brenister10:


Are you married with kids? If so you shouldn't be saying this.

Yes I have 4 grown up children. I just don't believe in forcing myself on any women. This guy has gone through a lot . The lady doesn't really love him from the beginning . He will only suffer more by sending money to children who may never love him.

Gamboh55:



Was it the same lady that ditched u when u were incarcerated? Went through ur topics

Guy see me see trouble ..warning signs wee in the open. Yet he refused to follow his instincts
You see in life people are sentimental they will beg on behalf of others but its only you that can feelthd instincts don't allow pple to force your decision. Politely explain your points
..now just look at ...its puzzling how nairalanders ask him to give hr time for goodness sake. Mthis woman never sincerely loved him .she wanted a good life and maybe when they got there she no fit suffer

kunleajaye:
Some people here are still not getting the point, and that's because they didn't read my earlier thread on the issue -

1. The whole thing started when we got here some years ago. We were happily married for almost a year before we relocated. The reason for the relocation was because I got admitted for my doctorate degree. I didn't want to leave her back home alone, so we came together.

2. For the first year or so after coming here, she did nothing. She had our first baby about two months after our arrival. She spent the time caring for the little one. At some point, she started receiving orders for baby clothes from people in Nigeria. That's when the whole idea of business started.

3. Due to the "collect goods today, pay tomorrow" mentality of some of her customers, the business didn't really thrive for long. After a while, the whole crisis of the naira and the inability of her customers to pay ruined the whole thing for her. She decided to stop. By then, I suggested that in order not to remain idle, I would apply for her masters degree study for her. By then, she had already had the twins.

4. I guess she found out she was quite good at business, and I think someone suggested to her here to import african fabrics and wears.

The thing then continues to the initial thread and then that's what led to this point.

Plz you need to learn to talk to God when you have crisis in any area of your life.

Get closer through fasting and prayer and he will reveal deep secrets, give you the required solution and help you restore your marriage.


The righteous person may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all. Psalm 34:19

toyetade:

Yes I have 4 grown up children. I just don't believe in forcing myself on any women. This guy has gone through a lot . The lady doesn't really love him from the beginning . He will only suffer more by sending money to children who may never love him.

God bless you..go back to this.

https://www.nairaland.com/1230609/should-take-back#14830107

Sorry

So sad
The fault is yours ( from a bible point of view)
The bible said man love thy wife
No where did it say woman love thy husband
The day u stopped loving her was the day the marriage crashed

toyetade:

Yes I have 4 grown up children. I just don't believe in forcing myself on any women. This guy has gone through a lot . The lady doesn't really love him from the beginning . He will only suffer more by sending money to children who may never love him.

That's your opinion sir but I still for me since she have 3 kids which I cherish, I will send them money for upkeep and keep records for future wahala that might rear its ugly head from what their mother might want to plant into them about abandoning them

Mintayo:
I think you bit missed it when you decided to leave Nigeria for the US.
Sometimes it's always good to seek God's guidance before taking such decisions as this.
You should go back to Nigeria and sort things out with your family.

That will be a wrong step. Make the best of the opportunities in US. Get properly born again. You will be successful

greatcrown:
To safe your marriage you need more than love!

I guess your wife was raised by a single mum and hence consultation and joint decision making between father and mother was lacking in her upbringing.

Moreover, this was either neglected or not properly stressed during pre marriage counselling if at all you had one.

The chances of anyone marrying your wife with three kids is very slim hence she may not be with any man. However, a man may have supported her to relocate to naija successfully. Don't take offence at that though it's annoying!

Going forward this is what I think you should do!

Repent from your unholy union and be committed / faithful to your marriage.

Keep sending messages, begging and apologising. Never stop even if it take years! Remember to also include voice message.

Make friends with her sister, spoil the sister with goods so that you will almost knows all your wife moves and be proactive to lovingly use them to the advantage of you and your family.

Try to get to Nigeria or anywhere she relicated to as quickly as you can and make effort to see her and plead with her.

After your course work please get a good job and save a good amount and set up that shop for your wife.

If you can't get good paying job on America, look to other country.

My brother use everything you have to fight for your marriage but in the process never hurt her.

Know your wife and cultivate her along what she is good at and you will forever be happy!

God bless you and your household.


Shalom!

Begging n.apologising? Relocate to naija as soon as possible? Spoil her sister with goods? Relocate to another country?? GOD!!!!! U call all these ADVICE....if u were a marriage counselor eh...na hunger go kill u...WTF is all that rubbish up there?
Pussified niggas everywhere....
These niggas are making me vex... Lemme just leave here before I fvvking turn supernova!

greatgod2012:
The truth is that your wife actually understand that you've been emotionally and sexually connected to another woman, hence, her decision to relocate quietly and without any drama.

But unsay nothing wrong when she was giving him bad attitude and hurtful words right. With this comment I know women are the problem of this world

UjuJoan2:


Men and women react differently to sex. You know that.

For a man to see a willing woman and Not get an erection, something terrible must be wrong!

Shatap....
I see willing women all the time n I say no...so I can't get tired again.....Uju oloju eja!

I wonder why people bring marital issues to social media. At the end, social media will either add fuel to the fire or give OP HBP.

Don't you have close friends, or is the girl's family dead?

From your writeup thou you feel she doesn't love you, since you were her 2nd choice and I also sense infidelity too.

Try and sort things out as a family. Not here.

Biodun1234:
I won't stay in America with my wife.the system destroys marriages. Until a woman is submissive and the man loved his wife no way.women in America are not usually submissive and they destroy the basics of the society which is family

Always blaming the women,you hardly find a submissive woman but they exists.Just don't marry an opinionated woman marry a docile one so that she would be submissive.And America does not destroy marriages it is just that it is a free country and you are free to do whatever you like(as long as it is within the law).It is not only one gender that makes a marriage work it is both so stop blaming the women alone.

kunleajaye:


Where would I have got the 10k from? You make it sound as if $10000 is something you just pluck out of the air.

ignore her

Femsyn:
I like the way we always jump to the reactions while ignoring the cause. Sexual pressure is a big deal, and it takes someone with a whole lot of discipline to scale through, especially for a couple who used to be sexually active. This is the reason I'm always careful blaming a cheating spouse against an absentee wife/husband. It can really be tough.

For the above reason, I won't blame anyone as regards infidelity on the part of the man. However, I feel his marriage can still be salvaged. Get some funds and travel to Nigeria and get your woman back! That is if you sincerely want her back. Although somehow, I feel the foundation of this relationship has a role to play in how it all turned out.

Marriage is constant work.

This is a very intelligent response and very relevant to the topic. �

toyetade:

That will be a wrong step. Make the best of the opportunities in US. Get properly born again. You will be successful

Even if you are "properly" born again, you still need God's guidance in all things.
God plans is quite different from ours.
Being born again doesn't mean you shouldn't seek God's face, in fact it's then you need it most.

Chai! This your story is just heart wrenching, this is a first in a long time I have read, seen or heard something and i wouldnt have an answer or advice or suggestion to it.

I'm afraid it is what you think it is, it may just probably be over, In as much as it would be nice to reflect on the things that could have been, I'd suggest you pick up the pieces of your life and keep looking straight ahead.

I very much want to tell you that she would come back to you or your marriage can be salvaged but in all honesty you both seem have drifted apart way too much, "she the more".

when a woman begins to compare you, and think she could have had it better, my brother that is not a good sign at all.

Women view support from a different angle, the fact that you think you do enough, it doesnt mean she thinks you do enough, it sometimes feels like theres an imbalance to their psyche, you just cant understand it sometimes.

I feel for you bro, but sadly as it is i think you need to start to look forward. Hard, Tough, but it just has to happen.


[quote author=kunleajaye post=63896210]Hello peeps. It's with a heavy heart that I have to say that my marriage is on it's last legs(or so I think). Sometimes last year I made a post asking for advice and things actually got a bit better afterwards (https://www.nairaland.com/3415462/dont-feel-attracted-wife-anymore)

Village people sha.

This is a case of 'kill and dry'
Blame the devil.

I must marry a quiet
Deeper Life sister.

You both need the true Christ.
How can you surrender to vanity?

It can never get better otherwise.

I thought u left naija single, the girl u wrote about in 2013. I like u clarify. If you can reach me privately, I could help track her to know what direction you will choose.

sanniabiola:
I thought u left naija single, the girl u wrote about in 2013. I like u clarify. If you can reach me privately, I could help track her to know what direction you will choose.

Hmmmm......

What most men dont realise is that when you stop asking for sex from your wife means your getting it outside, most women can stay without sex for a long time. So she knew you are cheating and she left cos she wasnt interested in the marriage anymore if not she would have stayed.


My advice is for you to find a way for both of you to be under the same roof, you have to stay together for your marriage to work, going back and forth to see her and the kids will not solve anything believe me.

Mine was not directly similar but i can relate, difference is i stayed and thanks to God we are going strong, you can go through my profile to see my post

knowyaself2:

Well said. @op, dont force it. Respect yourself, try to contact her only because you care about your kids. Im tired of seeing women over-react, only for men to start begging and asslicking, when they're not the only ones at fault.
From my experience, once you start begging excessively, you lose your respect and, even if you get her back, she gets worse. Keep the option of reconciliation open to her, admit your mistakes, but please dont ever beg as if you're the sole cause of the breakup. If she attaches any importance to the union, she will reach out to you. Mending fences should be a mutual thing.
Good luck

Mutual. Very true

tiredoflife:
So sad
The fault is yours ( from a bible point of view)
The bible said man love thy wife
No where did it say woman love thy husband
The day u stopped loving her was the day the marriage crashed

You
Are
Unbelievable!

Titus 2:4
'That they may teach the young WOMEN to LOVE their HUSBANDS'

Seperating you from your kids was a big no no. Unless you were causing them harm she was very very wrong to just seperate them from you. I will try to be objective here because I don't know what her own point of view is. Don't let her raise the kids alone because the pressure will be too much for her and she will resent you cos of that and try to turn the kids against you. Sorry but you have to try your best to talk regularly to your kids and send money to them and make sure they are well taken care of. Even if you have to travel back to Nigeria to get back in your kids lives, do so.

kunleajaye:


Where would I have got the 10k from? You make it sound as if $10000 is something you just pluck out of the air.

You didn't have to respond to that post. Don't turn yourself into a nervous wreck. Try and stay in touch with your kids and keep working on yourself.


I think your wife needs to determine what she wants at this point in time, in a few months' time you will have some clarity as per where she is headed.

Keep working on yourself, make all the dough you can. Invest all your passion in your career now and pray for the best!

Warm regards.

Am I surprised? No.

Why? Marriage is a scam.

Hello, first I must say deep down, I know you are saying the truth. But you must know this, marriage is not meant for all women, so with men, I think your wife is just one of those women, trust me Awwala or whatever he calls himself cant still satisfy that void your wife wants to fill.You are still making one big mistake till now, you are still talking about loving your wife. The issue is not whether you love her not. I know her type- strong willed and independently minded, never or hardly take corrections, she may not necessarily be a bad person, but being a difficult person almost equates to being a bad person. I remember a post on nairaland here titled COULD MY WIFE BE CHEATING, go and look for that post. I learnt a lot from that post.
In summary, let her be, be yourself. You can not and nobody can change her, she avoids any body that tries to.

kunleajaye:
Hello peeps. It's with a heavy heart that I have to say that my marriage is on it's last legs(or so I think). Sometimes last year I made a post asking for advice and things actually got a bit better afterwards (https://www.nairaland.com/3415462/dont-feel-attracted-wife-anymore), but alas, it didn't last.

My wife returned to her cold self and it just went downhill from there. We started arguing again over the tiniest of reasons. Some of the reasons for our petty arguements was the issue of her engrossing herself in school activities that sometimes took her attention from home duties. I told her a couple of times that i wasn't against her doing things like what she did and wasn't in the way of her achieving her desires and goals, but she shouldn't forget she's a mother and wife and one of her primary duties is her family. Sometimes she'd spend so much time in one fruitless meeting or the other, and when she gets home, she'll be too tired to do anything. It got to a point I had to do alot of cooking for the house so that the kids won't be hungry. It's not that she didn't do her duties. It's just the inconvenience of it all and the way her outside activities affected us that really got to me.

Another thing that got on my nerves was her attitude to her degree. Agreed, with all the things she did, she still maintained a very good GPA and was one of the best students in her department. Her lecturers would at times request she take their classes for them while they attended to other pressing issues. It was a good thing and i felt proud, but in her mind the main thing she wanted to do was business. Buying and selling like she did when we first got here and before she started school. She wanted to set up a store where she'd import and sell african prints. There were days during the summer when I'd plan on doing Uber to supplement the little I brought in as a paycheck, only for her to tell me she'd registered for one event or another to display her wares. I'll just have to stay back at home with the kids till she returned later in the night. It really did get me upset and I once asked her what the point of the degree she had studied for if all she wanted to do was sit in a store and sell stuff? We had this argument several times on end.

What eventually broke the camel's back was something she said that I'll never forgive her for. One evening, after putting the kids to bed, she approached me and said she wanted to apply for a loan. I asked her what she needed the loan for. She said for her shop. How much does she need? Ten thousand dollars. How does she expect to apply for ten thousand dollars when we have no way of paying back? Besides, where does she expect me to get the collateral from? She said someone would stand in for her. I told her I don't support the idea and she should be patient. At least after her graduation, she would be able to work full time and earn a better pay which she could then channel to doing whatever she wanted. She said no. She doesn't want to work, but sell her stuff. We started bickering back and forth about this cos I was already fed up of the whole issue, and at some point she screamed, saying I do not support her as a husband, and maybe she would have been better off marrying Awwal. [/color]


***
Awwal was another guy who fancied her when we met during our youth service in camp; she had once told me that back then she loved him as much as she loved me, and if she had to choose, she would have picked him instead of me. I asked her why she then chose me, and she said her late mother had advised her "don't make a future husband into an ordinary boyfriend, and don't make an ordinary boyfriend into a husband." In other words, don't confuse lust for love.
***


[color=#000099]She realized what she said and immediately began to apologize. I don't know how I kept my cool, and I walked away quietly. It only got worse after then. We no longer talked liked we once did apart from the necessary exchanges. I let her do whatever pleased her. Our arguements continued and sometimes we wont speak for days. I started keeping late nights, staying more in the lab after school or sometimes driving to a bar to drown my sorrows. I tried getting a marriage counselor, but the damage had already been done. Our sex life became virtually non-existent. We just remained together because of the kids.

A man has needs, and if he wasn't getting them at home, he'd start looking outside. I'm not proud to say this, but during some of my late nights out, I'd visit a discrete gentleman's club. It was on one of these outings I met one of the girls who danced there. She was a young college kid in her junior year. Over the next week or so she gave me a listening ear and I poured my heart out to her. She invited me over to her place one evening (she shared a three bedroom house with two other girls), one thing led to another and she was giving me a full n@ked massage with her body. We didn't have penetrative sex, but she gave me the sexual release my wife had denied me for such a long time. I offered to pay for her services afterwards, but she told me not to, as it was just her way of showing she cared. We ended up making similar arrangements a few more times, and each time we took it a bit further. The furthest we went was the time we had a 69 on her bed, and she came all over my face while I splooged her mouth. I always had to wipe myself off properly and take a shower once I got home to rid of all the oil and smell of pheromones on my person.

I guess my wife suspected something was going on cos she asked me one day if i had been seeing anyone. I asked her why she asked, and she shrugged, murmuring something to the fact that it was unusual of me not to have disturbed her for sex in such a very long time. I told her since she had decided to control when and the frequency we had sex, I had accepted my plight. I told her if she wanted sex, she knew where to find me. That night, I woke up to her snuggling up to me. It was the first time in a long while she would come to me. Try as much as I could, I just couldn't achieve an erection. My time with the stripper girl had taken away the sexual affection I had for my wife. She noticed this and started crying, saying i don't love her anymore. I simply told her it was just the stress. The following day, she was back to her normal self.

Last month, she finally graduated. I was happy that at least she would get a place to work and earn some money. But what she told me a few days later came as a shocker. She told me she wanted to go back to Nigeria. Her plan was to fulfill her dream of setting up a clothings line and since i don't want to support her, she'd rather go on without my support. I asked her if she was joking, but i could see she was dead serious. I asked who would take care of the kids if she leaves, and she said she intends going with them. infact, she had already told her sister to start looking for a nice school for them at home. I just couldn't believe it. Why make that kinda decision without consulting me first? She just told me her mind was made up. I tried changing her mind, but she remained adamant. Unknown to me, she had already booked their flight back home a long time ago. I had to call my parents to talk some sense into her, but afterwards they just told me to let her come home, that she may just need the change of environment for a while. I called and asked her sister why she didn't tell me about the plan knowing how close we were, but she simply said it was her sister's decision.

They left two days after Christmas. To date I'm yet to receive a call from her. I've sent her several emails but she hasn't responded to even one. She told my mum she hasn't had the chance to get a line yet, but I know that's a lie. It doesn't take you more than a week to get a phone and a line in Nigeria. Sadly, I may have to accept the conclusion that my marriage is over.

Hmmmmm am short of what to say.you must be feeling very sad.Can you get Stephen Covey's 7habits of highly effective people and read?

nurshah:



https://www.nairaland.com/1230609/should-take-back#14830107

This is you,right? The signs were all in the. Open you went ahead.. this lady I doubt ever loved you she wanted second who can make her comfortable

If you ask me,take your kids and leave her if you insist on staying then expect worse

Of you had listened to your inner instincts all these won't have come into play...Iam not for divorce but clearly you dug your hole your self

Omo... People can keep track o! Kunle broda mi na since 2013 dis journey start o! If only u can be a man n lock up 4 5mnths,U go hear scores!!

kunleajaye:
Hello peeps. It's with a heavy heart that I have to say that my marriage is on it's last legs(or so I think). Sometimes last year I made a post asking for advice and things actually got a bit better afterwards (https://www.nairaland.com/3415462/dont-feel-attracted-wife-anymore), but alas, it didn't last.

My wife returned to her cold self and it just went downhill from there. We started arguing again over the tiniest of reasons. Some of the reasons for our petty arguements was the issue of her engrossing herself in school activities that sometimes took her attention from home duties. I told her a couple of times that i wasn't against her doing things like what she did and wasn't in the way of her achieving her desires and goals, but she shouldn't forget she's a mother and wife and one of her primary duties is her family. Sometimes she'd spend so much time in one fruitless meeting or the other, and when she gets home, she'll be too tired to do anything. It got to a point I had to do alot of cooking for the house so that the kids won't be hungry. It's not that she didn't do her duties. It's just the inconvenience of it all and the way her outside activities affected us that really got to me.

Another thing that got on my nerves was her attitude to her degree. Agreed, with all the things she did, she still maintained a very good GPA and was one of the best students in her department. Her lecturers would at times request she take their classes for them while they attended to other pressing issues. It was a good thing and i felt proud, but in her mind the main thing she wanted to do was business. Buying and selling like she did when we first got here and before she started school. She wanted to set up a store where she'd import and sell african prints. There were days during the summer when I'd plan on doing Uber to supplement the little I brought in as a paycheck, only for her to tell me she'd registered for one event or another to display her wares. I'll just have to stay back at home with the kids till she returned later in the night. It really did get me upset and I once asked her what the point of the degree she had studied for if all she wanted to do was sit in a store and sell stuff? We had this argument several times on end.

What eventually broke the camel's back was something she said that I'll never forgive her for. One evening, after putting the kids to bed, she approached me and said she wanted to apply for a loan. I asked her what she needed the loan for. She said for her shop. How much does she need? Ten thousand dollars. How does she expect to apply for ten thousand dollars when we have no way of paying back? Besides, where does she expect me to get the collateral from? She said someone would stand in for her. I told her I don't support the idea and she should be patient. At least after her graduation, she would be able to work full time and earn a better pay which she could then channel to doing whatever she wanted. She said no. She doesn't want to work, but sell her stuff. We started bickering back and forth about this cos I was already fed up of the whole issue, and at some point she screamed, saying I do not support her as a husband, and maybe she would have been better off marrying Awwal. [/color]


***
Awwal was another guy who fancied her when we met during our youth service in camp; she had once told me that back then she loved him as much as she loved me, and if she had to choose, she would have picked him instead of me. I asked her why she then chose me, and she said her late mother had advised her "don't make a future husband into an ordinary boyfriend, and don't make an ordinary boyfriend into a husband." In other words, don't confuse lust for love.
***


[color=#000099]She realized what she said and immediately began to apologize. I don't know how I kept my cool, and I walked away quietly. It only got worse after then. We no longer talked liked we once did apart from the necessary exchanges. I let her do whatever pleased her. Our arguements continued and sometimes we wont speak for days. I started keeping late nights, staying more in the lab after school or sometimes driving to a bar to drown my sorrows. I tried getting a marriage counselor, but the damage had already been done. Our sex life became virtually non-existent. We just remained together because of the kids.

A man has needs, and if he wasn't getting them at home, he'd start looking outside. I'm not proud to say this, but during some of my late nights out, I'd visit a discrete gentleman's club. It was on one of these outings I met one of the girls who danced there. She was a young college kid in her junior year. Over the next week or so she gave me a listening ear and I poured my heart out to her. She invited me over to her place one evening (she shared a three bedroom house with two other girls), one thing led to another and she was giving me a full n@ked massage with her body. We didn't have penetrative sex, but she gave me the sexual release my wife had denied me for such a long time. I offered to pay for her services afterwards, but she told me not to, as it was just her way of showing she cared. We ended up making similar arrangements a few more times, and each time we took it a bit further. The furthest we went was the time we had a 69 on her bed, and she came all over my face while I splooged her mouth. I always had to wipe myself off properly and take a shower once I got home to rid of all the oil and smell of pheromones on my person.

I guess my wife suspected something was going on cos she asked me one day if i had been seeing anyone. I asked her why she asked, and she shrugged, murmuring something to the fact that it was unusual of me not to have disturbed her for sex in such a very long time. I told her since she had decided to control when and the frequency we had sex, I had accepted my plight. I told her if she wanted sex, she knew where to find me. That night, I woke up to her snuggling up to me. It was the first time in a long while she would come to me. Try as much as I could, I just couldn't achieve an erection. My time with the stripper girl had taken away the sexual affection I had for my wife. She noticed this and started crying, saying i don't love her anymore. I simply told her it was just the stress. The following day, she was back to her normal self.

Last month, she finally graduated. I was happy that at least she would get a place to work and earn some money. But what she told me a few days later came as a shocker. She told me she wanted to go back to Nigeria. Her plan was to fulfill her dream of setting up a clothings line and since i don't want to support her, she'd rather go on without my support. I asked her if she was joking, but i could see she was dead serious. I asked who would take care of the kids if she leaves, and she said she intends going with them. infact, she had already told her sister to start looking for a nice school for them at home. I just couldn't believe it. Why make that kinda decision without consulting me first? She just told me her mind was made up. I tried changing her mind, but she remained adamant. Unknown to me, she had already booked their flight back home a long time ago. I had to call my parents to talk some sense into her, but afterwards they just told me to let her come home, that she may just need the change of environment for a while. I called and asked her sister why she didn't tell me about the plan knowing how close we were, but she simply said it was her sister's decision.

They left two days after Christmas. To date I'm yet to receive a call from her. I've sent her several emails but she hasn't responded to even one. She told my mum she hasn't had the chance to get a line yet, but I know that's a lie. It doesn't take you more than a week to get a phone and a line in Nigeria. Sadly, I may have to accept the conclusion that my marriage is over.

Your wife is a fiercely ambitious and independent lady and wants things on her terms. She's also in a hurry to do many things at once hence the junking of the degree for business even before graduating.

She believes she's the ambitious one in the family and if you follow her, the cares of the family will be well taken care of and nothing to worry about. Your destiny should work towards hers. She believes so much in herself and her dreams.

As much as I've not heard her side of the story, I can deduce an independent spirit and not the submissive spirit a wife must have for the marriage to succeed.

She wants to have her cake and eat it too. That's why she snuggled up to you. There was still that love or some love left so she hadn't by then done away with you even though that might have been your perception. She deep down felt things (like the marriage) would come round eventually. That was the positive thinking that drives highly ambitious people. That things would eventually work out for the best that these are just labour pains.

However, your non arousal I believe was the final nail in the coffin. She sensed all was over at that point hence her coming back home and especially with the kids. She wants the kids to be brought up by a high achiever and has the unshakable confidence she can bring out the best even without your unneeded input.

The issue now is what do you want for yourself?

You need to be pragmatic and throw out emotions. Your plan should be both short term and long term. It must also pragmatically including the kids and must not be at their detriment. You must take into account your wife'S strong willed nature. I feel she doesn't see a need for you in their life. That things can and will be fine without you in their life despite whatever she might suggest otherwise.

You need to be reasonable when dealing with your wife (Proverbs 27:12)

She would however end up miserable in life. The success, no matter how big, will eventually seem quite empty no matter how much she masks it.

If you want to make the marriage work, alert your wife to Jesus warning about the deceptive power of riches or even success (Matthew 13:22)

Let her know money doesn't make one happy no matter what we are thought to believe (Eccl 5:12)

Happiness comes by heeding Gods commandments (Psalms 19:11, Isaiah 48:17-18, Luke 11:28) especially for married couples especially to portions relating to marriage

I am a Jehovah's Witness. We have a book, " Secrets of family happiness". It has brought joy to many formerly broken homes. You can request a copy

Also feel free to visit www.jw.org to learn more or request for a free home Bible study.

I wish you the best. Do your best to save your marriage. God has hated a divorcing.

If however it doesn't still work, work away and apply some of my suggestions above.

Bro! Your story really touched me.

From what I understood from your story, your wife has already made up her mind to leave. I would advise you to give her a space. She will definitely come back someday.

greatgod2012:
The truth is that your wife actually understand that you've been emotionally and sexually connected to another woman, hence, her decision to relocate quietly and without any drama.

Women and the hypocrisy of cheating. From his narrative, his affair is just a symptom of a bigger issue which most of you ladies here are ignoring. Is it not obvious? The lady did not even catch him in the act and I believe she didn't leave because of cheating.