Nutase:
Congratulations..... Now you can turn the stripper to a wife.

LOL

I think you bit missed it when you decided to leave Nigeria for the US.
Sometimes it's always good to seek God's guidance before taking such decisions as this.
You should go back to Nigeria and sort things out with your family.

well, Thank your stars she didn't sue u for child support, alimony and half of ur savings and assets, you'd have been suicidal by now. let her be. Do not follow all the Hollywood crap of 'fight for your marriage'. Make yourself better, make more money, get fit, screw hot babes around (but do not co-habit, marry or get anyone pregnant). She will contact you when she is ready. STOP TRYING TO CONTACT HER FOR NOW. by humble opinion.

baby124:
Leave her and let her be. She probably married really young and she needs to discover herself and why she wants to stay married. A temporary separation is fine. Just make sure your mum has access to visiting and spending time with your kids. With time, she will either work towards the marriage or tell you she wants a divorce.

I think she wants to pursue her own dreams and America is not the place for her. Believe it or not, abroad is not for everyone. I like that you stood against the loan as you could not afford to pay it. That is the attributes of a responsible man financially. But you are very reckless sexually, MouthAction could cause STDs. So you have put your wife and children in danger. A stripper for that matter, what were you thinking? The way you described it with so much pleasure is extremely disturbing. You need to do better and respect yourself.

Her own head is still filled with big dreams of what she can do. She knows she is intelligent, so she refused to settle for a regular job. To be honest the Nigerian fashion industry is doing well. So she may be well positioned in Nigeria for the business she wants to do.

Great analysis.

In my opinion your wife treated you horribly
Acting anyhow she wants and still expects you to be there. (You did cheat though)
Sorry op.

God please save every man related to me from this kind of woman in Jesus name!

Marriage is hardwork. It is working against your biology and chemistry. Men and women are too different. I understand me as a male and I understand women and marriage is warzone

Phonefanatic:


Don't be too quick to pronounce her innocent. She may be a bigger cheat that may not be honest enough to say she has cheated. Don't apportion blame nobody has made you a judge.

A woman boldly telling her husband she wished she married someone else? Don't even tell me career bulllshit..... You may be surprised to see her social media messages or chat platforms full of messages from that particular guy. She will wake up when she spends months in Nigeria.

That was a slap in the face no lies, I married you because you were the better option not because I actually wanted to marry you.

keepingmum:
Your marriage ended when you started sleepinb with a w.hore and investing emotionally and financially witg her rather than spending on your wife and kids (your number 1 priority).
Your wife figured out but didnt say anything and you werent clued up enough to realise you were caught.

Your comments on nairaland are reflective of the anger and resentment you have towards someone that must have ruined your heart.

Please take your comments to depression section. We don't need you here

Nutase:
Congratulations..... Now you can turn the stripper to a wife.

Exactly, he can turn the club to a bedroom.

modik:
I took the keen note of all you said. These are some disturbing issues spotted :

1. You failed to tell us the prospects of buying and selling which obviously is your wife's passion.

2. You are headbent having your way all the time irrespective of your wife's feelings and aspirations.

3. You seem not to have critically analyzed your wife's ambitions hence the friction.

4. Above all, you are fixated on total control of the home rather than partnership in marriage hence your wife's struggles for air of freedom to be herself.

Also, there is a cross purpose between both of you.
You never gave time towards understanding your wife and her passion.

It is high time we men realized that education is never solely meant for white collar job rather for self development.

You can only get the best out of every partner for allowing her be the best she can be. In this case you need to shift grounds and give her unflinching support to live her passion.

It is never too late. Don't let your marriage fail.

Bravo!

Wo(e)men!

Nothing they do surprises me any more. When it comes to wo(e)men, it's better to expect the worst.



O pari

kunleajaye:
Hello peeps. It's with a heavy heart that I have to say that my marriage is on it's last legs(or so I think). Sometimes last year I made a post asking for advice and things actually got a bit better afterwards (https://www.nairaland.com/3415462/dont-feel-attracted-wife-anymore), but alas, it didn't last.

My wife returned to her cold self and it just went downhill from there. We started arguing again over the tiniest of reasons. Some of the reasons for our petty arguements was the issue of her engrossing herself in school activities that sometimes took her attention from home duties. I told her a couple of times that i wasn't against her doing things like what she did and wasn't in the way of her achieving her desires and goals, but she shouldn't forget she's a mother and wife and one of her primary duties is her family. Sometimes she'd spend so much time in one fruitless meeting or the other, and when she gets home, she'll be too tired to do anything. It got to a point I had to do alot of cooking for the house so that the kids won't be hungry. It's not that she didn't do her duties. It's just the inconvenience of it all and the way her outside activities affected us that really got to me.

Another thing that got on my nerves was her attitude to her degree. Agreed, with all the things she did, she still maintained a very good GPA and was one of the best students in her department. Her lecturers would at times request she take their classes for them while they attended to other pressing issues. It was a good thing and i felt proud, but in her mind the main thing she wanted to do was business. Buying and selling like she did when we first got here and before she started school. She wanted to set up a store where she'd import and sell african prints. There were days during the summer when I'd plan on doing Uber to supplement the little I brought in as a paycheck, only for her to tell me she'd registered for one event or another to display her wares. I'll just have to stay back at home with the kids till she returned later in the night. It really did get me upset and I once asked her what the point of the degree she had studied for if all she wanted to do was sit in a store and sell stuff? We had this argument several times on end.

What eventually broke the camel's back was something she said that I'll never forgive her for. One evening, after putting the kids to bed, she approached me and said she wanted to apply for a loan. I asked her what she needed the loan for. She said for her shop. How much does she need? Ten thousand dollars. How does she expect to apply for ten thousand dollars when we have no way of paying back? Besides, where does she expect me to get the collateral from? She said someone would stand in for her. I told her I don't support the idea and she should be patient. At least after her graduation, she would be able to work full time and earn a better pay which she could then channel to doing whatever she wanted. She said no. She doesn't want to work, but sell her stuff. We started bickering back and forth about this cos I was already fed up of the whole issue, and at some point she screamed, saying I do not support her as a husband, and maybe she would have been better off marrying Awwal. [/color]


***
Awwal was another guy who fancied her when we met during our youth service in camp; she had once told me that back then she loved him as much as she loved me, and if she had to choose, she would have picked him instead of me. I asked her why she then chose me, and she said her late mother had advised her "don't make a future husband into an ordinary boyfriend, and don't make an ordinary boyfriend into a husband." In other words, don't confuse lust for love.
***


[color=#000099]She realized what she said and immediately began to apologize. I don't know how I kept my cool, and I walked away quietly. It only got worse after then. We no longer talked liked we once did apart from the necessary exchanges. I let her do whatever pleased her. Our arguements continued and sometimes we wont speak for days. I started keeping late nights, staying more in the lab after school or sometimes driving to a bar to drown my sorrows. I tried getting a marriage counselor, but the damage had already been done. Our sex life became virtually non-existent. We just remained together because of the kids.

A man has needs, and if he wasn't getting them at home, he'd start looking outside. I'm not proud to say this, but during some of my late nights out, I'd visit a discrete gentleman's club. It was on one of these outings I met one of the girls who danced there. She was a young college kid in her junior year. Over the next week or so she gave me a listening ear and I poured my heart out to her. She invited me over to her place one evening (she shared a three bedroom house with two other girls), one thing led to another and she was giving me a full n@ked massage with her body. We didn't have penetrative sex, but she gave me the sexual release my wife had denied me for such a long time. I offered to pay for her services afterwards, but she told me not to, as it was just her way of showing she cared. We ended up making similar arrangements a few more times, and each time we took it a bit further. The furthest we went was the time we had a 69 on her bed, and she came all over my face while I splooged her mouth. I always had to wipe myself off properly and take a shower once I got home to rid of all the oil and smell of pheromones on my person.

I guess my wife suspected something was going on cos she asked me one day if i had been seeing anyone. I asked her why she asked, and she shrugged, murmuring something to the fact that it was unusual of me not to have disturbed her for sex in such a very long time. I told her since she had decided to control when and the frequency we had sex, I had accepted my plight. I told her if she wanted sex, she knew where to find me. That night, I woke up to her snuggling up to me. It was the first time in a long while she would come to me. Try as much as I could, I just couldn't achieve an erection. My time with the stripper girl had taken away the sexual affection I had for my wife. She noticed this and started crying, saying i don't love her anymore. I simply told her it was just the stress. The following day, she was back to her normal self.

Last month, she finally graduated. I was happy that at least she would get a place to work and earn some money. But what she told me a few days later came as a shocker. She told me she wanted to go back to Nigeria. Her plan was to fulfill her dream of setting up a clothings line and since i don't want to support her, she'd rather go on without my support. I asked her if she was joking, but i could see she was dead serious. I asked who would take care of the kids if she leaves, and she said she intends going with them. infact, she had already told her sister to start looking for a nice school for them at home. I just couldn't believe it. Why make that kinda decision without consulting me first? She just told me her mind was made up. I tried changing her mind, but she remained adamant. Unknown to me, she had already booked their flight back home a long time ago. I had to call my parents to talk some sense into her, but afterwards they just told me to let her come home, that she may just need the change of environment for a while. I called and asked her sister why she didn't tell me about the plan knowing how close we were, but she simply said it was her sister's decision.

They left two days after Christmas. To date I'm yet to receive a call from her. I've sent her several emails but she hasn't responded to even one. She told my mum she hasn't had the chance to get a line yet, but I know that's a lie. It doesn't take you more than a week to get a phone and a line in Nigeria. Sadly, I may have to accept the conclusion that my marriage is over.

Good!!!!!!

Femsyn:
I like the way we always jump to the reactions while ignoring the cause. Sexual pressure is a big deal, and it takes someone with a whole lot of discipline to scale through, especially for a couple who used to be sexually active. This is the reason I'm always careful blaming a cheating spouse against an absentee wife/husband. It can really be tough.

For the above reason, I won't blame anyone as regards infidelity on the part of the man. However, I feel his marriage can still be salvaged. Get some funds and travel to Nigeria and get your woman back! That is if you sincerely want her back. Although somehow, I feel the foundation of this relationship has a role to play in how it all turned out.

Marriage is constant work.

Believe me, sexual pressure is a tough one...the wife knew she was tormenting her husband by refusing him sex, that was her own way of getting back at her husband.
Ain't supporting infidelity, but realistically we all have our breaking point.


@op, you were a second choice, a back up plan...you just didn't see..she feels she's trapped with you and probably has had enough.

Issues are bound to happen in any marriage, matured people communicate about it.
You can try and come to Nigeria and see if you can still fix your marriage, just that unfortunately this time around, it will solely be on her terms and conditions..
All the best.

Hmmm..what a sad sad situation.. I think you should give her the space..she will realise her mistakes with time..and you have children..
Pls pray,nothing is Impossible for God...




It is well..

You don;t have enough reason to conclude that your marriage is over. Give her sometime to come back to her senses.

Its not that she's sleeping outside or that she infected you with std.

You just need to understand how to relate with your wife.

If you have a stubborn goat in the house, don't fight with it when it eats your yams. Thats who it is. Simply keep the yams beyond its reach. And you'll have your peace.

chuksbogus:
DO YOU WANT THE TRUTH??/if you do ,its better to accept reality than to be in denial .Getting back to this kind of marriage will always suffering,regrets ,pain ,loneliness,and married bachelor.If I am in your shoe I will be happy cus she on her own accord left which would have taking toll on you if you had been the one pushing her to leave. Please don't go and try to rekindle the fire that is already gone.pls move on and get your life back.this advice is based on what you narrated here which I don't know the role you played but if this is what happened ,PLS MOVE ON

Guy, move on, hustle hard and get the money. She is not destined to enjoy marriage.

kunleajaye:


Where would I have got the 10k from? You make it sound as if $10000 is something you just pluck out of the air.

here Is What I Advice...

You Have Less To Worry About now


Sleep Well This Night... Wake Up In The Morning, have A Nice Break Fast, hit The Gym,work Out For Hours, go Good Freshen Up, chat With Friends (do This Everyday)... Carry On With Your Work, meet people, male And Female, go Online and Chat, get A Nice Girlfriend, go For Walks, adventure... The US is A Large Place, live Large be Free... Dont Bother Reaching Out To Her Anymore... Let Her Reach Out To You, and If She Does Dont Be In A Hurry To Hear From Here...

Your So Called Wife Might Probably Never Come Back. Live Your Life Like She Was Never There. Since She Took The Kids, let Her Feed Them.


If She Reaches Out To You Then She Probably Is facing Problems... Request For You Kids to Be Returned To America. Let Her Live Her Life... She Will Come Begging

fatymore:
Go back to Nigeria and mend your affairs... You can't stay in Us and tell us it over.. You are happy she left baa.. So that u can date the stripper... If you love and her as you think.. Take a flight to Nigeria and let your family settle it...

Men and opportunities to cheat

Will you be financing is comeback to Nigeria ?

lastempero:
Seriously speaking feminism has destroyed so many relationships and marriages, our women now finds it difficult to come to terms with their spouse just because they feel their opinion should supercede .nothing like compromise again

This one has nothing to do with feminism,you are just looking for what to blame.And besides is she not a human being is she not supposed to have opinions.Always blaming the women for everything.

Always listen to your spouse dream and support them

chuksbogus:
DO YOU WANT THE TRUTH??/if you do ,its better to accept reality than to be in denial .Getting back to this kind of marriage will always suffering,regrets ,pain ,loneliness,and married bachelor.If I am in your shoe I will be happy cus she on her own accord left which would have taking toll on you if you had been the one pushing her to leave. Please don't go and try to rekindle the fire that is already gone.pls move on and get your life back.this advice is based on what you narrated here which I don't know the role you played but if this is what happened ,PLS MOVE ON

Best advice here.

It so sad things went bad, my advice for you is if you still love your wife then you need to fight to get her back. call her sister and tell her you need to talk to your wife, and again if you can afford traveling to Nigeria then it worth it & table all this to the initiator of marriage. I wish you well

Que Sera Sera
Smh for the feminazis on the first page

Your wife is worried when there is no money in the house.
She forgot her marriage vows. All I can say is that you married a wrong woman.

You can be patience and she will come back after some several unknown number for years or divorce her and move on

kunleajaye:
Hello peeps. It's with a heavy heart that I have to say that my marriage is on it's last legs(or so I think). Sometimes last year I made a post asking for advice and things actually got a bit better afterwards (https://www.nairaland.com/3415462/dont-feel-attracted-wife-anymore), but alas, it didn't last.

My wife returned to her cold self and it just went downhill from there. We started arguing again over the tiniest of reasons. Some of the reasons for our petty arguements was the issue of her engrossing herself in school activities that sometimes took her attention from home duties. I told her a couple of times that i wasn't against her doing things like what she did and wasn't in the way of her achieving her desires and goals, but she shouldn't forget she's a mother and wife and one of her primary duties is her family. Sometimes she'd spend so much time in one fruitless meeting or the other, and when she gets home, she'll be too tired to do anything. It got to a point I had to do alot of cooking for the house so that the kids won't be hungry. It's not that she didn't do her duties. It's just the inconvenience of it all and the way her outside activities affected us that really got to me.

Another thing that got on my nerves was her attitude to her degree. Agreed, with all the things she did, she still maintained a very good GPA and was one of the best students in her department. Her lecturers would at times request she take their classes for them while they attended to other pressing issues. It was a good thing and i felt proud, but in her mind the main thing she wanted to do was business. Buying and selling like she did when we first got here and before she started school. She wanted to set up a store where she'd import and sell african prints. There were days during the summer when I'd plan on doing Uber to supplement the little I brought in as a paycheck, only for her to tell me she'd registered for one event or another to display her wares. I'll just have to stay back at home with the kids till she returned later in the night. It really did get me upset and I once asked her what the point of the degree she had studied for if all she wanted to do was sit in a store and sell stuff? We had this argument several times on end.

What eventually broke the camel's back was something she said that I'll never forgive her for. One evening, after putting the kids to bed, she approached me and said she wanted to apply for a loan. I asked her what she needed the loan for. She said for her shop. How much does she need? Ten thousand dollars. How does she expect to apply for ten thousand dollars when we have no way of paying back? Besides, where does she expect me to get the collateral from? She said someone would stand in for her. I told her I don't support the idea and she should be patient. At least after her graduation, she would be able to work full time and earn a better pay which she could then channel to doing whatever she wanted. She said no. She doesn't want to work, but sell her stuff. We started bickering back and forth about this cos I was already fed up of the whole issue, and at some point she screamed, saying I do not support her as a husband, and maybe she would have been better off marrying Awwal. [/color]


***
Awwal was another guy who fancied her when we met during our youth service in camp; she had once told me that back then she loved him as much as she loved me, and if she had to choose, she would have picked him instead of me. I asked her why she then chose me, and she said her late mother had advised her "don't make a future husband into an ordinary boyfriend, and don't make an ordinary boyfriend into a husband." In other words, don't confuse lust for love.
***


[color=#000099]She realized what she said and immediately began to apologize. I don't know how I kept my cool, and I walked away quietly. It only got worse after then. We no longer talked liked we once did apart from the necessary exchanges. I let her do whatever pleased her. Our arguements continued and sometimes we wont speak for days. I started keeping late nights, staying more in the lab after school or sometimes driving to a bar to drown my sorrows. I tried getting a marriage counselor, but the damage had already been done. Our sex life became virtually non-existent. We just remained together because of the kids.

A man has needs, and if he wasn't getting them at home, he'd start looking outside. I'm not proud to say this, but during some of my late nights out, I'd visit a discrete gentleman's club. It was on one of these outings I met one of the girls who danced there. She was a young college kid in her junior year. Over the next week or so she gave me a listening ear and I poured my heart out to her. She invited me over to her place one evening (she shared a three bedroom house with two other girls), one thing led to another and she was giving me a full n@ked massage with her body. We didn't have penetrative sex, but she gave me the sexual release my wife had denied me for such a long time. I offered to pay for her services afterwards, but she told me not to, as it was just her way of showing she cared. We ended up making similar arrangements a few more times, and each time we took it a bit further. The furthest we went was the time we had a 69 on her bed, and she came all over my face while I splooged her mouth. I always had to wipe myself off properly and take a shower once I got home to rid of all the oil and smell of pheromones on my person.

I guess my wife suspected something was going on cos she asked me one day if i had been seeing anyone. I asked her why she asked, and she shrugged, murmuring something to the fact that it was unusual of me not to have disturbed her for sex in such a very long time. I told her since she had decided to control when and the frequency we had sex, I had accepted my plight. I told her if she wanted sex, she knew where to find me. That night, I woke up to her snuggling up to me. It was the first time in a long while she would come to me. Try as much as I could, I just couldn't achieve an erection. My time with the stripper girl had taken away the sexual affection I had for my wife. She noticed this and started crying, saying i don't love her anymore. I simply told her it was just the stress. The following day, she was back to her normal self.

Last month, she finally graduated. I was happy that at least she would get a place to work and earn some money. But what she told me a few days later came as a shocker. She told me she wanted to go back to Nigeria. Her plan was to fulfill her dream of setting up a clothings line and since i don't want to support her, she'd rather go on without my support. I asked her if she was joking, but i could see she was dead serious. I asked who would take care of the kids if she leaves, and she said she intends going with them. infact, she had already told her sister to start looking for a nice school for them at home. I just couldn't believe it. Why make that kinda decision without consulting me first? She just told me her mind was made up. I tried changing her mind, but she remained adamant. Unknown to me, she had already booked their flight back home a long time ago. I had to call my parents to talk some sense into her, but afterwards they just told me to let her come home, that she may just need the change of environment for a while. I called and asked her sister why she didn't tell me about the plan knowing how close we were, but she simply said it was her sister's decision.

They left two days after Christmas. To date I'm yet to receive a call from her. I've sent her several emails but she hasn't responded to even one. She told my mum she hasn't had the chance to get a line yet, but I know that's a lie. It doesn't take you more than a week to get a phone and a line in Nigeria. Sadly, I may have to accept the conclusion that my marriage is over.

https://www.nairaland.com/1230609/should-take-back
Op, is this thread for your current wife? If yes you have seen the handwriting on the wall for so long.

Atk1nson:


Until Buhari came with "change", 10k USD was just approx 1.5M and with the effect of "change", it is 3.5M. Nothwithstanding, I maintain that if he is struggling to raise 10k, he may as well consider getting a managerial level job in a good company in Nigeria. If he earns close to that, he can still afford a very decent standard of living for him and his family. With a foreign masters and foreign relevant experience, he may be well positioned to get even better paying jobs.

Ma/sir, irrespective of light, security and e.t.c for you to say someone earning 5M is complaining, it shows you not been in Nigeria for a long time or the person telling you that is lying. Even in Victoria Island, anybody earning 5M monthly can get himself a nicely furnished serviced apartment and still take buy and build a his own apartment within 4-5years.

please stop being insensitive....did you read the part he mentioned school? The wife graduated from a school, the husband too is battling with education.. Is that for free? What about the expenses in the house? Bills?
You don't just run to the bank because she said she needed 10k without ironing out how to pay it back. A lot of us run into unnecessary debt because of things like this....So she just wants to start the business and gbam, the husband should allow her get a loan, just like that? What if the business doesn't thrive? Just what if......
The value of 10k dollars in US is definitely different from it's equivalent in Nigeria. Not a lot of people know this though!

My advice to you is to work thrice as much as you used to before,now that you have no liability with you there atleast she did you well by Going with the children. give her that space she so much desires,better your self financially and academically beyond even your own expectation.
Make sure to keep in contact with your children.you better drop that stripper(underage girls might land you in jail) and face what you went to do.

Nutase:
Congratulations..... Now you can turn the stripper to a wife.

Even tpain fell inlove with a stripper

keepingmum:
Your marriage ended when you started sleepinb with a w.hore and investing emotionally and financially witg her rather than spending on your wife and kids (your number 1 priority).
Your wife figured out but didnt say anything and you werent clued up enough to realise you were caught.

Dont judge.


Just pray u don't fall into such condition.

Hmmmmm



I've learnt to avoid strict women. Too strict. Even if she had a point, she ought to at least listen to u.

Bro, u made the mistake right from the beginning. U didn't studied her before getting married to her.

Your wife likes you from the beginning but loves Awaal. You were just a backup plan that got upgraded unexpectedly.

She frustrated you in the marriage cos you were never part of her dream. Whatever action you took prior to her relocating, don't blame yourself, she put you in that quagmire and was looking for an opportunity which you unsuspectingly gave her with the cheating. She knows you really love her so it was to her advantage to manipulate you. As the lover, your frustration was manifest plus the insecurity while she calmly work on you.

Do diligence check on Awaal. Had it been him,your wife will be the one loving while Awaal will be feeling the boss. When a woman loves a man, whether ex or not it doesn't matter.

You can still win her back but she'll return not because she loves you but for her kids maybe until Awaal is no longer on the surface of the earth.