrong.

Happy Viewing!!



THINGS WE'VE LEARNT FROM NOLLYWOOD!!

1,Every problem is spiritual.

2,In every Romance movie, someone must die.

3,It is possible to hit a person without actually touching them!!

4, Anyone who gets hit by a car dies immediately.*NOT AFTER S\HE HAS SCREAMED STANDING AND LOOKING AT THE CAR RUN HER\HIM OVER*

5,Poisoned food always tastes better.

6,The best way to make money is by visiting a 'BABALWAO' DIBIA'

Joing a cult,

Sleeping with rich men.

7,One of a pair of twins(identical or not) is born evil!!

8,Ten years later; Same hair,same shoe,same phone,same HAIR?(WTH?)

9,There is never an end to your suffering except death.

10, With a Pastor, all things are possible.

11, A movie can be tittled anything, such as

*They boy is mine

*Face me,I face you,

*Area mama (mfon! wink*)

*Shakira,

*Beyonce,

*Lady Gaga(? not yet) watch out tho**

*Two rats,

*Spanner,

*Calculator,

*Light out(Toba! wink*)

*Igala (PROMOTING GALA,I GUESS??)

*ijele,

*Igodo,

*Igudu,

*Just checked 114 now, i saw Eran & Erak?? (wtf)

*Beyonce & Rihanna.

12, A movie has not been made if at least one actor|actress has not-

'shelled', or Twisted his\her lips to speak wrong phonetics.(so irritating! kemdi,remember that ngbeke that was saying deddy instead of daddy!! urghhh)

13,You are in love,
you want to take your girl out ,the best place

you take her to is,

*Mr Biggs(whats that??), where you'll most probably see an ex while feeding each other ice cream!!

*The beach= where it is imperative that you ride a donkey and carry her playfully.

*or the best= take her to buy some ugly new clothes,


14, An Igbo movie has been made if

*You visit a dibia,

*A fleet of cars is shown off at regular intervals for a total of half of the movie time.

*Kanoyo 'o' kanoyo is in the movie. pete edochie is there too!!

*You hear those freaking interlude that makes you wanna scatter your house to find the rat making such unpleasnt sounds! urghh!

*To get rich it is mandatory you join a cult.


15, Gun shoots and Knock-outs sound the same!

16,Sometimes the title has absolutely nothing to do with the movie and

other times,
Once you read the title and see the poster,YOU KNOW IT ALL!!

ALL!!(Also the soundtrack gives you a headache because it just narrates the whole story repeatedly with a crunk Igbo Accent, urghh-So much for suspense

and intrigue!!!!)

17, Alove story has not been produced if it does not have one or two of the following-

*Ramsey noauh.

*Genevieve Nnaji.

*stephanie okereke.

*Nadia buari.

18,So the police are extremely EFFICIENT unlike their real life counterparts!!!!

19,An actress can wear the same hairdo for more than a year and even in FLASHBACKS!!!

20,It is permissible to wear dark shades at night!*JIM IYKE

21,So when you are shot in the chest,it really doesnt matter; your head will be bandaged!! same for the legs!!!

22,OK,so when advertising a movie,you really should shout because, people

are deaf??

23,When you are extremely poor, you will still be able to afford-

a beautiful house, very good furniture,TV, nice clothes and hair, but you wont be able

To send your kids to school??

24,The bad guy always dies or gets caught by none than the

POLICE-Lol!

25,An actor must also sweat profusely when crying? *(whatever happened to air conditioners? ahh, ohh, sorii, they shoot movies with candle* MY BAD!)

26,An actor announces his death as he slowly dies-"You killed me" "I'm dying" "I'm dead".

27,In a case where a person is on his death bed,they must cough untill the die?

28,Every ghost must wear a white cloth and have powder unevenly distrubuted on their faces.

29,A person dies on the floor,someother person carries her from the floor to a car and what?she holds unto his clothes so tightly? did she forget she was dead?

30,A person's heart beats even when the doctor has said "im sorry,we lost her"

31,At the end of a 3hour movie,you'll be reminded that

*THIS IS JUST THE BEGINING*
, WATCH OUT FOR PART 2!!

OR 3?

WAIT! WAIT!, THERE SHOULD BE 4,INNIT?

32,No matter the type of mpvie,

*TO GOD BE THE GLORY!!!



LOL, XX

Lol

LOL SOOOOOOOOO TRUE.

hehehehe
spot on

@poster u r good.i luv this

thanks yall


doing it all for dani,its called project revival of the jokes section

Nice One!! Kept me smiling all day!!!

Sherlock:

Nice One!! Kept me smiling all day!!!

same here

I have seen this list some where.

LOL & F!!

Yu didnt include R.M.D & Omotola nauu. . 'kuz there're some romance muviz wivout d few yu listed. hehe!

@ topic you missed one- It's impossible to have a trust worthy female friend as a lady's female friends are always back stabbing,no good boyfriend/man friend stealers

@poster,
u tried oo.u are a genius

Hahaha I posted this same thing last year(https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-355131.0.html), still funny to read though

Lwkmd.

:d

Emeka Ike is missing out in item #17. (love films)

agabaI23:

I have seen this list some where.

Saw it on Facebook, got it as an email. But, some of 'em still made me laff.

pawa4ul:

Emeka Ike is missing out in item #17. (love films)

TRUE!!

I really hope the movie directors in Nija will have to read this and see all their F'ck ups! The most annoying part is that they don't  vet the grammar of the actors before releasing the movies.

An actress can wear the same hairdo for more than a year and even in FLASHBACKS!!!

Old joke, but still makes an interesting read,

LOL!

You forgot to add - BLOOD & LOVE!

- Blood Money
- Money Blood
- Brothers and Blood
- Only Blood
- Forever in Blood
- Where is the Blood?
- BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD!!!!

LOVE

- Where is the Love?
- Tachere Love (as in poor man love)
- Sister Love
- I love you
- No you don't love me
- Forever in Love
- Lasting Love
- Simple LOVE!!!

oh continuity is really annoying! Someone goes into the kitchen with braids, pink top on blue skirt ONLY to come out from the same kitchen with weave-on, pink top on yellow shorts!!
Gosh!! Nollywood no just de try ¤shakes head¤

lol!very funny.

LWKMD !!!
ROFLMAO !!!

20,It is permissible to wear dark shades at night!*JIM IYKE

That one na normal stuffz now ! Abi ?

I cannot stop

Nice one to start a new month and a working week. been laughing for minutes with collegues and my boss printed it after asking what was so funny.
well, we all loved lines
21, 22, 27, 31 and 32!
LOL

Not bad lol

well, well, so well, February is good to go with this,

laughing in numberz, truth anyway.

LWKMD. Bros u too much. whenever I'm forced to watch a nolllywood movie, it's just like paying to watch a comedian that is not funny. I WANT MY MONEY BACK GO.DAMNIT!!!

@diamond, lovely profile pix. . . so also is that of the Original poster. . . am impressed!!!

Ultrame:

LWKMD. Bros u too much. whenever I'm forced to watch a nolllywood movie, it's just like paying to watch a comedian that is not funny. I WANT MY MONEY BACK GO.DAMNIT!!!

WHAT DOES LWKMD MEAN