Novelty does not wear off in genuine love.Period.

simple. be friends with her as well as a lover,when one suffers a hitch the other uplifts.believe me, be friend with your partner.

What a lot of pple do not realise is when children comes into a marriage, a man and a woman changes due to the stress and challenges of the responsibilities of looking after the kids thereby lowering  the intensity of the passion that was there originially. This if not properly managed will most of the time lead to extra marital affairs and cosequently divorce. So, couples get real, u both will never feel the same when your everyday bedmatics results into babies who due to not their fault demands daily attention. I hope this helps solmeone out there.

THAT is when the marriage begins and the wedding is over!
That is when the friendship and sharing you have cultivated during courtship before the wedding will pull you through.
best wishes!

@OP
Search yourself, what do you REALLY mean when you say that you love??

Let me give you something to chew on ==>

"You are never in love with anyone,

You are only in love with your prejudiced and hopeful idea of that person,

And you fall out of love when that IDEA CHANGES. . . "

Hmm unle imhotep

Marriage is for adults and for immature kids.

This is one of d most reasonable threads I have ever come across on Nairaland. I am not married yet so guess I can't share any experience, but I sure feel I have learnt a thing or two from all the insightful post on this thread.

^^^^ well said. This is about the most matured thing i've ever read on Nairaland. The comments are precise and objective. I guess maturity comes wit marriage. I'm not married yet, but im having a similar issue wit my GF. I love this girl so much, but all d fun in d relationship is gone. We've been together for more than a year and it was really great at the begining. But now, we dnt get to talk anymore although i know we've got so much to say to each other. Based on d really helpful comments above, i guess we'll just go back to d drawing board, open up and try once more to make it work. Kudos to the OP and contributors.

Walert:

Novelty does not wear off in genuine love.Period.

I agree with you. I've been married for 10 years and it seems just like yesterday!

All this people saying novelty does not wear out are all lying to yourselfs,it does because he or she has definitely changed,3 years of marriage,kid(s) is/are around,etc,but what  you all should be posting here is how you handle the fading novel.3 years ago,I took her to the altar and I made a convenant to GOD that I have taken my missing rib for better /worse,that GOD should give me the grace to hold on to this woman till the rest of my life,by his grace I am living that.

okay,some people are just been silly on this thread,but thanks anyways to people who have been sincere with thier replies

Let me reiterate please,I love my hubby,he's really nice and helps out with the kids,but I just feel
thats all we do,we have a toddler and a baby,so its really hectic, with work and all
we dont even have any "WE" anymore,

its almost as if the kids,is driving us apart!!!

Communication

Trust

Respect

The 3 play important roles but the 1st seems to be the not-so-easy one to deal with. For every relationship (including those based on LUST), we are always excited to discover 'LOVE'; few months later, reality sets in.

It's up to you two make sure you constantly discuss how you'll make 'US' (or WE as you put it) work out; you need to share your expectations and you both look forward to it. It 's important that you happiness also makes him happy - Sholeyb gave a valuable solution in the previous posts.

Children could be distractions but the fact remains that they 'll come, go but 2 of you will remain. Therefore, since you've realized that children are likely to cause some stuffs, talk to him about your feelings - it's the only way he can know what to do with making you happy.

never let your kids or work come between you and your husband
make that your utmost priority

y me:

never let your kids or work come between you and your husband
make that your utmost priority

Words of wisdom from a female.

Husbands love your wives as Christ loves the church, ,Think about it. I have built my marriage on this verse. Courted for 4 years being married for 3years, the love of God flows from my heart to her. While we were yet sinners, Jesus died for us.

You should be friends and not just lovers. Some days we're friends, brother/sister and lovers. Respect each other.

Work out your salvation with fear and trembling the bible adjorns. What this means is that there is no eternal security.How does this apply to marriage. I still bring my marriage before the alter of the author of marriage in prayer. Ask God to fill you with his own kind of love for your partner.

Marry for the right reasons.

@Poster,

The novelty of being boyfriend and girlfriend will surely wear out. The novelty of being married never wears out if you both work towards oneness as God destined marriage.

As for children (whatever their ages), they are the blessings in the marriage. Many married people who do not have children are not happy, even with all other enjoyment.

Plan and organise your children around you and your spouse. That is one of the joy of marriage blessed with children. Remember that you are more matured now with more experience. Allow plenty of time for you and your spouse, very important.

The love of husband and wife is not like the love of parents and their children. Your spouse should be your soul mate and best friend.

Never let your love for your kids or job come between you and your spouse. Always make your spouse feel wanted.

Make time for both you and your spouse to do something that you both like and enjoy. If you like holiday, live the children with grandparents or good friends. If you cannot take a travel holiday, both of you can take a day off work  and take the children to school while both of you can do something you enjoy together. You may also plan something for your weekend for both of you alone.

People should always ensure they're married to their friend.
It's like when you quarrel with your best friend you know you'll make up again.

It's the same way with marriage, up and down, quarrel and make up.
You don't hate your friend just because you quarreled, you think of how to quickly resolve the issue.

imhotep:

@OP
Search yourself, what do you REALLY mean when you say that you love??

Let me give you something to chew on ==>

"You are never in love with anyone,

You are only in love with your prejudiced and hopeful idea of that person,

And you fall out of love when that IDEA CHANGES. . . "

word! I've been chewing on this all day. Cant swallow, though.

great thread

That is when marriage starts LOL

It's important to realize that no body's perfect. all to often when people are in love, the have this idealized image of their partner which blurs short comings. Short comings which some times become annoyingly visible when the daily routine of running a marriage starts to tear at you.

It's always important in the beginning to tell your self what you want in a relationship, and what you will and will not put up with. Make an honest appraisal of your better half, the good , the bad and the ugly. If what you see is ok with you, Have fun, if ti's not, the decision on what to do next is entirely yours.

Need books on relationships, self improvement, money making, family, freebies n lots of other crazy stuff?

www.greatbooks.350.com

Damn! Living wid someone for the rest of one's life! Marriage is scary mehn. I guess it takes God to make it work out.

You should'nt let it wear off, everyone has his/her own fault. Marriage is an institution, you partner is like an algebra, all you need is the formula to solve every situation that arises. And your marriage will last forever.

thats why marriage is for adults not just for fantasy driven souls

I believe, the most important thing is commucation. Be open to one another, communicate your feelings and also be willing to tolerate each other. Both party have a role to play in ensuring that the fire does not go dim, but is constantly being fuelled, with loads of love and understanding.

@Poster,

Have you considered a time with your spouse at the beach? You could just run around like children or play beach volley ball. You must be ready to be active together.

If you are not close to a beach, get ready to travel to it. The beach can relief a lot of stress. Try it.

Africaine:

okay,some people are just been silly on this thread,but thanks anyways to people who have been sincere with thier replies

Let me reiterate please,I love my hubby,he's really nice and helps out with the kids,but I just feel
thats all we do,we have a toddler and a baby,so its really hectic, with work and all
we dont even have any "WE" anymore,

its almost as if the kids,is driving us apart!!!

I love this post cause am in it,the two kids are driving us mad,we cannot remember our wedding date anymore cause of daycare/nursery dates with kids of other parents and one has to maintain the financial side of the house,screen saver has saved alot,at least I look at her and the kids all day through my phone and sometimes when I call to talk to her in an intimate way the kids will start crying,mummy mummy.It is really had but to God be the Glory.

@sayso,

sayso:

I love this post cause am in it,the two kids are driving us mad,we cannot remember our wedding date anymore cause of daycare/nursery dates with kids of other parents and one has to maintain the financial side of the house,screen saver has saved alot,at least I look at her and the kids all day through my phone and sometimes when I call to talk to her in an intimate way the kids will start crying,mummy mummy.It is really had but to God be the Glory.

Do you know that there are married couples wanting to hear the cry of their own baby for many years without any success?

Would you consider giving your children away for permanent adoption to enable you have time to enjoy your life with your wife?

@beknown very well I know that,bt the issue here is about novelty not fading and the instance I posted is about things that do exactly the opposite.

Babe, Sorry to burst your bubble but that is it!

You have had your 3 years of marriage according to mills and boons, that is all
Some folks stretch the fantasy period t0 7-10 years but after that you are left with the wind and grind of marriage reality and it is not a bed of roses.
Problem with the advice being given is that it is for you the woman, if the effort is one sided it will not work. forget the religious fanatism, you r the one missing something, craving for affection, who is being adviced to show love and affection, you, so how will it work?
Pele, sad to say it doesn't get better, issues will arise in marriage, Kids or no kids, school, work, relatives, friends, finances, health issues, emotions will run wild.
there will be ups and downs, happy periods and low tides, quarrels and make up sex
Sex may be drastically reduced to once or twice a month unless you keep a sexy figure and attitude to match.
I hear marriage is a cycle, and that you get back to the flutters in your stomach bit again later in life, if life does not deal you very hard cards and you manage to stay married, when the children have left the house and you finally accept that life may just not get better and realise all you have left really is each other.
How does that sound? Pathetic really and not much to look forwrad to but that is the reality of marriage!
We have been deceived!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

, Been married 12 years and speak from experience.

What happens when the novelty wears off is,you work reeeeally hard.Both parties need to work at it.We all tend to relax after we get married which is wrong;the guy stops wooing and the girl stops dressing to impress.Keeping the butterflies fluttering around is hard work.I spend a fortune on lingerie and I don't use my weight issues as an excuse to dress up in tents.