Man: My name is Olu Lanre
Everyone: Hi OLU
OLU: This happened three years ago

THREE YEARS AGO
Olu: Stop coughing like that and please dress up on time
(With tears as usual, she held her mouth and continues.
Olu: Your N500 is on the fridge and don’t forget your tray there
(Olu picks up his phone and starting recording her while dressing up)
Alice: Please stop sir (trying to hide from the camera)

Alice
(Full name: Alice Patrick
Occupation: Trader/ SS 3 Student
Likes: Gentleness and obedience, Sexy eye
Dislike: Cry like chicken
How we met: One of the pupils in school)

Olu: Will you face here or I’ll return your spoilt vegetables and take back my money.
(She turned...)
Olu: Good girl, omo re bi custard, you are not a bastard
Olu: What is the total cost of your vegetables today?
Alice: N300
Olu: Am giving you N200 extra. Free of charge. Am I wicked?
Alice: (Cleaning her face) No
Olu: I’ll be going for another programme soon if not I wouldn’t have stopped fa, in this period of recession lai lai
Olu: Please go now; we can’t step out at the same time. Are you coming next week?
Alice: No sir, my lesson teacher will be around and am preparing for my WAEC
Olu: Who wants you here sef. See me on Monday, I’ll schedule another day for you.
Alice: Can I go now?
Olu: Sure, and don’t forget our agreement, the day you tell anyone about us, what will happen?
Alice: I’ll be expelled and jailed for luring the school chaplain to bed
Olu: Goodbye
(Immediately she stepped out, Olu smiled wolfishly as he jumps on the bed)
Olu: 2 of 3… hahaha
(Phone ringing, he picked grudgingly)
Olu: Pastor Dayo, God bless you sir

Pastor Dayo
(Full name: Dayo Arole
Occupation: Minister
Likes: Can be bribed and convinced easily
Dislike: his flat head
How we met: through bible study class)

Olu: May his grace never run dry on you sir. I was about to call and inform you that I won’t be available this evening. I received a prophetical message yesterday to be on a day dry fasting. I need to stay indoor and be focused. You should understand better sir
Pastor Dayo: I understand, but you should have informed me earlier
Olu: Am sorry bro, it skipped my mind; have been in the spirit all day. I even have a testimony to share and a pledge to redeem.
Pastor Dayo: Ok. No problem, may God strengthen you and don’t forget to come on Sunday with everything.
Olu: Amen! (Call ends)
Olu: What was I thinking of before this frying pan head interfered. Yes! Funke! What did I save her number with oooo, Is it Funke Church or Olufunke Boo 2?
(Someone knocking…)
Olu (to himself): That can’t be Ruky? This is just 5pm. Ngozi is 4pm tomorrow. It can be Ngozi like that, I don’t know what she wants from me sef.
(He jumps down singing, expecting Ngozi behind the door)
Olu: If I tell you say I love you ooo, my money, my body na your own oo baby… thirty billion for the accounti oo.
Voice: This is Shola, please do you have the spare key to the well.

Shola
(Full name: Shola Adebayo
Occupation: Part-time Receptionist / Undergraduate
Likes: her light soft skin
Dislike: always forming “brother olu”
How we met: My neighbour

Olu: (With a sexy voice) Please open…
(Shola opened the door but still standing outside)
Shola: Egbon, Good evening, please borrow me your keys to the well
Olu: Fi egbon kale. Have told you, call me Olu or Olubaba. Please sit
Shola: I don’t think that’s necessary
Olu: Alright, a minute
(Olu enters and reappear shortly with keys)
Olu: Sholy baby, take. You want to fetch water and shower right (smiling and scratching his hand)
Shola: No, I want to wash the roof
Olu: (Laughing out loud), that’s my girl, disrespect me, that’s what I want.
(Shola walks off while Olu start whistling and staring)
(Olu to himself): I’ll drug you last last… hmmmmm… Ruky where art thou?
Olu continues… Versace and Gucci for your body o baby…
Olu: Ruky ti Bleep up o. No problem let me call this bastard boy
(Phone conversation)
Olu: Stupid boy
Voice: Werey (Mad man), how things?

Bayo
(Full name: Bayo Lanre
Occupation: Dropout / love-vendor
Likes: organizes babe for me
Dislike: likes money
How we met: In a club house and then we have the same surname)

Olu: I gentle o, How every?
Bayo: I gentle here o, my body just weak, cough wan kill me o
Olu: No be your work?
(Both laughed)
Olu: kneel down, make I disengage you, oya all the cold and waist pain, oya die by fire
Bayo: Amen, my guy enter woli (prophet) mood today o
Olu: ode die by fire 7X
Bayo: na me or the cold
Olu: the two of una
(Both laughed)
Bayo: But guy I sick o
Olu: We see go see tomorrow na. pele ti e. Abi you don get HIV ni?
Bayo: naso persin dey get HIV, when HIV no be table water
(Both laughed)
Olu: Omo ale (bastard), tomorrow na
Bayo: Ok padi (friend)
(Call ends)
(Olu coughing seriously)
Olu to himself: Where is this drug again o? oya bye bye to rede rede, bye bye to jati jati…In the name of Jesus bye bye to jati jati