SaudiBoy:

****** modified*********
You see there is more to this story that meets the eye.
That is why I decided to be calm about this whole issue, because it has really opened my eyes, I don't believe this has to do with the money i loaned because the sisters husband also loans money from me atimes,
And pays back, I was very very close to them.

I only soft pedalled on this issue because it is very clear to me there is a grand script been planned by my sister in-laws out of jelousy, because she has been childless for 7 years of marriage.

My wife made a statemet that startled me, that she will send me divorce papers, and that the baby been just 2months, court will award her custody and she will just give the baby to her sister and travel out.

Then i started working on my wife's senses, talking to her until she became soft and we settled my wife she needed time to heal, I offered her to come back home and heal she said know that her sister just had another miscarriage and she needs to be with her.

Now the day my wife came to visit me and decided to sleep over, the sister called her, I pretended to be asleep and I could hear the sister say, now now now, u Don run go sleep there bcoz of sex. The next day it was clear my wife didn't want to go back, I dropped her off around 2pm and before the sister agreed to to open gate for her, it was war after much exchange of whatsapp message

Sorry about your plight bro..I am sincerely sorry. However here is my take..I guess you came to nairaland to seek solutions..soi am about to suggest some for you. Here it goes
I tackle problems on 3 levels...
1.spiritual (what did i miss, wrong foundations, adverse cycles, violated principles, possibility of attacks, etc.)
2. Mental (my mindset, attitude, belief system, mentality,depressed, optimistic or pessimistic, faith or doubts, psychology etc.)
3. Physical (am i putting enough effort, is there a more efficient way to do this, are my working tools or methods right for the task? etc.)

So I will try to tackle your challenge from these 3 perspectives.
1. PART 1 :SPIRITUAL ASPECT
You said somethings that are interesting; you are a product of a broken home..There is a possibility of a wrong foundation or recurring negative cycle of unstable marriages running in your blood..one generation can start it, and one generation can end it. Decide to be the one who ends it..and I tell you, physical effort is not enough. I will get to the solution at the end of this section. You also mentioned that your sister-in-law is a major antagonist...well pray for your family. You also said that you dated for 8 years and I am guessing pre marital sex was involved..I am not judging as it really is not in my place to do so..but understand that Sin gives any institution a wrong start (In this case your marriage), then finally address the individual issues in your wife's family spiritually and your own issues spiritually.
About your business,there is a spiritual protocol for restoration...I will show you how
The solution
A. Get into God's family..repent of all known and unknown sin and accept Jesus into your life.It is the legal way to have God operate on your behalf. Note God can do and undo but then he has his principles.
Then very importantly, Forgive your wife.
B. About your foundations (your wife's family, your own family, and the cycle of broken homes peculiar to your family) read colossians 1 vs 13-15 and 2 vs 13-15. Tell God that Jesus has removed you from all authority of satanic manipulations and foundations. Tell him that for every accusations that the devil may bring against you (specifically the pre-marital sex and generational sins), you plead the blood of Jesus, that Jesus settled every debt and punishment for sin on your behalf and you cannot come and pay again, also read ezekiel 18, you cannot suffer generational cycles . Do this consistently in prayer..you will see an improvement..
C. About the possibility of any external attacks on you and your family, read Numbers 23 vs 23. There can be no enchantment or dvination against you..pray it and plead your case before God..he will answer.
D. Pray to God for mercy and enter into a covenant of service with Him...ask him to deal with your foundations...The easiest way to deal with adverse cycles is a covenant of service with God. You must not become a pastor, just make yourself useful in the house of God. A service unit as you are led by God will do (NOTE: do not be zealous without knowledge o, apply wisdom)
E. about your restoration, read Joel 2, read the passage on restoration, read ezekiel 37 about the dry bones rising again understand that there is nothing that God cannot do. He will restore you if you engage him with his word in faith. Pray those two passages. Also engage the tool of praising God, Read psalm 67, understand it...then touch the ground in your in your home or at your place of work or your instrument of earning a living(but most especially the ground, spiritual people both christians, pagans and occultists know that the earth bears record, listens and speaks and as a child of God you have authority over it in Christ Jesus) and speak to it that according to God's word in psalm 67, you will praise God and it will yield its increase for you. Praise God regularly in your home and fill it with worship. It creates an atmosphere for the Holy spirit to dwell in.
Above all Just as God to have mercy on you. You really need it, everyone does. Pray for your wife though she has hurt you, intercede for her. In God's scheme of things, the husband serves as a priest and the wife is an altar which births possibilities. consecrate her in prayer (true spiritual christians do this, it is a principle). Tithe, it works
Be wary of who you share your problems to,there are false prophets and true prophets, be wary. Just ask God to lead you he will.

PART 2 THE MENTAL ASPECT
In life, spirituality has its place, the mind has its place, in fact your spirituality can be limited by your mind. so every man needs to work on his mindset to achieve success in life.
A. You have fears. You fear that your home might be broken just as you were a product of a broken home. replace this fear with faith that you will have a sweet stable home. Build your faith on God's word, pray it to God from his word, say it to yourself and let it sink into your subconscious mind. You see fear and faith are both facilitators of different outcomes,one negative, the other positive...choose faith! Psalm 128 is a good place to start
B. Once again forgive; I dont know how to stress this but forgive..You see in the universe, a very important law is that you will sow what you reap..not neccesarily where you reap. So dont sow the negativity of hatred or resentment..I know its painful..but sow forgiveness and leave it all to God. However take action where necessary..You are in charge of your home..apply wisdom and dont be weak.
C. Believe deep within you that all will be well...your business, your family and everything
D. cross examine yourself for mannerisms that you feel could have added to this problem..from your part...do a deep souls search..your thought patterns..what you thought of your wife, your in-laws, your family, your self
E. Do not give in to depression

PART 3 (THE PHYSICAL ASPECT)
A. About your business, fix it...with prayers and find a smarter way to go about it. seek financing options that do not require excess debt. Equity can be a better option especially if it has a contemporary buyout clause.When next you venture into a business, build a corporation around it, and gain ROCK SOLID control of it. This protects your personal assets from being touched in case of any mishap. Then make yourself personally a creditor to your corporation, this way the corporation is obliged by law to pay you, do this so that excess money does not stay in the corporation but flows to your account.NEVER make your personal account the corporation's account..but make your personal account a creditor to your corporation. Other benefits include tax deductions.I cannot simplify more than this, meet a lawyer friend to explain to you (I say friend,so you won't be charged, make it a casual conversation and get as much information as you can)
B. About your family, make your wife understand that you love her and are doing everything to keep the family.Also ask her why she should be adding to your sorrows rather than helping you in this trying times, is he for you or against you? If she is sensible she will understand that life does not work in the direction she is heading. Confront the sister with wisdom and tell her husband to call her to order. Do not get into an arguement with her or worse still a fight with her, make your point and leave.
C. clear your head...give yourself a mental break before you suffer a mental breakdown.
D. check on your wife and kid wherever they are regularly..make the sister's husband know that you do not want your wife under his roof.
About the divorce, do not engage her..if she sends you the papers, carry the papers present it before God and pour your heart to God, tell him that marriage was his idea, commit your marriage into his hand and ask him to preserve the marriage. Rebuke the hand of the devil on the marriage. Do not engage her with divorce proceedings...
E. See a respectable elder for good counsel. Not anyhow marriage counsellors.

Others as God's spirit leads you

In all, life is a risk, but the risk is minimized by having things under control or under the control of someone who has your best interest at heart (GOD), it consists of what we see around us (The physical and material world), what goes on in our heads( the mental world) and what we cannot see and may or may not imagine (the spiritual world). Success is more probable when we do due diligence to these planes not neglecting any.
So be Wise. God be with you.

SaudiBoy:
Reading through let me make something clear about the money i borrowed from my in-law

You see am not broke, I live in an comfortable house, drive a good car, and have a land in the state i reside, with a back up bank balance that gave me confidence, but overnight i watched all i have go away due to circumstance better imagined.

I own a truck used for sand and stone transportation, and people into this business will know drivers remit 150k weekly.

My problem started when my truck was involved in an accident which cost a life and also condemned the car, my driver disappeared from the scene and my conductor was in custody for 13weeks

After police case and everything, I paid the family 2.5m for burial and compensation, I paid 400k to the driver of the car my truck hit, bailed my conductor, my truck and closed the police case with 150k.

So this expense cost me 3m that was y i had to seek that loan.

Now i decided not to engage in the trucking business anymore and sell off the truck, but the best price I have gotten from a buyer is 1.5m for a truck i bought 4.5m 2 years ago, so i refused to sell. Still waiting for the right price. To pay off my debt and run my home, I am secretly using my car for uber without my wife's knowledge.although she said i should just sell the truck and start again

I don't want to believe my wife is about the money because she met be broke and we built our wealth together before finally getting married, my problem is during this crisis, she started confiding in her sisters more, and this is where it has landed me

My guy sell the truck like that and pay up ur debt. These people av no chills... First, I must say u av tried and they know u loved ur wify, that is why they are playing on ur weakness.. A man in love with a woman deeply, that woman will become his weakness while a woman in love with a man, the man will be her strength... Now u should know where this is coming from.. She is ur weakness and u are not her strength because she is falling in love with another man(maybe the white man with some dollars)... So hold ur ground, don't go and pack any yeye load nor even send cab, let her come back the same way she left... Then I must tell u, please find a video on YouTube "how not to give a f**k"... It's A Tedx event. U should learn how to master ur emotions and make it look like u don't send... Don't beg her nor call her, but when u see her, just be a loving husband and no call to beg.. If she comes, all well and good. If no come, don't 'care. About food and soup. I av a friend I can link u up with.. She will help u cook 2 pots of soup and 1 pot of stew with ur specified meat-type for about 5k. That way u can av different pot of soup that can last 1 to 2wks. U r well and good. Shalom!

When /if things start working out for good for them the man will results into being a cheat because he set his hand into this...

TrueHeart365:
even started dating in case the marriage fails.

>Never sell your car to pay up your debt. You said that you are secretly using it for commercial purpose, that put additional money in your pocket and food on the table and also pay your debt gradually.
>Since you have discovered that they are using your wife due to her naivety most especially your sister in law, go there and pack her belongings, swallow your pride man. You are not happy living alone, you are not eating properly and living your life to the fullest just because your wife is away from home. Just do the needful.
>The fact that you won't go there and pack your wife's belongings means that your sister in law is still winning and having her way. When you go there to pack your wife's belongings, you will see how your SIL will react and that's when you will know that you actually made a right decision by dropping your ego. There is crack in your home and your SIL is hiding in it. You have to seal that crack.
>Communicate with your wife often now that she's outside your home and when she comes back to your house. Women needs open and direct communication all the time, it helps them to see things clearly and from your perspective.
>Lastly, grow up and be a man. I can tell you from your narrative that you are being petty and childish. It is not all the time that you claim your rights or have it your way just because you are the man of the house. Sometimes, you have to compromise, once in a while not all the time. Learn how to overlook things. Keep telling yourself that you are not handling things properly and wisely in your home and there is a need for you to keep getting better.
If your wife made you angry. After calming down, just tell yourself that you didn't need to react the way you did. Tell yourself that next time, you could do better and you would be calm.
Let your marriage brings the man in you out because you are still behaving like a boy. I was there before, now I'm getting better.
Take for instance: you're back from work and you discover that your wife hasn't cooked with no tangible reason, a mature man will simply let it slide. You can let her know that you are disappointed but don't raise a hell.
Cc: Saudiboy

My advice: go closer to God, change your environment and go to a place far and not easily accessible from your witch sister in law. Your wife loves you but she's been ipnotized

Paddle the canoe and if she comes.back its well but if for anything she packs out again then know tgatvshe will pack out a third time then get ready for divorce

email me your phone number n i will call u bck. neyoskye@yahoo.com there r secrets i need to share with you.

Women must always fight, your mum is not supposed to come when another one is doing omugwo, you would have kept them apart.
Secondly you wouldn't have lived with your sis_inlaw, it was there you dropped your respect not even the money you borrowed but sleeping there was the problem, your wife would have gone to her sister's but you would have remained at home.
I see your wife listens to her sister, first you have to take back that respect.. And take back your wife's confidence, you aboy to them now.

Uncle please leave the woman alone. I'm a woman, I know she's fed up. Leave them, double your hustle, make your money and watch her come back tail in between. She can't sha be fending for the child without your input. Just leave her.

Please my brother for the sake of your child and your marriage, go and pack her things from her sister's place. It is one of the sacrifices you need to make as the head of the family. I have experienced something similar to yours in the past, but today we have 2 more children after the initial challenge and the marriage is getting stronger. May God bless your home sir.

JONNYSPUTE:
. I'm sorry sir. Pls don't be offended. One love.

I'm Sorry Boss If I Sound Harsh.

Reason I hate dating women of lesser age; always drama queens that they are.

Man, you have really tried becos most men will not tolerate all these excesses from ur wife and her family. I will advise u forgive her and go bring her things back to the house. Secondly, both of you should see a counsellor... it may be ur pastor or an elder.
The woman is to be blamed becos she allowed her sister to put asunder in her marriage, she disrespects her mother in-law forgetting she will be one 1 day.
please in-laws, help us to stay away so that peace will reign in marriages

donstan18:
Your wife's mum and sisters are the problem you are facing, accept your wife and desist from them for the main time.


Inlaws should learn how to respect and stay clear from a man's home and management, I don't know why they find it hard to mind their business and allow their sons and daughters to enjoy their marriage.

Inlaws find it hard to stay away because men would not put their foot down.
Inlaws, the man`s own and the woman`s own, should stay in their own houses but of course some men would take that to mean that you want to come between them and their MUm/siblings.

Now she wants to come back, I told her plainly I will not carry those load her sister carried, either she forgets them or I send a cab for her. She agreed to leave the load and come pick her later, immediately she told her sister, the music changed, my wife became abusive and told me if I won't come myself and carry the load then I should forget about her and my child, that she will never use a cab since I have a car and her sister cannot bring the load.

Dont carry that load ever or she n her sister gonna rude u 4 ever!!

MhizAJ:
I don't understand why someone will have to quote the whole thread before commenting

I just weak for them, after spending years on NL some folks still don't know how to quote and modify.

SaudiBoy:
Greeting to everyone. I am in serious dilemma and need matured advice.

I dated my wife for 8 years before we got married last year and God blessed us recently with a child.

My problem began when my business nose dived and we began facing a little difficulty, my wife's sister who happens to be my good friend also stepped in and helped us with a loan totalling 340k which i have paid 190k and still making out ways to pay back the rest.
During those trying times my wife and i would go there and spend days to alleviate pressure of feeding, please i went there with her because I felt welcomed and they never made me feel i was Inlaw, a stranger will think am part of the mums children.

Now the main gbese is this, my wife's mum has been staying with us since this year, taking care of wifey as she put to bed and we have been living peacefully.

Now my mum wanted to come and spend time with us, and the problem started when my mum told me to come with my car and carry her as things she bought for us were too much for her to carry and enter public bus, and i agreed. I went to inform my wife and she kicked against it, citing high fuel cost and lack of money. I talked to her to forget about the money side of her story and see it as a sacrifice. It is a 6 hour journey to and fro.
When she saw she could not convince me, she reported to her sister who tried to talk me out of going to pick my mum, but i refused and told her my mind was made up. Then my wife resorted to i will see those things your mother will bring and come.

Then it got to the day i was going to pick my mum, I called my wife and told her i want your mum to stay and be bathing baby and taking care of you, as I know my mum is now lazy and can't do these work continually, they both agreed. I went and brought my mum home. And the journey to hell started.

There is this girl married with two kids i have warned my wife about to quit been friends with her as despite been married she is a big cheat who sleeps with men for money. So this girl came to my house to visit my wife, and there was this white man at my wife's former place of work that my wife has been chatting with, I read all their chats and had nothing to fault with their conversation, until i discovered my wife sent scantly dressed pictures of her friend to the white man and gave the man the girls contact. I was very furious and felt disappointed, y she did this, that was where my anger started.

So I told her point blank to quit every conversation with the said white man, but she told me plainly she has her life to live and i cannot tell her what to do. This word hurt me and i harboured it in my heart for her.

I and her mum tried to talk to her she didn't still see what she did as bad, then i reported her to her sister whom I felt was close to us and will advice her but no she continued her chat and instead changed her phone pattern.

So we started having issues, every small thing irritated me, then my wife started complaining about my mum, once i go to work and come back, no welcome hug, it will be ur mum said this. Therefore i should Go and fight her if that was her expectation.

The wrong thing I did was not hearing her out, because I already had this grudge in my mind for her bcoz of the statement she made about the white man. And I was already under pressure, how to pay off my debts feed and provide for my family and the 2 additional mouths that came, run generator everyday, and doing everything not to allow my family feel any form of hardship.

Then one day her sister called me and there was nothing she did not say on phone that day, my wife called her and was crying my mum was maltreating her and i kept quiet.
In her sisters exact words, u should be happy my sister married you bcoz she would have seen a better man. These are now the words my wife tells me.

Now the main problem my mum fell sick and she wanted to go back, fuel has now become 145, she met my wife and asked her how will she go if i will drop her or she will take public transport, my wife came to ask me and i ignored it because I didn't want to stir up quarrel. So I met my mother in-laws and told her i would like to go and drop my mum and she said OK if i have spare money for fuel i should do it that moreover my mum is sick.

I wanted to go look for a way to tell my wife but my mum was already dressed thinking she was going that day and was in the room with my wife, and i was to take my mum to somewhere before she goes, and she was in a hurry, I couldn't tell her anymore of my decision, and promised to call her on phone. Only for me to come to the parlor, in front of my mother in-law,i told my mum I would drop her but she had to wait till the next day early morning as I had jobs I needed to attend to.

I then left with my mum to the place she was going to and when we came back, I was with my wife in the room and she was shouting on top her voice, that I shud choose between her and my mum, and that if I go and drop my mum off at her place, she will pack her load and go. I laughe thinking it was a joke.
So mum heard what she said and left my house in anger, in retaliation, that's how i feel, she went to make her hair, as my wife has been begging to come let them go and make her, she cited sickness as example. When I saw my mum with the hair i was bitter and told her to better look for an excuse to give my wife.

She came home and my wife saw the hair and was deeply hurt, mum tried talking to her but it couldn't pacify here, i begged her she refused, so I decided to leave the house and go back to my work, at the door my wife told me to make sure i come back early as she won't givevny mum food, I begged her still, called her when i left and sent an SMS from work, but alas when I got home around past 11pm she didn't give my mum food.

I called my wife, mum and mum Inlaw and tried talking to them so that what ever venom in them will soften, I spoke at length and my mum spoke, when it got to my wife's turn, she flared up and insulted everyone and left, I was disappointed.

The next day morning my mum was finally going to leave, my wife woke up, met her at the door and passed her without greeting and when we were about to leave my wife never came back to say good bye

I travelled and came back and true to her words she packed out of our house and went to Her sisters house.
I called her sister to enquire she wouldn't answer, I went to her house and for 2 hours nobody opened the gate for me, despite hearing my horns and my many calls to her phone which she finally picked and told Me no one was around to open gate for me, quite shortly I saw my mum Inlaw, I asked her how can she encourage her dorta to pack out of the house, she said she was not around when she packed. So my wife's sister knowing her mum was at the gate sent someone to open it and since I was still outside called me she was sending someone to open gate for me, in anger I left and told her not to worry as she was opening it for her mum.
I called my sister in-laws husband and informed him my wife packed to his house without my consent and he was away from town and said when he come back.

He came back and called me after talking to us, I told him I have already changed the padlock of our protector that my wife must apologise before i will let her in again. my wife's response was that she needed a break of 6 months then changed to she was done.

I posted a picture of me holding our baby and wrote some love touching words to him, my wife saw it and became very upset and jelos, and the new accusation became I value our child more than her and don't appreciate her. Then I went to work only to come back home, I saw the locks to the house has been broken, I met my wife packing her remaining things that she needs space, I tried talking to her, next thing her sister called that what is holding her, my wife said I was stopping her, her sister came to my house packed my wife's things including my mum in-laws things, before they left I called my mum Inlaw to ask if she was aware and she said yes, that she heard because of how my wife treated my mum that I said she will not come to my house again, a word I said out of anger. That was how they left.

It's been 3 weeks now I have forgiven my wife and we have settled and she even passed a night in the house and we made mad love

Now she wants to come back, I told her plainly I will not carry those load her sister carried, either she forgets them or I send a cab for her. She agreed to leave the load and come pick her later, immediately she told her sister, the music changed, my wife became abusive and told me if I won't come myself and carry the load then I should forget about her and my child, that she will never use a cab since I have a car and her sister cannot bring the load.

At this juncture I became irritated. Seriously I don't want a broken home since am a product of one, and I know the effects it has on a child.

For 3 weeks I have been jumping from canteen to canteen, I don't know what to do, if to go and bring the load or just allow them to remain there.

Please i need candid advice and criticism, not insult as am already broken.

Am 31 and my wife is 26



****** modified***********

Reading through let me make something clear about the money i borrowed from my in-law

You see am not broke, I live in an comfortable house, drive a good car, and have a land in the state i reside, with a back up bank balance that gave me confidence, but overnight i watched all i have go away due to circumstance better imagined.

I own a truck used for sand and stone transportation, and people into this business will know drivers remit 150k weekly.

My problem started when my truck was involved in an accident which cost a life and also condemned the car, my driver disappeared from the scene and my conductor was in custody for 13weeks

After police case and everything, I paid the family 2.5m for burial and compensation, I paid 400k to the driver of the car my truck hit, bailed my conductor, my truck and closed the police case with 150k.

So this expense cost me 3m that was y i had to seek that loan.

Now i decided not to engage in the trucking business anymore and sell off the truck, but the best price I have gotten from a buyer is 1.5m for a truck i bought 4.5m 2 years ago, so i refused to sell. Still waiting for the right price. To pay off my debt and run my home, I am secretly using my car for uber without my wife's knowledge.although she said i should just sell the truck and start again

I don't want to believe my wife is about the money because she met be broke and we built our wealth together before finally getting married, my problem is during this crisis, she started confiding in her sisters more, and this is where it has landed me




****** modified*********
You see there is more to this story that meets the eye.
That is why I decided to be calm about this whole issue, because it has really opened my eyes, I don't believe this has to do with the money i loaned because the sisters husband also loans money from me atimes,
And pays back, I was very very close to them.

I only soft pedalled on this issue because it is very clear to me there is a grand script been planned by my sister in-laws out of jelousy, because she has been childless for 7 years of marriage.

My wife made a statemet that startled me, that she will send me divorce papers, and that the baby been just 2months, court will award her custody and she will just give the baby to her sister and travel out.

Then i started working on my wife's senses, talking to her until she became soft and we settled my wife she needed time to heal, I offered her to come back home and heal she said know that her sister just had another miscarriage and she needs to be with her.

Now the day my wife came to visit me and decided to sleep over, the sister called her, I pretended to be asleep and I could hear the sister say, now now now, u Don run go sleep there bcoz of sex. The next day it was clear my wife didn't want to go back, I dropped her off around 2pm and before the sister agreed to to open gate for her, it was war after much exchange of whatsapp message

ur wife does not have a mind of her own, she is not matured for marriage I dont mean age wise because maturity is not about age, she just did not understand wat marriage is before saying yes to u, so my advice is take a time off, leave her with her sister for the main time, wen she realises her mistake she will come home herself

Everyone should go back to their houses. You should settle with your wife and move on.


The problem is loads of grudges on each side.

daewoorazer:


Y'all didn't address a particular issue... And it's no 1 below:

1. An in-law, worst she is a woman, and you let her feed and provide shelter over your head. You invariably sold your right as a man.

2. You married as a boy, you are still a boy if you ask me. A man will not seek for help to such issue on here.

3. Find an old man in your family or some old man close to you, ask him to advice you, teach you how to be a man.

Peace!

Nice points. Especially 2nd point. It's like handing over his "husbandly" authority to the sister-inlaw. I have a useless one that "smuggled" her 13-yr old daughter into the US with plans she will live with us without informing me. I can't say "informing us" because it's hard to believe it's not a conspiracy. I just dey watch them sort themselves out with immigration. But do feel sorry for the poor kid. Some people are just useless and go about causing trouble for others. There is a Yoruba proverb that says that "if there is no crack on the wall the lizard will not have a space to enter the house through the wall".

A friend experience these and was bitterly complain on food matter. I advised him to check Youtube and start cooking nice food for himself which he did. The woman came with the child to greet and when she saw how the pot was loaded , she started asking question who cooked the food for you?. She jejely park her things back. I guess kongi and hunger is worrying you. Just maintain your stand and eat good food. Don't entertain any visitor from both sides when the problem is resolved

grandstar:


The real problem is the poor financial state he finds himself.

Telling his mum that she should come another time until finances improves. It is not an act of wickedness but pragmatism. An extra mouth to feed when money is scarce can strain a marriage.

His mum coming to stay with them was a totally innocent act on her but was not wise ( Read Proverbs 14:12, 27:12)

And he is able to feed his mother in-law. Remember, this is a man that was raised single handily by this single mother

xcolanto:
@Op am happy you never told her to leave and even after your pleas she was adamant and left.
This means you have a clear conscience on that part of her leaving your house.
To make matters more difficult she broke your locks all in a bid to get away from house, this means her mind was made up.

Am happy you stood your ground as a man and asked her to come back home the same way she left. Her families shame is helping her bring her things just the way they took it. Its good you offered to pay for a cab that would bring all her stuff back and with that you have provided a means for her to come back home. Its now left for her to take that offer and stop being silly.
All she is doing now is stalling due to her and her families shame. They want you to beg extra while conditioning you in such a way that if it happens again you will be the one to come and get her.
Trust me she is not comfortable there and there is pressure for her to go back to her house especially from her sister's husband.

I feel for you based on you eating out but if you want any respect from the family you must stand your ground and continue to offer the cab service to her. If you go and pick her up she might do this again and again and you will have to keeping going to get her.
Your the man! Stand your ground!
Peace..

More grease to your elbow my brother. You have spoken like a wise guy. Two sex dolls fall on you.

Sort things out with her if she is really still interested in the marriage but what you shouldn’t do is to use your car and go and pick her things. Don’t!! Don’t do that.

Carry her property back and be begging in the marriage, had u packed The load out, u should pack it in yourself, but since you didn't, you shouldn't even help with a needle. Be that as it may, she enjoys closeness with her siblings but won't allow you peace with your own mum, isn't that a self centered and greedy person. Signs must be evident while in courtship but you must have thought things would get better until this act outburst. She seems disinterested in the marriage the more her sister comes close to her, find a way to let her lose closeness with her and talk senses into her Biko.

....fight intruders

VampireeM:
Reading this was heart breaking for me. I think your wife is immature, indecisive and is kind of tired and so looking for excuses to have space. Her sister is also not helping matters cause she seems to be giving her wrong advice. I am also ashamed of her mother who was meant to caution her daughter on her excesses has decided to keep quiet.
Op, please have a heart to heart conversation with your wife without grudges and find out what the issue is cause these you wrote above may not be the reasons for her actions.
You have to tell her plainly you are disappointed in her actions and please ensure she shows remorse. Then let down your ego, forgive her and bring back her things before issues escalates. Marriage can only work between two people willing to compromise and make it work.

IMO, your wife is strong headed and getting wrong and terrible advice and that's what about to ruin this marriage before she realises it

He is not a man, who can impregnate a woman. He is a man who can keep his home.Do not give up on your marriage. Take her out on a special date and rekindle the love and fire.As a nursing mother ,she is under intense pressure and the sister too is not helping. Swallow your pride and make it work.Cheers and God blessings.

[quote author=baby124 post=65957400]If your story is true. Please give your wife the space she needs. Focus on building yourself back up and providing for your self and your child. If you can, ask her to give you your son so that she can have the time to pursue the white man as freely as possible. Or you go and take your son away. She’s not ready for marriage. She needs to learn the hard way. This break may cost you your marriage or it may teach you both lessons. Before you sleep with her again, make sure she runs full STD tests in a government hospital. She is the one deceiving her sister because her eyes are outside. She’s pimping her useless friend and she must be as useless as the friend if not worse. The friend’s husband should be the one warning his wife to stay away from yours because she is the bad influence. Give her that freedom she desperately craves and stop letting her use sex and food to play games with you. Another angle. Two bottles of chilled beer for you

blackpanthar:

Bros pls understand that Marriage is not SCRATCH MY BACK, I SCRATCH YOURS. MARRIAGE IS DOING GOD'S WILL IN SPITE OF THE OTHER.

As a real man in Christ, I Am to LOVE MY WIFE even if she is disrespectful.

Proud.

Rude.

I repeat I AM TO LOVE MY WIFE in spite of it all!

I am not to LOVE HER IN RESPONSE TO HER HUMILITY OR SUBMISSION.

Same for the woman in Christ.

If you are only planning on submitting to your husband when He shows love, then you are not WALKING IN THE SPIRIT, you are walking in BUSINESS.

Very clear stuff. (If you are both not Christians.... then you know what to do)

P.Harry

WHEN YOU UNDERSTAND THESE WORDS.... your life will take a brighter turn and your marriage will WORK.

Word bro, word!
But what you said is HARD but its the ABSOLUTE TRUTH, that's why it takes a God reformed matured man and woman to make marriage not just work but bliss!

God bless you bro!

Op and others.
There is no such thing as love in African metaphysics.
In Africa, you are expected to care for your family, while your wife is expected to respect you.
The day you are unable to provide for your family, leave the environment immediately. You cannot be a man of the house and at the same time get fed by your wife or her family.
It's a no no. Stay away, send them whatever you can from time to time, only return to your house the day you can continue your responsibility ( be it the same level or a lower level)

Your wife does not hate you, she just does not know how respect a broke ass of a husband.

It ain't pretty, it's reality.

My dick will not even stand again the day I look my wife in the eyes and say there is no money for food.

[quote author=SaudiBoy post=65927340]Greeting to everyone. I am in serious dilemma and need matured advice.

I dated my wife for 8 years before we got married last year and God blessed us recently with a child.

My problem began when my business nose dived and we began facing a little difficulty, my wife's sister who happens to be my good friend also stepped in and helped us with a loan totalling 340k which i have paid 190k and still making out ways to pay back the rest.
During those trying times my wife and i would go there and spend days to alleviate pressure of feeding, please i went there with her because I felt welcomed and they never made me feel i was Inlaw, a stranger will think am part of the mums children.

Now the main gbese is this, my wife's mum has been staying with us since this year, taking care of wifey as she put to bed and we have been living peacefully.

Now my mum wanted to come and spend time with us, and the problem started when my mum told me to come with my car and carry her as things she bought for us were too much for her to carry and enter public bus, and i agreed. I went to inform my wife and she kicked against it, citing high fuel cost and lack of money. I talked to her to forget about the money side of her story and see it as a sacrifice. It is a 6 hour journey to and fro.
When she saw she could not convince me, she reported to her sister who tried to talk me out of going to pick my mum, but i refused and told her my mind was made up. Then my wife resorted to i will see those things your mother will bring and come.

Then it got to the day i was going to pick my mum, I called my wife and told her i want your mum to stay and be bathing baby and taking care of you, as I know my mum is now lazy and can't do these work continually, they both agreed. I went and brought my mum home. And the journey to hell started.

There is this girl married with two kids i have warned my wife about to quit been friends with her as despite been married she is a big cheat who sleeps with men for money. So this girl came to my house to visit my wife, and there was this white man at my wife's former place of work that my wife has been chatting with, I read all their chats and had nothing to fault with their conversation, until i discovered my wife sent scantly dressed pictures of her friend to the white man and gave the man the girls contact. I was very furious and felt disappointed, y she did this, that was where my anger started.

So I told her point blank to quit every conversation with the said white man, but she told me plainly she has her life to live and i cannot tell her what to do. This word hurt me and i harboured it in my heart for her.

I and her mum tried to talk to her she didn't still see what she did as bad, then i reported her to her sister whom I felt was close to us and will advice her but no she continued her chat and instead changed her phone pattern.

So we started having issues, every small thing irritated me, then my wife started complaining about my mum, once i go to work and come back, no welcome hug, it will be ur mum said this. Therefore i should Go and fight her if that was her expectation.

The wrong thing I did was not hearing her out, because I already had this grudge in my mind for her bcoz of the statement she made about the white man. And I was already under pressure, how to pay off my debts feed and provide for my family and the 2 additional mouths that came, run generator everyday, and doing everything not to allow my family feel any form of hardship.

Then one day her sister called me and there was nothing she did not say on phone that day, my wife called her and was crying my mum was maltreating her and i kept quiet.
In her sisters exact words, u should be happy my sister married you bcoz she would have seen a better man. These are now the words my wife tells me.

Now the main problem my mum fell sick and she wanted to go back, fuel has now become 145, she met my wife and asked her how will she go if i will drop her or she will take public transport, my wife came to ask me and i ignored it because I didn't want to stir up quarrel. So I met my mother in-laws and told her i would like to go and drop my mum and she said OK if i have spare money for fuel i should do it that moreover my mum is sick.

I wanted to go look for a way to tell my wife but my mum was already dressed thinking she was going that day and was in the room with my wife, and i was to take my mum to somewhere before she goes, and she was in a hurry, I couldn't tell her anymore of my decision, and promised to call her on phone. Only for me to come to the parlor, in front of my mother in-law,i told my mum I would drop her but she had to wait till the next day early morning as I had jobs I needed to attend to.

I then left with my mum to the place she was going to and when we came back, I was with my wife in the room and she was shouting on top her voice, that I shud choose between her and my mum, and that if I go and drop my mum off at her place, she will pack her load and go. I laughe thinking it was a joke.
So mum heard what she said and left my house in anger, in retaliation, that's how i feel, she went to make her hair, as my wife has been begging to come let them go and make her, she cited sickness as example. When I saw my mum with the hair i was bitter and told her to better look for an excuse to give my wife.

She came home and my wife saw the hair and was deeply hurt, mum tried talking to her but it couldn't pacify here, i begged her she refused, so I decided to leave the house and go back to my work, at the door my wife told me to make sure i come back early as she won't givevny mum food, I begged her still, called her when i left and sent an SMS from work, but alas when I got home around past 11pm she didn't give my mum food.

I called my wife, mum and mum Inlaw and tried talking to them so that what ever venom in them will soften, I spoke at length and my mum spoke, when it got to my wife's turn, she flared up and insulted everyone and left, I was disappointed.

The next day morning my mum was finally going to leave, my wife woke up, met her at the door and passed her without greeting and when we were about to leave my wife never came back to say good bye

I travelled and came back and true to her words she packed out of our house and went to Her sisters house.
I called her sister to enquire she wouldn't answer, I went to her house and for 2 hours nobody opened the gate for me, despite hearing my horns and my many calls to her phone which she finally picked and told Me no one was around to open gate for me, quite shortly I saw my mum Inlaw, I asked her how can she encourage her dorta to pack out of the house, she said she was not around when she packed. So my wife's sister knowing her mum was at the gate sent someone to open it and since I was still outside called me she was sending someone to open gate for me, in anger I left and told her not to worry as she was opening it for her mum.
I called my sister in-laws husband and informed him my wife packed to his house without my consent and he was away from town and said when he come back.

He came back and called me after talking to us, I told him I have already changed the padlock of our protector that my wife must apologise before i will let her in again. my wife's response was that she needed a break of 6 months then changed to she was done.

I posted a picture of me holding our baby and wrote some love touching words to him, my wife saw it and became very upset and jelos, and the new accusation became I value our child more than her and don't appreciate her. Then I went to work only to come back home, I saw the locks to the house has been broken, I met my wife packing her remaining things that she needs space, I tried talking to her, next thing her sister called that what is holding her, my wife said I was stopping her, her sister came to my house packed my wife's things including my mum in-laws things, before they left I called my mum Inlaw to ask if she was aware and she said yes, that she heard because of how my wife treated my mum that I said she will not come to my house again, a word I said out of anger. That was how they left.

It's been 3 weeks now I have forgiven my wife and we have settled and she even passed a night in the house and we made mad love

Now she wants to come back, I told her plainly I will not carry those load her sister carried, either she forgets them or I send a cab for her. She agreed to leave the load and come pick her later, immediately she told her sister, the music changed, my wife became abusive and told me if I won't come myself and carry the load then I should forget about her and my child, that she will never use a cab since I have a car and her sister cannot bring the load.

At this juncture I became irritated. Seriously I don't want a broken home since am a product of one, and I know the effects it has on a child.

For 3 weeks I have been jumping from canteen to canteen, I don't know what to do, if to go and bring the load or just allow them to remain there.

Please i need candid advice and criticism, not insult as am already broken.

Am 31 and my wife is 26



****** modified***********

Reading through let me make something clear about the money i borrowed from my in-law

You see am not broke, I live in an comfortable house, drive a good car, and have a land in the state i reside, with a back up bank balance that gave me confidence, but overnight i watched all i have go away due to circumstance better imagined.

I own a truck used for sand and stone transportation, and people into this business will know drivers remit 150k weekly.

My problem started when my truck was involved in an accident which cost a life and also condemned the car, my driver disappeared from the scene and my conductor was in custody for 13weeks

After police case and everything, I paid the family 2.5m for burial and compensation, I paid 400k to the driver of the car my truck hit, bailed my conductor, my truck and closed the police case with 150k.

So this expense cost me 3m that was y i had to seek that loan.

Now i decided not to engage in the trucking business anymore and sell off the truck, but the best price I have gotten from a buyer is 1.5m for a truck i bought 4.5m 2 years ago, so i refused to sell. Still waiting for the right price. To pay off my debt and run my home, I am secretly using my car for uber without my wife's knowledge.although she said i should just sell the truck and start again

I don't want to believe my wife is about the money because she met be broke and we built our wealth together before finally getting married, my problem is during this crisis, she started confiding in her sisters more, and this is where it has landed me




****** modified*********
You see there is more to this story that meets the eye.
That is why I decided to be calm about this whole issue, because it has really opened my eyes, I don't believe this has to do with the money i loaned because the sisters husband also loans money from me atimes,
And pays back, I was very very close to them.

I only soft pedalled on this issue because it is very clear to me there is a grand script been planned by my sister in-laws out of jelousy, because she has been childless for 7 years of marriage.

My wife made a statemet that startled me, that she will send me divorce papers, and that the baby been just 2months, court will award her custody and she will just give the baby to her sister and travel out.

Then i started working on my wife's senses, talking to her until she became soft and we settled my wife she needed time to heal, I offered her to come back home and heal she said know that her sister just had another miscarriage and she needs to be with her.

Now the day my wife came to visit me and decided to sleep over, the sister called her, I pretended to be asleep and I could hear the sister say, now now now, u Don run go sleep there bcoz of sex. The next day it was clear my wife didn't want to go back, I dropped her off around 2pm and before the sister agreed to to open gate for her, it was war after much exchange of whatsapp message
[/quote

Wow this is a touching story
the truth is that your wife's family don do c u finish
that's why they can treat u anyhow
my candid advice is for you to try hard and get more money...your wife have started seeing money from other people...she will loose the respect she have for you because you are not financially stable now.
Another advise is for you to consult a legal adviser about the whole story and how your wife is threatening to give your child to her sis if she travels out.
If you can yield to my advise .. though I know is not easy...stop calling her... continue with Ur job....look for things that makes you happy... research more on entrepreneurship...save money to start up your own business no matter how little it is...once you get there you will see how your wife will come begging.

Op,are you saying herein that your legally married wife arranged another married lady for her white boss and you still gave her room to even call or see her as a wife and still your sister inlaw further told you that your wife did a favor by marrying your kind of person? Something must be wrong with you. Let me tell you straight, your wife is already fvcking outside hence her rant.