Hello Nairalanders,

Nice again to be hear. Please I need advice from anyone that can give me on this issue bordering me..

I'mm a hard working self employed man of 36years and my fiancee is 39years.. We both are graduates and M.sc holders from uniport. ..

We have known selves since 2014 and told my parents in 2016 that its her I want to get married to.. They all accepted her upon meeting her and sat, January 6, 2018 was fixed for introduction... I was so happy and was in high spirit... Then come on Saturday morning, my mum called a meeting, with dad, grand mum, two of dad sisters, 2 kindred men, my immediate younger sister and brother...

My marriage issue was raised as topic and mum insisted on the age of my fiancee and said she must get pregnant first before us or myself would go for any introduction....

She was supported by 2/3 of the people present at an early morning meeting called by 4am on the same Saturday i had told my fiancee my people were coming.....

The meeting went and ended in a disaster and mum called my fiancee to cancel the introduction insisting she first get pregnant...

Please, what do you guys think I should do as my fiancee is a born again Christian with RCCG....

The issue of first takingbinnholds no place in their church doctrine...its after the wedding ...am a catholic....am in love with my woman and am not backing down....am confused and don't know what to do now...someone should please advice me....please

Please move this thread to front page as I need advice, please

What is your moms business with your fiancee getting pregnant?

Tell your mom you don't believe in pre-marital sex or does she want you to go into sin? Ask her if she is ready to say what she said in front of the church priest

Also if she has a daughter and her suitor gave her the pregnancy before marriage offer what will you mom advise as a mother

Why are you calling lalasticlala?

Tell your mum that so many women have lost their first pregnacy through miscarriage and remained barren till date.

hmm,confused indeed.If you.are confused now,what then will happen with other complicated issues in marriage.


Are you marrying for fulfilling life's purpose together or to preocreate?I hope you understan that your parents shouldn dictate what goes on in your marriage?I hope you also know that she could get pregnant,could later lose it an never take in again ;but then she has passed your mother's fertility test.

I have seen ladies marry at 18 and ttc for life and i have also seen others marry at 40 and have 6 kids at 46(twins thrice).

You guys should behave wello,this is soemeone's daughter

Eme unu ka unu choro ime nwa agbogho ahu,okwa o ga adi unu nma?

You have to sit your mum down and convince her. She is just being careful considering the fact that she is older than you and approaching 40.
If you were ages younger than your fiancé, am sure your mum will not be acting like this.
She is only doing what an average Nigerian mother would do in the situation.

That a gud mother jooo

Btw 39 years choi.I wish u d best ooo

E no eazy to find love at dat age oo

raumdeuter:
What is your moms business with your fiancee getting pregnant?

Tell your mom you don't believe in pre-marital sex or does she want you to go into sin? Ask her if she is ready to say what she said in front of the church priest

Also if she has a daughter and her suitor gave her the pregnancy before marriage offer what will you mom advise as a mother

Why are you calling lalasticlala?

a calling on lala to move the thread to front page so I can get more advice..thanks

LadySarah:
hmm,confused indeed.If you.are confused now,what then will happen with other complicated issues in marriage.


Are you marrying for fulfilling life's purpose together or to preocreate?I hope you understan that your parents shouldn dictate what goes on in your marriage?I hope you also know that she could get pregnant,could later lose it an never take in again ;but then she has passed your mother's fertility test.

I have seen ladies marry at 18 and ttc for life and i have also seen others marry at 40 and have 6 kids at 46(twins thrice).

You guys should behave wello,this is soemeone's daughter

Eme unu ka unu choro ime nwa agbogho ahu,okwa o ga adi unu nma?

Gbam!...you said it well o....I use my immediate sister yet unmarried as an example o

Your mother is just creating grounds on what her own daughter yet unmarried, would be met on her too based on the conditions her future husband and his families will quote for her too. It's not swear o.. Don't get me wrong Biko. Just how life is .
If as a woman and a another, u treat another wife coming into your family well. Your own daughter will be treated well too.

It's just how life is.
This life is not black and white o.

She forget she has a daughter in her 30s, yet unmarried.

Make she continue, only she go taya. Advice her. Shes making a huge mistake. Let sleeping dogs lie.

valentineuwakwe:
hello, nairalanders,
nice again to be hear..please I need advice from anyone that can give me on this issue bordering me...am a hard working self employed man of 36years and my fiancee is 39years...we both are graduates and M.sc holders from uniport. ...we have known selves since 2014 and told my parents in 2016 that its her I want to get married to...they all accepted her upon meeting her and sat, January 6, 2018 was fixed for introduction...I was so happy and was in high spirit...then come on Saturday morning, my mum called a meeting, with dad, grand mum, two of dad sisters,2 kindred men, my immediate younger sister and brother....my marriage issue was raise as topic and mum insisted on the age of my fiancee and said she must get pregnant first before us or myself would go for any introduction....she was supported by 2/3 of the people present at an early morning meeting called by 4am on the same Saturday i had told my fiancee my people were coming.....the meeting went and ended in a disaster and mum called my fiancee to cancel the introduction insisting she first get pregnant...
please what do you guys think I should do as my fiancee is a born again Christian with RCCG....the issue of first takingbinnholds no place in their church doctrine...its after the wedding ...am a catholic....am in love with my woman and am not backing down....am confused and don't know what to do now...someone should please advice me....please

please move this thread to front page as I need advice, please
lalastilala

The very important matter of her been able to conceive and have a safe delivery, is for the benefit of all parties involved.......

Go and conduct a registry wedding, that is a legal union... The rest nah formalities......

After marriage, you realise she is barren..... This same you, would open a thread complaining.....

After marriage, your wife also realises that your condensed milk is so weak, you cannot impregnate anything.... She would also be complaining......

Have you ever put your garden fork in her garden? Or tasted her mangoes?

NB: Get her pregnant, head to a registry and mark your union....... After all is said and done, change your place of worship (its the same God)......

I wish your fiancée would dump you and your meddlesome mother. Nonsense

I have this little story to tell you. I visited my friend many years ago, and saw a beautiful young lady in her elder brother's house, when we came out, I asked her if the lady is her brother's wife, she said no, that she is her eldest sister. She began the story that brought about the sister coming to stay with her brother. She said her sister was in a relationship with a guy, when the guy took her to the mum, the mum insisted that she must get pregnant before they will get married, mind you, my friend's sister was a virgin. The guy finally was able to convince her, against other people's advice. The guy told her that as soon as she gets pregnant, the wedding will be conducted before people gets to know of it. Gbam, she took in, and she was expecting marriage plans to kick off immediately, again the boy's mother said she should just wait to give birth, that she doesn't want the girl to lose the pregnancy as a result of stress that will come during the wedding. The girl felt so bad, cos she has been deceived and she was was been gossiped all over the place. When labor pain started, she was rushed to the hospital and gbam, there was complications, and they have one option, remove the woman's womb or she dies. Off course you and I know what decision they will go with. The moment her womb was removed, her baby died, right there in the hospital. I didn't need to tell you how the story ended. The family of the boy outrightly opposed the guy from marrying the girl because she doesn't have a womb again. The story went everywhere. Six months later, the girl went visiting a friend, and saw the guy's wedding card. When she got home that day, she attempted suicide, that was how they brought her to the elder brother's house, so that she can be far away from the guy and his family. As I type this today, the lady is almost 45 but still very single. While the guy's first son is already in SS3. Sorry for the long post .Please girls be careful, don't let nobody put you under any kind of pressure because of marriage.

At 36 you needs mommy's input , did she also decide it was time for you to marry too. That's a major red flag.

Mother! She has fear, fear of the untold story, due to her age!! I think you should talk to your bride....you guys should compromise your different stands, then agree!!!

Mother! She has fear, fear of the untold story, due to her age. I think you should talk to your bride....you guys should compromise your different stands, then agree.

Na wa o

Is your mother God? She is been unfair to ur fiancee. And you,are u not a grown man? Pls stand ur feet on this issue,u r way past the age wen dey can make decisions for u

it's been long I logged into Nairaland but your post made me do so.
Back to the topic, my friend got married in 2008 and her husband insisted that she must become pregnant before the wedding. He said and I quote 'I can't buy a car that I haven't tested". Luckily my friend became pregnant and she was even showing before they had their wedding but two months after the wedding she lost the pregnancy and they started TTC.
she later gave birth but that was after 4 good years of trying to conceive.
That taught me a very good lesson. so my advice is this, if you know that both of you are medically fit to conceive then you should go ahead with the wedding and your people should stop playing God.

In as much as i would like to say ur mum is doing this cos of u and ur fiancee,truth is she is doing it for her mostly.
Women shld learn not to meddle in their sons affairs, cos they know how to stay away if its there daughter.
If u love her go ahead, and if u want to be on the safer side u both go do checkups ,u included.
But ur mum is funny,calling the whole family without discussing with u first ,even including ur younger ones,u must be very sweet guy.

in all of this i blame you.first when u know ur kind of home u should not ve have allowed them know her true age.why did ur mom wait till her intro day befre calling a meeting.as a man why did you not stand your ground.to the extent of ur mom calling ur fiancee.u dnt know d fire u are allowing to ignite.due to desperation ur girl will dance to ur mom's tune.but d minute she will marry she will give ur mom a long rope becos of what ur mom is doing to her now.she will treat ur family like a plague.and u will not know when u will unconsiously dance to her tune.then any decision u make to side ur family she will say u re not man enough.man up and drop sentiments or mommy's boy.and stand by ur wife.God is d giver of kids.nor b people they marry cripple.except u dnt belive in ur union.ur mom should not dictate for u

What an elder sees sitting...... Op let no one blackmail you or say shít about your mom because she's right.

Women are generally more fertile in their twenties and have more healthy children at that ages.

As a hard working young man, who intends to get married and possibly have children, you shouldn't even be seen with a 39 years old woman who misused her most fertile years chasing God knows what. Riding the carousel probably and finally hitting the wall, she looking for a soft landing.

Op, go and look for a young lady (18-25) that you can pair bond with and can pair bond with your future children. This has nothing to do with your religion but common sense.

Aquariann:
What an elder sees sitting...... Op let no one blackmail you or say shít about your mom because she's right.

Women are generally more fertile in their twenties and have more healthy children at that ages.

As a hard working young man, who intends to get married and possibly have children, you shouldn't even be seen with a 39 years old woman who misused her most fertile years chasing God knows what. Riding the cel probably and finally hitting the wall, she looking for a soft landing.

Op, go and look for a young lady (18-25) that you can pair bond with and can pair bond with your future children. This has nothing to do with your religion but common sense.

not all ladies of these age lived a rough life.
some are spiritualproblems..
some are long term relationship.
Marriage is what will give u peace of mind;open doors.and so many goodies.
he knows what he has seen in her.
age is a not a barrier in marriage.peace of mind is what money cant buy.
what if he looks at her age and few years down the line they get divorced or death happens or something worse.
marriage is a life time thing.
peace at home is number one thing...

Rosarie:
not all ladies of these agr lived a rough life.some are spiritual.

Let her go and marry the spirit then.

some are long term rlthshp.

Those LTR didn't work out for a reason. Probably she turned them down when they were ready but she wasn't. Or felt someone better would come along you know, based on the hypergamous nature of women.

marriage is what will give u peace of mind:open doors.and so many goodies.

This is crap. So many people out there regret the sham called marriage today. Besides, if she can't be happy and find fulfilment outside marriage, she'll never find it within marriage. And at her age, she'll only be filled with regret s of the many suitors she turned down in the past because she had to settle with someone 3 years younger than her. Remember hypergamy I mentioned earlier? NO woman desires to marry down.

he knows what he has seen in her

He's only seeing what she wants him to see i.e a born again Christian. Secondary virgin. I wonder at which point she decided to find her morals again.

age is a not a barrier in marriage.peace of mind is what money cant buy.what if he looks at age and few years divorce or death or worse.marriage is a life time thing.peace at home is no one

You're saying crap again. Yes age matters when it comes to marriage. Any woman who desires to marry should do so in her most fertile years. And yes, the Op would do well to marry a nubile who would not only be able to pair bond with him while also looking up to him for direction, but would appreciate the little romantic gestures he makes every now and then. A 39 years old woman carries a whole lot of baggage with her having seen it all.

If she wants a good man, let her go back to her 20s and find all the men she turned down.

How can you be dating a woman who is about entering menopause?

If i ever decide to get married,my wife to be must be pregnant first before doing the needful...e get y

Is it not Belle your mother is wanting??
Then and give her Belle

Mama no want hear stories

my bruda follow ur heart, any way sha e no concern government

Please don't be offended - your mum must be an end time mum for requesting such.

Talk to ur pastor