Chaclaitmilk:


She said she can be forcibly thrown out and her children taken from her if she is not protected by the law. She isn't doing it for money.

I am a Jehovah's Witness.

What should guide us in this instance and always is what the bible says

So what does the bible say

Titus 3:1 and Romans 13:1-7 shows us the way.

Caesar, or the federal government in Nigeria dictates that your marriage be officially registered. Does a court registry not see to that?

If your marriage in not registered in the registry, you are on your own. If another woman comes and marries him and gets the certificate, the 2nd woman is the wife recognised under law and not you.

As Witnesses, if its only the court registry you havre, you are considered married before God and the congregation. A traditional wedding or one within the congregation are optional.

A wedding without the court certificate can not be held at the Kingdom Hall.

Any woman that seeks to impose her will on a man is a no no. Go and marry urself.

Elfmannisback:

Church must have given them a marriage certificate and the court has a copy. You go to court for the marriage certificate if the place u wedded didn't give as it is not empowered to conduct marriages or u did not approach any church or mosque at all. Meanwhile, this becomes necessary when u wanna travel. It doesn't protect anybody.. U will still deal with ur issues in court when and if yawa gas. It doesn't stop polygamy but only recognizes the wife with it when it is time to travel. But Nigerians like taking photos behind ikoyi registry signboard.

Many marriage certificates from some churches are not worth the paper they are written on. They are not permitted to even conduct marriage.

I have long argued here on NL that traditional marriages such be eligible for customary court issued marriage certificate. When it will be automatically transferred to national registry making it officially registered. That way at least some people won't need to do traditional, church & registry marriages.

Little kids of today.

Is court wedding same as happy marriage?

Both your sister, you and the husband are either confused or mischievous.

Chaclaitmilk:
Her husband is vehemently against having a court marriage with her, They did church marriage and reception but no court,

He keeps refusing and saying he doesn't see the need because he isn't travelling abroad soon and so does not see the importance.

Please what is the usefulness of court marriage for her as a wife and him as the husband? I want to know how to advise her in convincing the husband.

Is your sister marrying the man or the man is marrying your sister? You know what i mean.

Thy will be done oh sponsor, please!

Stupid comments from idiots all around. The man should do a registry marriage. If he does not want to, either ask your sister to retain her maiden name as advised and ensure that they do not own any joint properties/account together or simply leave. What she is asking for is the default. What would it cost the guy to do it? Nada. He has ulterior motives simple. And by the way I am a guy and also married.

For a religious marriage to be legal it must be licensed and recognized by the state. Usually churches that conduct weddings need to get approval from the state. This way, a person having a religious wedding doesn’t have to go to the court to register and collect a marriage certificate; this is made available to them through the church.

So this is what you need to ask your sister, is the church where the wedding took place licensed?
If not the marriage is not recognised.

georgeiyke009:
Stupid comments from idiots all around. The man should do a registry marriage. If he does not want to, either ask your sister to retain her maiden name as advised and ensure that they do not own any joint properties/account together or simply leave. What she is asking for is the default. What would it cost the guy to do it? Nada. He has ulterior motives simple. And by the way I am a guy and also married.

... and the lady ALREADY confirm that she does have ulterior motives TOO. so lets not be hypocrites here and instead lets ask the important question : why should a man be forced into something he is not willing to partake OR why should the lady be forced into something she not willing to partake? the simple answer is... they SHOULDNT, and instead should go on their merry ways so that no-one is taking advantage of the other (aka divorce). if they dont want to divorce then let the most desperate one out of the two, bow to the demands of the other (aka start this union on the wrong foot) and with such negative foundation, this union is bound for misery , and possibly failure.

ebig21:
lol this is very funny, there is nothing like court marriage, you only have registry marriage, that's why you see ikoyi Registry and not court, and its not done in a court but in the local government, a registered Church recognized by the registry is a court wedding, you will take their certificate and go and enter it in the registry, check if your church is registered,

MissRaine69:
For a religious marriage to be legal it must be licensed and recognized by the state. Usually churches that conduct weddings need to get approval from the state. This way, a person having a religious wedding doesn’t have to go to the court to register and collect a marriage certificate; this is made available to them through the church.

So this is what you need to ask your sister, is the church where the wedding took place licensed?
If not the marriage is not recognised.

Wonderful,fresh,nourishing and soul filling revelation.Na everyday we dey learn.

Oga, please can you enlighten us on what to do as a man in a situation where a woman clamouring for a registry marriage and eventually got what she wants....only to find out that the woman only did that to insure her future and not necessarily because of any other thing. The same woman was caught cheating with a Lebanese man who happens to be her boss in the office. In fact, she have been in a sexual relationship with this lebanese boss of hers before she even married her husband, and even after her marriage, she could not stop because of the money and promotion she benefits from the sexual relationship with her boss. An informant from the office who felt pity for her poor husband reported to the man and the man decided to spy on her and eventually caught her red-handed in the act with this lebanese man right here in Lagos.

This incident happened life which i was a witness to on the 17th of January 2018. The man filed for a divorce, and the clause was for the wife to keep the only child they have together with permission for the husband to pay visit to his child any time he wishes, and also the man is to give away one of his cars to the wife (this woman have her own car, probably was bought for her by her lebanese lover) and some monetary benefits.

It was then it dawned on the man that he should have inserted some pre-nuptial agreement in the court contract especially in the case of adultery. The man refuses to the decision made by the court. As i write to you, this issue is still pending since january. Though not together with the wife any more, the unrepentant wife is still having her affair with her boss. As i write this, i am pained eventhough i am not the one in the man's shoes.

I'm not against registry marriage, but if a man must do it, then they should be pre-nuptial agreement inserted especially in the case of adultery...which spells out that if a woman is found being adulterous, her rights will be forfeited. This also should be applicable to men too who intend being adulterous.

But as for me, a big no to registry.

georgeiyke009:
Stupid comments from idiots all around. The man should do a registry marriage. If he does not want to, either ask your sister to retain her maiden name as advised and ensure that they do not own any joint properties/account together or simply leave. What she is asking for is the default. What would it cost the guy to do it? Nada. He has ulterior motives simple. And by the way I am a guy and also married.

Chaclaitmilk your sister shouldn't stress herself really. I don't see what the fuss is about. My sister is a lawyer married to a doctor they didn't do any court wedding but they're happily married. I think couple should know what they want before wedding. Maybe she's seeing signs or what we can't see but this discussion should have happened before wedding and not after.

Chaclaitmilk:


She said she can be forcibly thrown out and her children taken from her if she is not protected by the law. She isn't doing it for money.

What of if the reverse is the case: your sister leaving him?

They have trust issues.

It seems that the husband had other women in his life and your sister outwitted all of them (she made him break up with his former fiancee). May be, just may be, she knows that the husband is into women and she does not trust him with women.

Chaclaitmilk:


@bold, phew, are you for real? That would be such a relief for her if I tell her. Fear of losing her children is the only reason she is pushing for court marriage.

Something is fundamentally seriously wrong with their union, if she is entertaining this fear at this early stage.

It seems that she snatched him from somebody he loved dearly or he was in more than one relationship when he wedded her.

Chaclaitmilk:


People change. The monogamous man of today could be polygamous tomorrow.

Pardon me to ask.

Did your dad have a mistress while married to your mum?

This may also inform her fears.

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delishpot:


Support a brother over his blood. That is not a wise thing. No wonder many wives are forced to return to their abusers by their fathers.....
bro code at play.

Me I no go do bro code with my sis or daughters o. But I will not do blood code if they are not kind wives. They need to lay goid foundation by marrying kind men.



@OP she should stop thinking about what has not happened. Even if she did not wed in the court she will still need the law to decide who keeps the children same way she wll depend on the court even if she did court wedding.
If she knew that his people may poison his mind against her why did she marry into that family? She should better face her marriage and her life. She should not look for trouble where there is none.

Recent reports of the bro code, in which a father could not caution his son in law (a man who is his age or thereabouts, very bizarre) simply express the sentiment of 99% of the male populace.

A father sent his daughter back to an abuser when he should protect her, probably because he himself is an abuser and was using this bro code to make concessions for the son in law (again, this old man being called a son in law is goosebump inducing).

The OP simply has a stubborn brother in law. If the court wedding means nothing, why can't he just do it to put the woman at ease? With the full support of the male populace here, more than a half of who are adulterous if at all married, they have tagged the OPs sister as ridiculous for simply wanting small court wedding. It's not putting ideas in the man's head. If he's clean, what's the harm in it? He didn't put his foot down for marrying her without dropping a dime, but he wants to put this foot down on what can out him.

Chaclaitmilk:


Personally I think he wants to keep his option of getting a second wife open. Am just guessing though since the guy is from a polygamy family.

Take this example of 2 men who vowed never to get married in the court/registry.

The first had been married for some years, one day he abandoned his family without obtaining legal closure. He now wants to marry another girl who isn't aware of his previous marriage and he knows he can't remarry her at the registry as he already is in the eyes of the law, he has made too many official endorsements that indicate his marital status, infact he even travelled with documents that indicates his lawful spouse on them, therefore he doesn't want any complications, so he is deeply against the mention of court marriage from his new fiancee who has no clue about any of this of course.

The 2nd guy married an unattractive older woman for her money and took his time to set himself up with it before making a clean get away when the coast was clear. Now he didn't marry the older woman in the registry and strongly discouraged her from it so he can eventually be able to marry the girl of his dreams with ease when the time is right.

Your sister's husband may stand 'already married' in the court to someone else before he met your sister or plans to move on later on and thats why he can't marry her in the eyes of the law. I pray this isn't the case but you can't be too sure.
He should be able to give his honest reasons, but since he hasn't, my assertion above is probably true.

Tellemall:


Recent reports of the bro code, in which a father could not caution his son in law (a man who is his age or thereabouts, very bizarre) simply express the sentiment of 99% of the male populace.

A father sent his daughter back to an abuser when he should protect her, probably because he himself is an abuser and was using this bro code to make concessions for the son in law (again, this old man being called a son in law is goosebump inducing).

The OP simply has a stubborn brother in law. If the court wedding means nothing, why can't he just do it to put the woman at ease? With the full support of the male populace here, more than a half of who are adulterous if at all married, they have tagged the OPs sister as ridiculous for simply wanting small court wedding. It's not putting ideas in the man's head. If he's clean, what's the harm in it? He didn't put his foot down for marrying her without dropping a dime, but he wants to put this foot down on what can out him.

some men feel that a court wedding leaves them helpless fro sending the woman away or marrying more wives. That is why some support him.

delishpot:


some men feel that a court wedding leaves them helpless fro sending the woman away or marrying more wives. That is why some support him.

Yes, that is why they support him.

Which is sad.

They are supporting him not because the wife is asking for something out of the ordinary, but because it would stop the man from polygamy. Sentiment. He should've stated his preference for polygamy before marriage.

Persuasion and discussion is key. The man should be made to see the importance of registering his marriage, it is part of good planning.

However when it comes to marriage and finance, please dont bring in a woman's father's worth. It is often times a liability and burden on the man self. Some women feel entitled and refuse to work or make effort to build with the man, yet they expect the man to maintain a certain standard. In the long run the man looses.

It is best to have a woman who has a motivation to build with you, a swim with him or drown with him kinda woman

Chaclaitmilk:


Divorce or accept his wishes only?
No other option?

What about persuasion and discussion?
Nigerian in laws have a way of intruding into other family members marriages and they can persuade the man to chase her out and seize her children.
I don't get why many Nairaland men have a strong anti women mentality.
And by the way it truly isn't about money. Not to brag but our dad worked in SPDC for over 30years and amassed millions of naira and cats and properties for his children. We can all sit down comfortably for the rest of our lives without working, we have enough. And my parents sponsored their wedding because he was still a struggling up coming young man. I can assure you she does not want his money.
He doesn't have a quarter of what she has.

majorbravo:


Take this example of 2 men who vowed never to get married in the court/registry.

The first had been married for some years, one day he abandoned his family without obtaining legal closure. He now wants to marry another girl who isn't aware of his previous marriage and he knows he can't remarry her at the registry as he already is in the eyes of the law, he has made too many official endorsements that indicate his marital status, infact he even travelled with documents that indicates his lawful spouse on them, therefore he doesn't want any complications, so he is deeply against the mention of court marriage from his new fiancee who has no clue about any of this of course.

The 2nd guy married an unattractive older woman for her money and took his time to set himself up with it before making a clean get away when the coast was clear. Now he didn't marry the older woman in the registry and strongly discouraged her from it so he can eventually be able to marry the girl of his dreams with ease when the time is right.

Your sister's husband may stand 'already married' in the court to someone else before he met your sister or plans to move on later on and thats why he can't marry her in the eyes of the law. I pray this isn't the case but you can't be too sure.
He should be able to give his honest reasons, but since he hasn't, my assertion above is probably true.

bravo sir, now can you also post 2 examples of how this woman could be deceitful in her pursuit of court marriage.... OR do you nelieve that she could never have an ulterior ill motive in this saga?!?!

here is just a clue: she is stating from the get go that she doesnt want to lose her children... so do you think that she should keep these children if hubby discovers that she is a danger to them, insane or looking to use them as money ritual?!?!? oh yeah, the husband too can come up with any negative example about women to make a point (like you did).

There's nothing like court marriage...

She should make inquiry about statutory marriage(marriage under the Act), I think that's what she's thinking of doing......

MrBrownJay1:


bravo sir, now can you also post 2 examples of how this woman could be deceitful in her pursuit of court marriage.... OR do you nelieve that she could never have an ulterior ill motive in this saga?!?!

here is just a clue: she is stating from the get go that she doesnt want to lose her children... so do you think that she should keep these children if hubby discovers that she is a danger to them, insane or looking to use them as money ritual?!?!? oh yeah, the husband too can come up with any negative example about women to make a point (like you did).

Do enlighten me with some examples please, let's assume for a moment that I don't know what harm she could bring.

Isn't it the man who proposes marriage? If he thinks her a terrible woman why ask her for her hand in marriage in the first place? How does staying away from the registry stop a mad person from being a danger to the kids in the marriage?

There is something the OP has implied without spelling out and that is the fact they think the husband may not genuinely be interested in the woman perhaps he got her pregnant before a quick marriage was planned, or probably because of some material gain and as such, the need for them to really cement the marriage in such a way he doesn't get an easy exit.

Call me misinformed if you must but I don't see why a woman would be interested in securing a recognised legal union just to end up as a divorcee later on if she just wanted him for kids. Most women like this don't even want kids to begin with (you have to consider the fact that this is happening in Nigeria where single mothers are frowned on) and the man has to be really rich(at least more than she is) to even facilitate such an intention.

Tellemall:

He should've stated his preference for polygamy before marriage.

I think if the man had made it clear that he isn't interested in court/registry marriage before they actually performed the other marital ceremonies and she had accepted it then, something would look very fishy that she demands it now. However if they never had this discussion prior to marriage it is only fair for her to desire full marital privilege.
The man should've explained that he doesnt want it before proposing and listened out for her response before going ahead with the ceremony. It's standard practice for married people to get legal proof of their union. Someone isn't telling the whole truth here.
This dispute rather has the symptoms of a rushed or arranged marriage. OP can find out who is really acting funny by asking his sister if she knew it before his proposal. That would solve this whole quandary

Chaclaitmilk:


Personally I think he wants to keep his option of getting a second wife open. Am just guessing though since the guy is from a polygamy family.

If he is from a polygamous family and he is the first born. The likelihood of.taking a second wife is 80%. That's a foundation issue.

majorbravo:
Do enlighten me with some examples please, let's assume for a moment that I don't know what harm she could bring.

bro you are the one who was quick to make a biased post against this man, and who therefore should also do the same for women.

Isn't it the man who proposes marriage? If he thinks her a terrible woman why ask her for her hand in marriage in the first place? How does staying away from the registry stop a mad person from being a danger to the kids in the marriage?

so in your opinion they are NOT yet married, abi?

There is something the OP has implied without spelling out and that is the fact they think the husband may not genuinely be interested in the woman perhaps he got her pregnant before a quick marriage was planned, or probably because of some material gain and as such, the need for them to really cement the marriage in such a way he doesn't get an easy exit.

sorry i dont have a crystal ball, the only thing i know is that this man and this lady are ALREADY married, and he "vehemently" does not want to do any more marriage (whether court, astral or mental)

Call me misinformed if you must but I don't see why a woman would be interested in securing a recognised legal union just to end up as a divorcee later on if she just wanted him for kids. Most women like this don't even want kids to begin with (you have to consider the fact that this is happening in Nigeria where single mothers are frowned on) and the man has to be really rich(at least more than she is) to even facilitate such an intention.

yet the reason this woman is NOT satisfied with their marriage, and is hell bent on having another marriage (court) is because of what may happen to the kids WHEN they divorce... and you have the audacity to say that this woman is not thinking of divorce and what not?!

majorbravo:


Do enlighten me with some examples please, let's assume for a moment that I don't know what harm she could bring.

Isn't it the man who proposes marriage? If he thinks her a terrible woman why ask her for her hand in marriage in the first place? How does staying away from the registry stop a mad person from being a danger to the kids in the marriage?

There is something the OP has implied without spelling out and that is the fact they think the husband may not genuinely be interested in the woman perhaps he got her pregnant before a quick marriage was planned, or probably because of some material gain and as such, the need for them to really cement the marriage in such a way he doesn't get an easy exit.

Call me misinformed if you must but I don't see why a woman would be interested in securing a recognised legal union just to end up as a divorcee later on if she just wanted him for kids. Most women like this don't even want kids to begin with (you have to consider the fact that this is happening in Nigeria where single mothers are frowned on) and the man has to be really rich(at least more than she is) to even facilitate such an intention.

Here is one:

Nelsmannnnnnnnn:
Oga, please can you enlighten us on what to do as a man in a situation where a woman clamouring for a registry marriage and eventually got what she wants....only to find out that the woman only did that to insure her future and not necessarily because of any other thing. The same woman was caught cheating with a Lebanese man who happens to be her boss in the office. In fact, she have been in a sexual relationship with this lebanese boss of hers before she even married her husband, and even after her marriage, she could not stop because of the money and promotion she benefits from the sexual relationship with her boss. An informant from the office who felt pity for her poor husband reported to the man and the man decided to spy on her and eventually caught her red-handed in the act with this lebanese man right here in Lagos.

This incident happened life which i was a witness to on the 17th of January 2018. The man filed for a divorce, and the clause was for the wife to keep the only child they have together with permission for the husband to pay visit to his child any time he wishes, and also the man is to give away one of his cars to the wife (this woman have her own car, probably was bought for her by her lebanese lover) and some monetary benefits.

It was then it dawned on the man that he should have inserted some pre-nuptial agreement in the court contract especially in the case of adultery. The man refuses to the decision made by the court. As i write to you, this issue is still pending since january. Though not together with the wife any more, the unrepentant wife is still having her affair with her boss. As i write this, i am pained eventhough i am not the one in the man's shoes.

I'm not against registry marriage, but if a man must do it, then they should be pre-nuptial agreement inserted especially in the case of adultery...which spells out that if a woman is found being adulterous, her rights will be forfeited. This also should be applicable to men too who intend being adulterous.

But as for me, a big no to registry.

MrBrownJay1:


bro you are the one who was quick to make a biased post against this man, and who therefore should also do the same for women.



so in your opinion they are NOT yet married, abi?



sorry i dont have a crystal ball, the only thing i know is that this man and this lady are ALREADY married, and he "vehemently" does not want to do any more marriage (whether court, astral or mental)



yet the reason this woman is NOT satisfied with their marriage, and is hell bent on having another marriage (court) is because of what may happen to the kids WHEN they divorce... and you have the audacity to say that this woman is not thinking of divorce and what not?!

They are not having another marriage ceremony bro. It's simply registration of the marriage(that's why it's called registry) so the state is aware of it's existence.

If you have ever seen rushed or arranged marriages, some of them turn out this way. In my opinion this woman is just trying to ensure she is not abandoned like the woman in scenario number 2 I gave in my first post.

I'm still waiting for an example why she would marry him to get a divorce. Did you not read the OP said her father paid for the entire ceremony. It's definitely not monetary satisfaction she is after. She just doesn't want a situation where the man married her to enrich himself and then jet. The talk of kids is what she would tell the OP as a sibling, we both know there is more to it.

somehow:





Here is one:

What stops them from getting a pre-nup. Ain't no way I'm gonna let anyone marry my daughter if they don't register it with the church and the law. He should be looking to answer to God if he decides to jet, and also lose half his property if he thinks he can just go marry someone else after he's done reaping her off.

majorbravo:

They are not having another marriage ceremony bro. It's simply registration of the marriage(that's why it's called registry) so the state is aware of it's existence.

you are the one who said that it was this man who asked her hand in marriage, and i just pointed out to you that they WERE indeed already married.... whether she likes it or not. so technically, YES, if she is pushing for a court/registry marriage then she indeed wants another marriage to recognize their union.

If you have ever seen rushed or arranged marriages, some of them turn out this way. In my opinion this woman is just trying to ensure she is not abandoned like the woman in scenario number 2 I gave in my first post.

and yet, you dont think that this man could also be taken for a ride, like many are? your message is one sided.

I'm still waiting for an example why she would marry him to get a divorce. Did you not read the OP said her father paid for the entire ceremony. It's definitely not monetarily satisfaction she is after. She just doesn't want a situation where the man married her to enrich himself and then jet. The talk of kids is what she would tell the OP as a sibling, we both know there is more to it.

well here is a clue: she "supposedly" has money he doesnt, so such marriage could LEGALLY have her take his kids away, when she divorces and portray herself as the only able person to care for them..... if she was indeed richer, then she wouldnt really care about all this because a good lawyer would do the trick (whether court marriage or otherwise). it is very easy to confirm who the unmarried parents of a child are AND a person with money would easily have lawyers show them as the best parent to get custody.

now remember, this man DOES NOT want to have such marriage, and he is ADAMANT about it as thats his wish. dwell on that and tell us all why he should not stand for what he desires, and instead conform to what SHE wants?

sisisioge:
She's his wife by the customary law already. The only thing lacking now is that he's permitted to marry another wife if he pleases. The court marriage forbids that, it even prescribed jail term for him if he tries it.

Let's look on the bright side, God forbid o, if you sis decides to leave him tomorrow, all she needs is to file at a customary court. Within reasonable amount of time and minimal spending, they become history.

No, he cannot throw her out of the house or take her kids from her. She's still covered by law.

which law
thi is nigeria
laws only for the poor or women
not rich or men