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Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage - Romance - Nairaland

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Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage by ibejiibeji: 8:54pm On Mar 12, 2010
guys i have been with this guy for 8yrs now but there is still no talk of marriage from him, whenever i bring it up he says there's still time, we are still young(am 27,he's 32), and that if i have found someone who wants to marry me i should go but that the guy will have to settle him.


we've had issues in the past that made us separate for a few months but we managed it and we always manage to weather our storms


truth is he is a nice person,very decent and more understanding than the average Nigerian man in the sense that he accepts me the way i am, flaws, excesses and shortcomings inclusive and best of all he doesn't cheat but should i let his better qualities affect my better judgment when eventually he might leave me hanging?


what do i do?


i want us to have a final talk about our future together(if we have one), is this wise? cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry
Re: Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage by Iranoladun(f): 9:01pm On Mar 12, 2010
The answers are pretty obvious dear

A man dated you for 8 years & you are not engage & he says if you find anyone to marry you its ok! What more evidence do you need?

The man doesn't love you enough as a wife may be as a girlfriend

Please tell him your concern and if he doesn't propose marriage or at least engagement MOVE On!!!
Re: Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage by omega25red(m): 9:03pm On Mar 12, 2010
he has eaten the stake on the cow and he has also drank the milk what is left you say
Re: Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage by selena(f): 9:13pm On Mar 12, 2010
I am sorry to say,but this guy has no love towrds you.How can he tell you to marry someone else?That is an insult.Well,do whatever you feel is right.
Re: Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage by Flashfast1: 9:31pm On Mar 12, 2010
Na wa for that bobo o. How can he say 27 and 32 years are still young. Besides you guys have been courting for 8 years na how many year una want take enjoy married life. It just doesn't sound right.
I would have adviced you to leave him immediately but I wont lie to you its gonna be very difficult for you to go over the grieving process and then start another relationship.
Just let him understand that you guys are not getting any younger and its time to take the next step. If he's still being selfish then let him go.
Re: Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage by Nobody: 9:33pm On Mar 12, 2010
My dear, please you still have your best years ahead use it wisely.
Re: Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage by chiogo(f): 9:41pm On Mar 12, 2010
Umm, you're both not that young. 27 and 32 - old enough if you ask me.

If you haven't been dating for long, then it'd make sense. But 8 years and you're very much of age?? Even 4 years is a long time to date without talk of marriage.
He doesn't want to marry you. Best you know where you both stand and move on if need be.
Re: Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage by cantell(m): 9:55pm On Mar 12, 2010
ibejiibeji:

guys i have been with this guy for 8yrs now but there is still no talk of marriage from him, whenever i bring it up he says there's still time, we are still young(am 27,he's 32), and that if i have found someone who wants to marry me i should go but that the guy will have to settle him.


we've had issues in the past that made us separate for a few months but we managed it and we always manage to weather our storms


truth is he is a nice person,very decent and more understanding than the average Nigerian man in the sense that he accepts me the way i am, flaws, excesses and shortcomings inclusive and best of all he doesn't cheat but should i let his better qualities affect my better judgment when eventually he might leave me hanging?


what do i do?


i want us to have a final talk about our future together(if we have one), is this wise? cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry
27? You wan wait till six go nack for your head?
Abeg run like Ben Johnson! No carry last ooo.
Re: Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage by googles: 10:08pm On Mar 12, 2010
shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked
[size=13pt]
8 effing years ??
wow dats crazy mehn. . . . and you re 27 already
why not move on with your life and live your chances wide open
i see no future with this your "mr perfect but he wont propose to me "
biological clock is tick-tocking away y'know undecided
[/size]
Re: Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage by selena(f): 10:13pm On Mar 12, 2010
googles:

shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked
[size=13pt]
8 effing years ??
wow dats crazy mehn. . . . and you re 27 already
why not move on with your life and live your chances wide open
i see no future with this your "mr perfect but he wont propose to me "
biological clock is tick-tocking away y'know undecided
[/size]

WORD!!!
Re: Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage by eddy1977(m): 10:17pm On Mar 12, 2010
u r 27 and the monkey is 32

u started dating him since u were 21
and u havent figured it out yet?

well, just stay with him untill he finds his true love and dumps u like a bad habit

its what happens when u wear a shirt u havnt paid for yet; it get old and fades and u trash it

be stubborn and stay with this baffoon at ur own cost.
Re: Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage by Nobody: 10:29pm On Mar 12, 2010
una don born twins or why the user id
Re: Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage by chiogo(f): 10:34pm On Mar 12, 2010
eddy1977:

u r 27 and the monkey is 32

[b]u started dating him since u were 21
[/b]and u havent figured it out yet?
21 or 19?? she's 27, been dating him for 8 years. undecided
Re: Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage by Girl846(f): 10:58pm On Mar 12, 2010
8 years? I'm sorry to say but THIS MAN IS NOT SERIOUS!! angry
If he wanted to marry you he would have done it by now. He is just getting a free ride from you till he gets another woman to marry (It has happened to a few of my friends before!!). What is he waiting for? He is 32 and i'm sure he's finished with his education and has secured a job.


Its been 8 years! Do you plan to wait one decade before he proposes? your biological clock is ticking!!
Think about this, if this guy should disappoint you, you are 27, Imagine how old you will be by the time you fall into another relationship?
OPEN YOUR EYES MY DEAR!

There is a saying that goes:
"Why buy the cow when the milk is free?"
This man has been getting all the 'milk' he needs for 8 good years. He does not see any further gain in buying the cow.
He does not want to marry you.

Please take the dignity that you have left, and walk out of that pointless relationship!

(Watch the Nigerian Movie "Reloaded"wink
Re: Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage by ibejiibeji: 11:23pm On Mar 12, 2010
woke him up(cos he was asleep in 'my' house) to talk about our future and d 1st question he asked me was is there someone who's asking you to marry him? my reply was no(cos that's the truth) and his next comments were
''let me see the man who will take what i have taken from you''
''you think i am a fool''
''you don't want me to prosper''(cos there's some chick who he says is giving him contacts and i have been giving him grief about)
then he stormed off to his car and to spend the night
cry cry :' cry
Re: Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage by Freiburger(m): 11:27pm On Mar 12, 2010
ibejiibeji:

guys i have been with this guy for 8yrs now but there is still no talk of marriage from him, whenever i bring it up he says there's still time, we are still young(am 27,he's 32), and that if i have found someone who wants to marry me i should go but that the guy will have to settle him.


we've had issues in the past that made us separate for a few months but we managed it and we always manage to weather our storms


truth is he is a nice person,very decent and more understanding than the average Nigerian man in the sense that he accepts me the way i am, flaws, excesses and shortcomings inclusive and best of all he doesn't cheat but should i let his better qualities affect my better judgment when eventually he might leave me hanging?


what do i do?


i want us to have a final talk about our future together(if we have one), is this wise? cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry




What's the big deal about marriage? Mightbe if u were since married it would 've been a different story altogether. If u 're both happy what's the need?
Re: Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage by SegzyJoe(m): 12:02am On Mar 13, 2010
Hi Ibejiibeji,
I am really touched by your story, I have come across similar cases in the course of my work and have been able to help in this regard, but am sorry i could not offer you any compehensive advice on this forum. if you care to talk to me about this, you can reach me on pathcare05@yahoo.com,am in abuja.
Re: Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage by fifi09(f): 12:09am On Mar 13, 2010
eddy1977:

u r 27 and the monkey is 32

u started dating him since u were 21
and u havent figured it out yet?

well, just stay with him untill he finds his true love and dumps u like a bad habit

its what happens when u wear a shirt u havnt paid for yet; it get old and fades and u trash it

be stubborn and stay with this baffoon at your own cost.

grin

Its more like he’s got the cow, farm, AND milk all for free now… LOL, not saying you’re a cow.

@OP: If a guy wants to Marry you, trust me, he would do so on His own Terms.

Some women just don't get it. One of the most common mistakes is talking to a man about becoming more involved and committed in your relationship as though it's the right or logical thing to do.

IF you want to get married and he doesn't, then he is not the right guy for you. Staying around will NOT change his perspective and You can't change him, and even if you could would you really want to marry a man that didn't really want to marry you?. Think about it!
Re: Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage by switosman(m): 1:17am On Mar 13, 2010
Girl,
the wise thing to do is relegate him to reserve bench, give yourself some space for another guy to see you.

this may open his eyes. but don't force him into marriage, you will not like the result.
Re: Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage by Nobody: 3:25am On Mar 13, 2010
@poster
stop listening to the insecure people on NL and look at it the other way:
if you answer No to any of the following question then you have to move away from this man, if you answer YES then be happy and stop worrying about the worng thing.

- ARE YOU HAPPY?!
- DOES HE TREAT YOU RIGHT?
- HAS HE NOT BEEN FAITHFUL TO YOU?
- HAS HE NOT ACCEPTED YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE?
- DONT YOU THINK THAT YOU ARE BETTER OFF ACCEPTING WHO HE IS RATHER THAN TRYING TO CHANGE HIM INTO WHO YOU WANT HIM TO BE?
- DONT YOU THINK THAT PRIORITIES IN LIFE ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN MARRIAGE?(i.e. having a situation, being comfortable and being able to CARE for a family)

obvioulsy marriage is important to you while it aint to him, you can accept that and live with it or move along in your life and expect to find a man as understanding as he is.
too many women out there think that a piece of paper will make all the difference. stop fooling yourself, its just a piece of paper! everything is RIGHT why do you want to change that?
too many people focus on marriage like its a sign of love while its just a piece of paper confirming a union. we all know that its all in people´s mind because most out there, if you ask them to have a marriage with only their spouse to sign on the dotted line, they would say no and want THE BIG FANCY WEDDING to show the whole world that they are married.
ps: you can see by the replies you got that most women out there dont marry for love, because if they did they wouldnt advise you to drop him (in favor of body clock) and to go find some donkey to fill the empty space!!!!
Re: Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage by ayettymama(f): 3:29am On Mar 13, 2010
gurl if ur intentions are to marry him i suggest u forget it!!

unno the realities of life- people date for 10 yrs and dont get married! its always the woman that endz up dissapointed!

leave him- if he loves u he will clean up and come back- if he doesnt then ur betta off without
Re: Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage by Nobody: 3:31am On Mar 13, 2010
ibejiibeji:

guys i have been with this guy for 8yrs now but there is still no talk of marriage from him, whenever i bring it up he says there's still time, we are still young(am 27,he's 32), and that if i have found someone who wants to marry me i should go but that the guy will have to settle him.

You seriously sticking with a dude that utters these words? shocked
Re: Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage by noblegas2(m): 3:46am On Mar 13, 2010
FL Gators:

You seriously sticking with a dude that utters these words? shocked
Exactly wat i wanted 2 type!
@ Poster, I dnt thnk U nid any soothsayer 2 tel U dat he aint gona eva marry yur! Wel. Maybe he wil, 10years ago!!!

1 Like

Re: Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage by cudeh: 4:09am On Mar 13, 2010
The guy is not ready for any marriage period!
Re: Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage by kech(f): 4:20am On Mar 13, 2010
ibejiibeji:

woke him up(cos he was asleep in 'my' house) to talk about our future and d 1st question he asked me was is there someone who's asking you to marry him? my reply was no(cos that's the truth) and his next comments were
''let me see the man who will take what i have taken from you''
''you think i am a fool''
''you don't want me to prosper''(cos there's some chick who he says is giving him contacts and i have been giving him grief about)
then he stormed off to his car and to spend the night

cry cry :' cry

HA!! Opari!  shocked shocked What does the guy want bikonu? Honey please cut your losses now! Get out NOW! He doesn't own you. The problem with some guys like this (more especially those who started going out with a girl while she was still very young) is that they don't want to commit yet they won't let go. The only way you can be free of them is if they get married first. Until then they'll keep making you feel guilty of being desperate. Before you blink your eyes, they are telling you things are not working out - AFTER 10 YEARS OOO! - and two months later they are marrying some other chic.
Re: Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage by Nobody: 4:29am On Mar 13, 2010
@all the people that advise her to leave.

what do you expect her to do now that she left the guy? settle for less with the first donkey?
act desperate in finding a mate that is half as good as this one?!
does the love/affection/care etc that he has shown all this 8yrs, bringing her anything but HAPPINESS, count for nothing?!

do you seriously want her to leave this LOVING relationship?! damn, this nigerian mentality is wicked oh!!!!!
this man is offering/providing everything a woman needs and YET, most are ready to spit on it for the sake of a piece of paper. . . . . . . . .  the same piece of paper that  cant stop a man from cheating, beating you up or treating you like dirt.

btw: can any of you ¨advisers¨show 8yrs of blessed happiness in your unions?!
Re: Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage by Girl846(f): 4:35am On Mar 13, 2010
@ MRbrownJAY

I do not know, your religion, BUT
For those of us who are Christian/Muslim, Marriage is not just piece of paper!! Marriage is the ONLY way our relationships can be approved by God. Outside marriage, Intimacy and child rearing are all seen as a sins before God's eyes and He will surely judge us for it.
Why do you think people look down on ladies if they have children out of wedlock? I'm sure YOU will not look at an unwed mother and a married mother in the same light.
Marriage makes things more solid and honorable; face the fact!

1 Like

Re: Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage by Nobody: 4:38am On Mar 13, 2010
Loving relationship. . . . any guy can be nice and sweet, not every guy cheats. My friend, I can find a bloke from the street with all the poster's boyfriend's personalities.

Any guy that tells me to "Leave when I find a better dude and the dude better settle him" after 8 years, that a problem. Esp when we're talking about marriage. . .  we have not been togeda for 1 year o, not 2 years o, but 8 years. Kilode?

Ok, poster, dont leave him. . . . you sef use your eyes to search for better serious men


And with htis mentality, stay with him? Iz you kwazy?

ibejiibeji:

woke him up(cos he was asleep in 'my' house) to talk about our future and d 1st question he asked me was is there someone who's asking you to marry him? my reply was no(cos that's the truth) and his next comments were
''let me see the man who will take what i have taken from you''
''you think i am a fool''
''you don't want me to prosper''(cos there's some chick who he says is giving him contacts and i have been giving him grief about)
then he stormed off to his car and to spend the night

cry cry :' cry
Re: Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage by ayettymama(f): 4:44am On Mar 13, 2010
MBJ your a man- if u wasnt tied to a woman what would u do? u have to admit ur mentality will be diff from weh u marry

her staying with him will be settling for a donkey!

just because he makes her happy/feel good doesnt mean he loves her and is ready to spend the rest of his life with her- marriage does!

the paper doesnt stop a man from doing anything but at least the man has dignified her by marriage!- not doin that shows shes temporary

look at relationships nowadays- everyone is avoidin marriage, they STILL end up alone!!

pls woman if he really loved u he would have married u by now!

just shows he doesnt- if he dumps u for someone else thats when hypertension will arrive!

show him ur not desperate by leavin him- his actions after that will determine how he feels!
Re: Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage by Nobody: 4:48am On Mar 13, 2010
Girl846:

@ MRbrownJAY
I do not know, your religion, BUT
For those of us who are Christian/Muslim, Marriage is not just  piece of paper!!! Marriage is the ONLY way our relationships can be approved by God. Outside marriage, Intimacy and child rearing are all seen as a sins before God's eyes and He will surely judge us for it.
Why do you think people look down on ladies if they have children out of wedlock? I'm sure YOU will not look at an unwed mother and a married mother in the same light.
Marriage makes things more solid and honorable; face the fact!

please do not insinuate what you dont know. i will never look at a married woman and view her any better than an unwed mother. i will judge them from their personality nothing else. if you believe that a married person is better than one who isnt and has children then i understand why you advise her to live this man.

they already had s e x, they probably already live together, we can pretty much assume that religion is not their strongest priority here. read very carefuly and you will see that the poster never talked of children!!!!

if they have lived for 8yrs already together and have been happy together for all this time then what does marrying NOW is going to change or improve?! not everyone put religion as a way of life because we all know that we are al sinners.
if a person aint ready for marriage(financially, mentally or physically) then they SHOULD NOT get married. end of story!
Re: Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage by Girl846(f): 4:55am On Mar 13, 2010
MRbrownJAY:

please do not insinuate what you dont know. i will never look at a married woman and view her any better than an unwed mother. i will judge them from their personality nothing else. if you believe that a married person is better than one who isnt and has children then i understand why you advise her to live this man.

they already had s e x, they probably already live together, we can pretty much assume that religion is not their strongest priority here. read very carefuly and you will see that the poster never talked of children!!!!

if they have lived for 8yrs already together and have been happy together for all this time then what does marrying NOW is going to change or improve?! not everyone put religion as a way of life because we all know that we are al sinners.
if a person aint ready for marriage(financially, mentally or physically) then they SHOULD NOT get married. end of story!


I did not say they are religious or are planning to have children (although I am sure that one day the poster will probably want to)
My post was simply in response to your statement "Marriage is just a piece of paper".
I never said a married mother was better than n unwed mother. I said that Marriage makes it more "honourable" - and that is a fact!!
Re: Relationship In Its 8th Year But No Talk Of Marriage by AqRiUsAge(f): 4:57am On Mar 13, 2010
ibejiibeji:

woke him up(cos he was asleep in 'my' house) to talk about our future and d 1st question he asked me was is there someone who's asking you to marry him? my reply was no(cos that's the truth) and his next comments were ''let me see the man who will take what i have taken from you'' ''you think i am a fool'' ''you don't want me to prosper''(cos there's some chick who he says is giving him contacts and i have been giving him grief about) then he stormed off to his car and to spend the night  cry cry :' cry
JeXoz!  shocked
There is nothing I'm going to say that hasnt already been said. If what you want is marriage, he will not give you it. If what you want is a happy marriage, he DEFINITELY will not give you it. Either way, you're not getting what you want.
Please, Ibejiibeji. I have a few women that I know, who started out like you. These women are older now and are either divorced and regretful or seperated and regretful. The mistakes that were made before us, should be enough lessons for us, shey?

Things do not get better after marriage, they stay thesame (least likely) or get worse (more likely).

It seems hard, I know. But think about all the hard things you've had to ever do, and how you make it through those. This isnt something you cant overcome.

I beg you in the name of the love you should have for yourself. LEAVE now.

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