babajeje123:

Wow!

That one small na. If you want to bring up your child in the UK the way you were brought up in Nigeria, you will be lucky to escape prison as you are not allowed to smack your child in the UK and school teachers actively check your child's body for scars if they suspect the child may have been flogged at home and the child need not tell the teacher, your neighbors could call the police or your child's classmates may tell the teacher after being confided in and the teacher may then call the police depending on their judgement on the smack.

What would you do for instance if your own wife tells you in front of your 10 year old son who you were about to discipline that "If you touch that boy, I will call the police" ?? and this happened to a close friend after 10 years of marriage to a woman he went to bring from Naija. Suffice it to say that they are now separated and she has driven a wedge between my friend and his 2 kids whom she monopolizes and restricts access to my friend. And this na woman wey him give papers o. And this is one of the reasons I believe that going to bring a woman from Nigeria is not the magic bullet for a happy marriage.

samcrispy:


I’m so grateful for this eye opening response.

I will look for IT related courses because that’s where the world is shifting to in a couple of years. Can I send you an email?

Unfortunately I no longer have access to the email address linked to my Nairaland account.

Ilekokonit:


That one small na. If you want to bring up your child in the UK the way you were brought up in Nigeria, you will be lucky to escape prison as you are not allowed to smack your child in the UK and school teachers actively check your child's body for scars if they suspect the child may have been flogged at home and the child need not tell the teacher, your neighbors could call the police or your child's classmates may tell the teacher after being confided in and the teacher may then call the police depending on their judgement on the smack.

What would you do for instance if your own wife tells you in front of your 10 year old son who you were about to discipline that "If you touch that boy, I will call the police" ?? and this happened to a close friend after 10 years of marriage to a woman he went to bring from Naija. Suffice it to say that they are now separated and she has driven a wedge between my friend and his 2 kids whom she monopolizes and restricts access to my friend. And this na woman wey him give papers o. And this is one of the reasons I believe that going to bring a woman from Nigeria is not the magic bullet for a happy marriage.

Does he have a child custody in place?......

Ilekokonit:


That one small na. If you want to bring up your child in the UK the way you were brought up in Nigeria, you will be lucky to escape prison as you are not allowed to smack your child in the UK and school teachers actively check your child's body for scars if they suspect the child may have been flogged at home and the child need not tell the teacher, your neighbors could call the police or your child's classmates may tell the teacher after being confided in and the teacher may then call the police depending on their judgement on the smack.

What would you do for instance if your own wife tells you in front of your 10 year old son who you were about to discipline that "If you touch that boy, I will call the police" ?? and this happened to a close friend after 10 years of marriage to a woman he went to bring from Naija. Suffice it to say that they are now separated and she has driven a wedge between my friend and his 2 kids whom she monopolizes and restricts access to my friend. And this na woman wey him give papers o. And this is one of the reasons I believe that going to bring a woman from Nigeria is not the magic bullet for a happy marriage.

That was my magic bullet..... 22 years and still waxing stronger daily...... I indeed got a diamond, in the midst and surrounded by a sea of mud...........

22 years of marriage and about 26+ years of experience........

TheGuyFromHR:

To me, any Nigerian parent in the abroad who wants to retain their sanity should divest themselves of any preferred outcome with respect to their children.

Very good advice as Western kids have a selfish streak not because they hate you but because that's what obtains in the society you raised them in and the white upper class are not immune from problems with their kids.

Makes me remember a British Member of Parliament -Chris Huhne [i](a millionaire in pounds) [/i]who was seperated from his wife and had to move out of the house for wife and kids but some years earlier, the MP in a bid to avoid a driving ban for speeding had told his now ex wife to say she was at the wheel of the car but when one of the text exchanges between the MP and his 18 year old son who was siding with his Mum [i](as he was concerned that his Mum would go to prison) [/i]was leaked to the press the MP and his wife both went to prison for perverting the course of justice.

In one of the texts the MP sent to his 18 year old son, he wrote saying “I do hope your exams are going OK. Thinking of you. Love you. Dad.”

His 18 year old son who was siding with his Mum replied: “ Don’t text me you fat piece of shit .”

In another text exchange, his son responded to a text in which the MP said he was proud of him, saying: “Leave me alone. You have no place in my life and no right to be proud. Don’t contact me again. It’s irritating that you don’t seem to take the point. You are such an autistic piece of shit. Don’t contact me again. You make me feel sick.”

In some other text messages, the 18 year old boy said the following to his father :- you are a pathetic loser and a joke. I don’t want to speak to you, you disgust me. You are the most ghastly man I have known. I hate you so Bleep off ??

My point is that if this is happening to a member of the British Upper class and our kids will go to school or Uni with these same kids who have no regards for their parents, then it is foolhardy to think that our kids will listen to us forever in a society where parents especially fathers are treated as jokes even by society.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2273507/Chris-Huhnes-foul-mouthed-texts-Youre-pathetic-loser-joke-Son-savages-Huhne-salvo-texts.html

Lexusgs430:


That was my magic bullet..... 22 years and still waxing stronger daily...... I indeed got a diamond, in the midst and surrounded by a sea of mud...........

22 years of marriage and about 26+ years of experience........

You are indeed a very LUCKY and possibly a very fulfilled man.

Lexusgs430:

Does he have a child custody in place?......

The kids are both over 18 now but back then, he wanted the kids to enjoy their childhood in peace devoid of dragging their mum through the courts. The kids are now adults and if they choose as adults not to look for their father (because their mum has brainwashed them and bad mouthed their dad for so long) then that is their choice as adults now as you can not force yourself on your children in any society talk less of a Western society where your own kids can accuse you of stalking them and take out a restraining order in court to stop you from coming near them.

Ilekokonit:


The kids are both over 18 now but back then, he wanted the kids to enjoy their childhood in peace devoid of dragging their mum through the courts. The kids are now adults and if they choose as adults not to look for their father (because their mum has brainwashed them and bad mouthed their dad for so long) then that is their choice as adults now as you can not force yourself on your children in any society talk less of a Western society where your own kids can accuse you of stalking them and take out a restraining order in court to stop you from coming near them.

Those court documents, would have been his arsenal.....

Now his children are more inclined to believe, whatever their mum told/tells them.........

Regardless, they are now adults!!!! He can now try to build a relationship with them....... If for anything at all, but to make a point.......

Ilekokonit:


You are indeed a very LUCKY and possibly a very fulfilled man.

Anything is possible, with a massive dose of luck......

LagosismyHome:


While I support what you said 100 percent. I caution our people just jumping to do MSc in IT. IT is still very work experience relevant so what you have on paper has to be backed up with relevant work experience if not that paper becomes very hard to get you a job

You made a good point but what I was trying to put across was that an Msc in IT is more marketable than an Msc in HR in today's world.

Lexusgs430:


Those court documents, would have been his arsenal.....

Now his children are more inclined to believe, whatever their mum told/tells them.........

Regardless, they are now adults!!!! He can now try to build a relationship with them....... If for anything at all, but to make a point.......

Like you said, they are now adults.

MichaelUde:
This na obodo oyibo, anything can happen, and everybody suppose prepare their minds.

You are a very wise man.

Ilekokonit:


Like you said, they are now adults.

Very true....... We never know it all, but if luck and the stars tilts your way and always deals you a good hand......

You are indeed a lucky bunny.......

Iruosonobrugwhe:
dear all,

Please does transiting through Turkey mean i am coming from a red zone? i have booked a flight via turkish airlines and now seeing news around it being a redlist country. Transiting through Turkey, do i need to compulsorily isolate in a hotel? Any info/advice will be welcome.

If it is a red list country (better check the UK government list online), then when you transit through there you are deemed to have come from a red list country and must do the whole hotel quarantine thing.

spacyzuma:
Hello House,

It's been a long time. I havent commented here for months. I hope you're all doing well.

I'm back again because of this NIN application and passport renewal wahala in UK.

I was told about this site https://iq-online.net/ to register for NIN. It supports UK, Ireland, Usa, Canada, Spain, switzerland.
And is the site legitimate? Has anyone used them before?

It is legitimate. Use them.

Ilekokonit:


That one small na. If you want to bring up your child in the UK the way you were brought up in Nigeria, you will be lucky to escape prison as you are not allowed to smack your child in the UK and school teachers actively check your child's body for scars if they suspect the child may have been flogged at home and the child need not tell the teacher, your neighbors could call the police or your child's classmates may tell the teacher after being confided in and the teacher may then call the police depending on their judgement on the smack.

What would you do for instance if your own wife tells you in front of your 10 year old son who you were about to discipline that "If you touch that boy, I will call the police" ?? and this happened to a close friend after 10 years of marriage to a woman he went to bring from Naija. Suffice it to say that they are now separated and she has driven a wedge between my friend and his 2 kids whom she monopolizes and restricts access to my friend. And this na woman wey him give papers o. And this is one of the reasons I believe that going to bring a woman from Nigeria is not the magic bullet for a happy marriage.

Truth be told, had I not been married before coming here, I wouldn't have bothered with signing up to that institution.
Bringing a woman from Nigeria for me is out of the question. Nor do I have the energy to play the lottery with the almost 40% divorce rate here. I'd have either partnered or most likely found an economic reason to remain childless.

fatima04:
Chai, catching up on the pages since March. Na wa oo, just few days away and before you know it, talk and gist don plenty .

Thanks to all who reached out and dustydee for asking. Doing very well, just couldn't keep up with the page for a while but made sure I read all the various gist and happenings around and hopefully chop angels bread bakery one day.

@chukwuma on the empathy post, absolutely spot on, our actions or inactions in the abroad will definitely affect people back home,

Its good to see naija marriage sufferhead mentality changing regarding response to @justagirls post, better to accept you are single and grateful you are not tied with a child.

@Kovic19, you can always apply for IHS refund when you have made previous payment and then applied for a new visa with another IHS payment. Also for those that paid IHS and working in the healthcare sector before the 31st march exemption, you can apply with your dependants through this email (IHSrefunds@homeoffice.gov.uk) with your full details and payment information and if no response in 28days, send it via the complaint section here : internationalcomplaints@homeoffice.gov.uk. This can be done online as well via this link https://www.gov.uk/complain-uk-visas-immigration.

If they don't respond in 28days keep sending, ours and so many others I know got refunded after 6months of initial complaint. Infact, I have raised another complaint because I believe they refunded a lesser amount than we are due and after 1month, they said they are still investigating .

They have been falling behind their usual timescale response, so in all just keep pushing even if na £100 na your money

@tray2, you can get a mortgage on Tier 2 visa with 12months validity, we got ours with 18months or less, it wasn't really an issue as such.

Thanx a bunch @Fatima04
Email sent. Fingers crossed. Hoping for the best.

Lexusgs430:


That was my magic bullet..... 22 years and still waxing stronger daily...... I indeed got a diamond, in the midst and surrounded by a sea of mud...........

22 years of marriage and about 26+ years of experience........

Ahh baba well done sir. We dey your back, we coming after you. One day i shall arrive here nd even farther... ammmeenn o lol

Ilekokonit:


That one small na. If you want to bring up your child in the UK the way you were brought up in Nigeria, you will be lucky to escape prison as you are not allowed to smack your child in the UK and school teachers actively check your child's body for scars if they suspect the child may have been flogged at home and the child need not tell the teacher, your neighbors could call the police or your child's classmates may tell the teacher after being confided in and the teacher may then call the police depending on their judgement on the smack.

What would you do for instance if your own wife tells you in front of your 10 year old son who you were about to discipline that "If you touch that boy, I will call the police" ?? and this happened to a close friend after 10 years of marriage to a woman he went to bring from Naija. Suffice it to say that they are now separated and she has driven a wedge between my friend and his 2 kids whom she monopolizes and restricts access to my friend. And this na woman wey him give papers o. And this is one of the reasons I believe that going to bring a woman from Nigeria is not the magic bullet for a happy marriage.

Well, I've heard about how a lot Nigerian women start misbehaving once they get to the UK however within the few weeks I've spent here, I've seen some Nigerian couple who are raising their kids with good morals. I think what parents can do is to be fully involved in their kids' growth, teach and exemplify the values the want their kids to exhibit. In addition, religion will come handy here. Teach them about your 'G(g)od' and answer all the questions they will pose with patience. Raising kids here won't be a walk in the park but I believe with prayers and early intervention, our kids would turn out well upholding the values we stand for as they enjoy all the benefits the UK has to offer.
For those that call police on their husbands, except for physical assult, they are fools.

TheGuyFromHR:


Truth be told, had I not been married before coming here, I wouldn't have bothered with signing up to that institution.
Bringing a woman from Nigeria for me is out of the question. Nor do I have the energy to play the lottery with the almost 40% divorce rate here. I'd have either partnered or most likely found an economic reason to remain childless.

Na wa o

fatima04:


He had it in him to be good . Parenting is hard

2nd case I've seen though

Be like Nigeria dey reset brain when sapa hold you

TheGuyFromHR:


Truth be told, had I not been married before coming here, I wouldn't have bothered with signing up to that institution.
Bringing a woman from Nigeria for me is out of the question. Nor do I have the energy to play the lottery with the almost 40% divorce rate here. I'd have either partnered or most likely found an economic reason to remain childless.

Won't prenup come in handy?

hustla:



Won't prenup come in handy?

If you prepare and sign a prenup, thus recognising that there's nothing like so-called "love" in your matter, then why marry at all? You need a partnership.

There's nothing mystical or spiritual about marriage, it's an arrangement like any other (and the Europeans have the right idea about it, it's quite common for them to draw up marriage contracts before marriage setting out things like how the marriage will be run, how the parties keep their own individual property, how contributions to the joint household will be made, etc.), but with partnership now formalised in many enlightened countries, allowing people the benefits of marriage they wish to avail of (inheritance, provision of mutual support, etc.) without getting entangled in the intricacies of marriage and with all children long ago legitimised however dem born them, I see no reason to complicate one's life.

babajeje123:

Well, I've heard about how a lot Nigerian women start misbehaving once they get to the UK however within the few weeks I've spent here, I've seen some Nigerian couple who are raising their kids with good morals. I think what parents can do is to be fully involved in their kids' growth, teach and exemplify the values the want their kids to exhibit. In addition, religion will come handy here. Teach them about your 'G(g)od' and answer all the questions they will pose with patience. Raising kids here won't be a walk in the park but I believe with prayers and early intervention, our kids would turn out well upholding the values we stand for as they enjoy all the benefits the UK has to offer.
For those that call police on their husbands, except for physical assult, they are fools.

Bros, it isn't easy.
As they say it takes a village to raise a child, and a lot of people who come here as already married couples with children not only haven't support, but also start running the rat race upon arrival, working as many jobs as you can to keep a roof over the heads of the children in the first place, and sometimes that takes a toll on parenting and family time. There's really no formula apart from huge doses of prayer, if one is religious.

TheGuyFromHR:


If you prepare and sign a prenup, thus recognising that there's nothing like so-called "love" in your matter, then why marry at all? You need a partnership.

There's nothing mystical or spiritual about marriage, it's an arrangement like any other (and the Europeans have the right idea about it, it's quite common for them to draw up marriage contracts before marriage setting out things like how the marriage will be run, how the parties keep their own individual property, how contributions to the joint household will be made, etc.), but with partnership now formalised in many enlightened countries, allowing people the benefits of marriage they wish to avail of (inheritance, provision of mutual support, etc.) without getting entangled in the intricacies of marriage and with all children long ago legitimised however dem born them, I see no reason to complicate one's life.

Well, I've always said this since my 100Level

There is no way I'll marry abroad and not make sure prenup is involved

Life happens, love could turn sour and your partner can decide tomorrow they want to abandon ship.. Prenup will help in that case to avoid stories that touch

Good morning elders. I need your help. What is the best way to transfer money from Nigeria to UK please.

fatima04:


No, the insurance is independent. If a car is on PCP or HP can one just sell it off to other vendors like we buy any car.com

We buy anycar will give you a nonsense money, you are better off selling it privately on auto trader. However you cant sell a car which still has finance except u clear it at least a day before

This Child rearing matter, i believe what the Bible says in the matter- Train up a Child in the way He/She should go and when he grows he will not depart from it. Simple as.

Some of us even in Nigeria, our head touched at some point, it’s remembering where we are coming from that kept us. If you are brought up to know and love God and the things of God when the going gets tough or you’re confused you will run to what you know.

It’s not easy true. But I believe modeling what you want your kids to be/do helps + 100% covering them with prayer. Prayer works.

God will grant us wisdom, Amen.

With the sad cases of folks who go to bring wives from village that turn something else, i begin to think, what About the Nigerian ladies in UK? at least those ones still have an element of home and will be better understanding and help with the kids. abi the men don show dem shege?

Ilekokonit:


That one small na. If you want to bring up your child in the UK the way you were brought up in Nigeria, you will be lucky to escape prison as you are not allowed to smack your child in the UK and school teachers actively check your child's body for scars if they suspect the child may have been flogged at home and the child need not tell the teacher, your neighbors could call the police or your child's classmates may tell the teacher after being confided in and the teacher may then call the police depending on their judgement on the smack.

What would you do for instance if your own wife tells you in front of your 10 year old son who you were about to discipline that "If you touch that boy, I will call the police" ?? and this happened to a close friend after 10 years of marriage to a woman he went to bring from Naija. Suffice it to say that they are now separated and she has driven a wedge between my friend and his 2 kids whom she monopolizes and restricts access to my friend. And this na woman wey him give papers o. And this is one of the reasons I believe that going to bring a woman from Nigeria is not the magic bullet for a happy marriage.

hustla:



Well, I've always said this since my 100Level

There is no way I'll marry abroad and not make sure prenup is involved

Life happens, love could turn sour and your partner can decide tomorrow they want to abandon ship.. Prenup will help in that case to avoid stories that touch

Take note, even if a prenup is signed....... The courts would never award £0, to the other......

If terms are deemed unfair, the courts would ignore prenup arrangements........

Chanils:
Good morning elders. I need your help. What is the best way to transfer money from Nigeria to UK please.

Look for someone that wants naira, and conduct trade by barter.......