I was in touch with my Ex recently and we both agreed that we made mistakes in marrying the wrong person but there is nothing else one can do than to live with the choices we made. We dated for 6 years waiting for parental consent from her people, they said that their Yoruba daughter could not marry from Calabar. We could have shunned them and gone ahead to marry but we called it off due to the pressure of dissent from her family (The church too refused to join us unless we had parental consent). After I left for UK her parents agreed for me to marry her but by then I had already chosen someone else. She is about to join her Husband in US and has been in constant touch with me after 12 years of absence. My wife gets angry when she sees her pictures in my stuff, her Husband gets angry when he see's mine, and she gets angry when she see's her Husbands Ex's pics in their house. She blamed me for not being patient with her during the 6 years of courtship,I blamed her for not standing up to her parents when it mattered. We missed the perfect will of God and now abide in the permissible will of God with our different spouses. If we both got divorced could we marry each other to fufil our destiny together ? I'm treading on delicate ground.

well to me, she should not blame you cuz her people refused therefore, you cannot wait 4 her setting ur mind to the fact that the parents refused. I am guessing you guys are saying you married the wrong people cuz you people have gotten in touch with eachother and you also learning that the parents later agreed. itz all good. you people should learn to love your partners and dont think of divorce cuz to ur suprise, it might not work out for the both of you. Good luck

Ezinwannem:

well to me, she should not blame you because her people refused therefore, you cannot wait 4 her setting your mind to the fact that the parents refused. I am guessing you guys are saying you married the wrong people because you people have gotten in touch with eachother and you also learning that the parents later agreed. itz all good. you people should learn to love your partners and don't think of divorce because to your suprise, it might not work out for the both of you. Good luck

Thanx for your advice, the problem is that my wife always thinks that my Ex was my first choice and always brings up her name during disagreements(As in "if you think I am not good enough for you,why dont you go back to your Yoruba woman". My Ex's Husband thinks my Ex is judging him by the way I used to take care of her and see's himself as my shadow and thinks her love for him will never be as much as what she had for me. Did we miss God's perfect will for each other ?

Ezinwannem:

well to me, she should not blame you because her people refused therefore, you cannot wait 4 her setting your mind to the fact that the parents refused. I am guessing you guys are saying you married the wrong people because you people have gotten in touch with eachother and you also learning that the parents later agreed. itz all good. you people should learn to love your partners and don't think of divorce because to your suprise, it might not work out for the both of you. Good luck

i totally agree with this  post, learn to love the one you are married to now and move on with your life, its no use threading on the past  you are only going to make matters worse
if  God wanted both of you together believe me things will happen to make it so!
MOVE - ON

Ma Bruv no play with fire oh! fire go burn you!


_{just my likkle advice : Break all contact with her i mean your ex !}

LondonCool:

. Did we miss God's perfect will for each other ?

even if you did ! it don shele you are with other partners now learn to live with and love the ones you are with now!



shikena!

@ LondonCool

I really feel for your situation. Its sad both of you'll never get to find out if you guys'ld have been compartible as a couple but maybe its for the better.
And don't waste your time thinking what if?, cos it might not have worked out afterall.

I guess everything happens for a reason. You guys should try and recall the things that made you pick your now-spouse, what was it that attracted you to them and made you decide you wanted to share the rest of your lives with them?, cos that might actually help rebuild the relationships you guys have now cos you might later find out it wasn't worth loosing, should anything go wrong.

Now if they keep wondering if you guys love each other more than you love them, reply saying:

"No two people can be loved the same way, different things make you love different people and for that reason you love them differently, and it dosen't necessarily have to be more or less, just differently"

You guys can remain best  of friends , i'm sure f you guys sit your spouses down and explain the situation they'll be humanly enough to understand.
You might even at the end realize that your choice of wife(your now-wife) was the best decision you ever made in your life.

I believe this saying: My thing will never pass me by. Believe me if she was rightfully meant for you, you wouldn't have needed to send this post. You guys would have been happily married right now

As all above me have said - i agree.
Nothing is as rosy as they sound. What if you had married only to marry into hell? I'm sure you love your wife and she loves you too. If I saw pics of my husband's ex - i would go ballistic. It's just not right. Both of you have separate lives and hopefully happy ones.

Besides if it was God's will for you to get married and you didn't - he wouldn't want you to divorce your wife.

I hope parents realise the trauma they subject their children to when it comes to the issue of spouse. The best person that can choose a patner for you is you. All this tribal prejudice nonsense must stop. If people want to out of village/town/ state etc, let them be as long as they are happy.

My father almost made the same mistake as my grandma insisted he married some lady from our village. The lady in question was very disrespectful to my dad then, well, he was as poor as a mosque rat . Anyway, he got enough courage to stand up to her and told her that he would marry his choice and if she wanted to 'kick the bucket' she was free to do so . That ended that! He has been married to his choice for 25yrs.

However, it is sometimes very hard for a lady to stand up to her parents . Some parents are very unforgiving and may pronounce curses on thier children so they end up living miserable lives

i just don't get why married people still keep pictures of their exes, i mean why did you marry me if ur gonna be thinking of your ex, thats just stupid, i don't blame your wife you shouldn't be thinking of your ex let alone getting in tough with her and talking about the past, if you guys get together you might end up cheatin on your spouses, which just complicates things.

i personally think if you guys were meant to be together you would be, but life sucks and you ended up with different people so give them the respect they deserve, you wouldn't marry your wife if the love you had with your ex was strong enough to go through anything. this is no mistake you both would have been together if the love you had was strong, i would go against my parents wishes if i knew the guy i love was the guy i wanted to spend the rest of my life with, and there is always court marriage, everything doesn't have to be church wedding.

i just think wat you and ur ex are going through now if just infatuation, you both obviously have missed each other, so you bring up the good times and then think things would have worked out, but it didn't go get it into your brain, stick with your wife and let ur ex be with her husband, you both have made your decision so live with it.


so abeg move on eh.

ima1:

i just don't get why married people still keep pictures of their exes, i mean why did you marry me if your going to be thinking of your ex, thats just stupid, i don't blame your wife you shouldn't be thinking of your ex let alone getting in tough with her and talking about the past, if you guys get together you might end up cheatin on your spouses, which just complicates things.

i personally think if you guys were meant to be together you would be, but life sucks and you ended up with different people so give them the respect they deserve, you wouldn't marry your wife if the love you had with your ex was strong enough to go through anything. this is no mistake you both would have been together if the love you had was strong, i would go against my parents wishes if i knew the guy i love was the guy i wanted to spend the rest of my life with, and there is always court marriage, everything doesn't have to be church wedding.

i just think what you and your ex are going through now if just infatuation, you both obviously have missed each other, so you bring up the good times and then think things would have worked out, but it didn't go get it into your brain, stick with your wife and let your ex be with her husband, you both have made your decision so live with it.


so abeg move on eh.

True!

As all above me have said - i agreed completely.  Having divorce to go back to ex is sin!  Forget it the past you had shared with your exs, move forward to your current wife that God has his purpose for both of you current marriage. Past is past! Never look back!!!

Talk your current wife to apologize that you never mean to hold back your past(forbidden dream of ex), BURN EX's PICTURE facing in front of your wife!!! I know you feel pain, but past is past, period!!!

Someday you could be reunited again if both your ex and you are widowed under God's willing, not your!!! Who know, only God knows!!!

cute-ass:

@ LondonCool

:

"No two people can be loved the same way, different things make you love different people and for that reason you love them differently, and it dosen't necessarily have to be more or less, just differently"


I believe this saying: My thing will never pass me by. Believe me if she was rightfully meant for you, you wouldn't have needed to send this post. You guys would have been happily married right now

Thanks, I appreciate those wise words of yours and take it to heart

ima1:

i just don't get why married people still keep pictures of their exes, i mean why did you marry me if your going to be thinking of your ex, thats just stupid, i don't blame your wife you shouldn't be thinking of your ex let alone getting in tough with her and talking about the past, if you guys get together you might end up cheatin on your spouses, which just complicates things.

so abeg move on eh.

Actually, I never intentionally kept my Ex's pics. I thought I had discarded them but my detective wife fished out a couple of them from nowhere. Would I cheat on my wife just because I met my Ex ? Thats Hypothetical.

uspry1:

Having divorce to go back to ex is sin! Forget it the past you had shared with your exs, move forward to your current wife that God has his purpose for both of you current marriage. Past is past! Never look back!!!

BURN EX's PICTURE facing in front of your wife!! --SHE HAS BURNT THEM UP ALREADY

Someday you could be reunited again if both your ex and you are widowed under God's willing, not your!!! Who know, only God knows!!!-

My Wife has been threatening me with DIVORCE for a long time since she came to UK; I am the one not agreeing to it (for now)

Actually, I never intentionally kept my Ex's pics. I thought I had discarded them but my detective wife fished out a couple of them from nowhere. Would I cheat on my wife just because I met my Ex ? Thats Hypothetical.

My Wife has been threatening me with DIVORCE for a long time since she came to UK; I am the one not agreeing to it (for now)
[quote][/quote]


No woman likes to be second best in her husband's home.
DIVORCE is tricky and not very plesant especially if there are children involved. If you are yet to have children, separating is easier but with children, it is not easy. Today's society is really broken with the loss of family values.

If she is threatening divorce, there must be something that triggered it. She may be having second thoughts, or simply feel she has has lost you emotionally. It is possible to be physically together but miles apart emotionally.

Why dont you two maybe go on a holiday and work at your marriage. Date yourselves again and relive happy memories and just talk to each other and be vunerable to each other again. You must have been in love once so it should be too hard.

Actually, I never intentionally kept my Ex's pics. I thought I had discarded them but my detective wife fished out a couple of them from nowhere. Would I cheat on my wife just because I met my Ex ? Thats Hypothetical.

stop making exuses keeping ur ex pictures, it wasn't a reflex action atleast i know that is done unintentionally, you kept it bcoz you don't wanna forget the past, and to answer ur question, i am 100% sure u will cheat on ur wife, bcoz you still think u and ur ex are destined to be together and want to get divorced so u could prove it, which is stupid from my point of view, when would men use their brain, you are giving ur wife reasons to wanna divorce you and i am sure you wish she will now that u have met ur ex, i mean what if u and ur ex got together and it doesn't work out bcoz u weren't meant to be together, what would u do then sit and whine.

the thing is you are both married, stay married and true to ur vows, anyway do ya'll have kids, if you do then i don't think what you want should matter anymore, stop dwelling on the past move on with ur life and be happy

Ma people, when someone comes asking for an advice to his/her situation its because they believe in the fact that two heads are better than one.

So after we've suggested what they should and should not do, we have to give them the benefit of doubt that they'll hearken to our voice and not pre-judge them or jump into conclussions of what we think they'll do.
Nobody knows it all, it might be you in that situation tomorrow

Rememer, do not judge so that you shall not be judged

cute-ass:

Ma people, when someone comes asking for an advice to his/her situation its because they believe in the fact that two heads are better than one.

So after we've suggested what they should and should not do, we have to give them the benefit of doubt that they'll hearken to our voice and not pre-judge them or jump into conclussions of what we think they'll do.
Nobody knows it all, it might be you in that situation tomorrow

Rememer, do not judge so that you shall not be judged

God bless you mys sister, I have taken heed to all the wise counsel received on this thread.

ima1:

Would I cheat on my wife just because I met my Ex ? Thats Hypothetical.

, I am 100% sure u will cheat on your wife,  stop dwelling on the past move on with your life

Imaobong/ima1,you can't be too presumptous or cock-sure about that assertion just because I sought advice here. You are questioning my integrity. I may be facing temporal marital problems but that doesnt mean I have to cheat on my dear wife because of my Ex. I even  face more realistic temptation in my Office from upfront Female colleagues every day. When men face Domestic violence in marriage its an issue that they don't like to discuss because the society always thinks its the other way round-the Police still sends the man out of the House.

@ topic as you don hear now carry go! make your decisions and act on 'em

when did this reach domestic violence issue, anyway sorry i gave u my opinion