PrincessAyo83:
Hello ogas in the house.

My spouse will be working in Scunthorpe and Grimbsy like rotation stuff because of his Residency training. I would be joining him as tier 2 dependent. Pls where do you suggest one can settle in as new immigrants in terms of being cost friendly, calm, getting a job easily for myself jobs like Support work, Health care assistant, basically jobs one can easily settle in fast.
Though I studied Orthopedic technology here in Nigeria and I've also done some UK accredited training as Nurse assistant.
Any advice on which of the location or near by town one can settle in.
How can someone easily get those kinds of jobs?

Thank you

Was the nurse assistant training done online and which site?Asking for a friend.

Getting those jobs does not pose much difficulty as there are care homes and nursing homes willing to take. If you have an NHS hospital close to where you live,you can easily apply to them based on your having a health related certificate. You will blend in easily.

You already mentioned Scunthorpe. Choice of place will depend on proximity to yr hubby's job.

barakah:


Please what's the way forward?
How can i prevent a re-occurrence without having to make use of an agent to apply successfully?

You used an agent....... Those agents are devil incarnates.....

barakah:


Please what's the way forward?
How can i prevent a re-occurrence without having to make use of an agent to apply successfully?

- Ensure you are currently employed/have a source of income
- Don't bump accounts
- Submit your salary account/ assets, to proof you are comfortable enough (and not break your immigration conditions)
- Ties to Nigeria
etc etc etc.......

Justagirl01:
Hey guys, please bear with me for this is going to be lengthy, but at the moment I am at a crossroad. Had to create a new account because of this.

Be careful of advice you take from these people living in the UK. Most of them already think like the British and may advise you wrongly.

Our Nigerian culture,marriage and way of life is totally different from that of the british. The truth is that as Africans ,we are taught to endure marriage unlike the whites who can easily go in and out of marriages. I don't doubt your story but I am sure your man will also have his own side of the story to tell. Disregard everything I say if he has habit of often physically raising his hands on you as that may be complicated then. Truth is every marriage has its times of struggle and times of happiness. Will you say there was never any happy moments shared with your man since you knew him. For him to suggest and consider to plan your UK journey means he does not hate you. The worst time of any man is when he has no job. It requires a patient woman to understand him then. And such woman he considers as standing with him when he is down. Your man needs help with his gambling. He has to stop. I know friends who went into gambling to pass time with no jobs and it turned to habit. He might have used the money you sent him to pay debts.

Have a discussion with him ,find out if he has plans of relocating because not everyone actually do. Though a change of environment like the UK may treat him better as he will be far away from friends who encourage the gambling habit. Tell him your worry especially with regards his gambling to see if he has intentions to stop. I bet you already did some of these. The choice of if to leave him or not is yours to make cos no one will be with you with the repercussions especially if any child is already involved.

About the issue of his wanting you to always settle quarrels,some men have pride and are like that. I don't condone it as marriage requires effort from both sides. I have a friend whose wife is often the one to apologise even when he is at wrong. It pains the woman but she has realised it keeps her marriage intact. I can vow that my friend can't trade his wife for anyone or thing cos that act alone endears her to him. African marriage is about finding out what works for you except you want the white type of marriage where most of them end up having 3-4 marriages in lifetime and some still end up single.

People in the UK live isolated lives. I am sure you already know this. Getting a partner is not that easy compared to back home. Life in the UK is better with a partner to support and to go back home to after work. Are you happy to stay alone ? There is no assurance the next man will stay or will be better or will not have a wife somewhere else. A few do get lucky though and may find love afterall but the living happily ever after is rare and a fable tale for many. Think back of times shared with him,if any hope of his improving , discuss with him and you may give him some gap for sometime to reconsider, then be guided by your mind. Take a decision you feel will make you happy .

famzynet:


Be careful of advice you take from these people living in the UK. Most of them already think like the British and may advise you wrongly.

Our Nigerian culture,marriage and way of life is totally different from that of the british. The truth is that as Africans ,we are taught to endure marriage unlike the whites who can easily....

....., then be guided by your mind. Take a decision you feel will make you happy .

Listen to yourself sir (the bolded applies to you). In my opinion, this is terrible advice.

You wrote a long text only to tell her to “endure” her marriage just because she’s an African? That’s pure sufferhead.

The fear of the unknown is what I sense here. You need to break ursef from shackles of dependency. Yes, you can do it, it’s doable. You just need reassurance, dedication and commitment.

Like I always say, the first set of people you acquaint ursef with in the UK will have impact on ur UK journey. Find people that share same goal as ursef and it will be smooth sailing for you. People that mean well for you and point you to the right track.

You are not just a girl, you are now an independent, bold and courageous lady who knows what she wants and will strive to get it.

Justagirl01:


Do I just move on? I am super stressed from trying to clear of the balance of my fees, thinking of how to sort out my life after school and I am navigating all these thoughts alone. I fear that nothing will change because our relationship has been toxic due to the kind of pain we have caused each other. I am willing to do better and be better as I have always said to him but on a ground that he will make conscious effort to be bette. I fear that when he comes he might continue to gamble or probably go AWOL on me if I offend him as this is what he does all the time.

I just need advice. Even though I am married, it doesn't feel like it. I don't feel loved or cared for, I don't feel like I matter to him. Emotionally, I am very very alone. He can go days or weeks without speaking to me when we have a major misunderstanding. I just want some peace, oneness, love and transparency.

See, I tire

As in, I weak

I’m shook

Olalekank:

Listen to yourself sir (the bolded applies to you). In my opinion, this is terrible advice.

You wrote a long text only to tell her to “endure” her marriage just because she’s an African? That’s pure sufferhead.

Olalekank:

Listen to yourself sir (the bolded applies to you). In my opinion, this is terrible advice.

You wrote a long text only to tell her to “endure” her marriage just because she’s an African? That’s pure sufferhead.

The advice is not for you . She may chose to take what I said or leave it. That is why it is called advice. Without my sounding insultive,same African marriages lasts because they endure. You can confirm from your African parents.

famzynet:


Be careful of advice you take from these people living in the UK. Most of them already think like the British and may advise you wrongly.

I'm just curious, in all of this long suffering, how will the man come to the UK? Someone that is still struggling to meet ends meet, you are here advising to still fund his relocation? As what? His mother?, wife? Angel? All because of loneliness or companionship? Loneliness that almost killed her when they were both together? Abi all the single ladies have married finish in Nigeria ni because you are saying it is harder here in the UK? As you have advised her rightly, please help her donate money to bring the man here too so she can start feeding him again..

To the poster, if you are that desperate or love struck, at least let him make the effort! If he really wants to be with you, let him make the move! That will at least show a bit of commitment! Even if the motive is just for him to leave Naija, let him make the move..

famzynet:


Be careful of advice you take from these people living in the UK. Most of them already think like the British and may advise you wrongly.

Una dey hear so....... You are advised to continually live like slaves, keep enduring, praying, fasting and vigiling........

One spiritual being would make it normal...... Those who have brains..... May they think.....

Lexusgs430:



Una dey hear so....... You are advised to continually live like slaves, keep enduring, praying, fasting and vigiling........

One spiritual being would make it normal...... Those who have brains..... May they think.....

Pray without ceasing even when the solution is obvious

hustla:





Pray without ceasing even when the solution is obvious

Wetin religion and tradition go cause, both no go fit pack am.......

Culture and traditions, is been held to bondage.... By the dead.......

Lexusgs430:



Wetin religion and tradition go cause, both no go fit pack am.......

Culture and traditions, is been held to bondage.... By the dead.......

famzynet:


Be careful of advice you take from these people living in the UK. Most of them already think like the British and may advise you wrongly.

Our Nigerian culture,marriage and way of life is totally different from that of the british. The truth is that as Africans ,we are taught to endure marriage unlike

Your epistle come long pass the original post.

You open your eye and brain, read a woman who says she gave man money to ‘marry her’ him chop the money.
She come hustle ANODA money carry use do ‘emergency’ sharp-sharp ‘marriage’

You read that they have been doing Wa-Jo-Ko (co-habiting) and the ‘marriage’ was merely to fulfill dependant visa requirements- ONLY.
Abi those parts were missing in the post you read?


You come dey tell OP say make she no mind UK-based pipu?

Well done, you hear?

Lexusgs430:



Una dey hear so....... You are advised to continually live like slaves, keep enduring, praying, fasting and vigiling........

One spiritual being would make it normal...... Those who have brains..... May they think.....

When the man will gamble the rent and utility money and cold hit her she go hear Wien.... African marriages last in Nigeria because the women have no choice and Nigeria is a man’s world. Like Michelle Obama said ‘know your self worth, don’t let anyone drag you down and drain you. You can do better’

Thanks guys for your suggestions and advise. I am indeed grateful to everyone who has made a comment in respect to my issue. Hopefully, a year from now, I'd look back to the decision I made and pat myself on the back. Thanks everyone and God bless you all.

Justagirl01:
Thanks guys for your suggestions and advise. I am indeed grateful to everyone who has made a comment in respect to my issue. Hopefully, a year from now, I'd look back to the decision I made and pat myself on the back. Thanks everyone and God bless you all.

You are welcome.

It took me 4 months in the UK to be able to manage my time properly. I think that’s the biggest thing living in the UK to be precise.

Now I know how to manage:
Academics,
Me time,
Spending time with my wife,
Spending time with my son,
Spending time with my wife and son,
Managing my businesses,
And creating time to speak to family and friends around the world.

The only part that was completely shut was the nairaland time. But now we have gotten that part figured out.

Cant stop thanking the people here for all the advice. If you comment on here and you ever doubt your contributions to the world, baba doubt no more, na una de make some people life better and una no know.

Justagirl01:
Thanks guys for your suggestions and advise. I am indeed grateful to everyone who has made a comment in respect to my issue. Hopefully, a year from now, I'd look back to the decision I made and pat myself on the back. Thanks everyone and God bless you all.

It hard to predict so me I no fit put mouth. .... that naija harsh environment of no job and frustration can bring out the worse in people so maybe he like that because of naija(although not excusing him)

He can come here and two possibleoutcomes ... he gets a job , becomes more focused and responsible or secondly he remains a total nightmare. I don't think anybody can predict which of the two outcome so only God knows really and you a bit

For me, my mental health is everything, all that suffering enduring in marriage is a no no for me. I just cant deal however I seen many marriages florist here that might not have if we were in naija . Especially the ones that adopt the "partnership marriage" which goes with mutual respect not the oppressive type

Chreze:
It took me 4 months in the UK to be able to manage my time properly. I think that’s the biggest thing living in the UK to be precise.

Now I know how to manage:
Academics,
Me time,
Spending time with my wife,
Spending time with my son,
Spending time with my wife and son,
Managing my businesses,
And creating time to speak to family and friends around the world.

The only part that was completely shut was the nairaland time. But now we have gotten that part figured out.

Cant stop thanking the people here for all the advice. If you comment on here and you ever doubt your contributions to the world, baba doubt no more, na una de make some people life better and una no know.

Biko, stop talking like this........ We are thinking like European's already..... Our advice/suggestions/debate/banter/hot - heads etc etc.....

Is bound to lead some people astray....... Leading them searching for lost trays/ashtrays ........

LagosismyHome:


It hard to predict so me I no fit put mouth. .... that naija harsh environment of no job and frustration can bring out the worse in people so maybe he like that because of naija(although not excusing him)

He can come here and two possibleoutcomes ... he gets a job , becomes more focused and responsible or secondly he remains a total nightmare. I don't think anybody can predict which of the two outcome so only God knows really and you a bit

For me, my mental health is everything, all that suffering enduring in marriage is a no no for me. I just cant deal however I seen many marriages florist here that might not have if we were in naija . Especially the ones that adopt the "partnership marriage" which goes with mutual respect not the oppressive type

A lizard in Nigeria will never be a crocodile abroad

That's just that

A UK-Nigerian party jollof can never taste same as the one cooked in Nigeria

hustla:



A lizard in Nigeria will never be a crocodile abroad

That's just that

omopapa:
A UK-Nigerian party jollof can never taste same as the one cooked in Nigeria

It can o....... We also have bay leaf in the UK + agbari ojukwu, if you look hard enough, you would also find it prepared with firewood.......

Nah wetin remain.........

hustla:



A lizard in Nigeria will never be a crocodile abroad

That's just that

Not true..... Asìpa òwe.........

The Nigerian condition restricts the lizard from flourishing........

Once the lizard discovers better ways of lizard actualization, the lizard self esteem matures..... Leading the lizard to naturally grow and metamorphose into a crocodile.........

Lexusgs430:




Not true..... Asìpa òwe.........

The Nigerian condition restricts the lizard from flourishing........

Once the lizard discovers better ways of lizard actualization, the lizard self esteem matures..... Leading the lizard to naturally grow and metamorphose into a crocodile.........

This is also true

.. But the lizard would have shown some signs of wanting to mature into a crocodile

A lizard that is spending money meant for japaing away from the 'Nigerian condition is not a serious lizard to begin with

A lizard they have to pay for marriage with him also doesn't look like a serious one that will ever metamorphose into anything reasonable except a loser

Lexusgs430:


It can o....... We also have bay leaf in the UK + agbari ojukwu, if you look hard enough, you would also find it prepared with firewood.......

Nah wetin remain.........

Lexusgs430:




Not true..... Asìpa òwe.........

The Nigerian condition restricts the lizard from flourishing........

Once the lizard discovers better ways of lizard actualization, the lizard self esteem matures..... Leading the lizard to naturally grow and metamorphose into a crocodile.........

So true ..... but the lizard has to want to metamorphosize.... if someone else tries to force that change then it won't happen

It takes two to want and make the marriage work here

hustla:


This is also true

.. But the lizard would have shown some signs of wanting to mature into a crocodile

A lizard that is spending money meant for japaing away from the 'Nigerian condition is not a serious lizard to begin with

A lizard they have to pay for marriage with him also doesn't look like a serious one that will ever metamorphose into anything reasonable except a loser

So we are in agreement........ A lizard in Nigeria, can almost definitely, become a crocodile abroad (all things been equal).......

LagosismyHome:


So true ..... but the lizard has to want to metamorphosize.... if someone else tries to force that change then it won't happen

It takes two to want and make the marriage work here

If we conduct a survey on this thread..... Many once a time lizards, are now graduating to becoming monitor lizards and in no distant future, becoming crocodiles........

omopapa:

Like I always say, the first set of people you acquaint ursef with in the UK will have impact on ur UK journey. Find people that share same goal as ursef and it will be smooth sailing for you. People that mean well for you and point you to the right track.

This is deep oooo and so true. Who you associate with impact more than people know

famzynet:


The advice is not for you . She may chose to take what I said or leave it. That is why it is called advice. Without my sounding insultive,same African marriages lasts because they endure. You can confirm from your African parents.

Boss I understand African marriages, but it's not exactly the same in this case. The lady married the man , and not the other way round, so its not totally African marriage. A man who is paid for his own marriage squanders the money, and the lady has to shell out another money again?

I understand marriages have their up and down but in a case where a man is dragging foot and the lady is the one pushing the marriage , then it's quite more complicated than you say.

I agree though that many Nigerians living in the UK tend to forget that our culture is different, so while other races try to maintain a semblance of their cultures, Nigerians in the UK tend to be more westernised than even the british. But this case is probably a bit different.

I pray the lady get help from above and makes the best decision