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Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? - Family (2) - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? (30829 Views) (2) (3) (4)

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Re: Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? by carzola(m): 3:21pm On Feb 27, 2018
Paddy Adenuga
Come and read

Because you had a good up
Bringing you no go get sense .

2 Likes

Re: Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? by temmypotter(m): 3:21pm On Feb 27, 2018
Woah, stuff like this really happens? all I can say is Thank God for your life.. in the western world, some one with such a background might prolly end up as a psychotic Serial rapist/murderer. it's the most common backstory for serial killers over there.

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Re: Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? by blesoh(f): 3:22pm On Feb 27, 2018
Mznaett:
Although your experience isn't a funny one but hey! you won't kill yourself jor.

Laugh it off grin



In my own case eh, my dad is a tyrant.

Whatever he says stands.

We don't keep friends, we don't go out etc.

In fact, he has extended this his behaviour to almost everybody that comes around even in church too.

During his tenure as the president of an organization in the church, those people that where under him heard wiiiiiiiii grin... If he's talking here eh, and you try to interrupt him shocked sorry is your name that day. You'll start to hear "Will you keep quiet there?" the president is talking and you're making noise... grin

The next word you'll hear from him is "mannerless generation" lol grin.
Hahahaha this is funny mehn.
My mum was fun of beating me, especially when someone reports my case to her, without waiting to hear my side next it's beatings. Today when I flog my kids she would be getting angry lol

5 Likes

Re: Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? by tooth4tooth: 3:22pm On Feb 27, 2018
grin
Re: Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? by wittyt98(m): 3:22pm On Feb 27, 2018
lol ...all I can say is FVCK MY DAD, HE'S THE MOST USELESS DAD EVER. grin grin grin

ONLY THING I Can thank him for is the fact that he brought me to this beautiful world of wonders grin aside that, he's a total waste man grin grin

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Re: Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? by Kentrasso(f): 3:23pm On Feb 27, 2018
Femsyn:
First, you must know that the scenarios you painted are not peculiar to your family alone. Nigerian families have their peculiarities, save for one or two differences.

That said, I would advise your brother not to go ahead with his wedding without their presence. The reason is not for today, but for tomorrow, plus the kind of impression he will give his would be in-laws about his family and indeed himself. This can be used against him in the future. Note that this doesn't necessarily erase his opinion about your parents. Its for his own good.

Finally, like I said before, what you guys went through isn't new. Just persevere until you can be independent and if this will count for anything, I'm particularly glad your parents are in good terms.

Shalom.

Who cares?
Re: Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? by Amirullaha(m): 3:24pm On Feb 27, 2018
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Re: Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? by orbitalgis: 3:25pm On Feb 27, 2018
UrennaNkoli:
Well I'm over into my 30's, independent and not doing bad. So lets get straight to the story and mind you, its a true life story and all I say here is God's honest truth. Growing up was really tough for me and my brother but to be honest, my brother suffered more than I did so I'll emphasize more on him.

The kind of dad we had was more like a dictator. Life in that house was highly regimented. We were hardly allowed to go out or mingle with friends. This really affected us later in life as we ended up becoming introverts. My brother dared not be caught playing football or playing playstation 1 in the game house, he'll be severely dealt with. Our dad expected us to be with our books 24/7 which was near impossible. He dictated the kind of cloths my brother wear. My brother even flared up for our dad one day because he asked him to cut off his afro hair and his goatee beards. Sometime around 2008, he refused to give him pocket money to the university after they had a fight that morning because dad told him to surrender all his phones and laptop and take one visaphone to school instead. This resulted in an heated arguement which escalated to physical fight. I was there, dad who is naturally very aggresive and behaves like a lunatic hit lil bro first. The guy just stood still looking at dad and suprisingly, he never returned any punch. He was even asked to raise his hands and kneel as punishment. As if all these weren't shocking enough, lil bro was about 21 yrs of age at that time and all this was caused by the woman we call mother whose story I'll talk about later too.

Constantly, we were always embarassed in front of visitors. We dared not go out whenever a visitor was around else we'll be sent to get or do something after which dad must find a fault in it when what you did was obviously faultless. This will be folllowed by a rain of insults and verbal abuses to the extent that the visitor will even be pleading on our behalf. Dad did several things that made us question his psychological condition part of which I will list below.

1. He has his own masters bedroom which contained a washing machine. He can leave cloths in the washing machine and go to work without telling us anything. When he comes back, he start raining insults on me asking why I didn't finish up his cloths for him as if he was expecting us to use magic to know that there was cloths in there. So basically, he can leave a task and go out while expecting you to complete that task without telling you he left a task behind.
Even when you travel, they will never call you. Rather they'll expect you thats on transit to call them that you've arrived. If you don't call for months, they will never call to ask about your welfare whether you were sick or dead. They'll rather start raining insults on you for refusing to give them a call then I'm always left to ponder, since you dindn't hear from me why didnt you make any effort to reach me? what if there was something wrong from my own side. Their excuse was that anytime I called, I called only to ask for money.

2. I remember when we packed into our new house around 2009, the fence of that house collapsed one day due to heavy rainfall. The next day, he asked some bricklayers to come check the house and he told us to count the blocks they'll be bringing. That was all he said, count the blocks which we did. Lo and behold, he still came back from office to find a fault in what we did, raining insults on us and telling us how dumb we were because we failed to separate 9inches block from 6 inches block lol . For crying out loud, how was he expecting us to know? funny enough he didn't even give any instruction before he left.

3. So many encounters and bullshìts space and time will not permit to list them all but all these mess got my brother fed up as he left the house late 2009 and never returned till the following year. Funny enough, dad /mom weren't even concerned. They didn't even bother to look for him. He came back briefly after some 3 months to say hi to me and packed his load for good. TILL TODAY, HE NEVER RETURNED TO THAT HOUSE.

The Woman We Called Mom
This woman always supported dad whether he was right or wrong. To be honest, I never liked her one bit and I always felt bitter about it when I saw my peer groups and their everlasting bond with their own mom. They loved their mom like Gold but mine was a different story. She was stingy, she didn't know how to keep her mouth shut thats why I dreaded telling her any secret. She was someone that found it difficult sending me ordinary 2000 naira while in the university but if she hears there is a party tomorrow and she is to contribute 60k, she will look for that money. Honeslty, dad payed most of bills but this woman contributed nothing. She was earning close to 100k at that time and I've always wondered what she uses her salary for. She found it difficult keeping secrets, she must alow the whole world know. When I gained admission into the university, the whole world knew. When I graduated, the whole world knew. her friend even wrote a letter to her one day cautioning her about how she runs her mouth like tap. And mind you, she was very lazy. She'll rather sit in the living room watching africa magic than cooking for the family. She left everything to me. When I travelled, the whole house was in a mess. She didn't even bother to waah the bathroom and toilets or weeks as it was already turning brown. My brother before he left them wasn't close to her at all. They can be in the sitting room from morning till night together without exchanging a word. I don't blame him though, I blame the kind of parent we had. I pray my kids never go through all this. Dude is interested in bringing a wife home soon. I can't wait for the drama to unfold lol. He categorically called me and said If they accept fine and if they don't, he go on with his wedding. Even if na only 5 people attend, mariage na marriage.

My dear your parents are not faultless.They are human beings.That said,you and your siblings need to.deal with your parents with wisdom.When you engage with them at that level,that is when you too will have a good home and be a good mom when you are settled.The moment you begin to antagonise them ,that is when you start digging the grave for your future.

Remember that they raised you,clothed you and sent you all to school despite their obvious shortcomings.If they wanted you dead or.out of their lives both of them would have either killed you all,sent you out of the house or just walk away from you both.
It is critical.you respect and honour.your folks regardless of whom they are.
I wish you and your siblings all the best.

10 Likes

Re: Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? by Uzolington: 3:26pm On Feb 27, 2018
This experience is not a sweet type. All the same, it is a kind that moulds someone into a tough and adaptive person. No worry, is well.
Re: Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? by tooth4tooth: 3:29pm On Feb 27, 2018
If they accept fine and if they don't, he go on with his wedding. Even if na only 5 people attend, mariage na marriage
grin
Re: Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? by Uzolington: 3:29pm On Feb 27, 2018
Such is life. U are not the only victim of such ordeal. But u are better off now. Trust me.
Re: Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? by bencarson007(m): 3:30pm On Feb 27, 2018
UrennaNkoli:

thanks dear. We are however independent now. I sincerely hope future generations don't go what I went through. And as for the good terms part, they used to have disagreements alot during the 90's straight into the mid 2000's. And as for my lil bro, he himself is strong headed. He's even planning a court marriage if things dont go as planned.

@Op, i had the kind of your dad ×10...
Well i call his bluff at 18, left home, saw my ass thru skool, and i am doing quite well for a guy just past his 30.

It is not a fun thing to be an asshole towards your kids...repercussions will not be nice.

Dad started hurting me fron age one... but momma was angellic.
well the effect is... call me now that a fly perched on momma, and i will do anything to be with her in less than a few hours... Tell me pops is dying and i will ask you when is his funeral date...

Not cool messing with your kids.
Well i am everything my dad is not...

15 Likes

Re: Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? by Uzolington: 3:30pm On Feb 27, 2018
Such is life. U are not the only victim of such ordeal. But u are better off now. Trust me
Re: Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? by Chidonc(m): 3:31pm On Feb 27, 2018
johnwizey:
Your family tough o. Tell your brother to go ahead with the wedding weather they attend or not, they can't enforce their decision on him. Your mom should have been the peacemaker but.....
My neighbor been worst, baba woman go carry food money flex, pikin go dey eat for neighbors house

1 Like

Re: Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? by Nogodyej: 3:34pm On Feb 27, 2018
my guy your dad is a mushroom hahahah if that if that is what you want to hear you never see anything my own father de stand on top of my sister while beating them

hahaha normal training though

2 Likes

Re: Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? by GambaOsaka: 3:37pm On Feb 27, 2018
I always thought my dad had some kind of spiritual prowess because of the following reasons;

We all knew his car honk sound and could recognise that sound 200 metres away. We would rush upstairs to pick our books and form reading. He would come in , we will all greet and continue 'reading', next thing we would hear is "Have I not told you boys to stop playing ball downstairs?".

Secondly, at times he would tell you not to put the TV on while he's away. And immediately he leaves, we switch it on, then in the evening when we hear his car honk we switch off the TV and pick our books. He walks in, move close to where the TV set is and then he goes again " Who switched on this television?".

When I grew much older I found out he never had any magical powers. We were just being kids.
We had sweats all over our bodies and the TV would have been heated up. All he had to do was to touch the TV. grin

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Re: Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? by Kentrasso(f): 3:40pm On Feb 27, 2018
It’s difficult to outgrow these experiences honestly. They affect you whether you like it or not. My relationship with my parents is somewhat similar. They are super controlling and want everything done their way. You can’t have friends, can’t visit or do anything fun. Even now I find it hard to relate to neighbors because growing up we were not allowed to interact with people living around us. Social anxiety, etc. And I realize that the same thing happens to the guys I try to date. Pompous behaviors reminding me of my father. God forbid that history repeats itself.
This guy came to see my parents and they like him because he’s a doctor and a pastors son. His behavior is the type that I picture when I was reading op’s post. Arrogant, unkind, strict even to me that he wants to marry. Almost got married until I woke up and saw the handwriting on the wall. I rather stay single than have my kids write things like this about me in future. Plus as a wife you’re highly influenced by your husband. If he’s annoying, small time too you become annoying. Two eventually becomes one

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Re: Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? by iamloyalty(f): 3:41pm On Feb 27, 2018
Not gonna relate mine here, but i thank God for who we are today and still grateful for my parents discipline cos it helped us to be who we are tody. But my kids we never experience what we went through in my dads hands.

3 Likes

Re: Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? by olarmide(f): 3:42pm On Feb 27, 2018
Hmmmmm...bros sorry..i think u guys r adopted kids..from adopted parents...

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Re: Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? by sassysure: 3:45pm On Feb 27, 2018
I'm touched.
How I wish I knew u cos all is not well.

I have one strong wish for u. If u want to marry, I pray u get into a family that will treat u like a daughter. The same goes for your brother. How I wish u guys will get good parent in laws.

So I wish u get a very good family that will see u as theirs. It might help if u .look for the Genesis although I felt it will break your heart to know why they are that way. The two are transferring aggressions to u and your brother. An act they did a long time ago is eating them up and the end result might be u, then ur brother.
Some can give birth but they are not parents.

Make a very wise choice when u want to marry. U ae at the right age to think with ur head and not your heart.

Alway be there for your brother, sometimes send him small text messages like' I love u Bro, proud to have a bro like u'. it will help him and u a lot.
Do ur duties to ur parents diligently till the end. The forces of nature will protect u and guide u too. God will always favour u. U and ur Bro did no wrong, have that at the back of ur mind,OK.
I hope that one day one of them will ope up and ask for forgiveness from u two.
And remember u are not alone.

24 Likes

Re: Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? by Tosinex(m): 3:46pm On Feb 27, 2018
Thank God you are on your own now and can dictate for yourself, my late dad was like that until "something happened" just endeavor to not let your kids pass through what you passed through rather love them and take good care of them..

2 Likes

Re: Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? by jbrodaly(m): 3:46pm On Feb 27, 2018
No parents are perfect but one should not go on in life damaging a child. A child is not your property. Please let the younger generation learn this lessons.

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Re: Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? by sassysure: 3:47pm On Feb 27, 2018
Nogodyej:
my guy your dad is a mushroom hahahah if that if that is what you want to hear you never see anything my own father de stand on top of my sister while beating them

hahaha normal training though
It is not normal and pls don't ever see it as normal. It's abuse of the highest order. Don't ever be like them.

10 Likes

Re: Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? by ibecee(m): 3:48pm On Feb 27, 2018
wellmax:
So sorry to hear, may God heal your wounds.

I am happy I had the most wonderful parents
eyah. send me airtime from your pocket money

1 Like

Re: Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? by DONADAMS(m): 3:50pm On Feb 27, 2018
this one strong...buh I think they are not your parent sha..or they hate children
Re: Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? by Abbey2sam(m): 3:51pm On Feb 27, 2018
The only thing I can tell you now is that youand your Lil bro should be proud of yourselves, you guys turned out pretty good considering the fvcked up upbringing you had, and sharing this story alone will go a long way to help some children out there facing similar ordeal.

The memories of my dad that I have are actually the sweetest memories of my life, i left home at a very young age, because my mom always have a place she wants me to stay, first it was my grand mom, well with my grand mom I had the best childhood, until I finished primary school and I thought finally I was going to live with my dad,unfortunately for me she had already made an arrangements with my aunt, her sister for me to leave with her.........ofcuz, I protested but this woman refused, that arrangements distroyed my education because the school was not up to standard.

And I went through hell in the hands of my aunty's husband even though my aunty is a very nice person.
I later discovered that my mom was running away from responsibilities so she gave me to her sister, gave my immediate younger brother to her brother, I don't hate for that though, but her choices for me made me had a tough life growing up,

My story is similar to that of you Lil bro, but min was in the hand of my Aunty's husband

So I could relate to it

You guys should be proud of yourselves

4 Likes 1 Share

Re: Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? by AnthonyAk(m): 3:56pm On Feb 27, 2018
honor ur parents even when it aint easy
Re: Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? by sassysure: 3:56pm On Feb 27, 2018
orbitalgis:


My dear your parents are not faultless.They are human beings.That said,you and your siblings need to.deal with your parents with wisdom.When you engage with them at that level,that is when you too will have a good home and be a good mom when you are settled.The moment you begin to antagonise them ,that is when you start digging the grave for your future.

Remember that they raised you,clothed you and sent you all to school despite their obvious shortcomings.If they wanted you dead or.out of their lives both of them would have either killed you all,sent you out of the house or just walk away from you both.
It is critical.you respect and honour.your folks regardless of whom they are.
I wish you and your siblings all the best.
This kind of advise is what has made Nigerians to see evil as good. They gave birth to them so it's their obligation to train,feed and cloth them. Who will do that for them before?
When some parents are too toxic ,it's expected that their wards will be taken away from them or if they are of adult age to run away from them like the brother did.
It's because Nigeria is a lawless country else they would have been displaying their madness inside prison and custody of those kids removed from them.

I love the kids of today, they don't take shit from their parents. U will end up telling ur child sorry over and over again for calling him a stubborn boy. The teacher might call u too to apologise and give u stern warning never call her student a stubborn child. Gradual process but I hope they will catch up soon. If u can't train properly, don't give birth. Simple

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Re: Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? by Shroud: 3:58pm On Feb 27, 2018
kamsibabylove:
lolzz when i was 12, i burnt the meat my dad asked me to cook and he told me that all the money being spent on me is going to be a waste. i couldnt get that out from my mind even though he apologised years later.
i was not even permitted to greet males unless visitors,my elder brothers and our pastor, if not my dad would be ranting on how i've become a wayward girl. mind you,i was 12.
He's a super dad, believe me.
Re: Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? by Deicide: 3:59pm On Feb 27, 2018
Dr. Robert Chase: You know how I got interested in medicine? When my mother drank, she couldn't handle me, so she locked me in my father's study. Only so many hours you can cry and bang the door before you give up and try and find something to read. We all have family dysfunction. That's why we're so successful- to fill the hole.



Dr. Chris Taub: I didn't tell him.

Dr. Gregory House: Your heart said he needed to know. Your brain knew he's better off without it. Following your heart is easy. Following your brain is tough. Especially after years of following that much smaller organ. That's why all parents screw up all children.



Dr. Gregory House: Your parents screwed you up by not screwing you up.

Dr. Jessica Adams:
How does briefly wishing I was screwed up make me screwed up?

Dr. Gregory House: It's normal to be screwed up. It's really screwed up to romanticize it. Guess that's why you wanted to work with prisoners.

Dr. Jessica Adams: It's why I wanted to work with you.

Re: Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? by munas: 4:02pm On Feb 27, 2018
I was raise under sam circumstances by an elder bro.
Till date we dont really relate well and he is currently having issues with his children too.
No bond...no relationships...low self esteem due to verbal and physical abuse over the years

Just so sad the man may have a lonely old age
Re: Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? by lobell1: 4:03pm On Feb 27, 2018
johnwizey:
Your family tough o. Tell your brother to go ahead with the wedding weather they attend or not, they can't enforce their decision on him. Your mom should have been the peacemaker but.....

Families no matter how dysfunctional are useful.


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