Angela777:

This is the developed countries believe, most people are looking for love yet in Africa money is more important, very few people care about love. Nigerians are smart and men outsmart women using a sweet talk and then using a woman as his help, maid for everything. Many Nigerian men dress up expensive and get all money the woman makes. Nigerian women are very smart too because they need to be living around very smart cheating men. It's different in Nigeria than in Japan or America.

Yes, I know many Nigerians and some gave me a good and friendly advice when I was in your situation, some have pity of a foreign woman and tell you what is it real.

To you all I can say, don't believe what your husband is saying, Nigerian culture is usually never tell the truth, they tell you lies or they don't tell you anything. Watch your husbands action. Does he miss you? Does he buy things for the house, does he fix the the house for better living, does he invite you to eat out, does he go to have a nice time together out? Does he buy clothes, gifts for you? It's the way the Nigerian man shows love to his woman and of course, he cares and helps you if you are sick.

You had / have doubts about him, it's because you see and feel he is not honest with you. Watch, see and open your eyes, check his phone chats, his Facebook or any other social media or dating site he is using, he is your husband, you have the right to know where do you stand. What about the joint property? House, car, inheritance? Is your husband building security and properties together with you or it's built all by you and he is always poor? Don't talk too much to him which makes you more confused and he will accuse you for believing the internet stories. Open your eyes, see and analyze, look from outside as you were the best friend you have. What your best friend would advise you?

peacefull:



Very sad again
I know every where have kind of men and women who can marry without love.
Even in Japan now, many women think about husband is just for money. They think husband is their ATM. I read it on internet. That is very very bad.
If I just want money, I didn't marry with him. He was not rich and one rich man who was customer in my work place at that time wanted me to be his woman. But I never accepted it. Because I was already in love with my husband. If I just wanted get money, I had chance with that rich man. But I never had interest about that guy. I don't like someone think like if have money, they can get any woman. I chose love. Not money. I married with him because of love.
I maybe very poor woman. But my heart never be poor.
I know money is very important for life. But money also can make lonely and miserable. Money can make poor heart.
My husband and my child always making me happy. If my husband couldn't make good relationship with my child, I couldn't marry with him. If my child couldn't make good relationship with my husband, I couldn't marry with him. Both of them making good relationship. That's why We are still together. I'm always really appreciate about that. They making me happy.

What I can't understand about money is he always say he don't have money and our life is always hard. He can't pay some his bills on time.Yet he can buy many things and air ticket, then go to Nigeria and stay there more than 1month.
How can someone who don't have money can do that?
But when I said about that, he think I just don't like him to go to Nigeria and I just want him to buy gift for me. He can't get my point. I'm not demanding him to buy gift for me or demanding him to spend all his money for me. Not I don't want him to go to Nigeria. He is hard working person. He has good health. He is making money more than me. Yet he can't pay his bills on time and he has arrears some bills. But he can spend a lot of money to go to Nigeria. If he can buy many things and can buy air ticket and stay in Nigeria more than 1month without working, he supposed to pay his bills first. He supposed to not add more arrears. If I had enough money to pay, I will pay everything. So I will not shame and feel so sorry. Go to office, explain to them and beg them. I'm always miserable at that time. Long time ago one officer told me to divorce with him and try to protect my life and my child's life
He said if I will decide it, he will assist for introduce me to lawyer and guide me to support system to protect our life. I was crying and explain to him about my husband is not bad husband like what he think
Very sad experience.
My husband tried and trying to protect our life. But sometimes something is doing like irresponsible person. How I wish I could have enough money. So I can solve myself kind of problem.

Anyway, I really appreciate you. Really really appreciate you. You telling me many many things. I'm learning many many things!! I'm appreciate you!!

peacefull:



Very sad again
I know every where have kind of men and women who can marry without love.
Even in Japan now, many women think about husband is just for money. They think husband is their ATM. I read it on internet. That is very very bad.
If I just want money, I didn't marry with him. He was not rich and one rich man who was customer in my work place at that time wanted me to be his woman. But I never accepted it. Because I was already in love with my husband. If I just wanted get money, I had chance with that rich man. But I never had interest about that guy. I don't like someone think like if have money, they can get any woman. I chose love. Not money. I married with him because of love.
I maybe very poor woman. But my heart never be poor.
I know money is very important for life. But money also can make lonely and miserable. Money can make poor heart.
My husband and my child always making me happy. If my husband couldn't make good relationship with my child, I couldn't marry with him. If my child couldn't make good relationship with my husband, I couldn't marry with him. Both of them making good relationship. That's why We are still together. I'm always really appreciate about that. They making me happy.

What I can't understand about money is he always say he don't have money and our life is always hard. He can't pay some his bills on time.Yet he can buy many things and air ticket, then go to Nigeria and stay there more than 1month.
How can someone who don't have money can do that?
But when I said about that, he think I just don't like him to go to Nigeria and I just want him to buy gift for me. He can't get my point. I'm not demanding him to buy gift for me or demanding him to spend all his money for me. Not I don't want him to go to Nigeria. He is hard working person. He has good health. He is making money more than me. Yet he can't pay his bills on time and he has arrears some bills. But he can spend a lot of money to go to Nigeria. If he can buy many things and can buy air ticket and stay in Nigeria more than 1month without working, he supposed to pay his bills first. He supposed to not add more arrears. If I had enough money to pay, I will pay everything. So I will not shame and feel so sorry. Go to office, explain to them and beg them. I'm always miserable at that time. Long time ago one officer told me to divorce with him and try to protect my life and my child's life
He said if I will decide it, he will assist for introduce me to lawyer and guide me to support system to protect our life. I was crying and explain to him about my husband is not bad husband like what he think
Very sad experience.
My husband tried and trying to protect our life. But sometimes something is doing like irresponsible person. How I wish I could have enough money. So I can solve myself kind of problem.

Anyway, I really appreciate you. Really really appreciate you. You telling me many many things. I'm learning many many things!! I'm appreciate you!!

error4040:

wow this love you have for this your husband is on another level.
Firstly we made you know he have another wife here in Nigeria, yet you still love him

now you mentioned he hardly pay his bills even tho he is making more money, yet you still love him

again you said he hardly buy you Gift just to appreciate you, yet you still love him

he hardly gives you money but can spend on air ticket to Nigeria and spend more than a month, yet you still don't see his fault.

please what kind of heart Do you have for you to be so Humble and obedient to someone who is treating you like Trash! ?

please don't be Offended i have come to conclude your Husband is cruel and inhuman.

Angela777:

You are so right and friends like you helped me to get out of my unconditional love to a cruel inhuman man. The lady is very nice, soft and she is an only 1 man woman, not easy for her to get out of this abusive marriage, she see it all but still she wishes to have more money to pay for all by herself. If she does, her husband will live on her and even get more of her money to buy gifts to his Nigerian family and go for more time to be there. She is a very nice woman, she deserves better life and better husband but she needs to wake up, some women we are very naive and very slow to understand this kind of abuse, we think he will change for better, maybe more money paying bills will change him. Once my cousin said me the real truth, " Never expect people over 30 to change, they don't become better, they are adults and they only become worse with age." If her husband is a user, he will always use her just because he can.

error4040 you are a good friend, you just gave to this lady the best advice

error4040:


I just don know but seriously her situation is very very painful.
like for God sake why would someone be this Cruel by feeding others with someone else hard sweat just because the other party is weak and trying her best to be a good wife.
the most annoying part he earn more but still made her believe that the only way to prove her love is if she can make more money.
meanwhile after making the small money she can he won't allow her use it properly on her self instead he would still expect her to cut a percentage for him then he will stylishly use the money and travel down to Nigeria and be flaunting illicit gotten money up and down while some zombies would be hailing him CHAIRMAN!

Well let him wait for the Law of KARMA!!! because it would surely come Around.

Angela777:

You know it all very well. I also hope this nice lady will wake up soon and take better care of herself and her child future.

error4040:

Please is there anyway you can create an Awareness related to this issue, just for the sake of others still trapped in this delimma ?

error4040:

wow this love you have for this your husband is on another level.
Firstly we made you know he have another wife here in Nigeria, yet you still love him

now you mentioned he hardly pay his bills even tho he is making more money, yet you still love him

again you said he hardly buy you Gift just to appreciate you, yet you still love him

he hardly gives you money but can spend on air ticket to Nigeria and spend more than a month, yet you still don't see his fault.

please what kind of heart Do you have for you to be so Humble and obedient to someone who is treating you like Trash! ?

please don't be Offended i have come to conclude your Husband is cruel and inhuman.

Angela777:

I can write it in my blog when I have time and no lazy, and invite people to post.

error4040:
Do give me a mention when you Write.

Angela777:

Darling, read your own writing, you answer to your own questions but still calling him a good husband trying to protect your life. Where? How? He is spending more money in Nigeria and wants YOU paying his bills, he is using you. You see even that officer noticed it and gave you a good advice. As a woman I know how hard is to get a divorce specially if the man apparently is nice to you and doesn't hit you and you don't see him cheating. Please, get some local advice, maybe a Japanese psychologist or even a financial adviser, think, research what will be with your life in the future when you get older. What will be about your pension, your house and how will you live? Can you make savings now if your health needs medicine and doctors? You are spending on your husband many years and he spends in Nigeria. You need to think about your health, future and to protect your child too, your husband is NOT protecting you. Please, talk to people, advisers, friends, family, ask for a good advice. You yourself see it all but you need help to fix this situation and not to be ruined. Sorry.

peacefull:


If husband can't buy gift for wife, is that problem? Wife will leave him because of can't buy gift?

peacefull:

If sometimes husband can't pay money, is that big problem? Wife should leave him?

peacefull:

If answer is Yes, What will happen if husband lose work or get sick and can't make money?

peacefull:

Wife will not try to support him? not assist him? not try to make money and not try to protect life with him? Is that wife? [/b]

No a wife is expected to assist her husband but this your husband is the type that don't seem to care or appreciate your help, instead he is playing the Victim here

[quote author=peacefull post=76352920]
I think if have problem, try to solve problem together. Not always have good time. Sometimes have bad time. Trying to solve problem with partner is not wasting time. Very important. Think about what is best for solve it together. We can't always have what we want, We can't always hear what we wanna hear. Always thankful for what we have. Don't demand too much what we can't get. I'm always think like that.

peacefull:

I maybe don't know how to love partner.
Maybe I wrote it same thing before.
If this my marriage is fail, maybe I have problem. Because love is always hurt to me

peacefull:


I had already change my mind. I'm not like before. That's why I told him one day I wanna try to live my life. I don't know if I can or not.


He is paying for my house rent. Even when he is in Nigeria, he send me money for that. But when he stay there more than 1month, he can't have salary. So he can't give me any money.
He is trying to pay his bills little by little. Not he don't wanna pay. But I wanted him to pay on time. Not arrears.
He go to Nigeria and spend money is not problem for me. My problem is difficult to understand that he has arrears some bills. But spend money for go to Nigeria before finished arrears.
I really can't understand. He should pay first. If he has money for go to Nigeria.
But when I told him about that, he always think I don't like or I don't want him to go to Nigeria. He can't get my point.

He bought gift for me before. Even when he go to Nigeria, he always bought me souvenir. That is gift for me. He can't give me gift is not problem for me. I liked celebrate on special day with him before. I couldn't even buy expensive gift for him. But I had fun with cooking food for special day and buy small gift for him. Now I don't remember when last time we celebrate together on special day. My problem is feeling like lonely. Peoples spending time with their partner on special day. But I'm not.
I thought gift for partner is not common in Nigeria. I thought maybe different culture That's why I wrote about gift when I joined this website.

If husband can't buy gift for wife, is that problem? Wife will leave him because of can't buy gift?
If sometimes husband can't pay money, is that big problem? Wife should leave him?
If answer is Yes, What will happen if husband lose work or get sick and can't make money?
Wife will not try to support him? not assist him? not try to make money and not try to protect life with him? Is that wife?
I think if have problem, try to solve problem together. Not always have good time. Sometimes have bad time. Trying to solve problem with partner is not wasting time. Very important. Think about what is best for solve it together. We can't always have what we want, We can't always hear what we wanna hear. Always thankful for what we have. Don't demand too much what we can't get. I'm always think like that.

I maybe don't know how to love partner.
Maybe I wrote it same thing before.
If this my marriage is fail, maybe I have problem. Because love is always hurt to me

Angela777:

Dear, it can't work for a long time just one person giving and another one receiving. Love grows up if it is mutual and Love dies, fades if one way only. As you describe, your husband has another family in Nigeria and probably kids because even his family demands his blood kids and push him to marry to a Nigerian lady. If you are ok with polygamy and accept his wife and his kids, if you accept the fact you are the 1st or maybe the 2nd wife and he can have 1,2,3 wives more, try to talk to your husband and get an agreement but you can't live between lies, your own doubts are eating you from inside, you are sad, it can cause the depression, even cancer, you need to fix this situation the best way you can and live happy with him or without him, your child needs a happy mother and even the cheating husband want to see you happy, not sad every day.

Can you accept to be the 2nd or 3rd wife? Can you accept your husband making more money than you but dividing it between 2-3 families and it's never enough for your family? Muslim women live this way but they don't work and are fully supported by their husband. Is he a Muslim?

error4040:

Now this is Funny
She once said he is Catholic.

sparkle7:
Peaceful you are quite the very best wife in Japan just that the man who you make all these sacrifices for never appreciate it.
You story is really heart breaking. It weaks me seeing people who are financial ridden and i cant do anything about it. You dont really know how much i share your hurts right now. But i will bookmark this thread and surely reach out to you if i get some crispy notes. Am even thinking of how to sell all my Father's properties and wire the money to you. < joke intended. Nigeria is so difficult so we Nigerians make joke of the hardships instead of sulking. We laugh at our own sufferings just to feel better. Life got no manual, we take it as it is >
for the record am a legit, cool headed 18 year old Igbo boy, born and bred Son of the Soil. Look, the general perceptive of many Nigerian youth is. Get away from the country >> Travel abroad >> Make some money whether legit or not >> Come back to Nigeria and convert it to our local currency. Automatically making the guy a millionaire. >> Take the Igwe title < kingship > or start answering ' Omena Dollar ' meaning ' Dollar Don' literally, One who deals with dollars or money bag. Am afraid its the same part your husband is threading upon. Igbos are huge spenders on those they love and care about.
I once sent my Girlfriend my university tuition fees, all in the name of love. Stupid me! But this your husband is not showing these qualities of love peculiar to Nigerian men. Making me reach the assumption that he is keeping you just for the greencard. And believe me thats the root cause of most online dating scams by Nigerians. Everybody wants to leave the country for greener pastures thinking that its easy over there. Now in igbo culture, much duties are placed on the shoulders of first borns/ first male child. He is invicibly tasked with the job of providing for the family like sending cash for upkeeps, ensuring to take care of his other sibilings even to a detrimental extent to his own progression. My Dad had to train his whole sibilings and paid their school fee even though he wasnt through with his own schooling just because he came first.
So i dont know if your husband is the first child of his family, even though he is, such should not warrant such degree of negligience to his japanese wife.
It is an open secret that he has a wife in Nigeria who he sends money for upkeeps. And i tell you his nigerian wife ( if my speculations are true ) dont give a flying Yuan who you are as far as the money conitnues flowing. Her opinion is ' There is no place like Home' meaning after everything, she still gets her husband back home with her. We Nigerians know ourselves. Believe me when i tell you this
he is a baller and millionaire here in Nigeria. Our general notion of our Brothers who travel abroad and come back is >> This guy is killing the dollar! This guy have raked in too much cash there o. Infact he can sow a money suit now. And when he goes to village meetings, he will be praised, hailed and edified because we think he is now counting in $$$ instead of Naira.
This will make him spend voraciously as to whom much is given, much is also expected. So i wont be surprise that your husband is living large and expensive here in Nigeria but forms a pauper back in Japan. And you are his tool with which he actualizes his self centered ambitions. You accomodate him and legalise his stay in Japan while he mines for Gold without giving much to you. How can one refuse paying his bills, take his surpportive wife to the clinic, help out in the day to day running of the house, treat you like a queen ( which you are ). But he has money to book an expensive flight back home. Thats so odd for an Igbo boy who cherish and adores his wife. I dont wanna believe he is using you. Also about the electricity stuff. Dont blame him, our community have not had electricity for straight 4 months. So 10 days is quite small to worry about. We rely heavily on Generators for power. You quite respectful still, a rare virtue of Good wives. I can relate igbo culture to you. Feel free to ask your questions. @ Angela777 fallacy of Hasty generalization. Dont judge based on one angle. Non scammers far outnumbers the Scammers in Nigeria. You said Some raw truths tho. And no i dont believe in the Charm thing. Take a chill pill. And yeah you are right we like money. Like, who doesnt? Come to mbaise marriage ceremony an Igbo clan and see what money wastage is called.

error4040:




To my understanding a husband should buy a gift for his wife just to appreciate her this can be time to time not all the time tho, But as you said he hardly spend time with you or buy gift even on special Day



As the man in A family he is expected to Pay most bills, But if he can't a wife is expected to help but not the way he is making you help despite being financially stable.

what you need to know is Your husbands case is different.
why won't he pay his fees on time but would have money to buy expensive gift and flight ticket ?
If he was truthful Family should come 1st before other things



And here again your case is different because you're the one who is making less money and facing health challenges but despite this situation he still won't pay his bils on time and insisted you work
if he truly care about you let him wait till your health is better before buying ticket to Nigeria

Angela777:

Dear, it can't work for a long time just one person giving and another one receiving. Love grows up if it is mutual and Love dies, fades if one way only. As you describe, your husband has another family in Nigeria and probably kids because even his family demands his blood kids and push him to marry to a Nigerian lady. If you are ok with polygamy and accept his wife and his kids, if you accept the fact you are the 1st or maybe the 2nd wife and he can have 1,2,3 wives more, try to talk to your husband and get an agreement but you can't live between lies, your own doubts are eating you from inside, you are sad, it can cause the depression, even cancer, you need to fix this situation the best way you can and live happy with him or without him, your child needs a happy mother and even the cheating husband want to see you happy, not sad every day.

Can you accept to be the 2nd or 3rd wife? Can you accept your husband making more money than you but dividing it between 2-3 families and it's never enough for your family? Muslim women live this way but they don't work and are fully supported by their husband. Is he a Muslim?

armyofone:
@Angela777

Wow @ your experience!

@ Lady peacefull keep your eyes open! Your defensiveness is on another level.

Are you not reading or hearing what Fada are doing talk less of the layman.

sparkle7:
Peaceful you are quite the very best wife in Japan just that the man who you make all these sacrifices for never appreciate it.
You story is really heart breaking. It weaks me seeing people who are financial ridden and i cant do anything about it. You dont really know how much i share your hurts right now. But i will bookmark this thread and surely reach out to you if i get some crispy notes. Am even thinking of how to sell all my Father's properties and wire the money to you. < joke intended. Nigeria is so difficult so we Nigerians make joke of the hardships instead of sulking. We laugh at our own sufferings just to feel better. Life got no manual, we take it as it is >
for the record am a legit, cool headed 18 year old Igbo boy, born and bred Son of the Soil. Look, the general perceptive of many Nigerian youth is. Get away from the country >> Travel abroad >> Make some money whether legit or not >> Come back to Nigeria and convert it to our local currency. Automatically making the guy a millionaire. >> Take the Igwe title < kingship > or start answering ' Omena Dollar ' meaning ' Dollar Don' literally, One who deals with dollars or money bag. Am afraid its the same part your husband is threading upon. Igbos are huge spenders on those they love and care about.
I once sent my Girlfriend my university tuition fees, all in the name of love. Stupid me! But this your husband is not showing these qualities of love peculiar to Nigerian men. Making me reach the assumption that he is keeping you just for the greencard. And believe me thats the root cause of most online dating scams by Nigerians. Everybody wants to leave the country for greener pastures thinking that its easy over there. Now in igbo culture, much duties are placed on the shoulders of first borns/ first male child. He is invicibly tasked with the job of providing for the family like sending cash for upkeeps, ensuring to take care of his other sibilings even to a detrimental extent to his own progression. My Dad had to train his whole sibilings and paid their school fee even though he wasnt through with his own schooling just because he came first.
So i dont know if your husband is the first child of his family, even though he is, such should not warrant such degree of negligience to his japanese wife.
It is an open secret that he has a wife in Nigeria who he sends money for upkeeps. And i tell you his nigerian wife ( if my speculations are true ) dont give a flying Yuan who you are as far as the money conitnues flowing. Her opinion is ' There is no place like Home' meaning after everything, she still gets her husband back home with her. We Nigerians know ourselves. Believe me when i tell you this
he is a baller and millionaire here in Nigeria. Our general notion of our Brothers who travel abroad and come back is >> This guy is killing the dollar! This guy have raked in too much cash there o. Infact he can sow a money suit now. And when he goes to village meetings, he will be praised, hailed and edified because we think he is now counting in $$$ instead of Naira.
This will make him spend voraciously as to whom much is given, much is also expected. So i wont be surprise that your husband is living large and expensive here in Nigeria but forms a pauper back in Japan. And you are his tool with which he actualizes his self centered ambitions. You accomodate him and legalise his stay in Japan while he mines for Gold without giving much to you. How can one refuse paying his bills, take his surpportive wife to the clinic, help out in the day to day running of the house, treat you like a queen ( which you are ). But he has money to book an expensive flight back home. Thats so odd for an Igbo boy who cherish and adores his wife. I dont wanna believe he is using you. Also about the electricity stuff. Dont blame him, our community have not had electricity for straight 4 months. So 10 days is quite small to worry about. We rely heavily on Generators for power. You quite respectful still, a rare virtue of Good wives. I can relate igbo culture to you. Feel free to ask your questions. @ Angela777 fallacy of Hasty generalization. Dont judge based on one angle. Non scammers far outnumbers the Scammers in Nigeria. You said Some raw truths tho. And no i dont believe in the Charm thing. Take a chill pill. And yeah you are right we like money. Like, who doesnt? Come to mbaise marriage ceremony an Igbo clan and see what money wastage is called.

armyofone:
@Angela777

Wow @ your experience!

@ Lady peacefull keep your eyes open! Your defensiveness is on another level.

Are you not reading or hearing what Fada are doing talk less of the layman.

armyofone:
@Angela777

Wow @ your experience!

@ Lady peacefull keep your eyes open! Your defensiveness is on another level.

Are you not reading or hearing what Fada are doing talk less of the layman.

Angela777:

Dear Armyofone, because of my experience I learnt about Nigerian people a lot and I like Nigerians lots, the people like you and many here have compassion for other people suffering. It's where we understand Nigeria is big and so many good friends wish well to others.
Thank you, darling. Really my friends were saying to me the same, how don't I see or hear, many were advising but I didn't hear and it was a bad awakening. I understand Peaceful very well, she is in pain because she can't understand why and what happens.

Dear peaceful, open your eyes, protect yourself from joint debts, in Nigeria his family has no debts but you have in Japan, paying your husband's debts for him being able to travel and stay in Nigeria and bringing gifts and money to another family and you wishing to pay. I don't know how is in Japan but in America husband and wife are responsible for debts together, doesn't matter if one is saving and paying and the other one is spending. Be careful about that, you are not rich and can become very poor with many debts. And, dear, please, first try to look at yourself as you were your own friend, see what's going on in your mind, heart, your marriage, your family? Try to see what will be several years from now. What about becoming old and your pension, your place to live? You need to think about yourself and then your child and your husband. You need to protect yourself and be well.

peacefull:


Thank you for give me advice. I'm appreciate you.
I can still laughing! I maybe very poor. But poor can't take my smile. I can't lose my smile because of poor. Because my heart is not poor.
I have no luxury things. I'm not living in luxury. That is no problem for me. I'm thankful what I have. I'm living under the roof. I can sleep on the bed. I can eat food. I can take a shower. I have family. I have friends. I can laugh. I can cry. I can angry. I'm alive! That is enough for me Very luxury. But I'm a woman and human. So sometimes I'm admire someone who have good things.

My husband is not looks like rich man. Sometimes he don't care if he is wearing bad socks like already little bit tear. That's why sometimes I bought for him if I can buy when we lived together. I didn't care if I can't buy something for myself. He is a man. Hard working man. He should not wear like that.

But you mean when he go to Nigeria, he will be like rich man? How? Only me think about he is not rich man? But if he has money, why he wanna hide from me? He think I will take his money? Because I want him to pay his arrears? I never demanded him to luxury life for me.
But sometimes I had talk about travel like dreaming. Not demand him to take me. I'm talk like dreaming for go to travel. But I maybe made him feel like I'm greedy?
How can someone don't have enough money doing like rich man in Nigeria?
He is also hard life in Japan. He is assist my life and take care of his life and sending money for Nigeria? Is it possible?
He is not first son. If first son don't have enough money to take care of his family, what will happen with him?
If he is the first Son but cant provide then he might lose his status and respect. That means some of his entitlements or responsibility will be taken away by the child who provides the most. Things like Decision making or planning of the family might be given to the second Son if he is more succesful and richer than the first son.
Even in Japan is same. First son has responsibility for many many things.
I asked him about child in Nigeria before. He always say he don't have a wife in Nigeria. So I asked about maybe he has a child without marriage like me. He explained about in Igbo land(?) Igbo land is just the same as a place where the igbo tribes lives. In nigeria Igbo land is located in the south East. Just as in Japan mainly Japanese live there so we can call japan a Japanese land. Same logic applies in China: Mainly Chinese people so in we call it Chinese Land. and bride price. I still can't understand well what he said. Without pay for bride price is not wife or family? That child can't accept their family? if he said the above, that is he is simply saying you are not his wife with regards to his culture. In Igbo land for a couple to be recognised as husband and wife, the husband must pay a certain price called bride price to the family of his wife. This he would do in company of his brothers, kinsmen and relatives. Only then can the Igbo society recognise the both of you as a couple. So he just exposed himself by saying that. He implies that back in his country Nigeria, you are not his legal wife. Because he paid no bride price! What is Igbo land? I had talk about it only one time. So I still wanna ask him and wanna understand what he said.

Anyway, You are not stupid what you did for love. I will do same thing if I can do. Love is very very important. [b] you place too much importance in Love. Are all japanese ladies like that. This can make bad people manipulate you since you love with your whole heart and can do anything for love. [/b]Sometimes very hurt. But always very beautifule

Angela777:

We all are expressing our own opinion about how we see this situation and we all are entitled to chat here. I like Nigeria and Nigerian people very much and I always say most or many but not all. Noway!! Some or a few would have being far better. You implying 4 out of every 5 Nigerian have the scamming mindset ingrained in their DNA? You try to minimize my opinion just because you wish to give better image about Nigerian people and your country and it's natural you get upset if a foreigner (in this case me) is pointing to the wrong doing, yet even if you don't like it, the wrong doing exists Am not saying that it doesnt exist. It is everywhere! Which country dont have bad eggs? And no am not minimising anything. Just dont like how you visual most Nigerians as bad rubbish because you watched some wierd stuff in CNN or BBC. You dont even live here for Pete's sake. You Just heard. Just heard isnt enough to paint the image about Nigerians. and JUJU and charms, scam bad practice even killing people, exists, I am not saying this is the case of Japanese lady, she is living with her husband for a long time and apparently juju is not involved.

If you say, you wish to help the lady and you are so generous, just send her money on the monthly basis or for her medical bills yet I think it is not appropriate even to offer to do it. Japan is a different country and before talking, maybe you need to learn how Japanese people would react to your offer.
Okay. I take back my generousity and lock it up in a 2 way authentication Vault.
We all here assume the lady is being used but only she knows exactly if she is and if her marriage will be well. All we can here to tell her this and that exists in Nigeria, she asked about how is the Nigerian marriage and now you are telling her even a Nigerian wedding is luxury and big money spending, then if the igbo man loves his wife or better saying CONSIDERS the woman his WIFE, he supports her in everything and he is very nice, even big spender on his woman. So you just confirmed almost all we all we're saying here. The lady is reading, thinking, analyzing and hopefully she will ask for help from a close friend, family or psychologist to straight up all her thoughts, she needs to share her doubts and ask people how they see it and it is up to her how she makes it work.

She came here for the advice, same advice I did ask my Nigerian friends advice and my American girlfriend when I was confused about my Nigerian ex attitude. All she needs now is not you talking About Angela, she needs to understand and see clear her marriage and see what is it good for her, her husband and her child. Same ish that i was saying. Was i talking about the Haitans marriage culture in my post? Hell No. Its still Naija marriage culture that i was expressing. And gave the general notion of Nigerians Still, I personally don't believe her situation is too bad, mine was much worse yet as a loving and supportive woman, I didn't believe any advice until my ex was discovered by his Nigerian women doing a crime. Western women we really believe in real love and it is very hard to understand why loving and giving so much we are put aside after this man asked us to marry him and was so nice for some time or sometimes. It's very hard for the Japanese lady to understand or even accept her own husband for years living together could make up lies and to be so heartless to her when she gives him all she has. I understand her pain and I hope she gets the best advice and solution.

Angela777:

It is funny, my ex also said he is a Christian and he has 1 child only, his woman abandoned them, he is a single father yet in real life he had 3 women with a child in each one in Africa and when he came to marry me, he was planning 2 traditional weddings with 2 of them and sending money to them from my credit card, paying a tourist visa to one of them using my credit card. US embassy saw it all and denied the woman's visa twice, they even see from each account was paid her visa fees. Once she was denied, she opened her big mouth, then the other woman too and both said he should go back or they send the police on him and tell to US embassy, he run fast back to Africa as he even brought 1 woman's chilupd pretending it is his, faking the DNA and in US could be jail for him for many years. He traveled back in 1 day after his women started to claim him back, I was saved by the bell and I was so much supportive and in love as the OP is and I didn't know about anything then, but I don't stand cheaters and I yelled, so he even accused me to disrespect him and hit me badly, got violent. Women when we are in love we forgive many things and we are blind, also we believe any lies because we want it work

sparkle7:

End of story. Still dont get what you are implying. You saying she divorce or wait for things to unfold by itself.