Evaberry:
very few men are victims of domestic violence. Women always bear the brunt of a man's anger


No matter what a woman says or does, a man should never hit her, a man is physically stronger than a woman so hitting her will inflict serious physical damage, whereas a woman may not cause any real harm to a man.

Op the husband in your write Up should have quietly left the compound and go relax somewhere until he was sure his wife had calmed down. when a woman is angry she throws all reason and caution to the wind, it therefore falls on the man to be understanding and reasonable


Engaging in a fisticuffs with a woman is wrong and should be condemned.

I bet if your husband verbally abuse you, you would run to nairaland and cry foul. But man should act cool when verbally abused by his wife. Whatever happened to gender equality

pocohantas:


So, what of the women enduring emotional abuse...being cheating husbands. Would you rather they walk away, leading to an increase in divorce rate or pour him hot water?

Walking away remains my best option.
I'm not interested in hurting anyone.

PaperLace:


I hear you, Uncle.
If you had said, "what if my dad goes to my mum's office and says her pussy stinks _won't she react?" I would have been less irritated or not irritated at all. If you need a pussy to use for illustration, please use your mother's own, not mine. That'll be very constructive of you.

Paperlace, bravo! I applaud your courage, you dared to be different, come to defend humanity and the fast disappearing institution of marriage. I knew they were going to come for you. It's very sensitive issue, it's the biggest war since the beginning of time. You can tell by the number of women that have come to your aid here and you can see how the men have reacted so far. This thread alone tells you why marriages are failing in this clime.

Men and women should marry well, marry someone who shares your ideals. Very important.

eyinjuege:


I've never really heard any of of his speeches, but I understand he was raising an army, he equally flaunted his bail conditions of not having a certain no of people around him. He also called for the attack of others.
If he had stuck to insulting other people, I couldn't care less. But to ask people en mass to attack other innocent people who found themselves in the same condition as you is also very wrong. But then, we have differnt principles and outlook towards lofe despite sharing the same platform such as NL. You may notbse anything wrong in it.
I have seen my share of violence in the north of nigeria, and I can never endorse such. People that instigate that are even worse than the main perpetrators.

I am an Igbo guy and I won't lie to you, sometimes the guy talks like he has lost it. Of recent he said he will go to Abuja and return with Buhari's head. Wtf. But Biafra issue goes beyond Kanu. For now he's the visible face and a lot of people listened to him because he was willing to sit in jail for the Biafran cause. Cue Mandela. Not like Uwazuruike who is just in it for money.

Raising an army? Of course he had a Biafran Secret Service. Even you if you have money you can employ some security. These guys don't even have a pistol between them.
As far as I know, Kanu has never ordered anybody to attack anybody.

Regarding flaunting bail conditions. Remember Buhari refused to release him on court orders. So there was precedent. If you notice, he really started holding rallies after the Arewa quit notice which was greeted with inaction. More precedent. Moreover, if the court wanted him for flouting his bail conditions it could always send in the police. But the court did not ask for him. But army decided to exercise near his house. Then label him a terrorist after the fact. What sort of reverse logic is that? Moreover, prominent lawyers have come out to say that the army has no such power.

Forget the SE governors. They are our common enemy. The political class. So thier actions surprise me not. How can a sitting governor allow heavily armed military men to come into his state to kill his people? He has failed in his first responsibility which is to protect lives.

Violence should always be postponed till the very end, but sadly you have a president who revels in violence. The leopard cannot change its skin. Nigeria has never been this divided, thanks to Buhari.

PeacenLove2:


Paperlace, bravo! I applaud your courage, you dared to be different, come to defend humanity and the fast disappearing institution of marriage. I knew they were going to come for you. It's very sensitive issue, it's the biggest war since the beginning of time. You can tell by the number of women that have come to your aid here and you can see how the men have reacted so far. This thread alone tells you why marriages are failing in this clime.

Men and women should marry well, marry someone who shares your ideals. Very important.

I knew they'll come for me and I maintain my stand. Nigerian couples don't like to hear diplomacy. They don't like to hear one person would sometimes have to play a fool. How often you play a fool will tell if that marriage is healthy of not. I never supported the woman, but in a situation where one party errs _is the next thing violence? I guess my self-control meter is high, because looking back, my husband wonders how he got away with somethings he said.



Marriages will keep on failing with this do-me-i-do-you mentality. They marry for the wrong reasons, and still use the wrong techniques. Lord help this generation of couples.

pocohantas:


Justify it only on the part of men.
I've asked if it justifies the cases of women pouring hot water on their cheating husbands, and none have been able to answer.

.........or if it rather justifies men pouring hot acid on their cheating wives.

mtschewwwwww

PaperLace:


I condemn violence among couples. I have put myself in his shoes and I know I won't retaliate right there, 'cos I know it'll only escalate things. You're not married, you don't know tact. Lots of couples don't, that's why we have such stories.

Please, leave my pussy alone _use the ones around you.



I guess you're also not married, that's why you're trying to force you opinion on me blindly. Let me say it again, couples should employ tact in resolving marital issues. [b]Not women only, not men only _ COUPLES. If one [/b]person is deviant, the other has to step in. Two people no dey mad at the same time, that's what works for me.

If fisticuffs works for you _fine, but don't impose it on me. I didn't impose mine on you.

@ first bolded, did you read where the op said the man kept doing what he was doing and the woman still came to meet him. People are different.there is no right or wrong way to this marriage. I won't blame either of them. Your person likes to avoid trouble but that's not same for every person around you. I don't have to be married to have a feel of what it is like to be with a partner. I have always seen men that hit women as monsters. I don't even have the strength to fight my follow man talk more a woman but one of a woman's main role in the family is to maintain peace. That's what women are known for. Most male counsellor/marriage advisors suck at it but you find women in that position doing well. Why do you think most HR professionals are ladies. Aside the fact that it's a means of involving women, it is perceived that women know how to handle issues and relate with people better. It baffles me when a woman can't keep her calm as with the case above. Yes couples need to work together but also understand everyone has got limit

PaperLace:

Anyone could be bad, man or woman. They keep saying women are evil, their mothers are never evil.

Lol
That's why sometimes I just ignore, they have the ability to be neutral and deal with issues objectively but they will not, they will rather be bias, they will only snap back to reality when it's their mum or any female person they care for. I don't like the idea that a man cannot objectively deal with issues involving women unless you relate it to their female loved ones. It's not right.

In self-defence, I will definitely retaliate and commend anyone who does same. I will also condemn anyone who puts his/her spouse through any kind of pain. If you know that thing that hurts your spouse avoid it.

Well said, this is also what I meant when I said that I don't condone any type of abuse, so why is someone saying I'm justifying verbal abuse?

What I don't support is the belief that verbal/emotional abuse warrants physical abuse. Any day verbal/emotional abuse is being repaid with physical abuse by couples, there will be a state of emergency in marriages.

I'll keep suggesting proper marital counselling for intending couples. Counselling by professionals.

Nice.

PaperLace:


I knew they'll come for me and I maintain my stand. Nigerian couples don't like to hear diplomacy. They don't like to hear one person would sometimes have to play a fool. How often you play a fool will tell if that marriage is healthy of not. I never supported the woman, but in a situation where one party errs _is the next thing violence? I guess my self-control meter is high, because looking back, my husband wonders how he got away with somethings he said.



Marriages will keep on failing with this do-me-i-do-you mentality. They marry for the wrong reasons, and still use the wrong techniques. Lord help this generation of couples.

now you understand the message

majekdom2:
@ first bolded, did you read where the op said the man kept doing what he was doing and the woman still came to meet him. People are different.there is no right or wrong way to this marriage. I won't blame either of them. Your person likes to avoid trouble but that's not same for every person around you. I don't have to be married to have a feel of what it is like to be with a partner. I have always seen men that hit women as monsters. I don't even have the strength to fight my follow man talk more a woman but one of a woman's main role in the family is to maintain peace. That's what women are known for. Most male counsellor/marriage advisors suck at it but you find women in that position doing well. Why do you think most HR professionals are ladies. Aside the fact that it's a means of involving women, it is perceived that women know how to handle issues and relate with people better. It baffles me when a woman can't keep her calm as with the case above. Yes couples need to work together but also understand everyone has got limit

When you marry _do what works for you and bear the consequences (good or bad).

TheKingIsHere:


Point of correction. No man was trained to hit women. But if you think you can run your mouth anyhow, then try running your mouth and insult him outside let's see if he will just walk away, then you will understand the point the OP is trying to raise.

sorry to disillusion you, my husband has faced stuff like that cos he was raised among women but he never hit them....besides ours can't degenerate to that because of the kind of maturity and respect for himself he has portrayed with dealing with our issues so my respect for him stands. There is no justification for hitting a woman. Be the bigger one....walk away

Ayinke93:
I don't judge men that get physical with thier wives until I hear the man's side of d story.. I'm a lady and I'm saying this from my heart.

Although the all scenario made me grow up to be more reasonable with handling issues with men, but it has as some bad influence on me... Sometimes I tend to shout at my bf because that was the only means of communication I saw my mother use growing up..

Till date I'm still work in progress when it comes to handling issues because I learnt everything I know about character and manners outside home.. Thanks to the good friends I made in school.
A woman should be an home keeper... Men don't just beat unless something triggers them.. Unless of course u married a psycho.

God will keep you and your wisdom

Treasuredlove:
sorry to disillusion you, my husband has faced stuff like that cos he was raised among women but he never hit them....besides ours can't degenerate to that because of the kind of maturity and respect for himself he has portrayed with dealing with our issues so my respect for him stands. There is no justification for hitting a woman. Be the bigger one....walk away

Keep on saying there is no justification up and down. I have given you a Bible passage from the wisest man that ever lived. Those that keeps their tongue keeps themselves from calamity. That's is pure fact.

If you like, don't control your tongue, when calamity falls, you will be shouting no justification up and down abi?

Atleast, you are smart to avoid insulting your husband in public because you know that the man whom has been walking away all these while will definitely not tolerate that bullshit in public. Better advice your fellow ladies to learn to control their mouth and avoid insulting the man in public. My 2cents.

majekdom2:
there is never a justification to hit a woman but there are justification for murder... i.e sometime self defence. If we go by that, the onl justification is the man exchanging words right?? Well, it won't solve it, will it. If he walks away, she will still make her trouble. Atimes, there is never a wrong or right way to have approached an issue. There is not justification to insult and embarrass people without a cause

your point about murder and self defence doesn't stand. In self defence, a person's life is being threatened and there is no escape hence the killing, but in a relationship like what the op stated, there are loads of choices....walk away, ignore, divorce etc to name a few. There is no justification for hitting the woman. The op said the main was waiting at a corner to ambush her on her way to church. He was waiting....while waiting...he had a lot of choices to choose from

Phinity318:

don't be like this, be rational, condemn what isn't right and make recommendations. don't just into the woman side cos u r a woman. a woman is to be loved agreed. on the other hand , a woman is to supposed to make her husband feel loved. Say for ex. she saw her hubby without sleepers, she scolds him calmly; baby why are u without sleepers, he will be like oh it escaped his mind. who knows probably he was washing the car hr wanted to take her to church with. then she goes in and offers him his sleepers. he will be all smiles, reminding himself unconsciously why he fell in love with her. Seriously, if a woman hadn't done a thing in my life and she nags alot walahi talahi I'm going fo a divorcé. no time.

God bless you. Another matured man here. The thread is about a woman who is silly. The other time I read about a post where a woman came to instagram and complained about she having to wash some line of poo out of her husband's underwear. I was forced to think in nmy quite time what grievance could have cause that. I engaged another lady on the issues sometime and she was like many guys are like that so I asked her, isn't love supposed to cover one's flaw. Thing is the good women have spoken wisely on this matter whilst some other have seen it as one against women rights. @ bolded, such women will tell you for better for worse. One girl kept telling me that obviously because I never raised my hands to hit her. In no time she understood the message.

TheKingIsHere:


Keep on saying there is no justification up and down. I have given you a Bible passage from the wisest man that ever lived. Those that keeps their tongue keeps themselves from calamity. That's is pure fact.

If you like, don't control your tongue, when calamity falls, you will be shouting no justification up and down abi?

Atleast, you are smart to avoid insulting your husband in public because you know that the man whom has been walking away all these while will definitely not tolerate that bullshit in public. Better advice your fellow ladies to learn to control their mouth and avoid insulting the man in public. My 2cents.

lol....when a man respects himself he will definitely not be ridiculed in public....my 5 cents

PeacenLove2:


Paperlace, bravo! I applaud your courage, you dared to be different, come to defend humanity and the fast disappearing institution of marriage. I knew they were going to come for you. It's very sensitive issue, it's the biggest war since the beginning of time. You can tell by the number of women that have come to your aid here and you can see how the men have reacted so far. This thread alone tells you why marriages are failing in this clime.

Men and women should marry well, marry someone who shares your ideals. Very important.

why hasn't the woman walked away ? Why has it got to be a man first? Why hasn't the woman walked away so she won't have to be ambushed because she called him a pig. Why would a woman who called her husband a pig in the morning even go to church. It shows why Nigeria is what it is today. Hypocrisy

Treasuredlove:
lol....when a man respects himself he will definitely not be ridiculed in public....my 5 cents

So if he doesn't respect himself, you will ridicule him in public? Oya clap for yourself.

Sexina851:


Ur reasoning is too one sided abeg, she got wat she deserved. It's not only women that know how to get angry, when d man is not a robert wired not to react. Nobody should disrespect anybody in marriage, everybody deserves to be happy and respected.

Well said maa'm!!!

Daeylar:

Lol
That's why sometimes I just ignore, they have the ability to be neutral and deal with issues objectively but they will not, they will rather be bias, they will only snap back to reality when it's their mum or any female person they care for. I don't like the idea that a man cannot objectively deal with issues involving women unless you relate it to their female loved ones. It's not right.

I don't blame people that have to relate it to their loved ones, that's when they think well. Though they always have a way of exempting their loved ones. I believe majority of couples can tolerate, some people just choose not to _because they don't want to be seen as weak. That's the problem with most couples.

Well said, this is also what I meant when I said that I don't condone any type of abuse, so why is someone saying I'm justifying verbal abuse

They'll always understand what they want to understand. I said, COUPLES should use tact in their dealings. They understood men should tolerate verbal abuse. This is how lots of them are in marriages, you say one and they understand another.

Resentment sets in, they start fighting each other. Then divorce.

Treasuredlove:
lol....when a man respects himself he will definitely not be ridiculed in public....my 5 cents

when he respects himself not to have dated talkmore married a kind of wife he married.

majekdom2:
it's not about hitting a woman. It's about humiliation, emotional tortue, embarrassment the victim will go through..... Thats my point. It's not about a man being raised in the midst of woman. Except you mean your husband doesn't get offended at all. We are human with emotions that's the point here!

yeah I know we get really angry and I am not saying he doesn't get angry, but to the point of hitting? I mean...nah. The kind of episode the op witnessed just doesn't happen, it evolves over time. People should be emotionally mature for marriage...its not just a fad its a learning ground. I can bet you both of them were all lovey dovey and I heart you before and a few days, weeks or months, even years after they got married. Something started this episode whixh none of us o. This platform is aware of and how we deal with foundational issues matter a lot in the growth of a matriage

Treasuredlove:
yeah I know we get really angry and I am not saying he doesn't get angry, but to the point of hitting? I mean...nah. The kind of episode the op witnessed just doesn't happen, it evolves over time. People should be emotionally mature for marriage...its not just a fad its a learning ground. I can bet you both of them were all lovey dovey and I heart you before and a few days, weeks or months, even years after they got married. Something started this episode whixh none of us o. This platform is aware of and how we deal with foundational issues matter a lot in the growth of a matriage

Preach!!!!!

majekdom2:
when he respects himself not to have dated talkmore married a kind of wife he married.

lol...thank God you know some people (I will not say man o before you come and bite me) don't respect themselves

HaneefahRN:
Didn't read the story. I know it will be a stupid excuse to justify domestic violence.

A man, no matter how rotten, must be heard before condemned.
Read....Read in the name of your creator and stop judging men.

TheKingIsHere:


So if he doesn't respect himself, you will ridicule him in public? Oya clap for yourself.

lol...not ever cos he has laid a very wonderful foundation for us

Treasuredlove:
sorry to disillusion you, my husband has faced stuff like that cos he was raised among women but he never hit them....besides ours can't degenerate to that because of the kind of maturity and respect for himself he has portrayed with dealing with our issues so my respect for him stands. There is no justification for hitting a woman. Be the bigger one....walk away

are you saying all women are the same? Your husband obviously was raised in the midst of sane women. For instance you won't expect the brother of the otedolas to behave in a way contrary t what was obtainable whilst growing up. There are men that grew up in the midst of wonderful women. The wife won't even have a choice than to be humble when he sees the kind of sisters he has got. This is exactly what is obtainable with your in law. If your husbands sistest call your husband a pig in front if you, I can bet you will do the same and if they fight every time with sticks and blows. I can bet he will do same to you. Point is your brother grew up with sane women. Stop assuming every woman is like you or your in law. That's unintelligent to do

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QF4I2mCofZc?list=PLjmCRMb9UVVkS1yYJ570WdMWPa6gd64jh

Pay attention to the first 3 minute and last minute

PaperLace:


Preach!!!!!

lol

You know Bill Burr and Chris Rock have made jokes discussing this very topic of domestic violence (at least men against women) and even though it was just for laughs and all, they were in fact, very correct.

Treasuredlove:
lol...not ever cos he has laid a very wonderful foundation for us

Good, then encourage more women to keep their tongues and men to lay similar foundation instead of supporting the wrong doers.

Treasuredlove:
lol

You sabi as e dey be, these ones think it's a fairytale. Have a nice day nne.

Evaberry:
very few men are victims of domestic violence. Women always bear the brunt of a man's anger


No matter what a woman says or does, a man should never hit her, a man is physically stronger than a woman so hitting her will inflict serious physical damage, whereas a woman may not cause any real harm to a man.

Op the husband in your write Up should have quietly left the compound and go relax somewhere until he was sure his wife had calmed down. when a woman is angry she throws all reason and caution to the wind, it therefore falls on the man to be understanding and reasonable


Engaging in a fisticuffs with a woman is wrong and should be condemned.

@bolded. Herein lies the problem. People erroneously always think it is the way to go. It only works half the time. A woman who always intimidates you to leave her presence will still come up with more sinister moves. What if the woman doesnt even allow him to leave? A woman that steps into the compound and starts raining insults on her master over a very trivial issue in full glare of neighbours has no regards whatsoever for the man. That kind of woman needs resetting to factory defaults, how you do it is up to you.