In an open post which she shared on her Facebook page, writer, Ese Walter-Ark, revealed her battle with postpartum depression. Ese narrated how she abandoned her 9 months 3 weeks old baby with her mother in Abuja and ran down to Lagos, in November 2015, when she became so depresed after childbirth.

She says the depression was so heavy that a certain day, she thought of smashing her baby on the wall.

Read below;
They called me a bad mother Writer, Ese Walker-Ark, shares her shocking battle with postpartum depression, reveals she abandoned her baby for sometime and even thought of smashing him on the wall?

After Boobman was born I struggled to find my Happy. At the same time, I had to act happy because who isn’t happy after birthing a child?

I carried on everyday reminding myself that as a mother my happiness came second. I needed to be there for my child. I needed to love him, care for him, take care of him etc.

As he grew, I felt myself sink deeper into the hole that sat in my core. And I couldn’t express this. I remember the day the health visitor came to check on us. She asked, “have you had any unpleasant thoughts concerning your baby?”

“No, I have been so happy since he arrived.” I lied.
She asked a few more questions, checked his height, head size, weight, and was done.

As she left, I wondered if I should call her back and tell her about that night he wouldn’t sleep and I needed sleep, and as I breastfed him, I imagined what would happen if I threw him against the wall. Perhaps I’d be free from this little bondage that seemed to be running my life. But I didn’t. I feared they would think me crazy. Some who knew me already thought me crazy. Sigh. I let her go. I returned to getting by one day at a time.

The day he turned 6 months, I decided I was going to run away. Because he was breastfeeding and I didn’t have any money I stuck around. At 9 months and three weeks, I had saved a little money so I weaned him one Friday, cold turkey style. Nobody knew I was weaning him. By the next day, he had forgotten breast. I was left with swollen painful breasts but I felt it was worth it because finally nothing was tying him to me.

On the 1st of November 2015, a week before he turned 10 months, I took him to my mum’s along with a new nanny I had gotten a week earlier. I told my mum I had a spa date and would be back for him in 2 hours.

As I left the house, I headed to the airport, bought a one way ticket to Lagos and left Abuja, Boobman, and motherhood behind. I sent text messages to my family that I was gone and not coming back.

They tried to reach me by email. I was told that I abandoned my child and I was a bad mother. It was true. They were right. I had already concluded to myself that I was a bad mother long before anyone else told me so.

I wasn’t going to mother, I wanted to feel alive. I wanted to feel I mattered too. I wanted to feel, period.
I didn’t want to hurt my baby. I wasn’t sure how long I would have lasted before I snapped. Leaving was the only option. I wasn’t going to come back.

A few months later we were reunited. I was told to apologize to him for leaving him. What they didn’t know was for the months I planned my leaving, he was aware.

I told him every time I breastfed him that I was sorry I had to go away without him. I told him the times I was sad. I told him the times I felt lost and empty. And the night before that November 1st, I shed a tear as I told him I was leaving the next day.

I still remember my final thought before I left. I said to myself, “if I die now, this child will survive and even thrive.” At that, my mind made itself up.

I know we like to think a mother should sacrifice herself for her babies but sometimes mother wants to run away and leave everything behind. This usually starts and ends as a thought or wishful thinking for most new mothers. For me, it was the only way to live. So I took the leap.

#diaryoftheboobmum #badmother #breakingthecord #runningfrommothering#unusualmothering #motherdoesntknowbest #motherstruggles

http://www.torimill.com/2018/01/lady-reveals-she-abandoned-her-new-born.html

Being a single mother is not easy.

1. What of the father? because I feel u were impregnated by a man whom u don't love and probably thought of eating his money....but backfired

Where is the father of the Boobman? Abi na hit and run he be?

you are still the best mother my dear,you are brave.

To all other mother who one way or the other fell in an other wise circumstance as these story,i still respect you. #Loveofmama

And the baby is so cute ....
Upon all this struggles and depression she's going through, one heartless human will still open his mouth to talk and insult her..

Nne don't worry, everything will be fine..

Chikita66:
Being a single mother is not easy.

Seal your pusŠy until marriage then. Is that one not easy too ?

Cutie mama and child

Yeah, it can be frustrating...especially that few months of sleep less night

So touching

How is this shít justifiable and on FP?

We half hard. I hope u av not started another one sha....
The name of the pikin sef... the name weak me sha

"Boobman" so my nickname is now someone's real name

Thinking of smashing ur child against a wall is no longer post partum depression but psychosis.

Pastor Fatoyinbo just use preek mess this babe up.

]Being a single mother is not easy



Who sent u to go have baby without father

rubbish..

This girl just love attention

Pastor "robust reply" fatoyinbo, how far nah? Ese Walters is really missing your "robust" rod

Newpride:
]Being a single mother is not easy



Who sent u to go have baby without father

She never wished for it to happen this way

What of Bernie Ark abi Bernie man? Are they divorced already?

Seems Fatoyinbo gave it to her the way she misses it.

named him boobman and she expects him not to chase bress in future lol

The one that did radio wedding

Wish her & the baby the best

Nonsense

Journey to motherhood is not easy. ..wether single or married..I won't blame you sha...pregnancy alone is something else. .all that matters is putting yourself together

Madam I hope u read this

Please know that Yoga is a religion based on hinduism.
www.nairaland.com/attachments/6553440_eseark0_jpeg26c5bbbb55dd718dd43aa04eb1a30d6e

Hindusim is the most satanic covert religion, even more satanic than the religion of peace.

Yoga in general is satanic.


Pls see

https://www.charismanews.com/opinion/61880-ex-witch-reveals-connection-between-yoga-and-satan

https://www.cai.org/testimonies/spiritual-deception-yoga


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wKwEkXcmEUQ

She never wished for it to happen this way



Then who takes the blame, is it me or U or the person who gives birth to fatherless baby

boobman...this name shaz.. the guy is so cute... I pray God gives his mother the strength to train him and Wade off all negative thoughts

Many Nairalanders forget their sense before typing, those ones asking what of the father...if they were the father what will they do? how many of us men are trained to handle that post childbirth depression?

I have seen this cus it happened to my sister, her husband , my mum and myself were there...she had all the Love she needed, yet she went Loco . It reached a tipping point one night the baby had mucus and it affected his breathing, big sis started running on the streets of Lagos by 2:00 am in the morning!!, i pursue am tire.

She is over it now and second and third birth was easier...men i dont even know what to do if i come face to face with this situation, i just know when my wife gives birth i will triple my Love, care, attention, infact if she asks me for an elephant i go catch am come alive!!!

God bless all women especially mothers, you ladies are the greatest gift to man

Aha

Mad girl