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Help Me Advice My Brother He Just Lost His Wife. - Family - Nairaland

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Help Me Advice My Brother He Just Lost His Wife. by iamphill: 9:39am On Aug 18, 2017
Good day people. I am very much in grief as I write this. my brother just lost his wife to the cold hands of death about three weeks after she delivered his second child a baby girl.

Now he has a boy of almost 4years old and also the baby girl who is barely up to a month. He doesn't know what to do but he loves his children so much and he doesn't want to part with any of them. Though some friends and relatives have been making offers to take care of the kids for him but he is adamant he wants to do it his way. Please help advice him only matured responses please.
May the soul of his beautiful wife rest in peace. AMEN
Re: Help Me Advice My Brother He Just Lost His Wife. by ngwaba(m): 9:43am On Aug 18, 2017
cry
Re: Help Me Advice My Brother He Just Lost His Wife. by thorpido(m): 9:48am On Aug 18, 2017
He's grieving and emotional so he thinks he can take care of those children himself.Won't he go to work?Can he be a full-time houseman?
The best he can do us to get a live-in nanny who will take care of the children.
Re: Help Me Advice My Brother He Just Lost His Wife. by iamphill: 9:51am On Aug 18, 2017
thorpido:
He's grieving and emotional so he thinks he can take care of those children himself.Won't he go to work?Can he be a full-time houseman?
The best he can do us to get a live-in nanny who will take care of the children.
Thank you for that wonderful suggestion but nowadays the fear of Nannies is the beginning of wisdom.

1 Like

Re: Help Me Advice My Brother He Just Lost His Wife. by thorpido(m): 9:59am On Aug 18, 2017
iamphill:
Thank you for that wonderful suggestion but nowadays the fear of Nannies is the beginning of wisdom.
What can he do?The other option is to take them to a relative where he can visit often or if he can find a daycare where he can drop them on his way to work and pick them on his way back if he can close early enough.
Re: Help Me Advice My Brother He Just Lost His Wife. by Kondomatic(m): 10:08am On Aug 18, 2017
iamphill:
Thank you for that wonderful suggestion but nowadays the fear of Nannies is the beginning of wisdom.
How about his mom and wife's mom? Are they old?

1 Like

Re: Help Me Advice My Brother He Just Lost His Wife. by iamphill: 10:13am On Aug 18, 2017
Kondomatic:
How about his mom and wife's mom? Are they old?
He is not too close to his mum and she is not really a woman ready to be inconvenienced so sad. While his mother in law they are kinda cool, she came to do omugwo , she was with him when she died, I have advice him to let his daughter be with his mother in law and ensure he sends them upkeep as Often as possible. He says even if he agrees to that he can never leave his son for anybody.... its just so sad.
Re: Help Me Advice My Brother He Just Lost His Wife. by Richy4(m): 10:31am On Aug 18, 2017
iamphill:
He is not too close to his mum and she is not really a woman ready to be inconvenienced so sad. While his mother in law they are kinda cool, she came to do omugwo , she was with him when she died, I have advice him to let his daughter be with his mother in law and ensure he sends them upkeep as Often as possible. He says even if he agrees to that he can never leave his son for anybody.... its just so sad.

It is time to tell him to wake up to reality..Yes he lost his wife.. but life must go on...it will be a double tragedy if he lost his job and his source of income too..his employer will expect him to perform the way he was doing before..He is not Buhari that was ignored even when his leave of absence has expired...and was paid when he was no longer working but relaxing...except maybe he was self employed...

Tell him that people need help sometimes.. and telling him to take his kids where they can be cared for was not abandonment..as long as he was still in their lives..It was just temporary..

2 Likes

Re: Help Me Advice My Brother He Just Lost His Wife. by Nobody: 11:23am On Aug 18, 2017
hmmmm this is really hard, "Tell him to give the little girl to his mom or the mother inlaw, then he should not let go of the little boy. "ALL will be WELL" but he should check up on his daughter always and make sure, she is well taken care of, once again, ALL will be WELL.
Re: Help Me Advice My Brother He Just Lost His Wife. by janvier27(m): 11:51am On Aug 18, 2017
May her soul rest in peace. If possible, the mother in law should move in to his house to help take care of the kids. Alternatively, if he has a mature female sibling or relative who is ready to move in till he can stabilize and take care of them himself.

2 Likes

Re: Help Me Advice My Brother He Just Lost His Wife. by Mimzyy(f): 1:55pm On Aug 18, 2017
janvier27:
May her soul rest in peace. If possible, the mother in law should move in to his house to help take care of the kids. Alternatively, if he has a mature female sibling or relative who is ready to move in till he can stabilize and take care of them himself.

Makes sense..

1 Like

Re: Help Me Advice My Brother He Just Lost His Wife. by iamphill: 3:05pm On Aug 18, 2017
Dlordsamurai:
hmmmm this is really hard, "Tell him to give the little girl to his mom or the mother inlaw, then he should not let go of the little boy. "ALL will be WELL" but he should check up on his daughter always and make sure, she is well taken care of, once again, ALL will be WELL.
Thank you so much seems this is what I will propose to him.
Re: Help Me Advice My Brother He Just Lost His Wife. by iamphill: 3:06pm On Aug 18, 2017
janvier27:
May her soul rest in peace. If possible, the mother in law should move in to his house to help take care of the kids. Alternatively, if he has a mature female sibling or relative who is ready to move in till he can stabilize and take care of them himself.

very good point but the mother in law lives in a different State.
Re: Help Me Advice My Brother He Just Lost His Wife. by jashar(f): 5:26pm On Aug 18, 2017
so sorry for the loss...
i have a question.
why can't he release the boy to anyone too?

is he an employee or an entrepreneur?
Re: Help Me Advice My Brother He Just Lost His Wife. by MizAijay(f): 6:53pm On Aug 18, 2017
I feel sad for his loss. May the Lord comfort him andthe family in general. It's wise he gives both children to his mother-in-law since he's close to her. The baby needs a lot of attention right now which he might not be able to give because he's grieving.
Re: Help Me Advice My Brother He Just Lost His Wife. by obezaleel(m): 7:24pm On Aug 20, 2017
such tragedy happened to me a week ago, leaving a 3 year old boy nd a year old daughter for me, i didn't have parent nor female sibling Mother inlaw is not fair to me talk less of leaving my little daughter with her, is not easy..

5 Likes

Re: Help Me Advice My Brother He Just Lost His Wife. by Nobody: 12:37am On Aug 21, 2017
He needs a house help. An older lady who has experience with kids. He doesn't have alot of options. Unless he's planning to leave employment.
Re: Help Me Advice My Brother He Just Lost His Wife. by baby124: 1:12am On Aug 21, 2017
Get a nanny or his mother to come and live in his house and take care of the kids form their father's house. He is a parent. Someone else must not take over his responsibility of taking care of his kids. No one can care for your kids like you. He needs to also be vigilant and watchful about who comes around his kids so that they don't fall prey to predators within the family or outside. May the wife Rest In Peace. It is well.

11 Likes

Re: Help Me Advice My Brother He Just Lost His Wife. by baby124: 1:13am On Aug 21, 2017
obezaleel:
such tragedy happened to me a week ago, leaving a 3 year old boy nd a year old daughter for me, i didn't have parent nor female sibling Mother inlaw is not fair to me talk less of leaving my little daughter with her, is not easy..
Eyah... sorry. It is well.
Re: Help Me Advice My Brother He Just Lost His Wife. by Eketem: 3:08am On Aug 21, 2017
Relatives sha.
Did he ask you for advise? A man cannot raise his child alone abi? How do widows who work cope Then? He should distribute his kids because he lost his wife and he is a helpless man?


It is relatives like you that will start harassing him to remarry after six months so he can get a baby sitter wife for the kids yet when the kids get maltreatment you will look the other way.


Please leave this man alone to plan how to raise his kids abeg.

Till he begs you for advise leave him alone

7 Likes

Re: Help Me Advice My Brother He Just Lost His Wife. by Nobody: 7:46am On Aug 21, 2017
baby124:
Get a nanny or his mother to come and live in his house and take care of the kids form their father's house. He is a parent. Someone else must not take over his responsibility of taking care of his kids. No one can care for your kids like you. He needs to also be vigilant and watchful about who comes around his kids so that they don't fall prey to predators within the family or outside. May the wife Rest In Peace. It is well.

Gbam.

1 Like

Re: Help Me Advice My Brother He Just Lost His Wife. by Nobody: 7:47am On Aug 21, 2017
Eketem:
Relatives sha.
Did he ask you for advise? A man cannot raise his child alone abi? How do widows who work cope Then? He should distribute his kids because he lost his wife and he is a helpless man?


It is relatives like you that will start harassing him to remarry after six months so he can get a baby sitter wife for the kids yet when the kids get maltreatment you will look the other way.


Please leave this man alone to plan how to raise his kids abeg.

Till he begs you for advise leave him alone
Re: Help Me Advice My Brother He Just Lost His Wife. by Nobody: 7:49am On Aug 21, 2017
iamphill:
Thank you so much seems this is what I will propose to him.

Why will you propose such to him, what is your business, did your brother tell you that he cannot care for his own children? This is why all kids irrespective of gender should be taught domestic and child minding skills

Rip to your in law

3 Likes

Re: Help Me Advice My Brother He Just Lost His Wife. by Nobody: 11:47am On Aug 21, 2017
Op, your brother cannot start sharing his two kids to relatives who will at the end, maltreat them. Such actions can mar the children for life.
Hes not a kid, he made the right decision holding onto them, they are his blood for Christ sakes! . Children are blessings from God, as weeks progresses he will find a proper solution and complete balance of his home, kids and work. Hes still in shock. You all should simply console him and move on.
If he needs anyone's help? He will definitely contact the right person capable of assisting him at home.
So relax, u are not your brother. He will find a way round it.

5 Likes

Re: Help Me Advice My Brother He Just Lost His Wife. by Kaynee: 12:31pm On Aug 21, 2017
Op I will tell you this " leave your brother alone" If he says he wants to take care of his children himself, then step aside and believe me he will do it very well. It will be difficult for him at start but he will cope. He just needs his Mother in Law to be close and take care of the tender girl for sometime, then when the girl grows up to say 6-12months he can register her in a creche. Note the he still needs to have fond memories of his late wife, that's why he wants the kids around. He wants to still see the link between him and his late wife and this will heal him faster and always want to strive harder for the success of his kids. Fathers equally make good parents..

You can assist in your own little way but don't interfere unnecessarily. RIP to his late wife

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Re: Help Me Advice My Brother He Just Lost His Wife. by lollytk(f): 8:20am On Aug 25, 2017
iamphill:
Thank you for that wonderful suggestion but nowadays the fear of Nannies is the beginning of wisdom.
sorry for your loss dear, I have a good and trustworthy woman that's looking for nanny job. What's ur location? Can u drop ur phone no so she can reach ?
Re: Help Me Advice My Brother He Just Lost His Wife. by Nobody: 10:13am On Aug 25, 2017
My condolences.
Re: Help Me Advice My Brother He Just Lost His Wife. by iamphill: 5:26pm On Aug 26, 2017
obezaleel:
such tragedy happened to me a week ago, leaving a 3 year old boy nd a year old daughter for me, i didn't have parent nor female sibling Mother inlaw is not fair to me talk less of leaving my little daughter with her, is not easy..

Sorry to hear about your predicament. Can yo7 drop your contact number so how are you coping? take heart
Re: Help Me Advice My Brother He Just Lost His Wife. by iamphill: 5:29pm On Aug 26, 2017
lollytk:
sorry for your loss dear, I have a good and trustworthy woman that's looking for nanny job. What's ur location? Can u drop ur phone no so she can reach ?



sure. You can call on (zero ,nine ,zero ,three ,eight ,five ,one ,four ,eight, eight, zero)
Thank you
Re: Help Me Advice My Brother He Just Lost His Wife. by egopersonified(f): 1:18pm On Aug 27, 2017
Please whatever you decide, don't separate those kids.

1 Like

Re: Help Me Advice My Brother He Just Lost His Wife. by sisisioge: 1:30pm On Aug 27, 2017
So very sorry to hear this. He could get a nanny to come live with them or convince MIL to live with him a little longer while he sorts his emotions. I perfectly understand why he's not able to let the kids go.

May God take care of him and his...may God take care of us and ours. It is well.
Re: Help Me Advice My Brother He Just Lost His Wife. by farydah: 1:36pm On Aug 27, 2017
obezaleel:
such tragedy happened to me a week ago, leaving a 3 year old boy nd a year old daughter for me, i didn't have parent nor female sibling Mother inlaw is not fair to me talk less of leaving my little daughter with her, is not easy..
so sorry about your loss sir

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