Aniekpeno11:

By your interpretation anybody dat hasn't had sex before marriage can't enjoy marital sex?

this is exactly the predicament Op is going through, who knows you might be in a better position to proffer solution to what he is passing through

as it stands his marriage is at the verge of collapse giving to the fact some posters have been advising him to take a second wife to complement the current one for her short comings
.

I think your wife was brought up to see any sexual acts as sin. Her family might be one were love languages are not used or shown.


Be a touchy, when you walk pass her touch her softly be it arm, shoulder, waist, face, hair, etc. Start kissing her checks for no just reasons. Walk up to her and kiss the neck when she is unaware, hug her even if she says no.
At first she won't respond but with time, she will loosen up.

benabbey:


I have tried everything in the book. I used to hate polygamy but I don't think there is much option for me soonest

I know this would sound weird but polygamy is a bad option. You are probably thinking, if I marry a second wife it won’t be adultery. I swear you will see the other side of your wife if you marry another woman. Women are stabbing men now o.
You have other options bro.

Acidosis has said it all. Hardly will you find a couple with the same sexual drive, more often than none, it's adjustment and compromise from both sides that work.
Op, your wife has low sex drive, it could be hormonal or psychological. If in happy times shes like this and you swear she enjoys it when you both get down then it's likely hormonal. I dont know the solution to this, probably supplements for women's sexual health. What i do know for sure is you will need patience, lots of it. She may not really change after all said and done but you will both settle for a compromise and the situation wont be as painful as it is to you now. Some days will be better and few days bad. We all have the cross we carry in our individual marriages. I wish you the best.

Acidosis:


First, Christianity does not encourage anyone to discover sexual weaknesses in bed. I can't understand the exact passage of the Roman Catholic book you got that from.. However I'm sure that isn't in the Bible.

If OP met his wife a virgin, then there is really no way he could have understood her weakness before the first sex; unless of course another type of Christianity encourages the breaking of hymen before wedding. Most virgins don't even understand their own body so don't expect any valid answer when you ask a virgin about her s.exual preference.

When Pastors begin to ask unmarried singles their sexual preferences, then know that the world would soon end. It doesn't mean they don't discuss and advise good sex. That's the best they can do (advise!), they won't force anyone's dckk into an unwilling home.

Thank you for ur wonderful contribution. I am glad people like you still find time to respond appropriately to issues on this forum.

Acidosis:


There is no such thing as sexual compatibility, or let me say I don't believe in that term.

I believe in sexual growth as no individual is born to have good or bad sex. We are all born virgins, so when we talk about compatibility, we make it sound like "sexual destiny". Sexual satisfaction for me is earned through efforts, not finding a "compatible" sexual partner. How do one find a compatible partner without turning a h o e or contracting stds in the process? What if you love someone you're not "sexually compatible" with?

Linking sexual compatibility or sexual destiny to sexual satisfaction is detrimental not only to partners but the moral values of an entire generation.

Compatibility isn't something you have, so you can't find it too. It is something we make, in a procedural way, one that you negotiate as you go along. That you like sex today doesn't mean we will like it forever. We have seen some sexual tigress lose that vibe after a baby. So it needs continuous negotiations.

I believe the society should teach people how to attain sexual satisfaction, not how to find/locate a "sexually compatible" partner.

Where can I find a man like you with such understanding?! . Splendid!

I understand your situation. Many of us Christian couples have had similar or near experience. Pray about it and be patient with her. Investigate if there is any reason behind it. A woman can be extrovert outside and comes home to act reserved to the husband. Prayer, Patience and Police(investigate)

benabbey:
My religious background forbid any sexual activities before marriage and I kept to it by the grace of God.

My wife also hold the sanctity of marriage bed so we do not have any sexual relationship before marriage.

In marriage I have been faithful to my wife without fail.

I need to set this background so you will know my present predicament.

Now my wife does not believe that sex should go beyond only one round. She does not liked to be kissed. And she also believe sex cannot be instant I mean if you av one yesterday you cannot have one today. We all know that men are move by sight and when you have seen so much and you have pent up sex drive to be released at home madam will say you had one yesterday so no entrance

She does not believe in any fore play both for me and herself.

Also she has all the complaint in the book headache, backache, dizzyness. But you wonder here is somebody that will cook, and do all house chore she need to do without fail but on bed there is another rule.

I don't allow her do tideous job like fetching water, I even help with laundry.

I have tried all I know to do. It is not as if she does not get to orgasm she do. But she did not just attach any importance to sex even in marriage.

I have taken to see Doctor who enumirate the benefit of sex for health and living, We have gone for marriage seminar together where I ask the question how often should a man have sex with his wife and they said severally until both are satisfy. I have reported her to her parent, Brother and Uncle without any change.
F
What can I do. I need your candid advise. Especially from Christan sisters and brothers in the house.

I don't want to go into adultery my religion forbid it. I don't want to go into polygamy because when anything happen the wives will start witchhunt even if the cause is natural

What can I do

By all means, stay away from sex. If you are not against it, relieve yourself. Don't beg her, and do like you have totally lost interest in sex. Do it for as long as possible, she will be the one begging you for it. When she comes begging, give her terms. Let her start with a BJ. If she says no. Then no show.

She probably was brainwashed that sex is food for men.

This is deep actually, but people have said it all in the comment section, I just hope everything changes for good for you both so you can live a all round happy life ....sex no be playing matter o

benabbey:
My religious background forbid any sexual activities before marriage and I kept to it by the grace of God.

My wife also hold the sanctity of marriage bed so we do not have any sexual relationship before marriage.

In marriage I have been faithful to my wife without fail.

I need to set this background so you will know my present predicament.

Now my wife does not believe that sex should go beyond only one round. She does not liked to be kissed. And she also believe sex cannot be instant I mean if you av one yesterday you cannot have one today. We all know that men are move by sight and when you have seen so much and you have pent up sex drive to be released at home madam will say you had one yesterday so no entrance

She does not believe in any fore play both for me and herself.

Also she has all the complaint in the book headache, backache, dizzyness. But you wonder here is somebody that will cook, and do all house chore she need to do without fail but on bed there is another rule.

I don't allow her do tideous job like fetching water, I even help with laundry.

I have tried all I know to do. It is not as if she does not get to orgasm she do. But she did not just attach any importance to sex even in marriage.

I have taken to see Doctor who enumirate the benefit of sex for health and living, We have gone for marriage seminar together where I ask the question how often should a man have sex with his wife and they said severally until both are satisfy. I have reported her to her parent, Brother and Uncle without any change.

What can I do. I need your candid advise. Especially from Christan sisters and brothers in the house.

I don't want to go into adultery my religion forbid it. I don't want to go into polygamy because when anything happen the wives will start witchhunt even if the cause is natural

What can I do

Sorry for that, try and engage her to watch sex videos with you she might get aroused.
Learn to buy her little little things that might put her on
Understand her mood before applying any sex related acts

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She is definetly a lesbian

For everybody that contributed to this discussion thanks so much, I think I am done carrying this cross, of abstentions in marriage.

I tried relocation to another state in the south west ondo state specifically and only visit my family one weekend in a month to reduce my sexual demand but alas madam is not ready to give it just for weekend if I managed to get once I should thank my star.

I think I am done with monogamy.

benabbey:
For everybody that contributed to this discussion thanks so much, I think I am done carrying this cross, of abstentions in marriage.

I tried relocation to another state in the south west ondo state specifically and only visit my family one weekend in a month to reduce my sexual demand but alas madam is not ready to give it just for weekend if I managed to get once I should thank my star.

I think I am done with monogamy.

I think your wife is not attracted to you. Do you treat her kindly? Do you talk to her with affection, are you a caring husband overall?

I am sorry about your predicament but I have a very good idea what the issue is.
She isn't attracted to you sexually.

Are you a handsome guy, taller or shorter than her?

Its okay sha, I wish you the best.

benabbey:
For everybody that contributed to this discussion thanks so much, I think I am done carrying this cross, of abstentions in marriage.

I tried relocation to another state in the south west ondo state specifically and only visit my family one weekend in a month to reduce my sexual demand but alas madam is not ready to give it just for weekend if I managed to get once I should thank my star.

I think I am done with monogamy.

Oga, you have tried. Even she would understand your infidelity now

benabbey:
For everybody that contributed to this discussion thanks so much, I think I am done carrying this cross, of abstentions in marriage.

I tried relocation to another state in the south west ondo state specifically and only visit my family one weekend in a month to reduce my sexual demand but alas madam is not ready to give it just for weekend if I managed to get once I should thank my star.

I think I am done with monogamy.

Hmmmm.

CHoccolaTE:


I think your wife is not attracted to you. Do you treat her kindly? Do you talk to her with affection, are you a caring husband overall?

I am sorry about your predicament but I have a very good idea what the issue is.
She isn't attracted to you sexually.

Are you a handsome guy, taller or shorter than her?

Its okay sha, I wish you the best.

It is not about beauty though I am far taller than her and fit it is hyper spirituality. 70 days is on going

If both of you were virgins and had sex for the first time of your lives, it will be understandable

But if you have experience sex with others before getting married then something is missing

Men can get sex anytime they feel because emotions are not attached to it

Women attach emotions to sex

You will see a woman initiating sex more especially when she is ovulating because the hormones are gushing out.

Aside from that it takes some things to put a woman on

Take out time to understand her mood, look out for things that keeps her in a happy mood

Help her at home more than before so that by the time you initiate sex she must have rested and she would have appreciated your domestic assistance

She can't be having all the work load and you expect her to turn on just like that

Kole work

benabbey:
For everybody that contributed to this discussion thanks so much, I think I am done carrying this cross, of abstentions in marriage.

I tried relocation to another state in the south west ondo state specifically and only visit my family one weekend in a month to reduce my sexual demand but alas madam is not ready to give it just for weekend if I managed to get once I should thank my star.

I think I am done with monogamy.

it's so sad you are going through this

benabbey:


It is not about beauty though I am far taller than her and fit it is hyper spirituality. 70 days is on going

Ok


Are you caring and affectionate to her?

CHoccolaTE:

Ok

Are you caring and affectionate to her?

Within the limit of my means.

I

viettastitches:
I understand what your wife is going through.its sad but some of us were not created with any libido.it has absolutely nothing to do with wat you did or did not do.


Sometimes the thought of sex is just disgusting to, and there is nothing she or anyone can do about it

Then she shouldn't have married or should have opened up before marriage so that a soln would be found.

Its deception,this is wickedness!
Has

benabbey:


Within the limit of my means.

ok because women in general whether holy or unholy don't like sex with men who don't treat them very well.

benabbey:


Don't really like a polygamous life but it is like I may not have option. One woman one problem. Who knows the problem the next one will have.

Also religious position will also be a great constraint. A church worker with two wives

dey doll yaself pasitos too get more than one wify.
go to Brothel if you can't be polygamous

illicit:

hmmmm you are focused on the period it takes.....
what if she is faking the orgasm just to please you. You have never had sex with another woman like you said anyway and I am not recommending it.....

There will be reasons why she doesnt want pre-intimacy or another round. Its obvious.
I guess if its this serious and you are this concerned you might have to try seperation or you cheat....

you can't recommend polygamy but cheating, see ya life outside

benabbey:


It is not about beauty though I am far taller than her and fit it is hyper spirituality. 70 days is on going

Sorry. She attends mountain of fire

benabbey:


It is not about beauty though I am far taller than her and fit it is hyper spirituality. 70 days is on going

Your wife attends Mfm, I believe you also do 70 days has nothing to do with her not sleeping with you IMO this has started for long so for her the 70days fasting is just an excuse.

One last one can you try to take up the matter with the marriage commitee/happy home ministry in your Mfm region/branch. Sebi you are worker. Maybe just maybe they can talk to her.

Christianity doesn't support polygamy

benabbey:
For everybody that contributed to this discussion thanks so much, I think I am done carrying this cross, of abstentions in marriage.

I tried relocation to another state in the south west ondo state specifically and only visit my family one weekend in a month to reduce my sexual demand but alas madam is not ready to give it just for weekend if I managed to get once I should thank my star.

I think I am done with monogamy.

If I say I feel you pain that would be a lie as I can only imagine what you are going through and I can say it's terrible. I have two very close friends that are in you exact same shoes both over ten years in marriage. Both very nice and intelligent guys. One couldn't take it anymore and he went outside he totally enjoyed himself and felt like a man once again but I tell you the pain that accompanied that pleasure his marriage is yet to recover from it in the last 5years (the 'kaya' that comes with adultery is heavy ooo but society makes it look like normal yet in their sober times they wish they never started). It's frustrating and heartbreaking but keep putting effort day by day physically,emotional,mentally and spiritually. Thank God you are Christian. 1Cor10:13.There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it. The ball my brother is in your court but I plead with you don't expose yourself.