Good day peeps;

So I like to read sites that deal with male/female dynamics and I must admit I have stumbled on the 'Red Pillers' aka Alpha several times. So this is one of such sites: The Rational Male and I want to post a topic there that deals with Admiration and Respect in a different way.

Enjoy!


One thing I really enjoy about doing the few interviews I’ve done is that they allow me to do a stream of consciousness dialog with another person. I like this because it’s very close to the internal dialoging I do when I’m writing notes or researching a topic. While I was talking with Christian McQueen last week the topic of respect came up and I riffed on this for a bit.

“Be with a woman that admires you… admiration creates a different kind of respect”

I’ve delved into the dynamic of respect in the past, but what I was getting at with this was the ways in which women and men differ in their views of respect. Towards the close of last weeks post I made mention of Girl With A Dragonfly Tattoo’s post on the womanly art of seduction. What I found interesting in her list of seductive qualities was that these aren’t really means of seduction, but rather mindsets women should adopt to maintain a healthy relationship.

As I mentioned in that post, women’s methods of seduction are a lost art, but those means lack real significance if there is no genuine desire for that man. Women can very easily seduce men today. So starved for intimate attention are the majority of men that they create the seductive narrative for themselves; all a woman need do is make it easy for him to believe.

On a woman’s part, seduction doesn’t require much. There was a time I did some investigation into the profiles of professional online escorts. I had followed some links Advocatus Diaboli had offered in a few of his posts about his dealing with escorts, and while there were the prerequisite “pros’ with IndecentStar bodies and manners to match, the majority of these women were semi-attractive “amateurs” you’d be surprised by if you saw them in casual clothes. These women tended to be in their 30s-40s but what was telling was how each gal sold herself to potential clients.

To the average frustrated husband or sexless mature man I have no doubt these women were like a tall glass of water in the desert. By my own standards they were average, but what I noticed was each woman’s profile offered some variation of “you’ve worked hard, isn’t it time you enjoyed the appreciation you deserve?”, “let me treat you the way you should be appreciated” or “you’ve earned a good time with a woman who knows how to please her man.”

For part-time semi-pro escorts I was impressed by how well they knew their demographic. My guess is more than a few were divorced, but found their ‘niche’ so to speak once they were set up with spousal support. Each of them sold themselves based on at least the feigned mindset which Girl With A Dragonfly Tattoo proposed women (wives) adopt to seduce their men (husbands).

In that list the first of the two articles stood out the most:

Admiration

Virtually all men crave a woman who admires him. A woman who will listen to him when he’s talking about something he finds interesting, or when he’s giving his opinion. They want a woman who will be interested and fascinated with what he says – yes, I said fascinated. It turns them on to be in the presence of a hot woman (his wife) who is also giving him her entire attention and the right kind of feedback that says, “You are such an interesting man! Omg I want you! Now!!!”

When was the last time you reacted to your husband like that? I know… us wives are ridiculously tired, over-achieving, too much to do, have kids hanging off our legs at any moment when we’re at home (or out… at the store trying to deal with a meltdown). I understand, I’m a wife and mother of two now. But guess what? Your husband craves this kind of thing, and if this need is met by you, he will move mountains to ensure your happiness.

Of these two, admiration is the most important. Feigned admiration is the stripper’s secret (as well as the semi-pro escort’s). To the man unused to genuine admiration (that is to say 80%+ of them) this becomes his worst thumbscrew and source of manipulation. Sexual ‘thirst’ is certainly a factor, but men inherently realize the sexual attraction value that a woman’s admiration represents for themselves.

Part of men’s conditioning is recognizing the effect that simple social proof to overt fame has on women. Smart men figure out how to leverage this to their advantage as a part of Game, but most are so starved of that admiration that even marginal displays from women are enough to convince him her intents are genuine.

Truth or Compliments

Private Man had an interesting post regarding his tweet on compliments from women:

Men love to be complimented yet so few women do it. #facepalm #dating

My response was thus:

“Compliments = IOIs (Indicators Of her Interest in the man). 80%+ of men are Betas, thus compliments are a rare. Can’t have Betas get the wrong ideas.”

Compliments are considered an expression of admiration for men, but largely supplication for women. In the past I’ve gone into detail about how compliments for women need to be sparse because, for the greater part of women, compliments have very little value to them. In an age of social media and ‘quick-hit ego boosts’ from her girlfriends and symps, compliments are common.

What’s scarce is valuable, so the rare compliment from a high-value Alpha is a solid reinforcer for a woman – from a Beta compliments are a liability; they are an overt expression of interest from a man she has very little interest in beyond his utility to her.

For that same reason, women giving compliments to men they have no genuine admiration for also becomes a liability – even if that liability is just implied to herself. Ergo, women rarely express admiration for a man they genuinely have no true admiration of – it’s too risky. This is why women must be taught (as in Girl With A Dragonfly Tattoo’s post) to be conscious of, and attentive to, delivering compliments to men they’ve committed to, but regard as Beta. Left to their natural impulses women simply avoid complimenting men they have no desire to be held accountable to.

Private Man asks:

What’s wrong with reinforcing a man’s confidence through a compliment? Women adore confident men. The compliment is the opposite of the shit test where a woman tests the mans adversity by artificially creating that adversity by herself.

Not to run him up the flagpole (I have a deep respect for PM), but Private Man answers his own question inadvertently. Women do adore confident men, but by definition a confident man wouldn’t need any reinforcement of that confidence. Once again, women want a man who ‘Just Gets It‘. Any (Alpha) man a woman has a genuine admiration of doesn’t need a confidence boost from her – in fact that boost, and the implied need of it, only raises Hypergamous doubt for her.

Just as with the differing concepts of love and communication, men tend to presume that their concept of admiration is the universal one. The aspects and considerations men base their admiration of other men on are not the same that women use for men. I outlined this a bit in Hysteria, but there is a uniquely female precondition of unqualified social proof women entertain for themselves as a component to their arousal that men (at least heterosexual ones) don’t have for other men.

In other words men who women are unfamiliar with are an unverified commodity to women with regard to arousal / attraction. As you can see in the videos I linked in Hysteria, this unfamiliarity with a man’s real social value (and associated SMV) are easily mimicked when they control the environment and situation. It’s this unfamiliarity and a want to believe in the possibility that a man may possess fame or even simple third-party social esteem that leads to an easy admiration for a man women have just met or are only casually familiar with.

Imaginings

Women’s imagination is one of the best tools in a man’s Game toolbox, but this is so because Hypergamous doubt is also Hypergamous prospect. The same Hypergamy that predisposes a woman to opportunistic sexual strategy also drives her imaginings about its potential fulfillment by unfamiliar men. It’s far easier for a woman to imagine she should admire a man she doesn’t know than for her to appreciate a man she’s already intimately familiar with anything close to that same admiration.

This is what men idealistically want to believe about admiration coming from their wives and long-time girlfriends – that it’s just as sincere as the expressions of admiration, the compliments and inspiration, she’s naturally disposed to give to men she’s unfamiliar with, even when that man was himself when they first met. Compliments and admiration are less believable, not to mention far less forthcoming, when a woman is aware of the person you “really” are in an LTR because hypergamous prospect turns to hypergamous doubt.

As I mention in Frame, the dominant frame you establish and enter into a relationship with sets the tone for that relationship. Sincere admiration and genuine desire are key components to setting that frame before you enter into an LTR or marriage. You will never experience a more sincere admiration from a woman than while you are single and uncommitted. Her imagination fills in the blanks for her perception of you because you represent the potential of fulfilling her sexual strategy (either Alpha bleeps or Beta Bucks). Once you are committed and a woman has had those blanks filled in by her familiarity with you, admiration and compliments (if any) become something women need to be taught and reminded are something they ought to maintain to keep men interested in them by necessity.

If there is no admiration expressed from a woman while you’re single, or you’ve got to fish for compliments, or you’ve got to plead your case to her that you are someone she should admire, never enter into any kind of commitment with her.

Girl With A Dragonfly Tattoo’s next article of seduction was respect:

Respect

How many men crave respect? All of them. They want to be known as the leader of their house, they want their wives to defer to them for decisions – but they want their wives to genuinely do it out of the feeling of respect, not just half-heartedly ask their husbands what they think, but to let them know that they are expressly interested in their husband’s response because of who he is.

They want a woman who looks up to them – who doesn’t try to outshine them or put them down – but who greatly esteems them and their opinions on matters (this ties in directly with Admiration). They don’t want a wife who will constantly argue and bicker with them over decisions and details, or one who challenges them and their headship constantly.

Respect amongst men and respect amongst women are, again, two differing concepts. GWADT describes her impression of what she perceives men would want in terms of respect from their spouses, but this outline ignores the basic principles of the Desire Dynamic – respect is valueless if it’s an obligation, you cannot negotiate a genuine respect. Men understand this because respect between men is something that is earned, whereas constant social conditioning makes respect for women something to be expected.

Respect for a woman is a given and as such, like compliments, it becomes so cheap a commodity to women they have no concept that it means something entirely different amongst men. In fact, Blue Pill conditioned men are so socially insaturated in a default “respect” for women that it’s become an article of Beta Game among them. Properly trained White Knights make a competition of “out-respecting” one another with their declarations of respecting women. They believe it sets them apart from “other guys” who don’t respect women and thus make them uniquely in touch and identifying with what they’ve been taught women want.

The next time you see some self-evincing meme declaring “a real gentleman does X for a woman” posted on Facebook by one of your Blue Pill friends you’ll understand how valueless the term respect really is to women. I hit on this in my post Respect:

Masculine Respect

So this is my point, women don’t respect men, or rather, they don’t respect the masculine – and most certainly don’t have a default respect for it. They’re taught to be adversarial, not cooperative. Women are taught to relinquish respect, and then only begrudgingly when a man has proven his quality beyond the reach of most men. Masculinity is popularly ridiculed in western culture as it is, but to respect a man is to compete with him, to out-masculine him. Cooperation or even recognizing that the genders could be complimentary is viewed at best as antiquated, at worst, sublimation to the male imperative.

Women have very little incentive for learning to defer to a man with a default respect when respect for women is already a social entitlement – that is the frame of reference women have with respect. Even average fathers seldom experience an organic respect from their daughters unless they are taught (usually by example) to appreciate the qualities that make him respectable. Women in the workplace presume they’re being treated with a default professional respect, but any respect that’s afforded them generally begins with that default ‘Respect for Women’® dynamic that 80%+ of men already believe is their due.

When men express respect for other men it’s usually because they’ve in some way earned it or earned a respectable office. That’s not always the reality, but it is the general presumption that respectable men are “leaders of their house” (business, position, team or rank) and makers of the decisions others follow because they have earned it. Think about the men you genuinely respect. Why do you respect them? What have they done to merit your deference of respect to them?

The way a man considers these aspects differs from how a woman considers these aspects. Respectable Men are keenly aware of a respect offered to them due to obligation as opposed to a genuine, considerate and introspective respect. So when a woman who presumes she holds a default authority humbles herself, and magnanimously allows a man she’s told she should respect a degree of deference, that man understands it’s her obligation and not a genuine respect he’d experience from other men.

Indeed, men do want a woman who looks up to them, admires them and respects them, but too many men don’t recognize the motivators behind women expressing them. Many Beta men make a joke out of their wives being “the real boss” or how she “puts up with him.” They have no concept, much less any expectation, of an organic, uncoerced masculine admiration, respect or even a compliment, so it’s no surprise when they can’t discern between a real expression of sincerity and one motivated by manipulation or obligation.

Lastly, ladies, the best compliment you can give a man is with your body and consideration. Unexpected gestures, being an imaginative lover, staying in shape because you want to please a man, are the best expressions of genuine desire, admiration and respect. Nothing conveys real appreciation for a man better than the unsolicited desire you reserve for Alpha bleeps. You want him to know you admire and respect him? Initiate sex with him, often and with intensity.

https://therationalmale.com/2015/04/07/admiration-respect/

So this quote below is the reason for this thread:

Lastly, ladies, the best compliment you can give a man is with your body and consideration. Unexpected gestures, being an imaginative lover, staying in shape because you want to please a man, are the best expressions of genuine desire, admiration and respect. Nothing conveys real appreciation for a man better than the unsolicited desire you reserve for Alpha bleeps. You want him to know you admire and respect him? Initiate sex with him, often and with intensity.

Men, do you concur?
Women, what do you think?

bukatyne:
So this quote below is the reason for this thread:

Lastly, ladies, the best compliment you can give a man is with your body and consideration. Unexpected gestures, being an imaginative lover, staying in shape because you want to please a man, are the best expressions of genuine desire, admiration and respect. Nothing conveys real appreciation for a man better than the unsolicited desire you reserve for Alpha bleeps. You want him to know you admire and respect him? Initiate sex with him, often and with intensity.

Men, do you concur?
Women, what do you think?

I go first:

I agree with the bold.....

First, I find the 'I am keeping fit for myself and not my husband' amusing. Whatever you do should be for him to continually desire you. Like I say, any woman whose husband doesn't see as a sex object in addition to other things is doomed.

Second, nothing like genuine desire to make love to your husband, responding to him in the act and appreciating him afterwards. Like my husband says, it boosts a man's 'Sexual ego.'

bukatyne:


I go first:

I agree with the bold.....

First, I find the 'I am keeping fit for myself and not my husband' amusing. Whatever you do should be for him to continually desire you. Like I say, any woman whose husband doesn't see as a sex object is doomed.

Second, nothing like genuine desire to make love to your husband, responding to him in the act and appreciating him afterwards. Like my husband says, it boosts a man's 'Sexual ego.'

I disagree Bukatyne. Your husband doesn't have to see you as a SEX OBJECT before he can enjoy sex with you.



Men that see women as sex object remove the personality of that woman from her at that point and see her as a combination of vagina, a pair of breasts and bum. Worse still, he projects the features of another female, probably a porn star or maybe a colleague he's been fantasizing about unto his wife. So, in his mind, his wife isn't there, she's just and object that allows him to think he's having sex with someone else.



That my dear is most demeaning. And it's just a matter of time before that marriage breaks down completely. Because the woman will start feeling like...well, feeling like a sex object.



If a man sees his woman first and only as a human being and a part of himself, his desire would be to give full pleasure to have wife and make her come/cum several times before he satisfies his own desire.



That can only happen if he doesn't see his wife as a sex object.



When you use intimacy gadgets, you don't care if the toys are enjoying the stuff do you?

Exactly.

5thElement:


I disagree Bukatyne. Your husband doesn't have to see you as a SEX OBJECT before he can enjoy sex with you.

Men that see women as sex object remove the personality of that woman from her at that point and see her as a combination of vagina, a pair of breasts and bum. Worse still, he projects the features of another female, probably a porn star or maybe a colleague he's been fantasizing about unto his wife. So, in his mind, his wife isn't there, she's just and object that allows him to think he's having sex with someone else.

That my dear is most demeaning. And it's just a matter of time before that marriage breaks down completely. Because the woman will start feeling like...well, feeling like a sex object.

If a man sees his woman first and only as a human being and a part of himself, his desire would be to give full pleasure to have wife and make her come/cum several times before he satisfies his own desire.

That can only happen if he doesn't see his wife as a sex object.

When you use intimacy gadgets, you don't care if the toys are enjoying the stuff do you?

Exactly.

Thanks for your contribution.

This was the definition I got from google: "a person regarded by another only in terms of their sexual attractiveness or availability". I will modify to say sex object in addition to other things to create a balance.

I believe that when a man evaluates/sees his wife as a mother for instance, he only focuses on her mothering qualities or qualities associated with motherhood, that was my point.

What do you think about the whole topic especially the summary in bold?

Virtually most humans want to be admired and respected and this relationship advice is so nonsensical that I do not even know where to begin. It is funny that it is begins with the description of escorts who create illusions that could never stand the test of every day realities where you have to deal with children, dying relatives, sickness, unemployment, financial problems etc at times.

Virtually all men crave a woman who admires him. A woman who will listen to him when he’s talking about something he finds interesting, or when he’s giving his opinion. They want a woman who will be interested and fascinated with what he says – yes, I said fascinated. It turns them on to be in the presence of a hot woman (his wife) who is also giving him her entire attention and the right kind of feedback that says, “You are such an interesting man! Omg I want you! Now!!!”

Just this morning I was talking to my brother who said that he loved his wife so much because she has her own opinion and if needed disagrees with him, which he finds enriching and helpful because it gives him a different perspective at times. He added that she does so respectfully and in a calm manner but it is a trait he values. Everyone is different and there is no one size fits all men advice. That's why some men like chubby girls and others do not.

I have never seen my grandmothers or mother look at their husbands like puppies in fascination and their marriages lasted till death parted them. This concept of romance in a marriage we have today is void of any pragmatism from which the idea of marriage actually stem and we should not need such advice to understand that respect, attention and good listening skills are essential in maintaining healthy relationships, be it with our spouses, parents, children, colleagues or friends.

bukatyne:


Thanks for your contribution.

This was the definition I got from google: "a person regarded by another only in terms of their sexual attractiveness or availability". I will modify to say sex object in addition to other things to create a balance.

I believe that when a man evaluates/sees his wife as a mother for instance, he only focuses on her mothering qualities or qualities associated with motherhood, that was my point.

What do you think about the whole topic especially the summary in bold?

First lemme say I love this post.
I totally and absolutely agree with the other points especially the bolded.


It's great for the woman to want to look good and take care of her health and hygiene for herself. But if she does this for her man too, it sends a strong signal to the man that his wife values him and his opinion of her.

During courtship, girls tend to dress up and make up to impress that guy. Then they get married and forget to keep doing the same thing that attracted the man in the first place.

It's true, a man will do well to choose his wife because of character, but let's tell ourselves the truth, a man is attracted by what he sees.


If he was attracted to your slim/chubby shape, well at least make an effort to remain so.

The effort a woman puts into making herself look good is never lost on the husband. The new hairdo, the sexy lingerie, the new perfume, flossing, nice shape, great skin care, all these speak volumes to the man more than words can ever do.


Apart from the obvious advantage that you feel good about yourself, your man starts to put in an extra effort, consciously or otherwise to also take care of himself. He doesn't want to look shabby beside his wife and he's suddenly noticed the looks men are giving his confident wife. So he ups his game.


Now, the respect you have for your spouse male/female is a example of the circular nature of life.


A man whose mom raised with a high standard will treat his woman like the royalty she is because he was raised by a queen himself and his daughter will become a queen who also raises other gentlemen like her father.



A girl whose dad is a scumbag will probably see men as scumbags, hence the phrase, "a girl with daddy issues...", marry some scumbag who will teach his sons through his actions to be scumbags and his daughters to raise other scumbags in future. Most of the time anyway.



Funny enough, the way a man treats his wife is exactly the way his son will treat the women in his life and the way a woman treats her husband will rub off on the daughters.


Let me take a detour here and conclude.


Sex initiated by the wife is unbelievably satisfying and makes a man feel wanted.


You see, if the man keeps initiating sex ALL the time, and the woman lies there, there'll come a time when the man will wonder if he's doing things right, I.e if he loves the wife.



So a woman jumping on her husband and initiating sex some of the time reassures the man that he's still attractive to his woman.



It boosts his ego(men's Achilles heels ) and makes him feel good about himself.



Such men have the tendency of going our of their way to please their women, buying small gifts when coming back from work, etc.



But of course, this doesn't apply to ALL men. Some are broken and damaged beyond repair. You have to be careful with those ones. Nothing you do will please them o. Lol.

Mindfulness:
Virtually most humans want to be admired and respected and this relationship advice is so nonsensical that I do not even know where to begin. It is funny that it is begins with the description of escorts who create illusions that could never stand the test of every day realities where you have to deal with children, dying relatives, sickness, unemployment, financial problems etc at times.

Virtually all men crave a woman who admires him. A woman who will listen to him when he’s talking about something he finds interesting, or when he’s giving his opinion. They want a woman who will be interested and fascinated with what he says – yes, I said fascinated. It turns them on to be in the presence of a hot woman (his wife) who is also giving him her entire attention and the right kind of feedback that says, “You are such an interesting man! Omg I want you! Now!!!”

Just this morning I was talking to my brother who said that he loved his wife so much because she has her own opinion and if needed disagrees with him, which he finds enriching and helpful because it gives him a different perspective at times. He added that she does so respectfully and in a calm manner but it is a trait he values. Everyone is different and there is no one size fits all men advice. That's why some men like chubby girls and others do not.

I have never seen my grandmothers or mother look at their husbands like puppies in fascination and their marriages lasted till death parted them. This concept of romance in a marriage we have today is void of any pragmatism from which the idea of marriage actually stem and we should not need such advice to understand that respect, attention and good listening skills are essential in maintaining healthy relationships, be it with our spouses, parents, children, colleagues or friends.

Hi Mindfulness,

Thanks for contributing.

The article is from a 'Red Piller' so romance was not his intent. Remember that this article is to men.

The guy is coming from the attitude and not necessarily the actions... Like they say, 'it is the thought that counts.'

Our grandparents did not marry for love and had their own dynamics which most peeps do not want to follow today. Again, the men had several wives + concubines from whom they could get these stuffs without stressing a particular woman/wife.

If we look at it, a number of men even today seek these things in their side chicks and mistresses.

@Bold: Agreed.

bukatyne:


Hi Mindfulness,

Thanks for contributing.

My pleasure.

The article is from a 'Red Piller' so romance was not his intent. Remember that this article is to men.

Now it all makes sense. Women rarely use the term alpha, mostly insecure men who in no way fall into the category do.

The guy is coming from the attitude and not necessarily the actions... Like they say, 'it is the thought that counts.'

True.

Our grandparents did not marry for love and had their own dynamics which most peeps do not want to follow today. Again, the men had several wives + concubines from whom they could get these stuffs without stressing a particular woman/wife.

Have you considered that we have unrealistic expectations? This is why so many rush into marriage thinking of happily living after, not knowing that there will be challenges that life will throw on their trail. I spoke to a pastor a few weeks ago who belongs to my close circle of friends and has counseled many married folks so far. He said that the reality is that in long lasting marriages, bedmatics do not play a major, and often not even a minor role. The passion dies quickly and there is nothing you can do about it.

If we look at it, a number of men even today seek these things in their side chicks and mistresses.

@Bold: Agreed.

Look for what exactly? Admiration? Respect? It can't be bought though it can be faked if you are solvent.

5thElement:



First lemme say I love this post.
I totally and absolutely agree with the other points especially the bolded.


It's great for the woman to want to look good and take care of her health and hygiene for herself. But if she does this for her man too, it sends a strong signal to the man that his wife values him and his opinion of her.

During courtship, girls tend to dress up and make up to impress that guy. Then they get married and forget to keep doing the same thing that attracted the man in the first place.

It's true, a man will do well to choose his wife because of character, but let's tell ourselves the truth, a man is attracted by what he sees.


If he was attracted to your slim/chubby shape, well at least make an effort to remain so.

The effort a woman puts into making herself look good is never lost on the husband. The new hairdo, the sexy lingerie, the new perfume, flossing, nice shape, great skin care, all these speak volumes to the man more than words can ever do.


Apart from the obvious advantage that you feel good about yourself, your man starts to put in an extra effort, consciously or otherwise to also take care of himself. He doesn't want to look shabby beside his wife and he's suddenly noticed the looks men are giving his confident wife. So he ups his game.


Now, the respect you have for your spouse male/female is a example of the circular nature of life.


A man whose mom raised with a high standard will treat his woman like the royalty she is because he was raised by a queen himself and his daughter will become a queen who also raises other gentlemen like her father.



A girl whose dad is a scumbag will probably see men as scumbags, hence the phrase, "a girl with daddy issues...", marry some scumbag who will teach his sons through his actions to be scumbags and his daughters to raise other scumbags in future. Most of the time anyway.



Funny enough, the way a man treats his wife is exactly the way his son will treat the women in his life and the way a woman treats her husband will rub off on the daughters.


Let me take a detour here and conclude.


Sex initiated by the wife is unbelievably satisfying and makes a man feel wanted.


You see, if the man keeps initiating sex ALL the time, and the woman lies there, there'll come a time when the man will wonder if he's doing things right, I.e if he loves the wife.



So a woman jumping on her husband and initiating sex some of the time reassures the man that he's still attractive to his woman.



It boosts his ego(men's Achilles heels ) and makes him feel good about himself.



Such men have the tendency of going our of their way to please their women, buying small gifts when coming back from work, etc.



But of course, this doesn't apply to ALL men. Some are broken and damaged beyond repair. You have to be careful with those ones. Nothing you do will please them o. Lol.

Very excellent points which was why I created the thread. I might not agree with a lot of things from the author, I however agree with this part of his thoughts/ideals.

Women need to show their husbands that they desire them just because and not when he has done something for them/want to curry a favour.

Mindfulness:


My pleasure.



Now it all makes sense. Women rarely use the term alpha, mostly insecure men who in no way fall into the category do.



True.



Have you considered that we have unrealistic expectations? This is why so many rush into marriage thinking of happily living after, not knowing that there will be challenges that life will throw on their trail. I spoke to a pastor a few weeks ago who belongs to my close circle of friends and has counseled many married folks so far. He said that the reality is that in long lasting marriages, bedmatics do not play a major, and often not even a minor role. The passion dies quickly and there is nothing you can do about it.



Look for what exactly? Admiration? Respect? It can't be bought though it can be faked if you are solvent.

The passion might die between the couple doesn't mean one or both of them are not playing the field.

Reminds me of a joke

Wife: we have not had sex for 2 weeks;
Husband: speak for yourself.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

The thing is that passion ought not to die in marriages as it is one of the major threads holding the fabric of marriage together.

Your last paragraph brings me to another thread I created: dynamics of desire. Will mention you there.

Hi LewsTherin, I spied you on another thread. What do you think?

Cc: MMotimo

bukatyne:


The passion might die between the couple doesn't mean one or both of them are not playing the field.

Reminds me of a joke

Wife: we have not had sex for 2 weeks;
Husband: speak for yourself.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

The thing is that passion ought not to die in marriages as it is one of the major threads holding the fabric of marriage together.

Your last paragraph brings me to another thread I created: dynamics of desire. Will mention you there.

Ought not to die but does. The raging hormones that make couples want to get all over each other all the time in the first phase of a relationship fall back to normal after one to two years. This is why there are so many relationship advice columns on how to spice up a marriage.

Mindfulness:
Virtually most humans want to be admired and respected and this relationship advice is so nonsensical that I do not even know where to begin. It is funny that it is begins with the description of escorts who create illusions that could never stand the test of every day realities where you have to deal with children, dying relatives, sickness, unemployment, financial problems etc at times.

Virtually all men crave a woman who admires him. A woman who will listen to him when he’s talking about something he finds interesting, or when he’s giving his opinion. They want a woman who will be interested and fascinated with what he says – yes, I said fascinated. It turns them on to be in the presence of a hot woman (his wife) who is also giving him her entire attention and the right kind of feedback that says, “You are such an interesting man! Omg I want you! Now!!!”

Just this morning I was talking to my brother who said that he loved his wife so much because she has her own opinion and if needed disagrees with him, which he finds enriching and helpful because it gives him a different perspective at times. He added that she does so respectfully and in a calm manner but it is a trait he values. Everyone is different and there is no one size fits all men advice. That's why some men like chubby girls and others do not.

I have never seen my grandmothers or mother look at their husbands like puppies in fascination and their marriages lasted till death parted them. This concept of romance in a marriage we have today is void of any pragmatism from which the idea of marriage actually stem and we should not need such advice to understand that respect, attention and good listening skills are essential in maintaining healthy relationships, be it with our spouses, parents, children, colleagues or friends.

Gbam

Every human being should be respected. That being said, if you don’t respect or admire your spouse, then things are not right with your marriage. Those issues need to be dealt with before the respect and admiration comes in. For fascination, I don’t even know what that means but it sounds unhealthy and unnatural. To be fascinated with something is to have a temporary awelike feeling about it. Fascination lasting more than 2 weeks becomes obsession or just acting. If your spouse loves flattery so much that you have to act and boost his ego in borderline obsessive ways then you have a spouse with self esteem issues. Deep one. Boosting ego all the time is very draining. When you have a home to run and kids to love.

Mindfulness:


Ought not to die but does. The raging hormones that make couples want to get all over each other all the time in the first phase of a relationship fall back to normal after one to two years. This is why there are so many relationship advice columns on how to spice up a marriage.

Some people are too lazy to or think it's not important.

baby124:
Every human being should be respected. That being said, if you don’t respect or admire your spouse, then things are not right with your marriage. Those issues need to be dealt with before the respect and admiration comes in. For fascination, I don’t even know what that means but it sounds unhealthy and unnatural. To be fascinated with something is to have a temporary awelike feeling about it. Fascination lasting more than 2 weeks becomes obsession or just acting. If your spouse loves flattery so much that you have to act and boost his ego in borderline obsessive ways then you have a spouse with self esteem issues. Deep one. Boosting ego all the time is very draining. When you have a home to run and kids to love.

This thread was written from a male POV however, I agree that everyone should be respected. I will also say that everyone needs to carry themselves as people worthy of respect.

From the author's POV, a woman's genuine respect and admiration for her husband results to unfettered sexual desire for him.

And loving the man is more important than running them home or loving the kids.

bukatyne:


This thread was written from a male POV however, I agree that everyone should be respected. I will also say that everyone needs to carry themselves as people worthy of respect.

From the author's POV, a woman's genuine respect and admiration for her husband results to unfettered sexual desire for him.

And loving the man is more important than running them home or loving the kids.

You can love your husband without putting him in god-like status. Your children are also very important. All should be done in moderation. The fascination part really makes me laugh. Quite unrealistic when the true realities of life set in. Then the Alpha and Beta man nonsense is another entire load of crap. This article is quite a crap dump.

bukatyne:
Hi LewsTherin, I spied you on another thread. What do you think?

Cc: MMotimo

Thanks for the mention. However I couldn't pick the point of the OP. Seems to be bunny hopping around the place. I'll wait for some more comments. Maybe the point will get clearer for me then

baby124:

You can love your husband without putting him in god-like status. Your children are also very important. All should be done in moderation. The fascination part really makes me laugh. Quite unrealistic when the true realities of life set in. Then the Alpha and Beta man nonsense is another entire load of crap. This article is quite a crap dump.

@Bold:

I do not agree with the author's religion: Red Pill; however, I am very interested in sexual dynamics in marriage and he seems to have done justice to it from his POV.

I abhor adultery BUT I acknowledge and realise that hating it or saying 'God forbid, it will never happen to me' without putting measures in place to mitigate it is futile.

Faith without works is dead.

LewsTherin:


Thanks for the mention. However I couldn't pick the point of the OP. Seems to be bunny hopping around the place. I'll wait for some more comments. Maybe the point will get clearer for me then

Bros mi, thank you for honoring my mentions:

This is the crux of the thread:

Lastly, ladies, the best compliment you can give a man is with your body and consideration. Unexpected gestures, being an imaginative lover, staying in shape because you want to please a man, are the best expressions of genuine desire, admiration and respect. Nothing conveys real appreciation for a man better than the unsolicited desire you reserve for Alpha bleeps. You want him to know you admire and respect him? Initiate sex with him, often and with intensity.

Do you agree?

Lastly, ladies, the best compliment you can give a man is with your body and consideration. Unexpected gestures, being an imaginative lover, staying in shape because you want to please a man, are the best expressions of genuine desire, admiration and respect. Nothing conveys real appreciation for a man better than the unsolicited desire you reserve for Alpha bleeps. You want him to know you admire and respect him? Initiate sex with him, often and with intensity.

I'm glad you simplified with this. That article sounded like it was written by someone with too much time on their hands.

That said, I largely agree with the bolded though there are many more ways to express respect and appreciation, in addition to sex. One of the views I hold about marriage is to preserve your sex life and maintain the freshness of it especially when there are no other sex partners. There's something about wife-initiated sext that adds extra spice to it for men.

I don't like the concept of fat sex so that's one more reason why I try to stay in shape (first reason is for my own vanity ). I also recognize that if my husband wanted an overweight wife, he would not have married a non-overweight. Even with childbirth and raising kids, I still believe I owe it to myself and him to do everything I can to preserve how I looked. We all change but a descent into flab is one of thechanges we can and should exert control over. That goes both ways, I would hate to wakeup to a fat husband because I did not choose to marry a fat man.

I know my husband is pleased and proud that I care about staying in shape, afterall, it is easier and more pleasing to the eyes to dress up a deer than an elephant. He regularly thanks me for keeping fit even though we have never discussed it being about him. He stays with me sometimes while I exercise (great turn on for guys).

I enjoy our sex life and I respect him because he is kind to me, places a lot of value on my opinion/views, and he acts and talks like he truly likes me (let's not even say love) a lot. A man that treats me well is worthy of all the respect and admiration I can give. Sometimes, it's really just the simple things, nothing to do with the "alpha male" ideology.


I think the whole concept of "alpha male" is over-hyped and unnecessary, the kind of thing reddit readers hang onto to make themselves feel superior or to explain feelings of insecurity. I think of alpha males as peacocks and would not date such talk less of marry them. Any man trying to prove he is an alpha male is if no use to someone like me, they come with their own baggage of domineering behavior. My father's daughters were raised like men so an alpha male type could never work for me.

Jisos...bet this is long nau

sisisioge:
Jisos...bet this is long nau

Just pick the summary of the thread na.

bukatyne:


Just pick the summary of the thread na.

OK, I agree with the summation provided it is mutual otherwise it is a sheer waste of precious time.

MMotimo:
Lastly, ladies, the best compliment you can give a man is with your body and consideration. Unexpected gestures, being an imaginative lover, staying in shape because you want to please a man, are the best expressions of genuine desire, admiration and respect. Nothing conveys real appreciation for a man better than the unsolicited desire you reserve for Alpha bleeps. You want him to know you admire and respect him? Initiate sex with him, often and with intensity.

I'm glad you simplified with this. That article sounded like it was written by someone with too much time on their hands.

That said, I largely agree with the bolded though there are many more ways to express respect and appreciation, in addition to sex. One of the views I hold about marriage is to preserve your sex life and maintain the freshness of it especially when there are no other sex partners. There's something about wife-initiated sext that adds extra spice to it for men.

I don't like the concept of fat sex so that's one more reason why I try to stay in shape (first reason is for my own vanity ). I also recognize that if my husband wanted an overweight wife, he would not have married a non-overweight. Even with childbirth and raising kids, I still believe I owe it to myself and him to do everything I can to preserve how I looked. We all change but a descent into flab is one of thechanges we can and should exert control over. That goes both ways, I would hate to wakeup to a fat husband because I did not choose to marry a fat man.

I know my husband is pleased and proud that I care about staying in shape, afterall, it is easier and more pleasing to the eyes to dress up a deer than an elephant. He regularly thanks me for keeping fit even though we have never discussed it being about him. He stays with me sometimes while I exercise (great turn on for guys).

I enjoy our sex life and I respect him because he is kind to me, places a lot of value on my opinion/views, and he acts and talks like he truly likes me (let's not even say love) a lot. A man that treats me well is worthy of all the respect and admiration I can give. Sometimes, it's really just the simple things, nothing to do with the "alpha male" ideology.


I think the whole concept of "alpha male" is over-hyped and unnecessary, the kind of thing reddit readers hang onto to make themselves feel superior or to explain feelings of insecurity. I think of alpha males as peacocks and would not date such talk less of marry them. Any man trying to prove he is an alpha male is if no use to someone like me, they come with their own baggage of domineering behavior. My father's daughters were raised like men so an alpha male type could never work for me.

Wowzerful...you and that husband of yours sounds so enlightened. Groovy!

sisisioge:


OK, I agree with the summation provided it is mutual otherwise it is a sheer waste of precious time.

I agree.

The article is from a man's POV.

MMotimo:
Lastly, ladies, the best compliment you can give a man is with your body and consideration. Unexpected gestures, being an imaginative lover, staying in shape because you want to please a man, are the best expressions of genuine desire, admiration and respect. Nothing conveys real appreciation for a man better than the unsolicited desire you reserve for Alpha bleeps. You want him to know you admire and respect him? Initiate sex with him, often and with intensity.

1. I'm glad you simplified with this. That article sounded like it was written by someone with too much time on their hands.

2. That said, I largely agree with the bolded though there are many more ways to express respect and appreciation, in addition to sex. One of the views I hold about marriage is to preserve your sex life and maintain the freshness of it especially when there are no other sex partners. There's something about wife-initiated sext that adds extra spice to it for men.

3. I don't like the concept of fat sex so that's one more reason why I try to stay in shape (first reason is for my own vanity ). I also recognize that if my husband wanted an overweight wife, he would not have married a non-overweight. Even with childbirth and raising kids, I still believe I owe it to myself and him to do everything I can to preserve how I looked. We all change but a descent into flab is one of thechanges we can and should exert control over. That goes both ways, I would hate to wakeup to a fat husband because I did not choose to marry a fat man.

4. I know my husband is pleased and proud that I care about staying in shape, afterall, it is easier and more pleasing to the eyes to dress up a deer than an elephant. He regularly thanks me for keeping fit even though we have never discussed it being about him. He stays with me sometimes while I exercise (great turn on for guys).

5. I enjoy our sex life and I respect him because he is kind to me, places a lot of value on my opinion/views, and he acts and talks like he truly likes me (let's not even say love) a lot. A man that treats me well is worthy of all the respect and admiration I can give. Sometimes, it's really just the simple things, nothing to do with the "alpha male" ideology.


6. I think the whole concept of "alpha male" is over-hyped and unnecessary, the kind of thing reddit readers hang onto to make themselves feel superior or to explain feelings of insecurity. I think of alpha males as peacocks and would not date such talk less of marry them. Any man trying to prove he is an alpha male is if no use to someone like me, they come with their own baggage of domineering behavior. My father's daughters were raised like men so an alpha male type could never work for me.

1. Hahhahahahaha at too much time. Thanks for honouring the mention.

2. Absolutely on point!

3. Absolutely on point!

4. I was surprised the day I asked my husband to describe a feminine woman and he harped on her taking care of her skin and looks. Didn't know back then that bobo noticed the whole skincare routine and really appreciated it. Well, my good skin in more evident in shorts and a tank top so he is getting a better part of the eye candy. I tell women sometimes to note what their men likes and wear it and they look at me like I am from mars.

5. Very true.

6. True. I think only a woman of low self worth would be with an 'Alpha male' anyways. No lady who knows her worth would stay with such a man.