Even when I don’t know that I am thinking, I am, thinking, that is. My brain is like a busy train station with trains leaving and others arriving. Sometimes I feel like I will run mad just thinking so many things at once but I haven’t yet so it’s got to be normal to think this much all the time, right?
Anyway, bedtime is the only time I have to quieten my thoughts. It’s the only time I have to listen to what my mind has been trying to tell me all day.
You see, my mind is like a cooking pot. There are different ingredients thrown into it all day that are being stirred into a dish I may or may not like. I don’t like to think deep when I am working or if I am busy. But bedtime is my ‘think deep’ time. It’s the time I take out the ingredients of my mind that I don’t like and throw them away then put in those ingredients I love so that I can have a dish I can truly appreciate.
At bedtime, I think about everything; from the moment I woke up till the time I am lying on my bed and I ask myself one question. Did I do anything that made me relevant even if it may have been in one small way? Did I say the right things or do the right things? Was I close enough to God as I should have been? Were my actions in order in every circumstance or could they have been misinterpreted?
I basically take stock of all the things I have done for the day and focus on the most important aspect; the construction of who I am
I am a building in progress that much I know. Like any other building in progress, the right foundation has to be laid; quality materials have to be used or else the building will crumble under pressure.
I am far from finished; I am after all a co-builder with the master architect of all times-God. Being a co builder doesn’t mean that I draw up the plans; that’s God’s work. My job as a co-builder is to make sure that everything goes according to plan.
So when I lay in bed at night, I wonder, ‘did I work according to the blueprint of my life today?
Then I think about all the ways that I can make the next day a blueprint adhering day because you see, each day, I find some way to fall short of the blueprint, but I am getting there. Each day provides an opportunity for me to work harder and smoothen over the mistakes of yesterday.
Bedtime for me is more than nodding off when the hands of sleep caress me, it is a ritual of self examination and dual communication with the one who has the blueprint of the next day,