TORI TORI O
(last post for the day, I promise)


My pipu my pipu

E don tey wey I don ginger una with better tori.
E don tey wey my laptop don play una better gbedu.

Na so una dey look.
Like tired church members wey dey wait for 'ore ofe' (closing prayer)
Like tired camera man for wedding wey dey wait make the beautiful ushers come im way with jollof rice plate.
Like tired bell prefect for secondary school wey just dey wait make 2pm reach so im go fit run out to go knack the bell.

Na so una dey move.
Like party goers wey dey pray make Dj play them better gbedu
Like newly-wed groom for dance floor wey dey wait for wedding guest to come spray am.
Unto say him brain don turn calculator wey dey reason the amount wey him borrow to do wedding.

Make una nor dull again.
As I don bring the tori eey go ginger una swagger.
As I don bring the Ghana-must-go traveling wey new cloth dey inside for una to pick
As I don bring the pop corn wey go make una movie night sweet
As I don bring the koboko wey go awaken the imagination of una minds
As I don bring the dynamite wey go blow una mind.

Abeg,
Make una forget say I talk that last one.
Unto say I no be affliate to those 'gbo-ko' boys.
And my body nor dey ginger to run go meet any 72 virgins for any heaven.

I wan yarn una about one package like that.
One experience with one goody bag type of lady wey I meet for TheExperience

The show happen for December last year.
Time wey everybody don begin clean up their act for the year.

Time wey mama Risi don begin put two meat for baba Risi rice.
Unto say she wan get enough amunition for hand.
Enough bullets wey she go use take fire the poor man if him talk say moni nor dey to buy bag of rice during Christmas period.

Time wey mama Onyeka stop to dey throway papa Onyeka hand for bed.
Unto say she dey prepare to act like king Hezekiah for papa Onyeka few days before Christmas.
As she plan to fully remind am of every high key and low key wey him play while them dey chop the pounded yam wey God prepare down for ONLY husband and wife.

Time wey Aunty Carol don begin to backup all her chat history and phone numbers of her sugar daddies and mugus to Google Cloud and Drop box.
Unto say she wan delete them from the phone for the temporal Xmas session.
Unto say better uncle fit show from 'America' wey dey look for good girl to marry.
Good girl wey go suddenly come im way even after him don break many girls heart for that side.

Hmmmm.
People funny sha o.

Some boys go dey play reggae ontop another man pikin but go dey pray make another boy nor play blues ontop their own pikin.
Some girls go dey help other women to take care of their husband, and go still pray make their future husband eye close with super glue.

Some mamas go dey visit Dibia to kill another woman pikin, and go still dey pray make Olisabinigwe bless their pikin.
And some Papas go dey play baba ijebu with their income, and go still dey pray make Baba God make them wealthy entrepreneurs

Taaa!
Na lie.

That little boy go play blues plus high life ontop that boy pikin
That husband eye go shine well well like igbo boy eye wey just enter Lasgidi.
That mama pikin sef go enter better accident.
And that papa go sell all im property last last to take stake onto number wey im dream about.

Abeg make I go back to my tori biko.

That December eh,
Your guy say him wan turn im life around o.
Say him wan carry him dirty body go church unto say pastor tell am say Jesus get laundry machine.
Say him wan carry him thirsty throat go church unto say pastor talk say Jesus get Hennessy to quench him thirst.

Sorry again.
Na living water na im pastor talk.
But na Hennessy na im your guy hear.

Unto say the spirit of 'Shayo' hol am strong like small pikin wey them give new toy.

Unto say sin na one kain evil thing wey dey twist how person dey see and hear something.

So tay young boy wey don too dey addicted to pornography go dey hear another thing if one person shout 'ride on pastor' for inside church.
So tay young lady wey don too dey addicted to clubbing fit begin whine waist if choir begin sing 'Kaa-bioo-sii o'.
So tay choir leader wey too dey hear Iyanya songs go begin sing 'Lift up your hands and worship. All my ladies' when time for worship come.
So tay your boy go begin hear 'Hennessy' when pastor dey talk 'living water.

That December, I promise God say I go change my life.

As I hear say Don Moen dey show for Lasgidi, I say I must go so that him slow song go touch this wicked heart wey I get.

As I hear say Mama anyi Chioma Jesus dey show, I say I must go make 'Jesus! Onyeorluebube' surprise me sef with many many blessings

As I hear say Travis Greene don begin take flight come, I say my legs must go so that my ear go listen to that voice wey dey melt heart.

Kaii
Some people voice be like mammy water sha o.

As in eh, if to sing na exam,
People like Ceecakes and Travis go get A1 plus,
While people like myself and Odimayo Gbemi go get strong F9.
Unto say our calling and music be like two horizontal lines wey no go fit ever meet.

On that fateful day wey Christians for the full Lasgidi dey prepare to go meet God, me sef begin knack better suit ontop my blue jean.

On that fateful day wey some sharp boys dey plan to go help God to safeguard other people property, me sef begin knack the last perfume ontop my suit.

On that fateful day wey some girls dey put on wickedly low skirt to go drag men heart with God, me sef begin enter inside Uber wey dey go stadium.

On that fateful day wey some senior men dey plan to hijack some people cars just like some village winch wey dey plan to hijack some people breakthrough, me sef begin put call through to Okpeke just to end the relationship.

On that day wey God ready to meet man, me self talk say I no go dull myself at all.

Na so I enter the stadium o.

Begin see blue, green and white dot lights wey dey dance around the whole place.

Begin see some Facebook Lai Muhammed's wey don begin type "OMG Travis is hereee" even though the musician never baff talkless of to even wear cloth for the show.

Begin see all those instagram taggers wey don run go dey find celebrity upandan like say na salvation dem dey find.

Begin see old university classmates wey dey hug themselves upandan unto say e don tey wey dem don see each other.

Begin see all those Ajah boys wey be like bat because say na only night dem dey come outside.

Begin see all those Lekki pikin dem wey don begin thrown tantrum all around the place.
Nor ves.
For pidgin, I see those ajebuta pikin dem wey don begin shout like pikin wey never recieve better slap from im mama

Begin see some boyfriend and girlfriend as them dey hold each other hand as if say them dey fear make the spirit of God nor separate them that night.

Hehehehehe.
Their plan nor work sha o
Because me sef know say the spirit really torsh the girl heart well.
Unto say I use my koro koro eyes see the girl when she fall down under the anointing later on as the service dey go on.

Make I never rush too much.

Even though my eyes see all these things, I jejely trek go the front side.
Come pocket my small sef for one seat as my eye begin observe everything wey dey go on.

E never too tey wey the Pastor come outside.
One Pastor Adefarasin wey be House on the Rock head pastor.

To be continued in later posts
#BASHORUN

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