Frenchfriez:
Introspection should be the first thing a cheated partner should do. What aren't you doing right? Are you fatter, less romantic, more stingy, or busier than when the love was hot? Has your sex life been monotonous with no improvement in bedmatics?
Answers to this questions should give you a go-ahead as to how you can resolve the ish.
Ofcus some partners cannot naturally stay with one partner, if your spouse is a chronic cheat, pls take a walk. No long stories.

So if someone gets cheated on, it's their fault?

babythug:


This does seem like a practical and doable plan! My only "fear" is if forgiveness creeps in during the waiting period!

Mcheeeew sad thing is how it's more of the female spouses at the receiving end of this ish!

If forgiveness creeps in during the waiting period then I'd just keep saving for the rainy day cuz he'd do it again.

AlphaHandMaiden:



Like seriously!!!

A cheating partner is a grown ar.se adult, and all you can say is the person being cheated on is the cause for the straying?

Please we have been hearing this excuse since Adam. E chop apple finish he talk say "the woman made me do it!" Why you no talk no! Abi eve put cutlass for e neck?

What happened to will power, and taking responsiblity for ones actions. If the cheater feels the other party has changed what happened to talking to the person to let them know they have become less affectionate? The reason for the withdrawal could even be because of the cheaters own actions.

@NotofThis, @babythug, I'm only voicing an approach I would likely take if I'm cheated on. I'm not the kinda person to go guns blazing on my partner. Before I take action, I have to be sure I'm not a factor that led to the extra-marital affair. If I can adjust, I'd do. But if I'm not a factor, then we'd have to re-determine the direction of the relationship.
As a realist, I don't live in the illusion that my partner is above board. Anyone can fall. The question is "why?"

I log onto NL and it's hot topic waiting for me

Hmmm...

Handling Infidelity is dependent on the 2 people involved: husband and wife.

Cheating is emotional and physical cheating: both hurt a lot and are both extremely damaging.

If the cheating spouse is extremely repentant, open about it and is accepting blame for his/her actions (rather than saying "I'm sorry I cheated but it was your fault that I strayed, due to your blah blah), if the cheating spouse is begging like life is over, give them another chance. But things that led to the cheating must change. On both sides.

Remember, it's going to take time to heal and there will be a lot of pain but never should the innocent spouse be rushed into forgiveness.

If you're married to an unrepentant cheat and you're going to stay, make sure you're safe, healthwise and financially. A lot of wives are staying in bad marriages because they can't support themselves and their kids (even with their income, Nigeria rough o!). If you are leaving, leave with an exit plan: keep money separately, look for people who will support you (if you're gonna fight for custody, you need them) and get a lawyer so you understand Nigerian Marital Laws (it costs about N30, 000 to file for legal separation, for example).

I know women who stayed because they were there when the man was nothing and now he had everything and they didn't want to disinherit their kids. I know a woman who was made to beg, kneel down, her and her kids, because one of them found a video of his dad in bed with another woman and took it to school. The man retreated behind Naija Culture and Cheater's Manipulation and everyone made his wife beg for "disgracing" him deliberately (Lekki wife o, not a village babe). Making the wife beg is a common thing that happens (we're in Nigeria, your male pastor will make you beg sef) so you need strong support because when you tell that erring husband "Fvck that shii", your support should be behind you, baying for his blood. He and his family/supporters will amazingly get sense and become amicable and realize he screwed up.

And there are a lot of cheating wives. And every single one of them is a strong "Christian", sweet, humble, gentle "good" girl. Do NOT be deceived, women can do this better and hide it more efficiently. Many men are sharing their wives and training their non-biological children. Which is why I laugh when I see the description of the ideal Naija girl. Karma is real. Heck, still deciding whether or not to inform one's hubby, though I suspect he was one such idiot that had several babes but was treating the so-called good girl as the only "decent" one and messed the others up without a backward glance. Reeeaalllyyy looking forward to screwing with them two

PS: please, work on your marriage.

Work on your marriage.

Work on your marriage.

Work on your marriage.

MrBrownJay1:


what else is there to do but to drop the deceitful/disrespectful/untrustworthy/unfaithful/disgraceful animal?!



there are no BETTER choices at hand... staying with such deceitful/disrespectful/untrustworthy/unfaithful/disgraceful would be an insult to YOU or the fake relationship you guys are in.



off course the children interest should be considered... thats why you MUST divorce that cheating partner, so that they understand that it is WRONG to stay with such deceitful/disrespectful/untrustworthy/unfaithful/disgraceful partner. staying with such animal will teach your kids the WRONG values in life.



whether repentant or not is irrelevant as the ill deed as been done. there is NO plausible reason under the sun why any person should remain with a partner who has NO respect for you, your relationship or themselves... NONE!



the minute that person entertain the idea of emotionally being with someone else OR via text etc, then thats cheating.



its called reverse psychology by deluded women who wanna make themselves feel good about their sorry selves. NO good man was ever caught in a bad situation... and in the contrary, it is simply BAD men who have finally been caught in their charade of pretending to be good.



any person who has RESPECT for themselves, their family or their children, will drop their deceitful/disrespectful/untrustworthy/unfaithful/disgraceful partner.

Absolute truth especially at the bolded, let the children learn good values. You can also let them see that the result of cheating is a broken home so that they will know not to cheat when they grow up.

I wonder why they always put pressure on the partner that was cheated on to consider the children. If the the partner that cheated did not consider the children before cheating why pressure the partner that was cheated on,

Daeylar:


Absolute truth especially at the bolded, let the children learn good values you can also let them see that the result of cheating is a broken home so that they will know not to cheat when they grow up.
I wonder why they always put pressure on the partner that was cheated on to consider the children. If the the partner that cheated did not consider the children before cheating why pressure the partner that was cheated on,

absolutely true...thats their reverse psychology tricks. they use broken marriage and children to pressure people to stick to these miserable union, while they themselves dont give a damn about any of it. but then again, we shouldnt expect any less from these deceitful dishonest people.

This kinda situation is a very tough 1. IMO, I'll be heartbroken especially if I'v been so faithful to the cheating spouse, don't nag et al. Hmmm... I'll be so angry n he must definitely feel the heat. I may end up forgiving if it's his first time buh I'm gonna tighten my seat belt n mk him feel dt wat a man can do, a woman can do better (I may pretend d mid nite calls, hanging out et al jst to see whether he wana save his home or move on wth d strange woman). Thru his actions, I'll knw weda to file for a divorce or remain. As for sex, I don't tink my mental state will allow such cos I can't pretend. If I'm nt happy, it shows in my mood.

sassyangel1:
This kinda situation is a very tough 1. IMO, I'll be heartbroken especially if I'v been so faithful to the cheating spouse, don't nag et al. Hmmm... I'll be so angry n he must definitely feel the heat. I may end up forgiving if it's his first time buh I'm gonna tighten my seat belt n mk him feel dt wat a man can do, a woman can do better (I may pretend d mid nite calls, hanging out et al jst to see whether he wana save his home or move on wth d strange woman). Thru his actions, I'll knw weda to file for a divorce or remain. As for sex, I don't tink my mental state will allow such cos I can't pretend. If I'm nt happy, it shows in my mood.

it's questionable. whether he is faithful or not, are you not supposed to be faithful? you could cheat on your husband?

the thing con be like say na only married women be intellectuals for nairaland. see intelligent contributions. not like all these slay queens that are littered all over nairaland.

ashewoboy:






it's questionable. whether he is faithful or not, are you not supposed to be faithful? you could cheat on your husband?

Nobody prays to find himself or herself in this kinda situation. All I'm trying to say or write is dt it'll be very painful wen one party tinks his/her spouse is a saint only for it to be otherwise. If both parties cheats do u tink it'll pain any of them? Personally, I won't cheat back buh I won't jst sit n pretend. I'm gonna put up fake drama n mk him feel uncomfortable. I won't reveal my tricks especially nt to a guy.

sassyangel1:


Nobody prays to find himself or herself in this kinda situation. All I'm trying to say or write is dt it'll be very painful wen one party tinks his/her spouse is a saint only for it to be otherwise. If both parties cheats do u tink it'll pain any of them? Personally, I won't cheat back buh I won't jst sit n pretend. I'm gonna put up fake drama n mk him feel uncomfortable. I won't reveal my tricks especially nt to a guy.

keep your tricks very well. good to know you are not gonna cheat.

babythug:
Zaynie


Helovesme

babythug, this one na PhD project oh

i kinda agree with ifyalways approach.

one thing for certain is that there will be a period of separation where we will both live in separate homes. this will give me time to think about what my next course of action.

AlphaHandMaiden:
Its a really touchy topic, i am unsure how i will react BUT i will advise the cheater to leave the house for an unstipulated amount of time because at the point where the cheating has been uncovered..... their life expectancy is very greatly reduced.

Some will say... you are chasing him into another womans hands.. the marriage is already potentially ended, so the cheater will be wise to choose his/her destination carefully.

so if he is truely repentant or at least making a show of repentance that will not be an issue he will find some place sensible to chill while tempers cool and we decide what is happening to the marriage.

Choose your co-cheaters house and it will confirm that the idiot is blatantly unnrepentant so the other patry will have clarity on matters. End the relationship it is beyond salvation.

Do macho man and stay in your house and get buried under the mango tree in the backyard by day break. I mean ...... accidents happen!

Onegai:
PS: please, work on your marriage.

Work on your marriage.

Work on your marriage.

Work on your marriage.

I agree that it's good to put in efforts to keep the fire burning but I have seen where despite best efforts one person still strays!!!

Then the pressure to make it work/ keep the marriage working just seems to fall more on the female!

Why

Onegai:
I log onto NL and it's hot topic waiting for me

Hmmm...

Handling Infidelity is dependent on the 2 people involved: husband and wife.

Cheating is emotional and physical cheating: both hurt a lot and are both extremely damaging.

If the cheating spouse is extremely repentant, open about it and is accepting blame for his/her actions (rather than saying "I'm sorry I cheated but it was your fault that I strayed, due to your blah blah), if the cheating spouse is begging like life is over, give them another chance. But things that led to the cheating must change. On both sides.

Remember, it's going to take time to heal and there will be a lot of pain but never should the innocent spouse be rushed into forgiveness.

If you're married to an unrepentant cheat and you're going to stay, make sure you're safe, healthwise and financially. A lot of wives are staying in bad marriages because they can't support themselves and their kids (even with their income, Nigeria rough o!). If you are leaving, leave with an exit plan: keep money separately, look for people who will support you (if you're gonna fight for custody, you need them) and get a lawyer so you understand Nigerian Marital Laws (it costs about N30, 000 to file for legal separation, for example).

I know women who stayed because they were there when the man was nothing and now he had everything and they didn't want to disinherit their kids. I know a woman who was made to beg, kneel down, her and her kids, because one of them found a video of his dad in bed with another woman and took it to school. The man retreated behind Naija Culture and Cheater's Manipulation and everyone made his wife beg for "disgracing" him deliberately (Lekki wife o, not a village babe). Making the wife beg is a common thing that happens (we're in Nigeria, your male pastor will make you beg sef) so you need strong support because when you tell that erring husband "Fvck that shii", your support should be behind you, baying for his blood. He and his family/supporters will amazingly get sense and become amicable and realize he screwed up.

And there are a lot of cheating wives. And every single one of them is a strong "Christian", sweet, humble, gentle "good" girl. Do NOT be deceived, women can do this better and hide it more efficiently. Many men are sharing their wives and training their non-biological children. Which is why I laugh when I see the description of the ideal Naija girl. Karma is real. Heck, still deciding whether or not to inform one's hubby, though I suspect he was one such idiot that had several babes but was treating the so-called good girl as the only "decent" one and messed the others up without a backward glance. Reeeaalllyyy looking forward to screwing with them two

Truly there's so much to consider before leaving or not leaving due to infidelity!

I mean one opts out and the co- cheat moves right in and goes ahead to enjoy all what the married couple may have slaved for in the early stage of thier marriage!

But interestingly I recently met a couple who seem to have thier act together, the lady even told me that her husband stopped buying fruits from one woman who seemed to be making untoward advances to him! I take that as him being disciplined.

I have also met wives with cheating husbands who claimed the " girlfriends had charmed them" just imagine!!!

babythug:


Truly there's so much to consider before leaving or not leaving due to infidelity!

I mean one opts out and the co- cheat moves right in and goes ahead to enjoy all what the married couple may have slaved for in the early stage of thier marriage!

But interestingly I recently met a couple who seem to have thier act together, the lady even told me that her husband stopped buying fruits from one woman who seemed to be making untoward advances to him! I take that as him being disciplined.

I have also met wives with cheating husbands who claimed the " girlfriends had charmed them" just imagine!!!

The cheat never enjoys. Trust me. TRUST ME!! I'm speaking from knowing every single uncle and relative who most certainly cheated and lived to regret the carnage they wrecked.

Don't be deceived by the public face, never met a cheat whose wife left him and he lived happily ever after. There is even a statistic abroad that men tend to regret divorces more than women. If it looks like the opposite here in Nigeria, that's because our society is conservative and poverty is prevalent and there is a strong lack of accountability. Nigerian men are terrified of marrying and carrying their wives abroad because they immediately become accountable.

Even in Nigeria, divorce favors the poor wife than the rich wife: rich wife has more prestige to lose, who cares if the security guard and his wife divorced but Mrs Lives-In-Ikoyi will lose face in front of her friends and will have to retire from Polite Society for a while depending on how powerful her husband is (none of his friends and their wives want to be seen hanging out with her). So the wife then tries to make a shege amount of money (confers power to her) or remarries an even bigger fish (and moves up the food chain).
Seen it happen a lot.

Onegai:
I log onto NL and it's hot topic waiting for me

Hmmm...

Handling Infidelity is dependent on the 2 people involved: husband and wife.

Cheating is emotional and physical cheating: both hurt a lot and are both extremely damaging.

If the cheating spouse is extremely repentant, open about it and is accepting blame for his/her actions (rather than saying "I'm sorry I cheated but it was your fault that I strayed, due to your blah blah), if the cheating spouse is begging like life is over, give them another chance. But things that led to the cheating must change. On both sides.

Remember, it's going to take time to heal and there will be a lot of pain but never should the innocent spouse be rushed into forgiveness.

With all due respect to your lengthy post, which I think will be helpful to many women, there are many men (and women) out there who are master manipulators and will pretend to repent and regret and then continue to lie and cheat in a more efficient and effective way, now that they know how the spouse came behind their cheating.

I have seen it all. You would think that only stewpid people fall for their tactics but I have seen beautiful, successful, smart and highly educated women being played until they were left damaged, financially, physically and mentally.

Onegai:


The cheat never enjoys. Trust me. TRUST ME!! I'm speaking from knowing every single uncle and relative who most certainly cheated and lived to regret the carnage they wrecked.

Don't be deceived by the public face, never met a cheat whose wife left him and he lived happily ever after. There is even a statistic abroad that men tend to regret divorces more than women. If it looks like the opposite here in Nigeria, that's because our society is conservative and poverty is prevalent and there is a strong lack of accountability. Nigerian men are terrified of marrying and carrying their wives abroad because they immediately become accountable.

Even in Nigeria, divorce favors the poor wife than the rich wife: rich wife has more prestige to lose, who cares if the security guard and his wife divorced but Mrs Lives-In-Ikoyi will lose face in front of her friends and will have to retire from Polite Society for a while depending on how powerful her husband is (none of his friends and their wives want to be seen hanging out with her). So the wife then tries to make a shege amount of money (confers power to her) or remarries an even bigger fish (and moves up the food chain).
Seen it happen a lot.

There are plenty of people in this world who will replace you like an appliance. You have not met the worst of them yet and I hope you never will.

Mindfulness:


With all due respect to your lengthy post, which I think will be helpful to many women, there are many men (and women) out there who are master manipulators and will pretend to repent and regret and then continue to lie and cheat in a more efficient and effective way, now that they know how the spouse came behind their cheating.

I have seen it all. You would think that only stewpid people fall for their tactics but I have seen beautiful, successful, smart and highly educated women being played until they were left damaged, financially, physically and mentally.

A narcissist will always be a narcissist. And I'm not referring to one (yes, I have plenty of experience with one. Way too much experience and not a year or two of it, but a freaking long time).

My post is for the average "I was bored, I thought the grass was greener outside, I like the excitement and thrill of the attention, I did it to get attention that I needed help" Cheaters. Those guys can still be pulled from the brink, if they pick themselves up.

A narcissist cannot be saved. They will manipulate till the day they die. Years later, you'll keep finding out heartbreaking stuff they did. The only cure for a cheating narcissist is to leave. As soon as possible. Walk and never look back. There are men and women who married, lived and died with narcissistic spouses. And they and their families have the scars to show for it.

I can write a book on Narcissistic Relationships. I didn't see it, I lived it.

Mindfulness:


There are plenty of people in this world who will replace you like an appliance. You have not met the worst of them yet and I hope you never will.

Lol. You'd be surprised. Assume my world view isn't so peachy, kk?

Onegai:


A narcissist will always be a narcissist. And I'm not referring to one (yes, I have plenty of experience with one. Way too much experience and not a year or two of it, but a freaking long time).

My post is for the average "I was bored, I thought the grass was greener outside, I like the excitement and thrill of the attention, I did it to get attention that I needed help" Cheaters. Those guys can still be pulled from the brink, if they pick themselves up.

A narcissist cannot be saved. They will manipulate till the day they die. Years later, you'll keep finding out heartbreaking stuff they did. The only cure for a cheating narcissist is to leave. As soon as possible. Walk and never look back. There are men and women who married, lived and died with narcissistic spouses. And they and their families have the scars to show for it.

I can write a book on Narcissistic Relationships. I didn't see it, I lived it.

So how do you distinguish sincere regret from fake regret?

Mindfulness:


So how do you distinguish sincere regret from fake regret?

It'll boil down to the individual in question I guess! I know some would cry, use words, buy gifts, increase niceness levels and that type of stuff.

One man I know would abuse his wife anytime she caught him! Some people eye don see something for this world mcheeeewwwww

babythug:

It'll boil down to the individual in question I guess! I know some would cry, use words, buy gifts, increase niceness levels and that type of stuff.

It possibly comforts the spouse to a certain degree. It may help to heal the wound but a scar will remain. And there is no guarantee it will not happen again and when it happens again, it will hurt even more. It will open the old wound and add salt to the injury. It will make the victim question his / her sense of judgement.

One man I know would abuse his wife anytime she caught him! Some people eye don see something for this world mcheeeewwwww

And she stayed with him because? Children, religion, finances, learned helplessness?

Mindfulness:






And she stayed with him because? Children, religion, finances, learned helplessness?

Children and finances she said!

They are couple of reasons that made women stay with a cheating husband.

Firstly, children, secondly....you suffered with him when he had nothing and therefore, you don't want another to come and joy the fruit of your labour. Thirdly, you are solely dependent on him for lively hood. If only we women will rise and be hard working. When buying property that you will contribute to, insist that one of the properties bears your name and name Alone. Men respect themselves when they realize that a woman have a financial back up. But I must confess, almost all naija men cheat. The most annoying part is, in the hospital where I worked before, all most all the married women have one disgusting sexually transmitted disease or another. Women protect your self from a cheating husband.

I was at a party this last weekend. A couple of guys came with their squeezes and it seemed the norm as no one was particularly uncomfortable with the set up. The few wives there literally shifted to one side and more or less just looked the other way. One wife even said her husband's squeeze may even be sitting right there who knows! I found myself uttering these very stupid words -" just ignore my sister". I was mortified that , that was my only resolution to the scene!

myself and the other wives randomly got chatting and truly all we could resign to was this now famous " just look the other way" if you find/feel your husband is cheating. One wife said that she had told her husband she will beat his girlfriend up if the girl crosses her path(or something like that)

But really what are our options?

Are we as african wives/women just resigned to coping and accepting the philandering ways of some spouses?

babythug:
I was at a party this last weekend. A couple of guys came with their squeezes and it seemed the norm as no one was particularly uncomfortable with the set up. The few wives there literally shifted to one side and more or less just looked the other way. One wife even said her husband's squeeze may even be sitting right there who knows! I found myself uttering these very stupid words -" just ignore my sister". I was mortified that , that was my only resolution to the scene!

myself and the other wives randomly got chatting and truly all we could resign to was this now famous " just look the other way" if you find/feel your husband is cheating. One wife said that she had told her husband she will beat his girlfriend up if the girl crosses her path(or something like that)

But really what are our options?

Are we as african wives/women just resigned to coping and accepting the philandering ways of some spouses?

Very funny.

These things make me marvel when people claim Nigerians are moral and we are allowing the 'West' to corrupt us.

Truth is most people saw their fathers cheat on their mothers and still elders in their churches/mosques so how do they justify leaving a cheating spouse?

Funny again that NLers and by extension Nigerians will advise the woman to endure so her family doesn't break and her kids suffer yet with same mouth advise a husband to throw his cheating wife away. Doesn't the home matter anymore?

What I would like to find out is the ratio of how many 'let's look the other way' wives cheat vis a viz those that don't. I want to understand if the acceptance is because they feel helpless, they feel it is normal or they are cheats themselves.

I also opened a thread recently on wives who 'push' their husbands outside. I would like to know the ratio of wives no longer interested in satisfying their husbands and have outsourced that sexual duty to other women.

I would also like the ratio of women who slept with married men in their youth and have conditioned their mind for same.

I am just trying to eliminate all the factors or really drill down the causes of adultery and permanent solutions to them.

Should a wife forgive a cheating husband?(because this is the summary of the thread). Depends on their unique circumstances.

Thsee are the factors that make men abandoned at home in their old age and their wives gallivanting around the globe courtesy their kids. It is reason why we would have 50 mothers' day and only one father's day. It is the reason why children including male ones will kill for their moms and ignore their fathers in old age.

One can't sow the wind and not except the whirlwind.

It is well.

bukatyne!

I completely missed your response on this post! I’m gonna digest properly and find your thread which you referenced.

I don’t think this cheating in a marriage is one that we can ever have a white or black answer or solution for. Many culprits don’t even know why they’re cheating and I’ve known a few situations where the extra marital affairs just “happened”. That is not premeditated per se.

Anyway will be back with some new perspectives I’ve gained on the matter

babythug:
bukatyne!

I completely missed your response on this post! I’m gonna digest properly and find your thread which you referenced.

I don’t think this cheating in a marriage is one that we can ever have a white or black answer or solution for. Many culprits don’t even know why they’re cheating and I’ve known a few situations where the extra marital affairs just “happened”. That is not premeditated per se.

Anyway will be back with some new perspectives I’ve gained on the matter

Happy new years.

Was banned so couldn't respond.

You have given me hope not to feel guilty of responding after a while.

Mention me with your epiphany.

@babythug

I think a lot of emphasis is placed on male cheating , lol.

Tooo many variables:

Length of marriage.

Religious affiliation and attitude towards religion.

Financially dependent or independent wife

Children involved and their ages

Wife's interest or lack of in sexual intercourse

Social security ,stigma or lack of stigma

Wife's redlines: for some, cheating is nothing compared to poverty.

Social status of couple

Lifestyle of wife

One off episode or length of affair plus result of the affair: baby on the way etc

Attitude of spouse pre and post cheating

Openness of both spouses

Results of STD testing and willingness not accept no sex or sex with condom

Ability to move on or not..could take years etc


Personally, my attitude towards cheating has changed over the years mainly because I have a very good relationship with my spouse,he is a good guy, our children are very happy,home life is stable.I think he's a great father who would generally avoid anything that could hurt me and he has a very good income too which in combination within mine means a decent lifestyle for all of us.

1. I may or may not leave ,I have the financial power to care of my kids alone,society I live in doesn't have issues with divorce so this is not a problem at all.

2.The impact would be devastating for the children, because we all have a very close relationship.

3. I could cheat as well,I cannot promise 100% fidelity because the longer you are married,the more bored you become especially over 10 years...

I love my spouse like kilode but I'm quite open minded about expecting someone to have sex with one person forever. Maybe I'm this lenient because I know I can fall into this particular sin out of plain boredom.

No I did not have sex with anyone's husband in the past,I don't have a shady sexual history either.

I just don't see why I should end all our years together just for sex especially when I could be guilty of such too( I still would draw lines on are,new child ,length of affair etc) . It depends on the context and also if I'm innocent of same at the time of the offence


My spouse so far has not cheated or he's abnormally smart about it( we've passed the 10 year mark).Either ways,if he does,that just opens my mind further to the options available to me.

Yes,my spouse knows I can leave or stay dependent on my interpretation of the situation.

Yes yes I know about the pain and betrayal ,I'm just not overly emotional about things in general.


There's just too many variables,no one really ever knows.


People should just act based on their convictions.

Mrs cardiology I like your username .

I also like your post. Food for the goose as they say.

Takotsubo:
@babythug

I think a lot of emphasis is placed on male cheating , lol.

Tooo many variables:

Length of marriage.

Religious affiliation and attitude towards religion.

Financially dependent or independent wife

Children involved and their ages

Wife's interest or lack of in sexual intercourse

Social security ,stigma or lack of stigma

Wife's redlines: for some, cheating is nothing compared to poverty.

Social status of couple

Lifestyle of wife

One off episode or length of affair plus result of the affair: baby on the way etc

Attitude of spouse pre and post cheating

Openness of both spouses

Results of STD testing and willingness not accept no sex or sex with condom

Ability to move on or not..could take years etc


Personally, my attitude towards cheating has changed over the years mainly because I have a very good relationship with my spouse,he is a good guy, our children are very happy,home life is stable.I think he's a great father who would generally avoid anything that could hurt me and he has a very good income too which in combination within mine means a decent lifestyle for all of us.

1. I may or may not leave ,I have the financial power to care of my kids alone,society I live in doesn't have issues with divorce so this is not a problem at all.

2.The impact would be devastating for the children, because we all have a very close relationship.

3. I could cheat as well,I cannot promise 100% fidelity because the longer you are married,the more bored you become especially over 10 years...

I love my spouse like kilode but I'm quite open minded about expecting someone to have sex with one person forever. Maybe I'm this lenient because I know I can fall into this particular sin out of plain boredom.

No I did not have sex with anyone's husband in the past,I don't have a shady sexual history either.

I just don't see why I should end all our years together just for sex especially when I could be guilty of such too( I still would draw lines on are,new child ,length of affair etc) . It depends on the context and also if I'm innocent of same at the time of the offence


My spouse so far has not cheated or he's abnormally smart about it( we've passed the 10 year mark).Either ways,if he does,that just opens my mind further to the options available to me.

Yes,my spouse knows I can leave or stay dependent on my interpretation of the situation.

Yes yes I know about the pain and betrayal ,I'm just not overly emotional about things in general.


There's just too many variables,no one really ever knows.


People should just act based on their convictions.