So here I lay, in my sweaty, camouflaged bed of war , quite gleeful, an extremely happy victor. My trusty torch remains on, loyally bright enough to catch any more of the many legged monsters with spikes on their feet, those terrorists that cunningly wait until you've covered your home territory and you think you're safe, then they enter a secret hole and walk all over your face and you feel those horribly soft, alien like , wobbly legs all over you while you freak the hell out. Roaches !!!


Cockroaches, House Terrorists, whatever name you may know them by, I am a survivor of a roach war , and I tell you, these bastards are the bad guys, the aggressors . No don't tell me they're little or large brown angels , poor little victims looking for food while I'm the bad guy. No effing way, if you've survived a cockroach attack, sorry, roach war, you would know that these guys took it over from Osama Bin Cockroach himself. That guy is their leader, and I heard he was the one that introduced wings into the game . WINGS !!! This rebel .......I heard when he did that , the humans took to their heels in horror, they fled with the stomach churning phrase - " It can fly ! It can fly !!" Confusion and chaos every where and Commander roach was well pleased. However we have heard that after three weeks of terrorising the house , with the smaller humans vehemently refusing to bathe in the bathroom which was Commander Osama Roach's quarters.........a brave civilian known as Mummy, courageously stepped into the colonized bathroom, with a brave phrase like " I must kill you today " , she locked the door and slapping sounds of war with one army slipper was heard, and alas, she came out with Commander Roach flat as a board, laying dead on a dustpan, an example to all other terrorist roaches. She was immediately dubbed a hero with imaginary stars bestowed upon her by the citizens called Children, whom Osama Roach had tortured the living fear out of with his flying skills. Happy story right ?


Well, back to MY happy story. My story of victory over a terrorist roach that showed him or herself ( never knew how to ascertain the gender of these bullies ) . So I was awake around three because Lieutenant Little Brother had left the vcd player on, and it had restarted his movie at an ear wracking level . Therefore to get back to sleep I got up and put it off. Lo and behold I was about to close my eyes when I spotted a brown and fairly large intruder, with long antennas, strolling across the wall. Now I am not against migrants in my room, they must cross borders to make it to their own America , mind you, but being that the roaches had fought wars with us before , I was slightly uncomfortable.


Now this lovely madame ( I think I'll name it a girl now ) , she strolled across the wall sweetly in her little petticoat and for a moment I relaxed, and thought, we can stop being ' insectist ' , why maybe I could even consider her ' a sweet little roach that's kinda cute '. Right bro. So she walked up and down but she kept coming back and I thought she must be forgetting her vegetables to be coming back every time. And then , THEN, that's when I turned around and mistress spy bond 007 attempted to attack me from behind. She flew.......Oh my God, yes, she flew. And I was like Aaaaaarghhhh, how horrible ( you know right ) .

Real roach warrior

The story of this survivor continues.......

So this super creepy spy flew at me apparently unprovoked ( I told you they're the aggressors ) and I would have gone through an unthinkably terrible tragedy, had the secret device called a Ceiling Fan, ( Code 91196 ) not saved me. It hit the terrible villain in the middle of her many legged torso, and swiped her clean to the wall..... with a satisfying SPLAT!! . Oooh she kissed the wall with her terrible insect mouth, and the crowd went wild. Happy happy.

That was not the end though. My enemy was alive yet. I heard her among the clothes, I heard her wings rustle against cartons, gearing for a round two of revenge, a war I did not start. She was cringe thirsty, she probably wanted to wriggle inside my clothes and make me cringe with horror and disgust and leave me with a tragedy trauma that would last a week! Brothers and sisters, a week! I could not allow this barbarian to win, eh, not after all the cockroach smashing skills I learnt from the leader, MOM.

After unbearable minutes of hearing her track me down, while cunningly hiding out of sight ( you know these guys never give up unless they die ) , I armed my poor soldier self with the only thing I could find at an ungodly three o clock hour.........a Dustpan. Thus I sat, poor me , the only human being awake, on her bed, with a dustpan in hand, and a trusty torch switched on to the highest glow and Lieutenant Little Brother sleeping by my side, blissfully unaware of the ongoing war.

The fan made me shiver, the birds of the night cackled outside my war window, but never did I falter. Comrade warriors and soldiers, I knew if I was to sleep like a worthy , brave soldier, I had to kill the bitch. Yeah I called her a bitch. Any sore losers, both cockroaches and cockroach supporters, can come and beat me, I'm in Abuja.

Finally. I waited quietly , with the lightness of the air, and I heard her. And I saw her. Unbelievable ! The enemy was trying to escape. Yes! Into an adjoined toilet ! Can you imagine ? Now that was not fair after roiling me up and I said to myself , ' Come back you coward, we must finish this battle ' . And with a mighty blow , I raised my arms and came down with full force on the roach using a.......dustpan? No no in the excitement, I had discarded that and found a fine Ak 27 broom ! Yea......so I planked down the villain, and she struggled a bit but was dead within minutes and there you have it, my victory , comrades.

So here I am, a lonely winner. The advantage is that, though I may not receive any hero stars from Lieutenant Little Brother as he was asleep the whole time, I will sleep blissfully now, with no traumatic memories of nasty insects crawling down my face. And now I say to you all, well........Good morning.


* WATCH OUT FOR THE ROACHES*

THE END.

Awesome story..I love the creativity used in writing it.. outside the box thinking.. kudos!!

naetocm:
Awesome story..I love the creativity used in writing it.. outside the box thinking.. kudos!!

Thanks

ameri9ja:
Real roach warrior

Lol....

Purple u talented

pu7pl3:
Purple u talented

Thanks

U r a fine writer. This piece, I love.

liznificent:
U r a fine writer. This piece, I love.

Thanks dear.

purples25:
So this super creepy spy flew at me apparently unprovoked ( I told you they're the aggressors ) and I would have gone through an unthinkably terrible tragedy, had the secret device called a Ceiling Fan, ( Code 91196 ) not saved me. It hit the terrible villain in the middle of her many legged torso, and swiped her clean to the wall..... with a satisfying SPLAT!! . Oooh she kissed the wall with her terrible insect mouth, and the crowd went wild. Happy happy.

That was not the end though. My enemy was alive yet. I heard her among the clothes, I heard her wings rustle against cartons, gearing for a round two of revenge, a war I did not start. She was cringe thirsty, she probably wanted to wriggle inside my clothes and make me cringe with horror and disgust and leave me with a tragedy trauma that would last a week! Brothers and sisters, a week! I could not allow this barbarian to win, eh, not after all the cockroach smashing skills I learnt from the leader, MOM.

After unbearable minutes of hearing her track me down, while cunningly hiding out of sight ( you know these guys never give up unless they die ) , I armed my poor soldier self with the only thing I could find at an ungodly three o clock hour.........a Dustpan. Thus I sat, poor me , the only human being awake, on her bed, with a dustpan in hand, and a trusty torch switched on to the highest glow and Lieutenant Little Brother sleeping by my side, blissfully unaware of the ongoing war.

The fan made me shiver, the birds of the night cackled outside my war window, but never did I falter. Comrade warriors and soldiers, I knew if I was to sleep like a worthy , brave soldier, I had to kill the bitch. Yeah I called her a bitch. Any sore losers, both cockroaches and cockroach supporters, can come and beat me, I'm in Abuja.

Finally. I waited quietly , with the lightness of the air, and I heard her. And I saw her. Unbelievable ! The enemy was trying to escape. Yes! Into an adjoined toilet ! Can you imagine ? Now that was not fair after roiling me up and I said to myself , ' Come back you coward, we must finish this battle ' . And with a mighty blow , I raised my arms and came down with full force on the roach using a.......dustpan? No no in the excitement, I had discarded that and found a fine Ak 27 broom ! Yea......so I planked down the villain, and she struggled a bit but was dead within minutes and there you have it, my victory , comrades.

So here I am, a lonely winner. The advantage is that, though I may not receive any hero stars from Lieutenant Little Brother as he was asleep the whole time, I will sleep blissfully now, with no traumatic memories of nasty insects crawling down my face. And now I say to you all, well........Good morning.


* WATCH OUT FOR THE ROACHES*

THE END.

All this fine write up for a roach? Wow . . . you have talents!

Used to wonder why roaches tend to fly towards us, and sought an answer, which in retrospect, was amazingly simple and effective for avoidance.

GURION:



All this fine write up for a roach? Wow . . . you have talents!

Used to wonder why roaches tend to fly towards us, and sought an answer, which in retrospect, was amazingly simple and effective for avoidance.

Thankyou. I am really glad you like it