Welcome, Guest: Register On Nairaland / LOGIN! / Trending / Recent / New
Stats: 3,143,495 members, 7,781,482 topics. Date: Friday, 29 March 2024 at 03:19 PM

Ducking Out Of Church - Religion - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Religion / Ducking Out Of Church (21466 Views)

Anambra Catholic Church Flooded, Worshippers Hold Service In Front Of Church / Rev. Stennett Kirby Of Church Of England Caught Sniffing Cocaine, Watching Porn / "What My Mother's Pastor Said About Dangote That Made Me Walk Out Of Church" (2) (3) (4)

(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) ... (25) (Reply) (Go Down)

Ducking Out Of Church by Nobody: 3:01pm On Dec 26, 2017
I will admit I have never been a great churchgoer, I have always found the entire shebang to be tiresome and irksome, the endless shrieking of the preachers and pastors and the continuous guilt-laden trip was not my cup of tea. As a youngster, I was compelled to go, Dad had hit upon the elegantly simple solution of “no church-no pocket money”. After many missed school lunches this arrangement was no longer satisfactory to me, friends had grown tired of standing me lunch at school, something had to give…and fast.

I came up with a cunning plan. On the appointed Sunday I was primped and ready to go, the first in the back-seat of the car, my Dad looked on with a self-satisfied smirk on his face to which I mentally replied “let’s see how long it will last”. Upon arrival at church I sat dutifully at the back seeing as my Dad ran the place. On occasions like these when I attended church, the good lord always made it known to me that he had a keen sense of humour, no sooner had I sat down than I would begin to hear the thoughts of others as clear as a bell, the deacons, pastors, choir, whatever, their inane and lascivious mental chatter would drive me up a wall and this was the real reason I never set foot in those places.

Having had just about as much as I could take, on that day I left the service half-way through and went home, several hours later my family arrived home, my kid brother came tearing into my room to give me the heads up that “pops” was fuming and I should make myself scarce, I declined. On this occasion dad decided to savour the moment, he took the time to pull off his shoes and remove his tie and then lay into me “how dare I …blah de blah” and on and on. Mum was hovering in the background staying well out.

When his anger was through I casually replied by saying that I wasn’t being disrespectful to him, that I was in fact annoyed by the disrespect being directed at him, I asked him if he were aware that he was being laughed at behind his back, he growled at me “what do you mean?” I said well, the choirmaster was sleeping with half his choristers, and one of his pastors would soon be father to a bouncing baby from a member of the congregation, the old man was speechless!
At this time mum who had been feigning disinterest chipped in “eh…that’s the one you will know…why don’t you do something constructive eh? At this point I uttered the magic words “and even you dad….”

Before I could get any further I heard a thunderous shout “ SHUT YOUR MOUTH RIGHT THERE BEFORE I BREAK YOUR STUPID HEAD, BOY”, I was like “ Yes but dad…” his voice was even louder now “I said SHUT UP!!”

At this juncture Mum pips up “eh honee let him speak now” my dad was like “eh eh speak what?" he turned to face me again "IF I HEAR ANOTHER WORD FROM YOU IN THIS HOUSE TODAY…” then, finally the words I had been dying to hear all along.

“I MUST NEVER SEE YOU IN THAT CHURCH AGAIN!! EVER”

After dinner Mum came to my room to ask what exactly I was about to say about Dad, I replied that nothing “only that he’s a great dad” Mum was like…"Mtcheew" grin grin

Job done.

18 Likes 3 Shares

Re: Ducking Out Of Church by Nobody: 3:12pm On Dec 26, 2017
Sarassin:
“I MUST NEVER SEE YOU IN THAT CHURCH AGAIN!! EVER”

After dinner Mum came to my room to ask what exactly I was about to say about Dad, I replied that nothing “only that he’s a great dad” Mum was like…"Mtcheew" grin grin

Job done.
grin grin grin

I haff diee

This story just made my day.

Re: Ducking Out Of Church by Nobody: 3:15pm On Dec 26, 2017
Sarassin:
...
I cant stop laughing here.

Was he a charismatic minister? Or from a classical protestant/catholic church.
Re: Ducking Out Of Church by Nobody: 3:20pm On Dec 26, 2017
LoJ:

I cant stop laughing here.

Was he a charismatic minister? Or from a classical protestant/catholic church.
cheesy cheesy Orthodox
Re: Ducking Out Of Church by MizMyColi(f): 4:12pm On Dec 26, 2017
I have to re-read this story.

My little one won't let me laugh the way I desire to else she'll wake up.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

Emmanystone is coming for you.
Just waitgrin

3 Likes 1 Share

Re: Ducking Out Of Church by MuttleyLaff: 4:18pm On Dec 26, 2017
Sarassin:
At this time mum who had been feigning disinterest chipped in “eh…that’s the one you will know…why don’t you do something constructive eh?
At this point I uttered the magic wordsand even you dad….”
You want to reveal Dad's skeleton in the cupboard?

LoJ:
I cant stop laughing here.
Was he a charismatic minister?
Or from a classical protestant/catholic church.

Sarassin:
cheesy cheesy Orthodox
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree

You can take the man out of Orthodox influence,
but you can't take Eastern influence out of the man
Re: Ducking Out Of Church by MizMyColi(f): 4:18pm On Dec 26, 2017
Before I could get any further I heard a thunderous shout “ SHUT YOUR MOUTH RIGHT THERE BEFORE I BREAK YOUR STUPID HEAD, BOY”, I was like “ Yes but dad…” his voice was even louder now “I said SHUT UP!!”

Hei God

This laughter.

*faints*
Re: Ducking Out Of Church by Nobody: 5:02pm On Dec 26, 2017
MuttleyLaff:
You want to reveal Dad's skeleton in the cupboard?

Or, at least he thought so!
Re: Ducking Out Of Church by Nobody: 5:03pm On Dec 26, 2017
MizMyColi:


Hei God

This laughter.

*faints*

grin grin wakey wakey.

1 Like

Re: Ducking Out Of Church by MuttleyLaff: 5:20pm On Dec 26, 2017
Sarassin:
Or, at least he thought so!
You make me wish I had a time machine
so I can go back in time
step out of the time machine towards you
place two hands on your ears, start twisting them
and smh say: "you of all people, tut-tut-tut, scheming little so-and-so"

Dad kicked you out of Orthodox, but you latched on to Eastern,
even if the Eastern, is just in word and has no correlation to Orthodox
Re: Ducking Out Of Church by Nobody: 6:08pm On Dec 26, 2017
MuttleyLaff:
You make me wish I had a time machine
so I can go back in time
step out of the time machine towards you
place two hands on your ears, start twisting them
and smh say: "you of all people, tut-tut-tut, scheming little so-and-so"

Yeah, that was a bit devious even if i do say so myself.

MuttleyLaff:

Dad kicked you out of Orthodox, but you latched on to Eastern, even if the Eastern, is just in word and has no correlation to Orthodox

It was not really down to my Dad, our arguments were legendary but given what I had put him through he was positively a saint. The decision to turn my back on organised religion was entirely mine, it is not one that I regret, it has allowed me to grow in a way that being a part of any organised religion demanding conformity of thought would never allow.

Some people choose to go their own way, I am one of those.

6 Likes

Re: Ducking Out Of Church by Emmanystone: 6:41pm On Dec 26, 2017
MizMyColi:
I have to re-read this story.

My little one won't let me laugh the way I desire to else she'll wake up.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

Emmanystone is coming for you.
Just waitgrin
Who am i coming for?
Re: Ducking Out Of Church by MuttleyLaff: 6:49pm On Dec 26, 2017
Sarassin:
Yeah, that was a bit devious even if i do say so myself.
Just winding you up and still wearing the smile you gave me following reading that post
You dont want to know the antics and devious things I got up to growing up

Sarassin:
It was not really down to my Dad, our arguments were legendary
but given what I had put him through he was positively a saint.
The decision to turn my back on organised religion was entirely mine, it is not one that I regret,
it has allowed me to grow in a way that being a part of any organised religion demanding conformity of thought would never allow.
True religion and the one God approves of, has nothing to do with demanding conformity of thought

I have met and read here, so many in organised religion, who live a "conformity" lie or the other and believe it

One of the happiest moment of my life was when I too turned my back on organised religion.
I havent looked back since then, havent missed it, would never go back to it

Sarassin:
Some people choose to go their own way, I am one of those.
Nothing wrong with people choosing to go their own way
It's cool, once they know the road will lead them back home again.
If it leads them anywhere else, then they're toast

2 Likes

Re: Ducking Out Of Church by LotusFan: 6:53pm On Dec 26, 2017
Laff wan kee mi grin grin grin

2 Likes

Re: Ducking Out Of Church by Emmanystone: 6:57pm On Dec 26, 2017
Sarassin:


Yeah, that was a bit devious even if i do say so myself.



It was not really down to my Dad, our arguments were legendary but given what I had put him through he was positively a saint. The decision to turn my back on organised religion was entirely mine, it is not one that I regret, it has allowed me to grow in a way that being a part of any organised religion demanding conformity of thought would never allow.

Some people choose to go their own way, I am one of those.
I know right? Some are born sheep and some are born goats. I didn't call my sweetheart a goat o.

If anyone try am eh. Hmm.

3 Likes

Re: Ducking Out Of Church by Emmanystone: 7:13pm On Dec 26, 2017
MuttleyLaff:
Just winding you up and still wearing the smile you gave me following reading that post
You dont want to know the antics and devious things I got up to growing up

True religion and the one God approves of, has nothing to do with demanding conformity of thought

I have met and read here, so many in organised religion, who live a "conformity" lie or the other and believe it

One of the happiest moment of my life was when I too turned my back on organised religion.
I havent looked back since then, havent missed it, would never go back to it

Nothing wrong with people choosing to go their own way
It's cool, once they know the road will lead them back home again.
If it leads them anywhere else, then they're toast
Dumping organised religion wasn't so tough on me as it was for my eldest.sister, who had the guts to go to the boarding house and returned an S.U. when the entire family, from living grand parents to the last relative was Catholic. As a kid i watched my sister suffered raw persecution from people who called themselves Christians.

When i knew Catholic Church was not for me. I didn't do it as brazen as my sister. I just went to Church becos of School Fees and allowance. While in School. No Catholic anything.

Immediately i graduatsee off i went.

But, this journey hasn't been smooth at all. At a point JW almost got me. I found their materials so insightful, i read every of their book. When my Mom who had been saved years earlier got to know i was drifting to that trench, she literally cried for me. I escaped.

Then i met New Age. Aaahhh. I met one smart ass guy, just like my sarrasin here, he gave me all the books available and i gobbled everything down. Sarrasin says, Rampa is a Fraud. Okay.

Then i decided to hear what Jesus said about Himself, i never believed i could fall in love with a Spirit. I fell deeply in Love with my Master and i have wished for nothing else since.
The whole world can keep her goods, Jesus is enough for me.

12 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Ducking Out Of Church by LotusFan: 7:17pm On Dec 26, 2017
Emmanystone:


Then i decided to hear what Jesus said about Himself, i believed i could fall in love with a Spirit. I fell deeply in Love with my Master and i have wished for nothing else since.
The whole world can keep her goods, Jesus is enough for me.

Awwwww beautiful smiley smiley smiley

2 Likes

Re: Ducking Out Of Church by MuttleyLaff: 7:28pm On Dec 26, 2017
Emmanystone:
Dumping organised religion wasn't so tough on me as it was for my eldest.sister, who had the guts to go to the boarding house and returned an S.U. when the entire family, from living grand parents to the last relative was Catholic. As a kid i watched my sister suffered raw persecution from people who called themselves Christians.

When i knew Catholic Church was not for me. I didn't do it as brazen as my sister. I just went to Church becos of School Fees and allowance. While in School. No Catholic anything.

Immediately i graduatsee off i went.

But, this journey hasn't been smooth at all. At a point JW almost got me. I found their materials so insightful, i read every of their book. When my Mom who had been saved years earlier got to know i was drifting to that trench, she literally cried for me. I escaped.

Then i met New Age. Aaahhh. I met one smart ass guy, just like my sarassin here, he gave me all the books available and i gobbled everything down. Sarrasin says, Rampa is a Fraud. Okay.
I remember back in the day, had a friend, mere quarter full drinking glass of Heineken is enough to get him intoxicated and vulnerable
meanwhile I could down four cans straight up and still be alert
Some need to stay clear and away from things that potentially could overwhelm them

I am a glutton for knowledge, I do JW, New Age etcetera
Why? Because there at times, are elements of truth somewhere in them
Just need to recognise it when you find it
and if like when eating chicken, you come across bones, just spit it so not to get choked

Emmanystone:
Then i decided to hear what Jesus said about Himself,
i never believed i could fall in love with a Spirit.
I fell deeply in Love with my Master and i have wished for nothing else since.
The whole world can keep her goods, Jesus is enough for me.

LotusFan:
Awwwww beautiful smiley smiley smiley
I know. So touching isnt it. I almost reached for kleenex

1 Like

Re: Ducking Out Of Church by Nobody: 7:40pm On Dec 26, 2017
Emmanystone:

Dumping organised religion wasn't so tough on me as it was for my eldest.sister..........
The whole world can keep her goods, Jesus is enough for me.

Well said. Contentment is good.

4 Likes 1 Share

Re: Ducking Out Of Church by Nobody: 7:52pm On Dec 26, 2017
LotusFan:


Awwwww beautiful smiley smiley smiley
Something about you is familiar to me. Are you sure you are not ... ??

1 Like

Re: Ducking Out Of Church by MuttleyLaff: 8:10pm On Dec 26, 2017
LotusFan:
Awwwww beautiful smiley smiley smiley

LoJ:
Something about you is familiar to me. Are you sure you are not ... ??
And are you sure you are not a familiar spirit?

3 Likes

Re: Ducking Out Of Church by Nobody: 8:10pm On Dec 26, 2017
MuttleyLaff:
I remember back in the day, had a friend, mere quarter full drinking glass of Heineken is enough to get him intoxicated and vulnerable
meanwhile I could down four cans straight up and still be alert
Some need to stay clear and away things that potentially could overwhelm them

I am a glutton for knowledge, I do JW, New Age etcetera
Why? Because there at times, are elements of truth somewhere in them
Just need to recognise it when you find it
and if like when eating chicken, you come across bones, just spit it so not to get choked



I know. So touching isnt it. I almost reached for kleenex
Four cans? We should go drinking one day.
The JW's are always good for an argument, they never know when to stop and always keep coming back but I do admire them at least they practice what they preach unlike the Pentecostal crew.

So what was the turning point for you? I.e the defining moment?

1 Like

Re: Ducking Out Of Church by Nobody: 8:11pm On Dec 26, 2017
MuttleyLaff:


And are you sure you are not a familiar spirit?
what is a familiar spirit sir?
Re: Ducking Out Of Church by Nobody: 8:13pm On Dec 26, 2017
LoJ:

Something about you is familiar to me. Are you sure you are not ... ??

The face does look familiar grin

2 Likes

Re: Ducking Out Of Church by Nobody: 8:16pm On Dec 26, 2017
Sarassin:
The face does look familiar grin
I tell you grin

1 Like

Re: Ducking Out Of Church by MuttleyLaff: 8:18pm On Dec 26, 2017
Sarassin:
Four cans? We should go drinking one day
I dont mind taking you up on that
I remember guys offering me beer whilst having games of chess. I wonder what they were trying to get up to doing that

Sarassin:
The JW's are always good for an argument, they never know when to stop and always keep coming back
but I do admire them at least they practice what they preach unlike the Pentecostal crew.
Don't be fooled

Sarassin:
So what was the turning point for you?
i.e the defining moment?
Epiphany

LoJ:
What is a familiar spirit sir?
Never mind, was just pulling your leg
Re: Ducking Out Of Church by Nobody: 8:22pm On Dec 26, 2017
MuttleyLaff:
Never mind, was just pulling your leg
smiley

When I was a christian, there were this other branch of christian who were always casting and binding familiar spirits. I never understood what is it exactly they mean by that, nor the point of binding any spirit in carrying out deliverance. Well, topic for another day.

For now, lets enjoy the end of the year. I see lovely people in this thread. It should be tied to the season. We may have to thank jesus for that

2 Likes

Re: Ducking Out Of Church by MuttleyLaff: 8:23pm On Dec 26, 2017
Sarassin:
The face does look familiar grin
Wow, x-ray glasses!

LoJ:
I tell you grin
Where can I get a pair of those from guys?

1 Like

Re: Ducking Out Of Church by MuttleyLaff: 8:25pm On Dec 26, 2017
LoJ:
smiley

When I was a christian, there were this other branch of christian who were always casting and binding familiar spirits.
I never understood what is it exactly they mean by that, nor the point of binding any spirit in carrying out deliverance.
Well, topic for another day.

For now, lets enjoy the end of the year. I see lovely people in this thread. It should be tied to the season.
We may have to thank jesus for that
Sarcasm wont get you far friend
Re: Ducking Out Of Church by LotusFan: 8:26pm On Dec 26, 2017
MuttleyLaff:


And are you sure you are not a familiar spirit?

grin grin grin

1 Like

Re: Ducking Out Of Church by LotusFan: 8:27pm On Dec 26, 2017
LoJ:

Something about you is familiar to me. Are you sure you are not ... ??

I’m not who A farmiliar spirit grin grin grin

Sarassin:


The face does look familiar grin
grin grin grin
Re: Ducking Out Of Church by Nobody: 8:28pm On Dec 26, 2017
MuttleyLaff:
Sarcasm wont get you far friend
Ohh no sarcasm. I love jesus quite much. He has not paid me any visit for quite some time tho

(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) ... (25) (Reply)

UK Priest Allows Muslims To Pray In His Church, Hit By Abuse On Facebook / The New Testament Prophets Defined. / 'I Support A Restructured Nigeria' - Pastor Bakare Addresses The Nation (speech)

(Go Up)

Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health
religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket

Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10)

Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2024 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 60
Disclaimer: Every Nairaland member is solely responsible for anything that he/she posts or uploads on Nairaland.