I stopped finding him attractive and have been avoiding sexual encounters with him. I don't know if my being pregnant is the reason or its because I am put off by his laziness and inability to plan for the future which are two things he admitted by himself after we got married. And no I didn't know all of that before we got married because he told a number of lies about his financial status so I assumed he was quite put together and had his life in order. Its just recently he started saying things like 'black people are backwards because they don't plan for the future' and he doesn't know whether to point fingers because he himself doesn't plan for the future. He isn't even so young to know that his way of life is wrong. He is a mature man. When I bring up the issue of how he needs to work harder and save up for our unborn child he starts arguing that I worry too much and I need to learn to leave the future to take care of itself.

Presently the money we survive on is from my savings from working before I got pregnant and that is quite meager and won't be enough for us in the long run. I have advised him to get a better paying job but he ignored me like I didn't even say anything.
His laziness irritates me and I think even he is starting to pick up on the resentment. I have a feeling he married me thinking I would take care of the both of us because I have affluent parents.

Stay focus on your pregnancy, you need strength for you and the baby. As for your husband, try and be patient with him.

Is he working?

@ op are u not a human being? maybe when u start hustling n bringing money he will man up.show him u can do better .marriage is sacred not every little thing divorce

Didn't you court your husband before marriage?. This usually is the period to study and understand who you're getting married to and to tell if you're both compatible to be a couple. It's a stage you could easily filter lies from what's on ground.

You've already made the mistake of marring someone who's complacent with whatever level he's at. You could help him get back on track not just to save your marriage but to save him from himself. He needs motivation. Get him biographies of goal getters who started from little or scratch. Hearing/reading other people's stories sparks us and do well to tell him how you feel about how he's taking life.

vivypretty:
@ op are u not a human being. maybe when u start hustling n bringing money he will man up.show uvcan do better .marriage is sacred not every little thing divorce

I am pregnant ma, like I said in my post. Please suggest what kind of hustling is suitable for me.

O ga oh.

Just fairly used Tecno l8+ for sale with full accessories (36k). ibadan

It comes with OTG to charge other fones

needforanswers:

I am pregnant ma, like I said in my post. Please suggest what kind of hustling is suitable for me.

..am a student n sometimes when coming bk to school I buy bedsheets or clothes to sell to my fellow student.depending on d type of person u are, what u can do n ur environment u can start a little business like selling fruits or other needed commodities around ur area.

Leaving ur marriage is not the main option. And by avoiding Sexual relationship with him, will put more problem to the already existing problem. Cos, sex in a marriage is like oil in a car, immediately is goes down, red light will start to blink.
There is no perfect marriage anywhere. Every marriage has it own problem.
I will gv u three steps to restore glory in ur marriage.
1) Try as much as possible to satisfy you husband sexually. this will help him to think and work harder for his family and future. An emotional distard man is a weak man.
2) When u hv restore una sexual life, try n sit him down, and tell him to put a little effort, that everything will be ok.
3) Back him up in prayer. God can change the situation. Do a mid night prayer, 12 to 1pm. foe two weeks. you will see a change. Your case will indeed be different. Remain bless.

vivypretty:
@ op are u not a human being? maybe when u start hustling n bringing money he will man up.show him u can do better .marriage is sacred not every little thing divorce

Don't be so quick to comment! Read thoroughly first.

She stated clearly that they were living on her savings from working before becoming pregnant!

OP, I read your previous thread.

You have entered one chance.

Just begin to see yourself as a single parent. You can't force your husband to find work if he's not interested in doing so.
Once you can focus on having a safe delivery and planning for your child's future knowing you're going to be the sole provider (at least for your child), you will eventually find peace and learn to play the hand you've been dealt.

vivypretty:
@ op are u not a human being? maybe when u start hustling n bringing money he will man up.show him u can do better .marriage is sacred not every little thing divorce

vivypretty:
..am a student n sometimes when coming bk to school I buy bedsheets or clothes to sell to my fellow student, depending on d type of person u are, what u can do n ur environment u can start a little business like selling fruits or other needed commodities around ur area.

Nodding head

Modsenemy:
Just fairly used Tecno l8+ for sale with full accessories (36k). ibadan

It comes with OTG to charge other fones

Why are you hawking phone in the thread of a confused woman?

Benita27:
Didn't you court your husband before marriage?. This usually is the period to study and understand who you're getting married to and to tell if you're both compatible to be a couple. It's a stage you could easily filter lies from what's on ground.

You've already made the mistake of marring someone who's complacent with whatever level he's at. You could help him get back on track not just to save your marriage but to save him from himself. He needs motivation. Get him biographies of goal getters who started from little or scratch. Hearing/reading other people's stories.

Thank you. We were in a long distance relationship for more than half the time so I wasn't close to him to confirm his lies.
And about motivating him, I will keep trying but he usually just keeps mute and holds a straight face when I do that.
He has friends and relatives in our town that are very affluent, I wonder sometimes how come he doesn't feel challenged by seeing his peers' successes.

eyinjuege:
OP, I read your previous thread.

You have entered one chance.

Just begin to see yourself as a single parent. You can't force your husband to find work if he's not interested in doing so.
Once you can focus on having a safe delivery and planning for your child's future knowing you're going to be the sole provider (at least for your child), you will eventually find peace and learn to play the hand you've been dealt.

I am so ashamed to inform my parents that I want to end everything. They warned me to not marry him but I didn't listen. I believed his lies which they saw through before warning me.

needforanswers:

Thank you. We were in a long distance relationship for more than half the time so I wasn't close to him to confirm his lies.
And about motivating him, I will keep trying but he usually just keeps mute and holds a straight face when I do that.
He has friends and relatives in our town that are very affluent, I wonder sometimes how come he doesn't feel challenged by seeing his peers' successes.

I see...
This is one of the disadvantages of being in long distance relationship. There is really not enough room to study your supposed partner very well and lies can't be verified. Don't just talk, get him materials of real people doing well to read, he'll feel challenged at some point.

drjustice17:
Leaving ur marriage is not the main option. And by avoiding Sexual relationship with him, will put more problem to the already existing problem. Cos, sex in a marriage is like oil in a car, immediately is goes down, red light will start to blink.
There is no perfect marriage anywhere. Every marriage has it own problem.
I will gv u three steps to restore glory in ur marriage.
1) Try as much as possible to satisfy you husband sexually. this will help him to think and work harder for his family and future. An emotional distard man is a weak man.
2) When u hv restore una sexual life, try n sit him down, and tell him to put a little effort, that everything will be ok.

I will try my best. But it is difficult to sleep with a person you feel no attraction to. But I will try.

Dear OP,

What is done is done ie you've married him already. The choices are to stay and develop coping strategies or to leave and hope you'd get it right with the next man that comes your way.

Decide what's important for now, for me I'd say it's remaining in good health during your pregnancy and having a healthy baby eventually.

In the meantime you can do some planning ahead. Assess the union thoroughly and weigh the positives against the negatives. Write down so it's clear to you! It's usually easier for people on the sidelines to say leave or stay but considering you will literally be on your own with whatever decision you come to its better to be cautious and prayerfully make your decision.

Do you by any chance still love him? I can understand the building resentment and lack of sex your hormones and his attitude really can kill any sex drive. The phase may pass it also may never be back to what it was but if he approaches you do allow him!

Also sometimes some people need a guide to help steer them in the right direction through life! Perhaps your hubby is like that. Does he listen to you? Have you tried developing some plans and proposing them to him? That may help!

As per bills keep passing them onto him especially as you don't work for now, he may eventually see the need to buck up! But be moderate with your demands! Work within the confines of his provisions! So if what he drops as upkeep provides only two meals daily please cook only breakfast and dinner! Don't augment and provide lunch! Just for now; not because you're mean we are trying to get him to see the bigger picture.

I'd stop here for now!

He is lazy and broke, so it has led to you not feeling attracted to him any longer. If you don't feel he will change, there are really only 2 options. Work hard and become the family breadwinner. Some women are ok with this arrangement, because they prefer being in charge. The other is to let the marriage go before it's too late and you have lost your chance at remarriage. Personally, I would rather be with a bricklayer than remain with an unemployed professor. Men who don't work, don't have any appeal.

crescentmoon

needforanswers:

Thank you. We were in a long distance relationship for more than half the time so I wasn't close to him to confirm his lies.
And about motivating him, I will keep trying but he usually just keeps mute and holds a straight face when I do that.
He has friends and relatives in our town that are very affluent, I wonder sometimes how come he doesn't feel challenged by seeing his peers' successes.

are u sure dat is not trying his best,maybe things are jst not falling to place.u said his not challenge by his peer y shud he compare himself to others!every one has his destiny.u on the other hand have start thinking d worst of him u even think he married u 4 gain hw den can any gud comeout of him.use d tym u use to complain to pray,worry alone won't solve a thing.long distance relationship is nt wise either,but now u are already married so help u God.

Akanbibabatunde:
Well done, so you want to leave your husband because of a rich dude and even steal his baby too. aunty are you OK atal

Read before you post

babythug:
Dear OP,

What is done is done ie you've married him already. The choices are to stay and develop coping strategies or to leave and hope you'd get it right with the next man that comes your way.

Decide what's important for now, for me I'd say it's remaining in good health during your pregnancy and having a healthy baby eventually.
Assess the union thoroughly and weigh the positives against the negatives. Write down so it's clear to you!
Do you by any chance still love him?

I don't think there is love. Just growing resentment. He doesn't listen to my suggestions, its either he ignores me or starts an argument about why I should be patient and wait for his present job to bring money which he hasn't done in up to two months.

And I have to eat well to have a safe delivery so I always cook thrice a day with my money. I can't cook without adding his portion so I am the one feeding us both. No cash to fuel gen or pay light bill.

Oyindidi:
Read before you post

I don't reply nobody

Akanbibabatunde:
I don't reply nobody

Swerve to kids section>>>>>>>>

Oyindidi:
Swerve to kids section>>>>>>>>

all this locals be jumping into people's mention. whose kid is this one?

FortuneTeller:
He is lazy and broke, so it has led to you not feeling attracted to him any longer. If you don't feel he will change, there are really only 2 options. Work hard and become the family breadwinner. Some women are ok with this arrangement, because they prefer being in charge. The other is to let the marriage go before it's too late and you have lost your chance at remarriage. Personally, I would rather be with a bricklayer than remain with an unemployed professor. Men who don't work, don't have any appeal.

crescentmoon

I agree.

I was the breadwinner before I got pregnant. After delivery I can continue.I wish he would pull his weight, I just don't want a situation where I am constantly providing everything and forcing myself to stay with a person I resent for all eternity.
He doesn't even network or job hunt in his free time. Always hanging around the area in a bar(tho he doesn't drink only chats) and waiting for people to call him and give him contracts.

Some times, what we read here, I kinda pause to think or wonder if these people are for real.. What do they even think marriage is?

Maybe I am kinda an old school. But has marriage become some thing you wake up one morning and say you want out?

What is really wrong with this our present generation? OP I don't want to be a PITA in your issue but I can't help wondering.....

Look, stop coming here to cry everyday. It's either you accept him as he is or leave him? Is he battling with depression or he has a personality problem. Talk to him, if he doesn't listen, call his parents into the matter.

needforanswers:

I don't think there is love. Just growing resentment. He doesn't listen to my suggestions, its either he ignores me or starts an argument about why I should be patient and wait for his present job to bring money which he hasn't done in up to two months.

And I have to eat well to have a safe delivery so I always cook thrice a day with my money. I can't cook without adding his portion so I am the one feeding us both. No cash to fuel gen or pay light bill.

you married a lazy man. you even had to disobey your parents so as to marry this man

op, the truth is you will continue to feed this man till death do you apart

Oyindidi:
Read before you post

Post fall on you