OHOnairaland:
I am Peter from Abia state. I am 32. One of the truly most handsome guys around though I don't live by that. After examining life issues, I thought to myself, that braking women's heart in relationship can be avoided. I made up my mind not to brake the heart of any woman or use my handsomeness to take advantage of women who want me desperately or are weak towards me. I made sure I did not engage in any relationship with girl until I am convinced I can possibly mary her. I have also proposed in my heart that I must not date any girl more than 1yr and when it exceeds 1yr, it must not be more than two 2yrs and that must be because we are planning our wedding or some other purposeful delays. I started with Chioma last year Feb, 2017, I barely started the relationship when I started receiving signs that she is my wife. Of all the many signs that came, it was only one of them(the 1st one) that I requested from God. So, I concluded that it is not possible for all these signs to be a coincidence. 'The supernatural must be involved, God or devil', I jokingly told Ben - one of my closest friends.

We would have tied the knots in less than one year, having introduced her to my mum within 3 months of knowing her, having also allowed her to live with my mother for 1 month and again for 2 weeks, and having gone to see her father for introduction, all within one year. But, some thing came up that my finance couldn't carry the wedding as I made some investment, and the remaining one that I could have used was consumed by 1, her sickness, 2, my mum's sickness and 3, by MMM. So it was postponed to an unfixed date this year 2017 pending when my pocket gets replenished but sure enough I told myself that the wedding or even trad must not exceed this year. By the beginning of 2nd quarter, I started a business for her and made her self reliant.

And suddenly, by middle of this year, my mum met a pastor on the mountain where she has gone to pray. The pastor told her that Chioma is not my wife, that if I get married to her I will die. She went to another pastor(who doesn't know the 1st pastor) without telling him what the previous pastor said, he said the same thing. So she became afraid and insisted that we discontinue the relationship. As it is now, as regards the issue, my mum says she can't be convinced to accept my fiancee after hearing the same massage from two pastors. "For before 2 or three witnesses, a matter is validated", she said, recalling that a pastor friend of hers had vehemently proclaimed that Chioma was not my wife, even though he said it as an advise without bringing God into the matter. "That makes three persons", she echoed, that it is only a tree that never runs after being told it would be cut down. I personally don't want to believe in these prophecies neither am I scared of dying as God's Word says I shall not die. Besides, I have several confirmations before choosing her. We have also held a family meeting for this in which we invited the last pastor who repeated what he said. I and Chioma cross examined him with different questions. He answered our questions but without strong convictions. It was only mum and my sisters who believed everything he said.

Now, the issue is that if my mum doesn't give her-support, no one else will. My mum is not domineering as she has always supported whatever I wanted to do. Every thing that I am now are all borne out of my personal choice without her input in decision making. She doesn't treat me as the only son that I am as she has never reminded me that. I wasn't so close to her. She did not show me affection probably because she thought it would make me a spoilt child. Before now, we could stay for a month or more without hearing from each other. I did not grow with the only son mentality. She taught me the bible of which I grew up reading. I learnt how to love from the bible as nobody showed me love when I was growing.
I have called a friend to speak to her but she said it's a no-go-area. I have also tried convincing her but it seems that her argument is winning mine. She started by asking me if I think that I love the girl more than she does. That it was the situation that necessitated it and not because she doesn't love Chioma.

For this case, unlike me, I also decided to meet a woman of God - an evangelist who said that what the pastors prophesied are not true. The woman who goes by evangelist as her title prophesied, telling me that my father is dead and that I am the only son and some other prophesies that are true. But one of her prophesies (or revelations rather) that weakened all the other prophesies that I would have used to convince my mum is that she said that mum entered a covenant with God before she could give birth to a son like me. That sounds true as I was or almost the 6th child following 5 or 4 girls ( one girl died) that my mum gave birth to before dad passed away. But when I questioned mum about the covenant, she outrightly denied, sighting that neither they nor my dad ever complained at any time that they have only girl children and no boy, let alone going further to make covenants. I lost the argument here, in trying to convince her that the messages she got were false.

My fiancee will be 30 this year. Our relationship seems to be headings nowhere now. The wedding plans have been halted. It will only take a miracle to change mum's mind. She insists on getting it right in mine. She said she was too liberal, and that's why she allowed 2 of my sisters to get married to husbands she never approved of. And 2 of them are suffering in their various homes now as she has to be taking care of them and their kids sometimes. 2 of them have sometime, been driven from their husband's homes and they came to live with her with kids.

My friend have advised I let Chioma go. That seems to be rational in as much as we don't know when it will be settled or if ever it will be settled. There is no need continuing taking her time as woman are like flowers.

We discussed this with Chioma, and she agreed to go with seeming understanding, but she ( feeling heart broken and seeming confused and behaving strangely like not calling or talking to me as before) later started asking me if I really mean to let her go after all this while as she has told many that she is my wife, reminding me of my promises to her. Though, the only environment where we are known a beat more is where I newly moved in this year, the same place her shop is also located. There are no relatives or church members near us. The introduction was unannounced. And I went with just a friend to see her father. Aside these, people don't know us else where apart from my village which it's only some of my kinsmen. I have practically kept the relationship secret as much as possible that the church is not aware.

I just want to hear people's opinion so as to make sure we take the best possible decision and to help me not to feel guilty. If I put her away, have I committed a terrible sin? We have truly thought that putting her away or telling her to go is rational in her best interest considering the situation at hand.

OHOnairaland:
I will do that, but let's hear your views because the issue has a religious matter at its core. Besides, religion affects our marriage so much in this part of the world.

OHOnairaland:
I am Peter from Abia state. I am 32. One of the truly most handsome guys around though I don't live by that. After examining life issues, I thought to myself, that braking women's heart in relationship can be avoided. I made up my mind not to brake the heart of any woman or use my handsomeness to take advantage of women who want me desperately or are weak towards me. I made sure I did not engage in any relationship with girl until I am convinced I can possibly mary her. I have also proposed in my heart that I must not date any girl more than 1yr and when it exceeds 1yr, it must not be more than two 2yrs and that must be because we are planning our wedding or some other purposeful delays. I started with Chioma last year Feb, 2017, I barely started the relationship when I started receiving signs that she is my wife. Of all the many signs that came, it was only one of them(the 1st one) that I requested from God. So, I concluded that it is not possible for all these signs to be a coincidence. 'The supernatural must be involved, God or devil', I jokingly told Ben - one of my closest friends.

We would have tied the knots in less than one year, having introduced her to my mum within 3 months of knowing her, having also allowed her to live with my mother for 1 month and again for 2 weeks, and having gone to see her father for introduction, all within one year. But, some thing came up that my finance couldn't carry the wedding as I made some investment, and the remaining one that I could have used was consumed by 1, her sickness, 2, my mum's sickness and 3, by MMM. So it was postponed to an unfixed date this year 2017 pending when my pocket gets replenished but sure enough I told myself that the wedding or even trad must not exceed this year. By the beginning of 2nd quarter, I started a business for her and made her self reliant.

And suddenly, by middle of this year, my mum met a pastor on the mountain where she has gone to pray. The pastor told her that Chioma is not my wife, that if I get married to her I will die. She went to another pastor(who doesn't know the 1st pastor) without telling him what the previous pastor said, he said the same thing. So she became afraid and insisted that we discontinue the relationship. As it is now, as regards the issue, my mum says she can't be convinced to accept my fiancee after hearing the same massage from two pastors. "For before 2 or three witnesses, a matter is validated", she said, recalling that a pastor friend of hers had vehemently proclaimed that Chioma was not my wife, even though he said it as an advise without bringing God into the matter. "That makes three persons", she echoed, that it is only a tree that never runs after being told it would be cut down. I personally don't want to believe in these prophecies neither am I scared of dying as God's Word says I shall not die. Besides, I have several confirmations before choosing her. We have also held a family meeting for this in which we invited the last pastor who repeated what he said. I and Chioma cross examined him with different questions. He answered our questions but without strong convictions. It was only mum and my sisters who believed everything he said.

Now, the issue is that if my mum doesn't give her-support, no one else will. My mum is not domineering as she has always supported whatever I wanted to do. Every thing that I am now are all borne out of my personal choice without her input in decision making. She doesn't treat me as the only son that I am as she has never reminded me that. I wasn't so close to her. She did not show me affection probably because she thought it would make me a spoilt child. Before now, we could stay for a month or more without hearing from each other. I did not grow with the only son mentality. She taught me the bible of which I grew up reading. I learnt how to love from the bible as nobody showed me love when I was growing.
I have called a friend to speak to her but she said it's a no-go-area. I have also tried convincing her but it seems that her argument is winning mine. She started by asking me if I think that I love the girl more than she does. That it was the situation that necessitated it and not because she doesn't love Chioma.

For this case, unlike me, I also decided to meet a woman of God - an evangelist who said that what the pastors prophesied are not true. The woman who goes by evangelist as her title prophesied, telling me that my father is dead and that I am the only son and

bennyann:
Who really wants to get married? You, your mum or the prophets?

Who will your wife spend her life with? You, your mum or the prophets?

Who is supposed to choose a wife for you? You, your mum or the prophets?

Who will tolerate the weak and strong points of your wife day and night? You, your mum or the prophets?

If I were to be a man, I would rather do things which decisions would result in something I would rather blame myself or praise myself for and not blame another. If you eventually get married to someone else and you realize you're not seeing the results you want, won't you start blaming your mum for the rest of your life?

Be a man! You know what you want. Be ready to take the praise or the blame concerning your decisions.

I understand you being troubled about your mum not being in agreement with you. But do you because of that want to choose your LIFE partner at the detriment of your joy and happiness? Except you yourself is looking for an excuse to do away with the lady.

Check within you, do you feel at peace with this lady? Does everything about you and within you feel calm when you're with her and when you think of her ONLY? Even when you have some quarrel or any other issue with her because we're all not perfect of course, do you in those times still love her, still feel peaceful and still feel encouraged to marry her? If yes, to me those are the signs she's someone you can be with and tolerate and love for the rest of your life. As long as you're very comfortable with her then I don't see why you want to please others and displease yourself.

Then talking about God, you said you asked God for one thing and you saw it in her, now are you doubting God didn't answer your prayer or you are someone who God can't listen to and answer his prayers? If you communicated with God and you're doubting Him, why should you trust others who claim they communicated with Him too?

Try to hear from God yourself, that alone will settle all these confusions. Tell God about this confusion and tell Him to come to your rescue. When you are determined to hear from God and willing to take His instructions or believe His answers, you would then feel at peace when someone else confirms it. It's all about a Peaceful heart and God is peace.


I wish you the best OP.

Analice.107, ecilan.a701, Msngo.40

bennyann:
Who really wants to get married? You, your mum or the prophets?

Who will your wife spend her life with? You, your mum or the prophets?

Who is supposed to choose a wife for you? You, your mum or the prophets?

Who will tolerate the weak and strong points of your wife day and night? You, your mum or the prophets?

If I were to be a man, I would rather do things which decisions would result in something I would rather blame myself or praise myself for and not blame another. If you eventually get married to someone else and you realize you're not seeing the results you want, won't you start blaming your mum for the rest of your life?

Be a man! You know what you want. Be ready to take the praise or the blame concerning your decisions.

I understand you being troubled about your mum not being in agreement with you. But do you because of that want to choose your LIFE partner at the detriment of your joy and happiness? Except you yourself is looking for an excuse to do away with the lady.

Check within you, do you feel at peace with this lady? Does everything about you and within you feel calm when you're with her and when you think of her ONLY? Even when you have some quarrel or any other issue with her because we're all not perfect of course, do you in those times still love her, still feel peaceful and still feel encouraged to marry her? If yes, to me those are the signs she's someone you can be with and tolerate and love for the rest of your life. As long as you're very comfortable with her then I don't see why you want to please others and displease yourself.

Then talking about God, you said you asked God for one thing and you saw it in her, now are you doubting God didn't answer your prayer or you are someone who God can't listen to and answer his prayers? If you communicated with God and you're doubting Him, why should you trust others who claim they communicated with Him too?

Try to hear from God yourself, that alone will settle all these confusions. Tell God about this confusion and tell Him to come to your rescue. When you are determined to hear from God and willing to take His instructions or believe His answers, you would then feel at peace when someone else confirms it. It's all about a Peaceful heart and God is peace.


I wish you the best OP.

Analice107, ecilana701, MsNgo40

analice107:

My dearest, What you just said up there is a serious issue most people, both males and females are grappling with. The reason is, Most woman raise their kids stuck under their armpits from Childhood. Especially the male folk.

There are people that can generally be controlled no matter where they find themselves and whoever is involved. They accept hook, line and Sinker, what the Pastor mother or even sisters says as truth irrespective of what the Bible says. Mom is always right, whether it's to their own hurt.

And so funny, men fall for these more than women. When a woman falls, she usually realises herself and retrieves, but when a man falls under a prophet's schemes. hmmmmm.

A friend related an incident once. He proposed marriage to a lady, she took it to their prophet, the guy didn't know that the prophet had interest in that affair and wanted them to be perpetually under him when they marry, he kept coming up with what the lord had said. His lord kept changing his mind for years, when he couldn't take it anymore, he left the girl. That's how much people can be controlled by others.

Some mothers marry their sons per say. They marry their Husbands and marry their sons as well. They raise their sons from the cradle to depend on them solely. They plant the thoughts of loving their sons and taking their interest first before anything else, hence keeping them perpetually controlled.

When a son is raised to accept whatever mother says, that man will forever live a miserable life, and i have met so many men like that, even in this global age.

But most of the time, these kinds of mothers releases their daughters to marry into other families and use their daughters to control the men.

I have a friend whose mother won't even allow them to live and work in different cities, only him as the last Child broke that yoke and left the city where all others are.

She plans to control them by making them meet every sunday after mass. They all must attend the same Mass. 6a.m Mass so that they can have time for their meeting. They rotate their meeting venues.

They discuss what happens in their respective families openly and she in the head as the master decider of what shd be done next.

The Daughters in-laws are put under her, because, she married them for her sons in the first place, so what can you say if she takes a decision you don't like? So, the sons just have to enjoy whatever comes in from the woman.

The last boy is yet to marry, but she travels often to spend time with him. When she comes, she wants to meet all his friends males and females.

A lady like this, has total control over her sons and they won't even know she's controlling them.

bennyann:
Lepasharon, 1sharon say something here now.
Sonofluc1fer I sight you o. Well-done!

sonofluc1fer:

Hi babe, been a while. Missed ya

@op Sad tale of love dying at the hand of faith and superstition. I think that lady should be grateful she didn't have to carry your sad weak ass the rest of her life..

bennyann:


Wow! Life sometimes.

But big sis, according to the op's story, the mother loved the lady and she has been nice to her until she started hearing from prophets that she's not meant to be her daughter in law just when the wedding is at the corner.

You know some of us really want to please God and this brings confusion when some prophets are saying something different from our plans and believes.

What do you think he should do in the midst of the confusion he finds himself?

Muafrika2, where are you?

analice107:

Does God have grand Children? Aren't we all God's kids and have unlimited access to Him? Witch Craft practices in the name of the Lord.

The mother is worshipping an idol in the name of a prophet and, the boy (not a man) is yet to grow up.

Who saw these visions for the prophet when he married his own wife?

Anyone who manipulates others is a Witch.

sonofluc1fer:
Pure ChiomaA . All her hope of a happy life dashed by three mad men, who claim to be able to see the future.

Anyways, wetin concern me? More ladies for the atheists.

analice107:

Does God have grand Children? Aren't we all God's kids and have unlimited access to Him? Witch Craft practices in the name of the Lord.

The mother is worshipping an idol in the name of a prophet and, the boy (not a man) is yet to grow up.

Who saw these visions for the prophet when he married his own wife?

Anyone who manipulates others is a Witch.

These days, no one even remembers what Charismatic Witch means anymore.

There are more Witches in Church today than there are Catholics in Rome.

adepeter2027:
Ayam falling for Benny oo.
That babe get sense Sha....
Her comments are bomb

bennyann:
Who really wants to get married? You, your mum or the prophets?

Who will your wife spend her life with? You, your mum or the prophets?

Who is supposed to choose a wife for you? You, your mum or the prophets?

Who will tolerate the weak and strong points of your wife day and night? You, your mum or the prophets?

If I were to be a man, I would rather do things which decisions would result in something I would rather blame myself or praise myself for and not blame another. If you eventually get married to someone else and you realize you're not seeing the results you want, won't you start blaming your mum for the rest of your life?

Be a man! You know what you want. Be ready to take the praise or the blame concerning your decisions.

I understand you being troubled about your mum not being in agreement with you. But do you because of that want to choose your LIFE partner at the detriment of your joy and happiness? Except you yourself is looking for an excuse to do away with the lady.

Check within you, do you feel at peace with this lady? Does everything about you and within you feel calm when you're with her and when you think of her ONLY? Even when you have some quarrel or any other issue with her because we're all not perfect of course, do you in those times still love her, still feel peaceful and still feel encouraged to marry her? If yes, to me those are the signs she's someone you can be with and tolerate and love for the rest of your life. As long as you're very comfortable with her then I don't see why you want to please others and displease yourself.

Then talking about God, you said you asked God for one thing and you saw it in her, now are you doubting God didn't answer your prayer or you are someone who God can't listen to and answer his prayers? If you communicated with God and you're doubting Him, why should you trust others who claim they communicated with Him too?

Try to hear from God yourself, that alone will settle all these confusions. Tell God about this confusion and tell Him to come to your rescue. When you are determined to hear from God and willing to take His instructions or believe His answers, you would then feel at peace when someone else confirms it. It's all about a Peaceful heart and God is peace.


I wish you the best OP.

Analice107, ecilana701, MsNgo40

hopefulLandlord:


send her PM and take it from there, no need to waste time

Martinez19:
hmmmmmm. Please become an atheist and marry me. I need you my life.

bennyann:
Lepasharon, 1sharon say something here now.
Sonofluc1fer I sight you o. Well-done!