My two cents:

Men are like department stores, their clothes should always be half off.

Men are like vacations, they never seem to be long enough.

Men are like coffee, the best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.

Men are like horoscopes, they always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.

Men are like plungers, they spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom.

Objects (Are they male or female?)

Tire - male, because it goes bald and often is overinflated.

Sponges - female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water.

Hammer - male, because it hasen't evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.

Kidneys - female, because they always go to the bathroom in pairs.

Ziplock Bags - male, because they hold everything in, but you can always see right through them.

Web Page - female, because it is always getting hit on.

Shoe - male, because it is usually unpolished, with it's tongue hanging out.

Remote Control - female, because it gives men pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.

Swiss Army Knife - male, because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of it's time just opening bottles.

Copier - female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up, it is an effective reproduction device when the right buttons are pushed, and because it can wreak havoc when the wrong buttons are pushed.

Hot Air Balloon - male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire under it, and of course, there's the hot air part.

Hourglass - female, because over time the weight shifts to the bottom.

Subway - male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

Whats the similarity between a man and a bank account

After withdrawal they both lose interest

nice one.

It finally all makes sense,

I never looked at it this way before:

MENtal illness, MENstrual cramps, MENtal breakdown, MENopause,GUYnocologist and when we have REAL trouble it's HISterectomy!

Ever notice how women's problems start with MEN?

LMAO, this is too funny

yeah.

If men got pregnant, abortion would be available in
convenience stores and drive-through windows.

Why do men name their p.enis?
Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the one who makes all their decisions.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because they already have boyfriends.

Why do men like to m.asturbate?
Its sex with someone they love.

How do some men define Roe vs. Wade?
Two ways to cross a river.

What is gross stupidity?
144 men in one room.

What's the difference between a porcupine and a Corvette?
The porcupine has pricks on the outside.

How many men does it take to pop popcorn?
Three. One to hold the pan and two others to act macho and shake the stove.

What is a man's view of safe sex?
A padded headboard.

How do men sort their laundry?
"Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable".

Why did God create man?
Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.

Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
A.So they wouldn't hump woman's legs at cocktail parties.
B.So they wouldn't stop to play with every other man they see when you take them around the block.

Why does the silly man put ice in his condom?
To keep the swelling down.

What is the thinnest book in the world?
"What men know about women."

How many men does it take to screw a light bulb?
A.One - men will screw anything.
B.One - men will screw up anything.
C.Five - one to actually do the screwing, four to listen to him brag about it

How does a man take a bubble bath?
He eats beans for dinner.

What is a man's idea of pre-intimacy?
A half hour of begging.

How can you tell if a man is excited?
He's breathing.

What's the difference between men and government bonds?
Bonds mature.

How do you save a man from drowning?
Take your foot off his head.

What do men and beer have in common?
They're both empty from the neck up.

How can you tell if a man is happy?
Who cares?

How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
Who knows? - did it ever happen??

How are men and parking spots alike?
The good ones are always taken. Free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely small.

What is a man's idea of doing housework?
Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.

What is the difference between a man and E.T.?
E.T. phoned home.

ROFLMAO!!

nice ones you got there Inked_Nerd!!

[/u]And here's my contribution:[/u]

ATUMN CLASSES FOR MEN AT

THE LEARNING CENTER FOR ADULTS

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY

Thursday, October 30 , 2010



Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays --- Step by Step, with Slide
Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll --- Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and
Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub? --- Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.


Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor ---
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
After Dinner Dishes --- Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen
Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM

Class 6
Loss Of Identity --- Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Learning How To Find Things --- Starting With Looking In The Right
Places
And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum .
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch --- Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost --- Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live --- Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing .
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy --- Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries

and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.


Class 14
The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Upon completion of any of the above courses,
diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

Thanks

you're welcome girl