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My Marriage Is At The Brink Of Collapse Help Me - Family (3) - Nairaland

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Help! My Marriage Is Giving Me Pain. / Help, My Brother's Marriage Is About To Collapse / POF: My Marriage Is About To Be Ruined Becaus Of A Secret I Kept From My Husband (2) (3) (4)

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Re: My Marriage Is At The Brink Of Collapse Help Me by PrimadonnaO(f): 12:20pm On Mar 18, 2018
From the entire writeup, I can deduce that your wife is being swayed by her own family, her sister and mother, especially. But there's surely a reason why she's listening to them. There's another problem in your home, something she isn't telling you about. My guess is that your financial condition isn't settling well with her. There are other men asking her out and her sister seems to think it's okay. Your wife also, feels she could have pitched her tent with someone better.

So, she's looking for every possible reason to walk away. But she loves you...and she's married. That's why she hasn't left.
The onus now lies on you to put your marriage back on track. Don't allow anything you don't want. Keep ALL the in-laws away for now.

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Re: My Marriage Is At The Brink Of Collapse Help Me by Nobody: 12:50pm On Mar 18, 2018
so what i can understand here is revenge

anyway,marriage is sacrifice,sacrifice doesnt means being a fool but also trying to correct ways even after being wronged

my advice will be to talk to her personally about everything, explaining your part and you hearing her point,one side has to lay down the ego and take responsibility.stop all these mind games and mature up

you guys arent dating but married.grow up
Re: My Marriage Is At The Brink Of Collapse Help Me by Owiii(m): 1:16pm On Mar 18, 2018
SaudiBoy:
Greeting to everyone. I am in serious dilemma and need matured advice.

I dated my wife for 8 years before we got married last year and God blessed us recently with a child.

My problem began when my business nose dived and we began facing a little difficulty, my wife's sister who happens to be my good friend also stepped in and helped us with a loan totalling 340k which i have paid 190k and still making out ways to pay back the rest.
During those trying times my wife and i would go there and spend days to alleviate pressure of feeding, please i went there with her because I felt welcomed and they never made me feel i was Inlaw, a stranger will think am part of the mums children.

Now the main gbese is this, my wife's mum has been staying with us since this year, taking care of wifey as she put to bed and we have been living peacefully.

Now my mum wanted to come and spend time with us, and the problem started when my mum told me to come with my car and carry her as things she bought for us were too much for her to carry and enter public bus, and i agreed. I went to inform my wife and she kicked against it, citing high fuel cost and lack of money. I talked to her to forget about the money side of her story and see it as a sacrifice. It is a 6 hour journey to and fro.
When she saw she could not convince me, she reported to her sister who tried to talk me out of going to pick my mum, but i refused and told her my mind was made up. Then my wife resorted to i will see those things your mother will bring and come.

Then it got to the day i was going to pick my mum, I called my wife and told her i want your mum to stay and be bathing baby and taking care of you, as I know my mum is now lazy and can't do these work continually, they both agreed. I went and brought my mum home. And the journey to hell started.

There is this girl married with two kids i have warned my wife about to quit been friends with her as despite been married she is a big cheat who sleeps with men for money. So this girl came to my house to visit my wife, and there was this white man at my wife's former place of work that my wife has been chatting with, I read all their chats and had nothing to fault with their conversation, until i discovered my wife sent scantly dressed pictures of her friend to the white man and gave the man the girls contact. I was very furious and felt disappointed, y she did this, that was where my anger started.

So I told her point blank to quit every conversation with the said white man, but she told me plainly she has her life to live and i cannot tell her what to do. This word hurt me and i harboured it in my heart for her.

I and her mum tried to talk to her she didn't still see what she did as bad, then i reported her to her sister whom I felt was close to us and will advice her but no she continued her chat and instead changed her phone pattern.

So we started having issues, every small thing irritated me, then my wife started complaining about my mum, once i go to work and come back, no welcome hug, it will be ur mum said this. Therefore i should Go and fight her if that was her expectation.

The wrong thing I did was not hearing her out, because I already had this grudge in my mind for her bcoz of the statement she made about the white man. And I was already under pressure, how to pay off my debts feed and provide for my family and the 2 additional mouths that came, run generator everyday, and doing everything not to allow my family feel any form of hardship.

Then one day her sister called me and there was nothing she did not say on phone that day, my wife called her and was crying my mum was maltreating her and i kept quiet.
In her sisters exact words, u should be happy my sister married you bcoz she would have seen a better man. These are now the words my wife tells me.

Now the main problem my mum fell sick and she wanted to go back, fuel has now become 145, she met my wife and asked her how will she go if i will drop her or she will take public transport, my wife came to ask me and i ignored it because I didn't want to stir up quarrel. So I met my mother in-laws and told her i would like to go and drop my mum and she said OK if i have spare money for fuel i should do it that moreover my mum is sick.

I wanted to go look for a way to tell my wife but my mum was already dressed thinking she was going that day and was in the room with my wife, and i was to take my mum to somewhere before she goes, and she was in a hurry, I couldn't tell her anymore of my decision, and promised to call her on phone. Only for me to come to the parlor, in front of my mother in-law,i told my mum I would drop her but she had to wait till the next day early morning as I had jobs I needed to attend to.

I then left with my mum to the place she was going to and when we came back, I was with my wife in the room and she was shouting on top her voice, that I shud choose between her and my mum, and that if I go and drop my mum off at her place, she will pack her load and go. I laughe thinking it was a joke.
So mum heard what she said and left my house in anger, in retaliation, that's how i feel, she went to make her hair, as my wife has been begging to come let them go and make her, she cited sickness as example. When I saw my mum with the hair i was bitter and told her to better look for an excuse to give my wife.

She came home and my wife saw the hair and was deeply hurt, mum tried talking to her but it couldn't pacify here, i begged her she refused, so I decided to leave the house and go back to my work, at the door my wife told me to make sure i come back early as she won't givevny mum food, I begged her still, called her when i left and sent an SMS from work, but alas when I got home around past 11pm she didn't give my mum food.

I called my wife, mum and mum Inlaw and tried talking to them so that what ever venom in them will soften, I spoke at length and my mum spoke, when it got to my wife's turn, she flared up and insulted everyone and left, I was disappointed.

The next day morning my mum was finally going to leave, my wife woke up, met her at the door and passed her without greeting and when we were about to leave my wife never came back to say good bye

I travelled and came back and true to her words she packed out of our house and went to Her sisters house.
I called her sister to enquire she wouldn't answer, I went to her house and for 2 hours nobody opened the gate for me, despite hearing my horns and my many calls to her phone which she finally picked and told Me no one was around to open gate for me, quite shortly I saw my mum Inlaw, I asked her how can she encourage her dorta to pack out of the house, she said she was not around when she packed. So my wife's sister knowing her mum was at the gate sent someone to open it and since I was still outside called me she was sending someone to open gate for me, in anger I left and told her not to worry as she was opening it for her mum.
I called my sister in-laws husband and informed him my wife packed to his house without my consent and he was away from town and said when he come back.

He came back and called me after talking to us, I told him I have already changed the padlock of our protector that my wife must apologise before i will let her in again. my wife's response was that she needed a break of 6 months then changed to she was done.

I posted a picture of me holding our baby and wrote some love touching words to him, my wife saw it and became very upset and jelos, and the new accusation became I value our child more than her and don't appreciate her. Then I went to work only to come back home, I saw the locks to the house has been broken, I met my wife packing her remaining things that she needs space, I tried talking to her, next thing her sister called that what is holding her, my wife said I was stopping her, her sister came to my house packed my wife's things including my mum in-laws things, before they left I called my mum Inlaw to ask if she was aware and she said yes, that she heard because of how my wife treated my mum that I said she will not come to my house again, a word I said out of anger. That was how they left.

It's been 3 weeks now I have forgiven my wife and we have settled and she even passed a night in the house and we made mad love

Now she wants to come back, I told her plainly I will not carry those load her sister carried, either she forgets them or I send a cab for her. She agreed to leave the load and come pick her later, immediately she told her sister, the music changed, my wife became abusive and told me if I won't come myself and carry the load then I should forget about her and my child, that she will never use a cab since I have a car and her sister cannot bring the load.

At this juncture I became irritated. Seriously I don't want a broken home since am a product of one, and I know the effects it has on a child.

For 3 weeks I have been jumping from canteen to canteen, I don't know what to do, if to go and bring the load or just allow them to remain there.

Please i need candid advice and criticism, not insult as am already broken.

Am 31 and my wife is 26



****** modified***********

Reading through let me make something clear about the money i borrowed from my in-law

You see am not broke, I live in an comfortable house, drive a good car, and have a land in the state i reside, with a back up bank balance that gave me confidence, but overnight i watched all i have go away due to circumstance better imagined.

I own a truck used for sand and stone transportation, and people into this business will know drivers remit 150k weekly.

My problem started when my truck was involved in an accident which cost a life and also condemned the car, my driver disappeared from the scene and my conductor was in custody for 13weeks

After police case and everything, I paid the family 2.5m for burial and compensation, I paid 400k to the driver of the car my truck hit, bailed my conductor, my truck and closed the police case with 150k.

So this expense cost me 3m that was y i had to seek that loan.

Now i decided not to engage in the trucking business anymore and sell off the truck, but the best price I have gotten from a buyer is 1.5m for a truck i bought 4.5m 2 years ago, so i refused to sell. Still waiting for the right price. To pay off my debt and run my home, I am secretly using my car for uber without my wife's knowledge.although she said i should just sell the truck and start again

I don't want to believe my wife is about the money because she met be broke and we built our wealth together before finally getting married, my problem is during this crisis, she started confiding in her sisters more, and this is where it has landed me




****** modified*********
You see there is more to this story that meets the eye.
That is why I decided to be calm about this whole issue, because it has really opened my eyes, I don't believe this has to do with the money i loaned because the sisters husband also loans money from me atimes,
And pays back, I was very very close to them.

I only soft pedalled on this issue because it is very clear to me there is a grand script been planned by my sister in-laws out of jelousy, because she has been childless for 7 years of marriage.

My wife made a statemet that startled me, that she will send me divorce papers, and that the baby been just 2months, court will award her custody and she will just give the baby to her sister and travel out.

Then i started working on my wife's senses, talking to her until she became soft and we settled my wife she needed time to heal, I offered her to come back home and heal she said know that her sister just had another miscarriage and she needs to be with her.

Now the day my wife came to visit me and decided to sleep over, the sister called her, I pretended to be asleep and I could hear the sister say, now now now, u Don run go sleep there bcoz of sex. The next day it was clear my wife didn't want to go back, I dropped her off around 2pm and before the sister agreed to to open gate for her, it was war after much exchange of whatsapp message
If I may ask, are the first born of your family and the person that is doing very well amongyyour siblings?
Re: My Marriage Is At The Brink Of Collapse Help Me by LordKO(m): 2:29pm On Mar 18, 2018
@ OP

Your minor shortcomings - as evident in your submissions - notwithstanding, you're a responsible man. And it's quite obvious that you genuinely love your wife. But love is never enough. The ethical and mental disparities that exist between you and your wife are so glaring.

The problem is really a simple one to solve, that's if and only your wife is ready to make things work out between you two - she's the faulty one. Choice remains a right not privilege, so you've to have her choose between bringing harmony in the marriage or you brave up and pay her in her coin.

Foremost, she has to accept the fact that she has frenemies in her mentioned sister and mother. They mean no good to her either intentionally or unintentionally.

Meanwhile, she scored low in the following quotient areas: ethical (morality and psychology) and mental (intellect). Believe you me that the very moment she emancipates from ethical and mental lownesses, you'll begin to enjoy a bliss in the marriage with her. Until then, sorry.

4 Likes

Re: My Marriage Is At The Brink Of Collapse Help Me by Heavance(m): 2:38pm On Mar 18, 2018
I'm just here to read and learn.


But it's clear this man needs space from his in-law, and then the wife needs to seriously grow up

2 Likes

Re: My Marriage Is At The Brink Of Collapse Help Me by Gourdoinc(m): 3:05pm On Mar 18, 2018
SaudiBoy:
Greeting to everyone. I am in serious dilemma and need matured advice.

I dated my wife for 8 years before we got married last year and God blessed us recently with a child.

My problem began when my business nose dived and we began facing a little difficulty, my wife's sister who happens to be my good friend also stepped in and helped us with a loan totalling 340k which i have paid 190k and still making out ways to pay back the rest.
During those trying times my wife and i would go there and spend days to alleviate pressure of feeding, please i went there with her because I felt welcomed and they never made me feel i was Inlaw, a stranger will think am part of the mums children.

Now the main gbese is this, my wife's mum has been staying with us since this year, taking care of wifey as she put to bed and we have been living peacefully.

Now my mum wanted to come and spend time with us, and the problem started when my mum told me to come with my car and carry her as things she bought for us were too much for her to carry and enter public bus, and i agreed. I went to inform my wife and she kicked against it, citing high fuel cost and lack of money. I talked to her to forget about the money side of her story and see it as a sacrifice. It is a 6 hour journey to and fro.
When she saw she could not convince me, she reported to her sister who tried to talk me out of going to pick my mum, but i refused and told her my mind was made up. Then my wife resorted to i will see those things your mother will bring and come.

Then it got to the day i was going to pick my mum, I called my wife and told her i want your mum to stay and be bathing baby and taking care of you, as I know my mum is now lazy and can't do these work continually, they both agreed. I went and brought my mum home. And the journey to hell started.

There is this girl married with two kids i have warned my wife about to quit been friends with her as despite been married she is a big cheat who sleeps with men for money. So this girl came to my house to visit my wife, and there was this white man at my wife's former place of work that my wife has been chatting with, I read all their chats and had nothing to fault with their conversation, until i discovered my wife sent scantly dressed pictures of her friend to the white man and gave the man the girls contact. I was very furious and felt disappointed, y she did this, that was where my anger started.

So I told her point blank to quit every conversation with the said white man, but she told me plainly she has her life to live and i cannot tell her what to do. This word hurt me and i harboured it in my heart for her.

I and her mum tried to talk to her she didn't still see what she did as bad, then i reported her to her sister whom I felt was close to us and will advice her but no she continued her chat and instead changed her phone pattern.

So we started having issues, every small thing irritated me, then my wife started complaining about my mum, once i go to work and come back, no welcome hug, it will be ur mum said this. Therefore i should Go and fight her if that was her expectation.

The wrong thing I did was not hearing her out, because I already had this grudge in my mind for her bcoz of the statement she made about the white man. And I was already under pressure, how to pay off my debts feed and provide for my family and the 2 additional mouths that came, run generator everyday, and doing everything not to allow my family feel any form of hardship.

Then one day her sister called me and there was nothing she did not say on phone that day, my wife called her and was crying my mum was maltreating her and i kept quiet.
In her sisters exact words, u should be happy my sister married you bcoz she would have seen a better man. These are now the words my wife tells me.

Now the main problem my mum fell sick and she wanted to go back, fuel has now become 145, she met my wife and asked her how will she go if i will drop her or she will take public transport, my wife came to ask me and i ignored it because I didn't want to stir up quarrel. So I met my mother in-laws and told her i would like to go and drop my mum and she said OK if i have spare money for fuel i should do it that moreover my mum is sick.

I wanted to go look for a way to tell my wife but my mum was already dressed thinking she was going that day and was in the room with my wife, and i was to take my mum to somewhere before she goes, and she was in a hurry, I couldn't tell her anymore of my decision, and promised to call her on phone. Only for me to come to the parlor, in front of my mother in-law,i told my mum I would drop her but she had to wait till the next day early morning as I had jobs I needed to attend to.

I then left with my mum to the place she was going to and when we came back, I was with my wife in the room and she was shouting on top her voice, that I shud choose between her and my mum, and that if I go and drop my mum off at her place, she will pack her load and go. I laughe thinking it was a joke.
So mum heard what she said and left my house in anger, in retaliation, that's how i feel, she went to make her hair, as my wife has been begging to come let them go and make her, she cited sickness as example. When I saw my mum with the hair i was bitter and told her to better look for an excuse to give my wife.

She came home and my wife saw the hair and was deeply hurt, mum tried talking to her but it couldn't pacify here, i begged her she refused, so I decided to leave the house and go back to my work, at the door my wife told me to make sure i come back early as she won't givevny mum food, I begged her still, called her when i left and sent an SMS from work, but alas when I got home around past 11pm she didn't give my mum food.

I called my wife, mum and mum Inlaw and tried talking to them so that what ever venom in them will soften, I spoke at length and my mum spoke, when it got to my wife's turn, she flared up and insulted everyone and left, I was disappointed.

The next day morning my mum was finally going to leave, my wife woke up, met her at the door and passed her without greeting and when we were about to leave my wife never came back to say good bye

I travelled and came back and true to her words she packed out of our house and went to Her sisters house.
I called her sister to enquire she wouldn't answer, I went to her house and for 2 hours nobody opened the gate for me, despite hearing my horns and my many calls to her phone which she finally picked and told Me no one was around to open gate for me, quite shortly I saw my mum Inlaw, I asked her how can she encourage her dorta to pack out of the house, she said she was not around when she packed. So my wife's sister knowing her mum was at the gate sent someone to open it and since I was still outside called me she was sending someone to open gate for me, in anger I left and told her not to worry as she was opening it for her mum.
I called my sister in-laws husband and informed him my wife packed to his house without my consent and he was away from town and said when he come back.

He came back and called me after talking to us, I told him I have already changed the padlock of our protector that my wife must apologise before i will let her in again. my wife's response was that she needed a break of 6 months then changed to she was done.

I posted a picture of me holding our baby and wrote some love touching words to him, my wife saw it and became very upset and jelos, and the new accusation became I value our child more than her and don't appreciate her. Then I went to work only to come back home, I saw the locks to the house has been broken, I met my wife packing her remaining things that she needs space, I tried talking to her, next thing her sister called that what is holding her, my wife said I was stopping her, her sister came to my house packed my wife's things including my mum in-laws things, before they left I called my mum Inlaw to ask if she was aware and she said yes, that she heard because of how my wife treated my mum that I said she will not come to my house again, a word I said out of anger. That was how they left.

It's been 3 weeks now I have forgiven my wife and we have settled and she even passed a night in the house and we made mad love

Now she wants to come back, I told her plainly I will not carry those load her sister carried, either she forgets them or I send a cab for her. She agreed to leave the load and come pick her later, immediately she told her sister, the music changed, my wife became abusive and told me if I won't come myself and carry the load then I should forget about her and my child, that she will never use a cab since I have a car and her sister cannot bring the load.

At this juncture I became irritated. Seriously I don't want a broken home since am a product of one, and I know the effects it has on a child.

For 3 weeks I have been jumping from canteen to canteen, I don't know what to do, if to go and bring the load or just allow them to remain there.

Please i need candid advice and criticism, not insult as am already broken.

Am 31 and my wife is 26



****** modified***********

Reading through let me make something clear about the money i borrowed from my in-law

You see am not broke, I live in an comfortable house, drive a good car, and have a land in the state i reside, with a back up bank balance that gave me confidence, but overnight i watched all i have go away due to circumstance better imagined.

I own a truck used for sand and stone transportation, and people into this business will know drivers remit 150k weekly.

My problem started when my truck was involved in an accident which cost a life and also condemned the car, my driver disappeared from the scene and my conductor was in custody for 13weeks

After police case and everything, I paid the family 2.5m for burial and compensation, I paid 400k to the driver of the car my truck hit, bailed my conductor, my truck and closed the police case with 150k.

So this expense cost me 3m that was y i had to seek that loan.

Now i decided not to engage in the trucking business anymore and sell off the truck, but the best price I have gotten from a buyer is 1.5m for a truck i bought 4.5m 2 years ago, so i refused to sell. Still waiting for the right price. To pay off my debt and run my home, I am secretly using my car for uber without my wife's knowledge.although she said i should just sell the truck and start again

I don't want to believe my wife is about the money because she met be broke and we built our wealth together before finally getting married, my problem is during this crisis, she started confiding in her sisters more, and this is where it has landed me




****** modified*********
You see there is more to this story that meets the eye.
That is why I decided to be calm about this whole issue, because it has really opened my eyes, I don't believe this has to do with the money i loaned because the sisters husband also loans money from me atimes,
And pays back, I was very very close to them.

I only soft pedalled on this issue because it is very clear to me there is a grand script been planned by my sister in-laws out of jelousy, because she has been childless for 7 years of marriage.

My wife made a statemet that startled me, that she will send me divorce papers, and that the baby been just 2months, court will award her custody and she will just give the baby to her sister and travel out.

Then i started working on my wife's senses, talking to her until she became soft and we settled my wife she needed time to heal, I offered her to come back home and heal she said know that her sister just had another miscarriage and she needs to be with her.

Now the day my wife came to visit me and decided to sleep over, the sister called her, I pretended to be asleep and I could hear the sister say, now now now, u Don run go sleep there bcoz of sex. The next day it was clear my wife didn't want to go back, I dropped her off around 2pm and before the sister agreed to to open gate for her, it was war after much exchange of whatsapp message
my brother it's time to be a man, it's time to decide and lay the bed of that marriage. this is when you must be assertive and watch as things will flow better. don't get too emotional rather use this situation to gain leverage on your family. your wife is still young and very foolish apparently. it's normal for women at that age ND experience. nevertheless you need to man up and cut all communications, close all interests, forget your wife (note that this is all a game you must play). the more you chase her for peace the more she runs and feels more hurt (imaginary). face your business and your life, don't call, don't ask, you already know what your child needs, send that via transfer to her account and a text explaining the money is for the child. if she threatens you with divorce papers, do not respond. rather say "ok". let her do what is on her mind. she is only barking and enjoying the leverage she feels she already has with you. you need to gain this back, please in the mean time face your business to get back on your feet financially. provide for your child but please also take note of if your wife has started following other men. she will make a U-turn soonest after a painful realization, that will be your own cue to gain leverage. act aloof, say you aren't interested, behave as though you don't care whether the marriage works or fails. if she has cheated, then it's your choice to divorce like I would In such shoes, but if she hasn't yet done so, then accept her back after a little torture. it's fun to win on a power play. also for last, stop being such a weak man. women can see it from far and they loathe it's

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Re: My Marriage Is At The Brink Of Collapse Help Me by Nobody: 3:05pm On Mar 18, 2018
Its definitely not all about the number of years one dates. There are people who are naturally heartless and without remorse.

Marriage is all about sacrifices. Let go of your ego and go bring your wife and her load. You guys should try and keep third parties away from your home please.

Omugwo is usually for 2 months... The mothers should serve their 2 months and return to their homes.

Maturity and understanding is seriously lacking in your union. Well, what do I know sef
Re: My Marriage Is At The Brink Of Collapse Help Me by MetroBaba1(m): 3:38pm On Mar 18, 2018
TrueHeart365:
Lol. I read. Your story and laughed. Bro, your wife is not even close to what my bro's wife is. It was bad to the extent she wanted to stop my brother from seeing every member of his family just cos her papa get money.

My brother just left her to stay in her family house for almost a year with their daughter(he was ready to damn the consequence than live a miserable young life). Never begged her and even started dating in case the marriage fails.

Till now if I go to their house, baby girl dey greet me with respect.

You need to show your immature and spoiled wife your emotions are in check.. Be a man and be firm with your decision.

Divorce no be disease especially when you wifed the wrong person.

I'm speaking from a very personal experience.


Baba, I Detest Weak Men.

I Ended A Relationship Last Week. Why? My Girlfriend (Ex) Decided To Heed To An Advice Offered By Her Friends Than Mine.

Love Does Not Cover Stupidity.

Op Is A Weak Man.

5 Likes

Re: My Marriage Is At The Brink Of Collapse Help Me by SaudiBoy(m): 3:58pm On Mar 18, 2018
MetroBaba1:


Baba, I Detest Weak Men.

I Ended A Relationship Last Week. Why? My Girlfriend (Ex) Decided To Heed To An Advice Offered By Her Friends Than Mine.

Love Does Not Cover Stupidity.

Op Is A Weak Man.

Mr strong man

There is a very wide difference bw a girlfriend and a wife that is why it is very easy for you to ditch your girlfriend. When you cough out 2m to marry a woman and she bears u a child then u will understand, thatthe decisions u make hence forth shud take into consideration Now, the future and ur child.

28 Likes 1 Share

Re: My Marriage Is At The Brink Of Collapse Help Me by Nobody: 4:00pm On Mar 18, 2018
SaudiBoy:


Mr strong man

There is a very wide difference bw a girlfriend and a wife that is why it is very easy for you to ditch your girlfriend. When you cough out 2m to marry a woman and she bears u a child then u will understand, thatthe decisions u make hence forth shud take into consideration Now, the future and ur child.
Forget pride and ego. Go bring back your wife and make things work.
Re: My Marriage Is At The Brink Of Collapse Help Me by Nobody: 4:14pm On Mar 18, 2018
I agree with this a lot. Only men who have dealt (or have been dealt with by) women will understand why this is relevant.
Gourdoinc:
my brother it's time to be a man, it's time to decide and lay the bed of that marriage. this is when you must be assertive and watch as things will flow better. don't get too emotional rather use this situation to gain leverage on your family. your wife is still young and very foolish apparently. it's normal for women at that age ND experience. nevertheless you need to man up and cut all communications, close all interests, forget your wife (note that this is all a game you must play). the more you chase her for peace the more she runs and feels more hurt (imaginary). face your business and your life, don't call, don't ask, you already know what your child needs, send that via transfer to her account and a text explaining the money is for the child. if she threatens you with divorce papers, do not respond. rather say "ok". let her do what is on her mind. she is only barking and enjoying the leverage she feels she already has with you. you need to gain this back, please in the mean time face your business to get back on your feet financially. provide for your child but please also take note of if your wife has started following other men. she will make a U-turn soonest after a painful realization, that will be your own cue to gain leverage. act aloof, say you aren't interested, behave as though you don't care whether the marriage works or fails. if she has cheated, then it's your choice to divorce like I would In such shoes, but if she hasn't yet done so, then accept her back after a little torture. it's fun to win on a power play. also for last, stop being such a weak man. women can see it from far and they loathe it's

1 Like

Re: My Marriage Is At The Brink Of Collapse Help Me by JONNYSPUTE(m): 4:21pm On Mar 18, 2018
Gourdoinc:
my brother it's time to be a man, it's time to decide and lay the bed of that marriage. this is when you must be assertive and watch as things will flow better. don't get too emotional rather use this situation to gain leverage on your family. your wife is still young and very foolish apparently. it's normal for women at that age ND experience. nevertheless you need to man up and cut all communications, close all interests, forget your wife (note that this is all a game you must play). the more you chase her for peace the more she runs and feels more hurt (imaginary). face your business and your life, don't call, don't ask, you already know what your child needs, send that via transfer to her account and a text explaining the money is for the child. if she threatens you with divorce papers, do not respond. rather say "ok". let her do what is on her mind. she is only barking and enjoying the leverage she feels she already has with you. you need to gain this back, please in the mean time face your business to get back on your feet financially. provide for your child but please also take note of if your wife has started following other men. she will make a U-turn soonest after a painful realization, that will be your own cue to gain leverage. act aloof, say you aren't interested, behave as though you don't care whether the marriage works or fails. if she has cheated, then it's your choice to divorce like I would In such shoes, but if she hasn't yet done so, then accept her back after a little torture. it's fun to win on a power play. also for last, stop being such a weak man. women can see it from far and they loathe it's
......Hmmmmm. You ve spoken well but don't forget that in marriage,what works for Mr A might not work for Mr B. All the same I like your stand,u re my kind of guy.

1 Like

Re: My Marriage Is At The Brink Of Collapse Help Me by JONNYSPUTE(m): 4:28pm On Mar 18, 2018
NwanyiAwkaetiti:
Forget pride and ego. Go bring back your wife and make things work.
. Nothing like pride and ego here,since she left without his knowledge, she has to go back on her own. Pride and ego can only come if he was the one that ask her to leave their matrimonial home,you should be telling the wife to let go of her pride and go back home.

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Re: My Marriage Is At The Brink Of Collapse Help Me by JONNYSPUTE(m): 4:30pm On Mar 18, 2018
MetroBaba1:


Baba, I Detest Weak Men.

I Ended A Relationship Last Week. Why? My Girlfriend (Ex) Decided To Heed To An Advice Offered By Her Friends Than Mine.

Love Does Not Cover Stupidity.

Op Is A Weak Man.
. There are very big differences between marriage and dating. Here any mistake can affect your child's future.
Re: My Marriage Is At The Brink Of Collapse Help Me by Nobody: 4:32pm On Mar 18, 2018
@OP,

Women, especially black women are wonderful beings and I love them a lot. I am far from being a misogynist but the fact is women have a strong desire for leadership.

The mistake many gentlemen and romantic guys make is that of being too nice to the point of appearing weak. When you seem weak, a woman will eat you inside out and terminate your life untimely. This is pure truth. I learnt this the hard way.

Be a man. Man up and control your emotions give her leadership and watch her come back and submit to you for enduring peace and love in the marriage.

Unless it is already too late and you have habituated her to too much weakness that she can't accept a new you. Then I'm afraid Game will be over.

In any case, continuing being weak can only postpone the problem not solve it. Don't be a dictator, but provide leadership to your wife and there will be peace at home.

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Re: My Marriage Is At The Brink Of Collapse Help Me by Nobody: 4:50pm On Mar 18, 2018
JONNYSPUTE:
. Nothing like pride and ego here,since she left without his knowledge, she has to go back on her own. Pride and ego can only come if he was the one that ask her to leave their matrimonial home,you should be telling the wife to let go of her pride and go back home.
Sometimes you just need to let things go for peace to reign.
Re: My Marriage Is At The Brink Of Collapse Help Me by Nobody: 4:55pm On Mar 18, 2018
NwanyiAwkaetiti:
Sometimes you just need to let things go for peace to reign.
That would not be true peace but a facade that will soon disappear. Until the root of the issue is tackled the problem will persist, manifesting in one way or the other.

When a woman begins to tell you if when and how you should relate with your mother, know you have lost it all.

18 Likes 2 Shares

Re: My Marriage Is At The Brink Of Collapse Help Me by MetroBaba1(m): 4:57pm On Mar 18, 2018
SaudiBoy:


Mr strong man

There is a very wide difference bw a girlfriend and a wife that is why it is very easy for you to ditch your girlfriend. When you cough out 2m to marry a woman and she bears u a child then u will understand, thatthe decisions u make hence forth shud take into consideration Now, the future and ur child.

Mr Weak Man.

You Don't Need To Explain That To Me. I Fully Understand That Please.

The Meaning Of My Words Should Reflect The Need To Be Principled.

Mark My Word: PRINCIPLED. It Marks Your Path From Relationship Down To Marriage Level, Thus Ending And Not Creating Rooms For Third Parties To Exhibit Madness.

E.g

Just Imagine: Begging Your Wife To Prepare Food For Your Mother Under Your Roof.

Been Principled Will Never Pave Way For Your Wife Not Provide Food For Her (Your Mom) And Also Not Greet Her When Unnecessary.

Understand My Point Please.

Moreover, What Is The Essence Of You And Your Wife Dating For So Long?

Op, YOU ARE A WEAK MAN and Your Wife Is a CHILD (indecisive child). Accept My Fact

9 Likes 1 Share

Re: My Marriage Is At The Brink Of Collapse Help Me by Nobody: 4:58pm On Mar 18, 2018
LoJ:
@OP,

Women, especially black women are wonderful beings and I love them a lot. I am far from being a misogynist but the fact is women have a strong desire for leadership.

The mistake many gentlemen and romantic guys make is that of being too nice to the point of appearing weak. When you seem weak, a woman will eat you inside out and terminate your life untimely. This is pure truth. I learned this the hard way.

Be a man. Man up and control your emotions give her leadership and watch her come back and submit to you for enduring peace and love in the marriage.

Unless it is already too late and you have habituated her to too much weakness that she can't accept a new you. Then I'm afraid Game will be over.

In any case, continuing being weak can only postpone the problem not solve it. Don't be a dictator, but provide leadership to your wife and there will be peace at home.

Very true. The man needs to grow some balls and take charge. And limit external/family interference in his marriage if he wants it to survive.

1 Like

Re: My Marriage Is At The Brink Of Collapse Help Me by JONNYSPUTE(m): 5:00pm On Mar 18, 2018
NwanyiAwkaetiti:
Sometimes you just need to let things go for peace to reign.
. You re right sha.
Re: My Marriage Is At The Brink Of Collapse Help Me by Nobody: 5:06pm On Mar 18, 2018
LoJ:

That would not be true peace but a facade that will soon disappear. Until the root of the issue is tackled the problem will persist, manifesting in one way or the other.

When a woman begins to tell you if when and how you should relate with your mother, know you have lost it all.
You are right. Perhaps op wife is a feminist grin

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Re: My Marriage Is At The Brink Of Collapse Help Me by MetroBaba1(m): 5:06pm On Mar 18, 2018
JONNYSPUTE:
. There are very big differences between marriage and dating. Here any mistake can affect your child's future.

I'm Not A Child For Such Explanation Please
Re: My Marriage Is At The Brink Of Collapse Help Me by Nobody: 5:06pm On Mar 18, 2018
JONNYSPUTE:
. You re right sha.
smiley
Re: My Marriage Is At The Brink Of Collapse Help Me by Nobody: 5:08pm On Mar 18, 2018
Bbbbbbbbbbbb:


Very true. The man needs to grow some balls and take charge. And limit external/family interference in his marriage if he wants it to survive.
Perhaps he lost it in the course of their 8 years of dating... Oti see finish. cheesy

2 Likes

Re: My Marriage Is At The Brink Of Collapse Help Me by maldox(m): 5:18pm On Mar 18, 2018
SaudiBoy:
Reading through let me make something clear about the money i borrowed from my in-law

You see am not broke, I live in an comfortable house, drive a good car, and have a land in the state i reside, with a back up bank balance that gave me confidence, but overnight i watched all i have go away due to circumstance better imagined.

I own a truck used for sand and stone transportation, and people into this business will know drivers remit 150k weekly.

My problem started when my truck was involved in an accident which cost a life and also condemned the car, my driver disappeared from the scene and my conductor was in custody for 13weeks

After police case and everything, I paid the family 2.5m for burial and compensation, I paid 400k to the driver of the car my truck hit, bailed my conductor, my truck and closed the police case with 150k.

So this expense cost me 3m that was y i had to seek that loan.

Now i decided not to engage in the trucking business anymore and sell off the truck, but the best price I have gotten from a buyer is 1.5m for a truck i bought 4.5m 2 years ago, so i refused to sell. Still waiting for the right price. To pay off my debt and run my home, I am secretly using my car for uber without my wife's knowledge.although she said i should just sell the truck and start again

I don't want to believe my wife is about the money because she met be broke and we built our wealth together before finally getting married, my problem is during this crisis, she started confiding in her sisters more, and this is where it has landed me

Just work on your marriage, you would be fine.

Meanwhile, I would like to see pictures of your damaged truck. Send me pictures via the number on my signature.
Re: My Marriage Is At The Brink Of Collapse Help Me by crackhouse(m): 5:22pm On Mar 18, 2018
If I were u I will start giving her more time than before. Please always let her know u love her by showing her love all the time. Her sister is the problem guys have here.
Re: My Marriage Is At The Brink Of Collapse Help Me by eniolorunfe: 5:36pm On Mar 18, 2018
Tis well oh....

Where are all the MEN

This issue wouldn't arise if the men in this family will take charge and direct the affairs of their homes properly. Where is your father-in-law? Where is your SIL's husband?

Men need to stop being emotional, set clear boundaries in their homes and take charge pls!!!!

If you haven't gotten them involved, do so asap!

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Re: My Marriage Is At The Brink Of Collapse Help Me by Ishilove: 5:42pm On Mar 18, 2018
This story is very irritating

8 Likes

Re: My Marriage Is At The Brink Of Collapse Help Me by pedrilo: 6:11pm On Mar 18, 2018
Bros double ur hustle, get bak on ur feet financially and see how ur wife go melow down for u. Na condition make crayfish bend so oh
Hardship dey mk women malfunction.
Imagine her chatting wit a white man and all dat bs
I see a marriage of convenience tho

4 Likes

Re: My Marriage Is At The Brink Of Collapse Help Me by ranmoor: 6:49pm On Mar 18, 2018
my brother, the major problem is your in-law. Besides, your marriage has many side distractions. My golden advice, try and relocate far from that area. Family relationship is better from afar!!!

1 Like

Re: My Marriage Is At The Brink Of Collapse Help Me by ocha88(m): 6:49pm On Mar 18, 2018
Sir the first step to take is to bring her home and if it warrant you going to her mama house to pack her load just close your eyes and do it for the sake of kids. Then after that talk some sense into your wife, sir you also need to reduce your communication with your in-laws . Engage your wife in something so that she can stay away from her sister. But please don't forget your mum because from your write up that woman has no say in your life anymore. Finally you can't do it all alone you need God presents in your family. May God be you

1 Like

Re: My Marriage Is At The Brink Of Collapse Help Me by JONNYSPUTE(m): 7:27pm On Mar 18, 2018
MetroBaba1:


I'm Not A Child For Such Explanation Please
. I'm sorry sir. Pls don't be offended. One love.

1 Like

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