[quote author=yeyerolling post=65416522]reminds me of my uncle i once stayed with. stays all alone now. his wife left him. the kids all left him they rarely visit. relatives he trained too have deserted him. his last born in unilag doesn't come home for holidays. some pple are just too dictatorial . he must not catch his kids with friends he doesn't know or has seen(kids had just one friend). does not compromise in this 9ja. had made so much enemies due to over righteous and over dictatorship. never bot Video games for his kids. life no too hard. at 65 baba is all alone in his house [/quotel] Just like my papa.he stays alone in his house at old age,I hardly visits him and even though I do I hardly spend up to an hour there. I don't pray to be like that when I have my own kids

Sad one i must say. i have experienced something close.

My theory here is that most dads who show this attitude are men who survived the civil war and have refused to re-adjust to the new way and accept the way things are done now. They stick to the ways things were done in the so called "Good old days" and try to force such on their children.

They have refused to move on and re-enter the new world; and if one is unlucky to find oneself under such persons as a dad, you tend to become victims of their PTD shows i.e angry about even the minutest things, angry with other people especially if they are from different tribes(this is one of the major problems the country is facing), dictatorship(which they term as being "principled", and atimes rage.

Funny thing is that they dont see it the way people on the recieving end do. To them its the right and normal way of raising their kids, unknowing to them that they do more damage than good.

one can only look back and smile. They tried their best to raise you in the best way they know how. you cant blame them for that, rather we just have to love them more now that everything is much clearer and strive to be better parents to our kids.

As for the mom, i have nothing to say as to why she behaves so, but love conquers all. she will definitely come around.

Iseoluwani:


Well u just wrote about my family, everything including the football, nothing missing.

EXCEPT THAT MY DAD IS DIVORCED NOW WITH MY MUM AND HAS RE MARRIED. EVEN THE WIFE HAS GIVEN BIRTH

UR Bro took the right step in moving out, this was my greatest mistake. I didn't move I remained. I spent a year to beg my dad to allow me do introduction now my wedding is next month n he wants me to live with him. My life is so frustrated now
..
My dad even told me he doesn't have time to attend my wedding

Smh.... I so much dislike my father

Hey! You must never live with him. why would he want that? If you can fend for yourself, plan to have where you and your wife will reside after marriage. Don't let him know. play with wisdom and deceive him.

PS : I really believe evil spirits do manipulate some parents against children. Many of these things are more than crazy. Pseudo parenting. Foolish parents thinking they know it all.

OP, you just summarised my father.
He would even go to the extent of threatening not to pay your school fees or give you pocket money(and he would really make good on his threats, till u cry and kneel And grovel... Mmtchew) because of a mistake that can be overlooked. He keeps rubbing it in our faces that he sent us to school. Smh
Since the beginning of this year, he hasn't called his last son to ask for his wellbeing, hasn't sent him pocket money or anything why? Because he called him in December, the boy missed his call and didn't return it.
He believes the world revolves around him and everyone should worship him.
No thanks to him, I lost my immediate younger brother last year because of his shenanigans.
I and my one remaining sibling have rendered him. Useless, we don't call him, he does not call us, we don't ask him for anything, he doesn't bother to ask us either, we hardly go home now sef. And whenever we do, we just greet and pass.
I could go on and on. Let me just stop here.
I pray I don't marry a man like him.
I pray for him to live long, one thing for sure is that he'd live the rest of his days, a lonely man.

sharpwriter:


Hey! You must never live with him. why would he want that? If you can fend for yourself, plan to have where you and your wife will reside after marriage. Don't let him know. play with wisdom and deceive him.

PS : I really believe evil spirits do manipulate some parents against children. Many of these things are more than crazy. Pseudo parenting. Foolish parents thinking they know it all.

.,


I also believe so too. That's y m looking for fund to get an apartment

johnwizey:
Your family tough o. Tell your brother to go ahead with the wedding weather they attend or not, they can't enforce their decision on him. Your mom should have been the peacemaker but.....

I am suspecting the guys are abducted or came from a baby mama ones upon a time. The dad would not tell them and the woman they call mom has made sure dad would not take them as children. They should go look for there biological mom or dad. Either one or both of them are not the biological parents of these guys. No woman will carry a baby for 9 months, breast feed and care less about him or her.

Iseoluwani:
.,

I also believe so too. That's y m looking for fund to get an apartment

Good

EzekielMab:

How old are you now ?

20

Dafreeguy:

That's more like a curse o! Ur pman no try

more reason i find it hard to 4get

dayleke:
Sorry to ask this, but
"Are they really your parents ?"
Especially "the one we call mother".

No woman dare do like dat to her blood na...

u neva see anytin, my mum will alway agree with dad in everything, but com see hw she will ague with him when they are deciding where i should buy the meat from.....

Peculiar family issues that most people had to deal with esp those born in the 80's through early 90's. Issues like Strict parenting, hostility within the home, transfer of aggression, physical or verbal violence and the likes which tends to damage the child's emotional, mental and physical capacity thereby resulting to Low Self Esteem and other psycho-social crises even as adults.
I really appreciate your courage to open up on such an issue which forms part of the life story of most adults and young persons in our societies today. You're a survivor and many others out there should feel the same.
We may also want to consider some contributory factors to the way and manner our parents behaved towards us; which could be social, cultural, religious that could have influence their perception and affected their family lives of which the children had to bear the shocks. I also want to believe most of them would have behaved differently if they've had the exposure and understanding we have now. we're a reflection of where we come from ( as in home training, perception deposition from our parents and society and how we relate all together) the only thing we owe ourselves is not excuses but rather struggle to be better, so engage in meaningful association, read books and materials, go places, meet new people to widen your horizon because things can only get better and we'd be better than our parents.There's a huge generational change. we're in the computer age I mean, we communicate freely, get information at ease that we can access useful materials to enhance our capacity. Let our past not hunt us and we should not give it a chance to. we should do different right now, we're our encouragements. I'm glad we have such platforms so we can relate to lifetime happenings and feel better.
And lastly, we should be grateful for them, we're what we are because of them. Experiences sharpen us so "you know better you do better" and last last nobody's perfect.

my dad went to NMS and NDA became an officer and we were girl....he would barb us skull and plant our heads on bottle corks i.e coke and Fanta till he sees blood...we would do NDA baptism during hamattan...we were not allowed friends if they are going out they would lock us with the burglary and go with the key....God saved us what if there was a fire outbreak? my MUM was TOUGHER than my dad 10times she would use army belts to flog us and called us criminals...convicts...her slogan was I will break the egg before it hashes....she used egg to check our virginity up till our university days...if we offend 2days to xmas she would use shaving stick or shaving powder to give us molo and tell us that's our xmas gift if pple ask us we should tell them what our crime was....I was always crying and asking that they show me my parents cos the hatred was maximal....I remember my 1st jamb I filled usman dan fodio uni sokoto just to get away from home when the admission came my dad beat me that am a criminal and forcefully put me in yabatech near his office where when I close I would go and wait for the driver to take me home every day..when I went to university I never visited home till my 300level....I can shine boots...dig gutter,wash car,do pressup...do frogjump...infact name it but thanks to God I am better off today ....but whenever I remember the DRILLING I shutter

kamsibabylove:

more reason i find it hard to 4get

Hope u've undergone 21days dry fasting

Dafreeguy:

Hope u've undergone 21days dry fasting

u wan kill pesin ？

kamsibabylove:

u wan kill pesin ？

kamsibabylove:

u wan kill pesin ？

Izit too much ni

Dafreeguy:

Izit too much ni

its too much abeg

kamsibabylove:

its too much abeg

Lol..then try washing of d head in that stream in ur hometown..

rita25:
my dad went to NMS and NDA became an officer and we were girl....he would barb us skull and plant our heads on bottle corks i.e coke and Fanta till he sees blood...we would do NDA baptism during hamattan...we were not allowed friends if they are going out they would lock us with the burglary and go with the key....God saved us what if there was a fire outbreak? my MUM was TOUGHER than my dad 10times she would use army belts to flog us and called us criminals...convicts...her slogan was I will break the egg before it hashes....she used egg to check our virginity up till our university days...if we offend 2days to xmas she would use shaving stick or shaving powder to give us molo and tell us that's our xmas gift if pple ask us we should tell them what our crime was....I was always crying and asking that they show me my parents cos the hatred was maximal....I remember my 1st jamb I filled usman dan fodio uni sokoto just to get away from home when the admission came my dad beat me that am a criminal and forcefully put me in yabatech near his office where when I close I would go and wait for the driver to take me home every day..when I went to university I never visited home till my 300level....I can shine boots...dig gutter,wash car,do pressup...do frogjump...infact name it but thanks to God I am better off today ....but whenever I remember the DRILLING I shutter

Jeez!

rita25:
my dad went to NMS and NDA became an officer and we were girl....he would barb us skull and plant our heads on bottle corks i.e coke and Fanta till he sees blood...we would do NDA baptism during hamattan...we were not allowed friends if they are going out they would lock us with the burglary and go with the key....God saved us what if there was a fire outbreak? my MUM was TOUGHER than my dad 10times she would use army belts to flog us and called us criminals...convicts...her slogan was I will break the egg before it hashes....she used egg to check our virginity up till our university days...if we offend 2days to xmas she would use shaving stick or shaving powder to give us molo and tell us that's our xmas gift if pple ask us we should tell them what our crime was....I was always crying and asking that they show me my parents cos the hatred was maximal....I remember my 1st jamb I filled usman dan fodio uni sokoto just to get away from home when the admission came my dad beat me that am a criminal and forcefully put me in yabatech near his office where when I close I would go and wait for the driver to take me home every day..when I went to university I never visited home till my 300level....I can shine boots...dig gutter,wash car,do pressup...do frogjump...infact name it but thanks to God I am better off today ....but whenever I remember the DRILLING I shutter

Is this for real? How did you survive? How did you manage to escape?
The discipline looks cruel and lacks love
I hope it never affected your psyche!

I did survive with a lot of scars to tell,well somehw my hubby keeps saying am too hard on the kids cos that's the only way I know but I cnt say.anyway am a survivor

gazilion:


Is this for real? How did you survive? How did you manage to escape?
The discipline looks cruel and lacks love
I hope it never affected your psyche!

Interesting
I used to think I'm the only one who had the worst childhood, until I started listening and reading other people s stories. In my own case, there was no father figure. In fact I don't even know where to begin. All I can say is my childhood was so rough that when I started menstruating, I had to go to tailors shop to gather some pieces of fabrics that will serve as pad
When I experienced my first menstrual flow, my mom, instead of putting me through, started shouting and accusing me of sleeping with boys if not how could my period come this early (I was just 13). . I didn't even know what period was all about until we were taught about it by our teachers (God bless them wherever they are). I was in pri 6 then.
She accused me of things I know nothing about and she would announce it to anyone who cares to listen. As very shy and timid as I was then, it affected me so much. She never bought a pair of bra for me for once in my life. I remember when I was in jss, a female teacher called me one day and asked who I was living with, I told her I lived with my mom but she didn't believe me. She was so furious and asked me to tell my mom to get me bra. In my mind I was like what!!! Who born me to ask my mom for bra?. I decided to gather the little money I saved and quietly bought myself a pair of bra.
Thank God I'm a mother today, though not perfect, but will never be such mother to my children.

orbitalgis:


My dear your parents are not faultless.They are human beings.That said,you and your siblings need to.deal with your parents with wisdom.When you engage with them at that level,that is when you too will have a good home and be a good mom when you are settled.The moment you begin to antagonise them ,that is when you start digging the grave for your future.

Remember that they raised you,clothed you and sent you all to school despite their obvious shortcomings.If they wanted you dead or.out of their lives both of them would have either killed you all,sent you out of the house or just walk away from you both.
It is critical.you respect and honour.your folks regardless of whom they are.
I wish you and your siblings all the best.

etun bere.assuming I gave you food and shelter but insulted and abused you everyday,will YOU appreciate ALL of the good about it? Stop justifying narcistc parenting.

The op and my dad seem to be twin brothers and the solution if you're still with toxic parents is to ignore ,tolerate and endure otherwise they'll MAKE you sin against God through them

Momcherry:
Interesting
I used to think I'm the only one who had the worst childhood, until I started listening and reading other people s stories. In my own case, there was no father figure. In fact I don't even know where to begin. All I can say is my childhood was so rough that when I started menstruating, I had to go to tailors shop to gather some pieces of fabrics that will serve as pad
When I experienced my first menstrual flow, my mom, instead of putting me through, started shouting and accusing me of sleeping with boys if not how could my period come this early (I was just 13). . I didn't even know what period was all about until we were taught about it by our teachers (God bless them wherever they are). I was in pri 6 then.
She accused me of things I know nothing about and she would announce it to anyone who cares to listen. As very shy and timid as I was then, it affected me so much. She never bought a pair of bra for me for once in my life. I remember when I was in jss, a female teacher called me one day and asked who I was living with, I told her I lived with my mom but she didn't believe me. She was so furious and asked me to tell my mom to get me bra. In my mind I was like what!!! Who born me to ask my mom for bra?. I decided to gather the little money I saved and quietly bought myself a pair of bra.
Thank God I'm a mother today, though not perfect, but will never be such mother to my children.

is she still alive?

What a mother.assuming I had such mother and I become ok,I.will leave her to rot .I won't even GO visit HER Talk less of buying anything for HER.I'll basically abandon her to the mercy of neighbors and good Samaritans because if she knew she wasn't ready to take care of me WHY she born me

gazilion:


Is this for real? How did you survive? How did you manage to escape?
The discipline looks cruel and lacks love
I hope it never affected your psyche!

in fact that one is NO more discipline.this is exactly why some kids I know of run away from home and get recruited to the streets only to be prostitutes and engage in one vice or the other

rita25:
my dad went to NMS and NDA became an officer and we were girl....he would barb us skull and plant our heads on bottle corks i.e coke and Fanta till he sees blood...we would do NDA baptism during hamattan...we were not allowed friends if they are going out they would lock us with the burglary and go with the key....God saved us what if there was a fire outbreak? my MUM was TOUGHER than my dad 10times she would use army belts to flog us and called us criminals...convicts...her slogan was I will break the egg before it hashes....she used egg to check our virginity up till our university days...if we offend 2days to xmas she would use shaving stick or shaving powder to give us molo and tell us that's our xmas gift if pple ask us we should tell them what our crime was....I was always crying and asking that they show me my parents cos the hatred was maximal....I remember my 1st jamb I filled usman dan fodio uni sokoto just to get away from home when the admission came my dad beat me that am a criminal and forcefully put me in yabatech near his office where when I close I would go and wait for the driver to take me home every day..when I went to university I never visited home till my 300level....I can shine boots...dig gutter,wash car,do pressup...do frogjump...infact name it but thanks to God I am better off today ....but whenever I remember the DRILLING I shutter

I can't survive such home,I would have stolen some money and ran away from home

BennyMaiNasara:
Peculiar family issues that most people had to deal with esp those born in the 80's through early 90's. Issues like Strict parenting, hostility within the home, transfer of aggression, physical or verbal violence and the likes which tends to damage the child's emotional, mental and physical capacity thereby resulting to Low Self Esteem and other psycho-social crises even as adults.
I really appreciate your courage to open up on such an issue which forms part of the life story of most adults and young persons in our societies today. You're a survivor and many others out there should feel the same.
We may also want to consider some contributory factors to the way and manner our parents behaved towards us; which could be social, cultural, religious that could have influence their perception and affected their family lives of which the children had to bear the shocks. I also want to believe most of them would have behaved differently if they've had the exposure and understanding we have now. we're a reflection of where we come from ( as in home training, perception deposition from our parents and society and how we relate all together) the only thing we owe ourselves is not excuses but rather struggle to be better, so engage in meaningful association, read books and materials, go places, meet new people to widen your horizon because things can only get better and we'd be better than our parents.There's a huge generational change. we're in the computer age I mean, we communicate freely, get information at ease that we can access useful materials to enhance our capacity. Let our past not hunt us and we should not give it a chance to. we should do different right now, we're our encouragements. I'm glad we have such platforms so we can relate to lifetime happenings and feel better.
And lastly, we should be grateful for them, we're what we are because of them. Experiences sharpen us so "you know better you do better" and last last nobody's perfect.

my cousin was emotionally and verbally abused so much that he had to save money and ran away from home from Lagos to kano.dude finished university and nysc and the mom will rain insult on him why he hasn't gotten a job and how daft he is for them not employing him .it became too much that he suffered depression,told me he will leave the house any time soon and I said fine.

When the mom was all alone in the house and was looking for him everywhere THAT was when she realized how badly she TREATED that boy

Momcherry:
Interesting
I used to think I'm the only one who had the worst childhood, until I started listening and reading other people s stories. In my own case, there was no father figure. In fact I don't even know where to begin. All I can say is my childhood was so rough that when I started menstruating, I had to go to tailors shop to gather some pieces of fabrics that will serve as pad
When I experienced my first menstrual flow, my mom, instead of putting me through, started shouting and accusing me of sleeping with boys if not how could my period come this early (I was just 13). . I didn't even know what period was all about until we were taught about it by our teachers (God bless them wherever they are). I was in pri 6 then.
She accused me of things I know nothing about and she would announce it to anyone who cares to listen. As very shy and timid as I was then, it affected me so much. She never bought a pair of bra for me for once in my life. I remember when I was in jss, a female teacher called me one day and asked who I was living with, I told her I lived with my mom but she didn't believe me. She was so furious and asked me to tell my mom to get me bra. In my mind I was like what!!! Who born me to ask my mom for bra?. I decided to gather the little money I saved and quietly bought myself a pair of bra.
Thank God I'm a mother today, though not perfect, but will never be such mother to my children.

This is quite a painful experience! Please just decide to forgive her. If she's still alive, let her know what she did was wrong but do not rub it on her. Thank God you are a better Mother.

SAMBARRY:
is she still alive?

What a mother.assuming I had such mother and I become ok,I.will leave her to rot .I won't even GO visit HER Talk less of buying anything for HER.I'll basically abandon her to the mercy of neighbors and good Samaritans because if she knew she wasn't ready to take care of me WHY she born me

My dear, I've forgiven her. I do visit her but I find it difficult staying under the same roof with her up to a week because she's still very difficult to be with, always rubbing salt to my old wound. I prefer sending her whatever I can.
She keeps complaining I don't like visiting her.

gazilion:


This is quite a painful experience! Please just decide to forgive her. If she's still alive, let her know what she did was wrong but do not rub it on her. Thank God you are a better Mother.

I've forgiven her and moved on with my life. I thank God for never abandoning me. Just like in psalm 27, my father and mother may abandon me but the Lord will receive me.

Momcherry:



My dear, I've forgiven her. I do visit her but I find it difficult staying under the same roof with her up to a week because she's still very difficult to be with, always rubbing salt to my old wound. I prefer sending her whatever I can.
She keeps complaining I don't like visiting her.

you better tell HER because it's very possible for her not to be aware of her harmful behavior and poor parenting skills

SAMBARRY:
my cousin was emotionally and verbally abused so much that he had to save money and ran away from home from Lagos to kano.dude finished university and nysc and the mom will rain insult on him why he hasn't gotten a job and how daft he is for them not employing him .it became too much that he suffered depression,told me he will leave the house any time soon and I said fine.

When the mom was all alone in the house and was looking for him everywhere THAT was when she realized how badly she TREATED that boy

some parents feel the way to get someone do better is by yelling and insulting while others know otherwise.