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Stats: 2,672,733 members, 6,285,403 topics. Date: Wednesday, 12 May 2021 at 09:19 AM
|Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. by peacefull(f): 5:27am On Dec 29, 2017|
Thanks for open this topic.
And sorry about my English is very poor.
Coz I'm not English speaker.
I really need advice from who is Nigerian(Igbo) and who is marry with Nigerian(Igbo)guy.
I'm married with Igbo guy more than 10years.
We started relationship totally almost 15years.
But I'm still dont know lots of things about Nigerian culture.
Now we are living separate.
Coz he got new work in far place.
That's why he is only pay for house bill where I living.
I also working.
But my wage is very small.
He always demind me to pay for lots of things more than my wage since when we married.
In suddenly he leaved our house w/o any discuss when after he spoke his friend who is introduced him to new work.
Get new work is ok.
But what I dont understand is always he decided by himself about all of things.
My health is no good.
I suppose to be go to hospital what doctor said when I went to there @ last time.
But I still cant go there more than 4month.
Bcoz of money.
I told him that how much so hard life.
But he always ignoring me.
I know that he has money.
Coz every year he go back to Nigeria.
He can buy air ticket and many gifts for his family but he has no money to take me to hospital.
Is it his culture?
Wife must pay for life more than wage?
Husband salary is more than wife.
But still must pay half and half or more than him?
I know that not everybody same.
If wife have sick,still have to go to work and have to make money to go to hospital by herself?
Is that Nigerian common marriage life style?
He started stay in Nigeria more than 1month when he go back to Nigeria.
He told me 3months by this time.
Now he is in Nigeria.
I can understand that everybody who is stay in abroad want go back to own country and missing family.
But why always w/o wife?
People who is married and living in Nigeria,every year take holiday 1to3month?
No work,no pay,w/o partner.
Is it common?
And my husband dont wanna give me any gift and dont wanna spend time with me on any celebrate day.
So I also stopped gift for him.
I have no experience about dating with him as like common couples.
Is it Igbo culture?
I know that I decided marry with him.
But I didn't know kind of hard and lonely life Iwill get.
I still wanna ask many things.
But already too much writing.
Sorry about my poor English once more time.
I hope many people can understand what I'm trying to tell you.
PLS I NEED HELP.
19 Likes 1 Share
|Re: Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. by forreelinc(m): 5:55am On Dec 29, 2017|
Well in a typical Nigerian household
- The woman has to stop working when she gets married so when her husband dies she will be royally f*cked
- The woman becomes as fat as a hippopotamus and then she will act surprised when her husband starts cheating
- The woman brings her relatives to live in the house, steal their food and r@pe their kids, if the husband complains she either bribes him with a Mouth Gig or just go for the classic guilt trip
- The woman picks a fight with everyone and yells "hey don't talk to me like that i'm a married woman" like I give a sh!t
- The man no longer follows his dreams and has to stay in a dead end job because now he has a "family"
- One of the spouses is either a manipulator, a spouse beater or just enjoys being abusive to the other ,people typically think its the men that do these but in most cases, the women do and the men just keep shut outta shame
- The woman brings her A game in Nagging and acts surprised when the husband has a f*cking stroke
- The woman's mother inlaw does not like her because she is a WOMAN too
- The woman spoils the kids but asks the man to discipline them when they get in trouble
- The woman sends money to her family but bursts a blood vessel when the husband tries to send his family money
And this my dear is just a lil tori of naija marital bliss
34 Likes 1 Share
|Re: Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. by FemiEddy(m): 6:08am On Dec 29, 2017|
peacefull:彼はあなたを愛して trust me
|Re: Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. by peacefull(f): 6:40am On Dec 29, 2017|
Thank you for telling me that.
But I can't understand it well.
Bcoz of my English skill is really poor.
I made him to treat me like that what you wanna tell me?
Thank you for put pictures.
What do you mean that pictures?
|Re: Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. by Nutase: 6:57am On Dec 29, 2017|
Men generally have an ego. If u handle it well you'll be shocked at the result you'll achieve.
|Re: Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. by Badgers14: 6:58am On Dec 29, 2017|
Well well well.
First of all, it is not good to generalize about people's character because everyone is unique. Not every igbo man is like that and the character he is exhibiting is not peculiar to igbos.
I don't why your husband is acting like that and off course we don't know your full relationship history.
Here is the thing though, unlike the western world, African society is a patriarch society. Men rule. The man / husband usually gives orders, oversees the affairs of the family and run the family as he deems fit.
From what you wrote here though, you both have lived together for a long time. Maybe he has a wife in Nigeria, maybe his father or mother is sick or maybe he is tired of your relationship.. I dont know.
I will suggest you talk to him about how you feel and find out if there is a problem, find out how he feels about your relationship. You know have soul to soul conversation with your husband. A good husband regardless of his race, tribe or nationality should care for the wife's feeling and make sure she is happy.
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|Re: Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. by peacefull(f): 8:41am On Dec 29, 2017|
Thank you for advice me.
I already had lots of shock about him.
But I'm still love him.
I really hope continue our marriage life and get more good marriage life till when we die.
Thank you for advice me.
I know that Everybody different.
I'm Asian and I never been to any other country.
Women can't say anything to men in Africa?
If women say something to men,is that rude?
I always thankful to him in my mind.
Even I say thank you to him when he helped me whatever he did.
I already have a child b/4 marry with him.
And he took care of us only his salary when I lost work bcoz of my sick.
But my life was no change what I work or not work.
We started marriage life in my house.
He just brought his bag.
So I wanted him to understand that what is make family.
Bcoz I dont understand what somebody can't take care of wife and kids but want marry and make baby.
And doing wanna acting wanna like single guy.
Kind of guy suppose to be not get marriage.
That is my thinking and I told him lots of times.
So,I didn't try to get work more than 5years after my sick is gone.
I think very sorry and thankful to him in my mind.
But I thought that is little bit revenge to him @ that time.
I was so stupid.
And I was so mad when we had quarrel.
Many many many times.
I was really mad wife.
More than 10years is not short time to me.
We had so many good times and bad times.
But i'm thankful about he is also trying to keep our marriage whatever he love me or not.
I wanna write more.
But I dont want he'll find out me in here.
|Re: Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. by twosquare: 6:52pm On Dec 29, 2017|
peacefull:Well, with all you have said, I believe the best is to talk to him about your feelings and what's bothering you. In Nigerian marriages, individual personality differs, even among Igbos, other tribes as well. People are not the same, likewise we have sweet and bitter marriages all around. Women here can talk with their husbands and share their concerns even though we have patriarchal system here. You have nothing to be afraid of. Something, I believe, is off. Just talk to him. We have caring husbands and likewise wives here. By the way, which country are you from in Asia? Indonesia?
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|Re: Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. by NoToPile: 7:24pm On Dec 29, 2017|
Are you sure he doesn't have a wife in Nigeria.
|Re: Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. by peacefull(f): 8:06pm On Dec 29, 2017|
Thank you for adviced me.
I'm from Japan.
I tried to tell him about my feel.
How much hard to pay and How much feel like lonely.
But he dont care.
Maybe bcoz of I was so much mad woman to him?
|Re: Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. by keepingmum: 8:06pm On Dec 29, 2017|
Your husband has a wife in nigeria. That is why he travels without you.
That is why he travels every year.
That is why he is extending his visit to 3 months.
I will have to say i am surprised that an ibo man will marry and not look after his wife adequately. Its very unlike a typical ibo man
|Re: Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. by twosquare: 8:38pm On Dec 29, 2017|
peacefull:Maybe not... If you have treated him badly in the past, he might resent you now. Do you have children together (I mean did he fathered a child through you)? He should be able to bring you to his family after many years together except he is hiding something.
|Re: Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. by peacefull(f): 8:45pm On Dec 29, 2017|
Thank you for telling me what your thinking.
Now I also doubting him.
And I told him that.
But I made mistake.
I still dont have any proof about it.
If I'm thinking about that, I'm feel like cry.
That's why I trying to dont think about that.
I asked his friend who is Igbo guy about what I read about Igbo guy married with Japanese woman and also have Nigerian wife in Nigeria.
He told me "no good to trust web site story ",
"Dont trust it"
And he asked me about how? Nigerian wife knows about her husband married JP woman? She always just wating him until when he'll be back?
His face was supplies and watch my face like"stupid woman" what his face wanna say.
So I stopped talk about that for a while.
But by this time my doub is back to my mind.
I still wanna trust him.
But not easy.
I just wanted make good family with him and my child.
Is that bad things?
I thought keep that thinking is good for marriage life b/4.
But I dont know now.
|Re: Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. by keepingmum: 9:21pm On Dec 29, 2017|
His friends will never tell you the truth. Insist on travelling with him to nigeria next year. Start saving your flight ticket money so that he wont say he doesnt have money for your ticket.
When you go, look for the lady he introduces as his "sister" the lady who's children call him daddy"....thats his wife and those are his children.
He may lie to you and tell you that they call him daddy because hes looking after them financially but its a big lie
|Re: Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. by peacefull(f): 9:52pm On Dec 29, 2017|
I really wanted make my child's brother or
Even I really wanted have his baby.
But he never want.
He always say no money.
Now I'm getting old.
I think I can't get baby anymore.
But he always telling me that my age still can birth baby in Nigeria.
Anyway, I made big mistake about for his family.
That's why he don't wanna give me a chance to take communicate with them.
He is blocking me to his family.
My mistake is I couldn't talk to his family when he wanted me to talk.
Why I couldn't that is my English was very poor more than now.
And phone is too much difficult than face to face.
So I thought I need to take more time to greet his family.
Bcoz I thought if I couldn't answer well, very rude person like who don't know about manner and molar.
That's why I told him give me a time.
But he demanded me to talk and never say how to back up me.
My feel was he is mean to me.
I was so stupid.
After some time, I sent a mail to them what he told me about family mail box.
His brothers and sisters share that mail address.
I don't know is true or not.
We had lots of problem @ that time.
I wanted need help like now in here(Nairaland).
I needed advice and wanted try to understand his culture.
But when I sent a mail b/4,he told me that if I'll send a mail, its gonna be big problem for you!
That he said.
But I ignored him and sent.
Nobody reply me.
I'm asked him to wanna talk to his mom after sometimes.
But he said no.
Only one time, he said ok.
But even he said that whatever mom say to me don't complain to him.
That he told me.
So I stopped it @ that time.
I'm still don't know any his family member.
And they also don't know me and my child.
So much strange...
I don't know that he also blocking them or not.
|Re: Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. by peacefull(f): 9:56pm On Dec 29, 2017|
Sorry for late reply and thank you!
I'm also doubting him now.
But I'm still wanna trust him and still love him.
I don't know why.
|Re: Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. by peacefull(f): 10:09pm On Dec 29, 2017|
Thank you so much.
I wanna save money for go to Nigeria with him.
But my small money is everything for life.
He don't care if me and my child are hungry.
I know that his friends never ever tell me truth.
All of them are his side.
And I read something b/4 what you told me about guy say sister or cousin is his wife.
And her kids are his kids...
|Re: Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. by twosquare: 10:30pm On Dec 29, 2017|
With all you have said, I cannot disprove the feeling that he is got kids in Nigeria and a wife since you said he doesn't have a child through you.
Everyone knows a Nigerian/Africans want a child to carry on the lineage. It is in the blood. For him to say it doesn't matter; he might be lying. I'm just wondering why how you could have waited this long...Do you have the Greencard?...I hope that is not the reason he married you.
|Re: Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. by peacefull(f): 11:23pm On Dec 29, 2017|
I'm Japanese and living in Japan.
I don't have Greencard.
But my husband already got kind of Greencard what Japan call it permanent visa.
I also doubted b/4.
He married me bcoz of permanent visa
Many people divorced when they got permanent visa.
That's why I wondered him and asked him so many times about why he don't wanna divorce me.
I had feel like divorce him lots of times.
But I couldn't do it.
Bcoz I'm loving him so much.
I know I'm doing like stupid.
How can I find out truth about him?
That is very difficult to me.
Polygamy is common in Nigeria?
Is it also common to Christian?
He is Catholic Christian.
Is possible in Nigeria who is Christian has more than one wife?
Japan can't do that
That is criminal.
I'm doubting him about he has wife and kid in Nigeria.
But I always try to trust him.
Even now I'm still wanna trust him.
I don't wanna think about my almost 15years is wasted time...
But same Nigerian peoples word is I think real.
This is big problem to me.
|Re: Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. by josessybj: 6:27am On Dec 30, 2017|
Maybe he has a new wife back home
|Re: Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. by Nobody: 7:11am On Dec 30, 2017|
From your post, I think you were married for benefits. It seems one of the reasons for marrying you was getting your passport and now that he has gotten it, he has no regard for you anymore
Another issue may be that he already has a spouse and family down here, try to do your investigation well, insist on coming down home with him, get to know his friends and family then tell most of them what is going on, surely one will have pity on you and he will be exposed.
Do you have any kids?
|Re: Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. by peacefull(f): 9:29am On Dec 30, 2017|
Thank you for wrote to me.
I also doubting him.
But I still can't find out proof it.
And I don't know how can find it.
|Re: Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. by NoToPile: 10:02am On Dec 30, 2017|
Madam he most likely has a family in Nigeria. I am really sorry about the way you are being treated though.
|Re: Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. by peacefull(f): 10:47am On Dec 30, 2017|
Thank you for adviced me.
I have a child.
I was birth a child w/o marriage when b/4 met him.
I was single mom since 18years old till I met him.
You said benefits is me?
Sorry for I can't understand English very well.
Coz I'm not English speaker and my English skill is very poor.
I'm married with him is I fell in love.
Single mom in Japan who is not rich have Government support.
Once of a 4month they give money.
Tax for living is free.
Cost of medical is free etc.
But once get marriage, they stop it.
And sometimes she have to pay them back some money.
If single mom who is get that support will start relationship with man, that is they think he is supporting for her.
If they go to a restaurant is food support.
If they hanging out with what ever they use I mean car,train,bus etc, is that transport support.
So when we decided marry, he paid back them some money instead of me.
I hadn't any benefits from him what if only think about money.
I had that support from Government @ that time.
They have income limit.
If somebody over income limit, that person can't get support or just little bit over person is something cut support.
So I started have to pay what I didn't need pay b/4 marriage.
And he was not rich guy.
He worked on food factory @ that time.
And that company paid him not same for Japanese.
Very bad company.
And marry with foreign in Japan is too much trouble some.
Japanese and Japanese marriage is just go to city hall and give them marriage registration.
Then after that change all of documents.
Also little bit trouble some.
But our case, he had to get some documents from Nigeria then after had to translate it.
We brought it in city hall.
But Japanese and foreign marriage registration is can't accept it @ that day.
City hall bring it to Ministry of Justice.
Then we went to Legal Affairs Breau and had interview.
And also went to Embassy of Nigeria and Immigration office.
We also had interview in Immigration office.
All of that during we waited accept our marriage.
His all of documents had to translate.
We had interview bcoz of they doubting fake marriage what is investigation us.
We waited 2month to accept our marriage.
Then we started do another documents as like Japanese and Japanese marriage after got accept.
So I think I didn't have any benefits.
I don't know about him.
But He could get another woman who have no kid and who is rich woman.
He just got visa.
I wanted know about Nigerian marriage is what is wife's duty and what is husband's duty in common.
And how Nigerian marriage life for cost of living b/w husband and wife.
That's why I wrote about money in this topic.
I know that everythings are person by person.
Everybody are different human.
|Re: Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. by Funkybabee(f): 11:53am On Dec 30, 2017|
Sorry for that sister, the truth is that he has married because u don't bear a child for him. Nigerian parents will not accept that, maybe because of benefits he would acquire from you makes him to marry you..maybe you should kit up and dress normally and pray, may God give you ur own ribs because I can't say any hope to you unless you both come to Nigeria and meets his parents
|Re: Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. by peacefull(f): 12:17pm On Dec 30, 2017|
Thank You for caring me.
Sometimes, truth is so hurt to mind.
Now many peoples in here(Nairaland) telling me that he is married in Nigeria.
I still wanna trust him.
But it is so difficult to me now.
I'm always getting love him than yesterday but also getting tired about him.
I don't wanna hate him.
If he already marry with somebody in Nigeria, that is maybe good for him.
Bcoz he is happy now?
I just wanted have and make good family with him.
If he is happy, I also happy.
If he is sad, I wanna share his sad and wanna take his pain.
If he has trouble, i will try to solve that trouble with him what I can do all of my best for him.
I wanted have kind of relationship with him.
And I'm still trying to do my best now.
I don't know that is working to him or not.
Sometimes I made mistake and sometimes I can't do.
Bcoz of I am human.
Not a robot.
I'm so APPRECIATE all of peoples who is wrote for me in here.
I really wanted hear from real Nigerians voice.
I hadn't way to hear about Nigeria and Nigerian culture.
Only I having way to hear from my husband.
Now I found out he is not common Igbo guy what he treating me.
But I got peace of mind about Nigerian peoples.
I know that every country have good person and bad person.
But in here(Japan), many Nigerians are doing bad things and some of arrested.
If open website, many Japanese women are
wrote about how much bad person who is Nigerian guys/husband what they forgotten about they choose started relationship with that guy.
But many of them are warm hearted person in here(Nairaland) for me what doesn't matter about my husband.
I just thankful to meet good Nigerian peoples instead of my husband
|Re: Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. by peacefull(f): 12:38pm On Dec 30, 2017|
Thank You for caring me.
I think I can't see his family.
Bcoz of my mistake and he don't want me to take any relationship with them.
And I know that they don't wanna accept me and my child.
I just surprised about Nigerian who is Christian can marry more than one wives.
Or our marriage is not count?
Thank you for called me sister!
I'm very very happy!!!
I thought I can't get many advise and peoples don't like me.
Bcoz here(Nairaland) is Nigerian's community place.
So I was little bit need nerves.
But now I'm so happy about I touched many warm hearted peoples.
|Re: Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. by Funkybabee(f): 2:01pm On Dec 30, 2017|
it's not acceptable for christians men to marry two woman even here in Nigeria, but the thing is they won't count your marriage because those people are liars. His parents may not even know about it talk more of his pastor...
he cannot tell them that he is married before they join his new wife na and he may have married before he come to ur country....you guys should be vigilant whenever you want to marry another country man especially Nigerian...
cc lalasticala seun Mynd44 can
U might help her push it to fp for more advice pls
|Re: Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. by armyofone(m): 2:31pm On Dec 30, 2017|
You didn't make any mistake by not talking to his family because you don't understand English or the language to communicate with them was the reason. So not your fault - don't feel bad.
You've been together for a very long time.
He used you to to make his stay in Japan permanent.
So it is up to you to stay or leave (he would like that after all you left on your own).
Highly possible he has a wife and kids in Nigeria (maybe before he met you)
He may be taking advantage of your communication problems. 15 years together and never made efforts to take you home - your guy is playing a fast one and smart alec on you...it's so clear sister.
So if you ever become tired and decide to leave him, make sure you do it in court and formally.
Sorry for your experience! Stay strong for it is well.
|Re: Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. by Seun(m): 3:23pm On Dec 30, 2017|
keepingmum:Bad idea. We can’t guarantee her safety if she does this.
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|Re: Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. by peacefull(f): 7:05pm On Dec 30, 2017|
Thank you for caring me.
But that is my mistake.
I hadn't English skill more than now.
But I could just say Hi what he demanded me.
I didn't do that.
I made him and his family feel so bad.
If he is married and has kids, I still can't think about he is real bad guy.
Coz he also tried to keep our relationship almost 15years what fake or real is doesn't matter for me.
I'm thankful to him.
Now we separate living.
But he still come back to where we lived together and I still living.
(2h30min to come back and At least twice of a month.)
Is that not only reason for I can't think about he is bad guy.
Maybe bcoz of I'm still loving him.
And I'm still looking for how do I make happy with him.
In fact, I told him about divorce b/4 he go to Nigeria.
I told him that is not first time.
If he go to Nigeria about 1month or 1month and half, I can understand.
But more than that w/o us is can't understand.
If bcoz of business, I can understand.
So, I told him that if he wanna and will do that,
Just decide to divorce me and go(about 2years ago)
I also told him that by this time.
Bcoz I don't want him to think about I never ever leave him whatever he will do.
Even I told him that love and passion is not forever.
I also have feel(emotion?) and think like him.
Both of them have to try to keep love for each other.
(Sorry,that is only my thinking.)
I wanted him to understand my feel when I told him.
Everything was mean less to him.
That mean is he don't care about divorce.
He don't care loose me.
He don't love me.
My feel like empty...so lonely...
But I'm still waiting him.
I'm missing him so much.
I'm still alive!!
I'm gonna stay strong!!!
If he will be my enemy, I never ever give up to beat him down!
|Re: Pls, I Want To Know About Nigerian Marriage Life. by peacefull(f): 7:19pm On Dec 30, 2017|
Thank you for worry about my safe.
I never been to Nigeria.
So I can't imagine how much danger in Nigeria?
My husband said danger for Japanese.
But I thought his excuse to don't wanna take me to Nigeria @ that time.
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