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What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. - Religion (4) - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Religion / What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. (30102 Views)

What Is The Weirdest Testimony You Heard This Year? / What Is The Weirdest Testimony You Have Ever Listened To In Church? / Share Your Any Funny Testimony You Have Heard (2) (3) (4)

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Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by davidbanner(m): 10:43am On Apr 29, 2018
CarlosTheJackal:
if you want to hear funny testimony just attend Sign Fireman church in Surulere.


A woman shared a testimony of how the Prophet asked everyone to raise their money last Sunday that after the prayers she took her 1k to the market and so she spent the money buying two bags of foodstuff and still she was still left with 300 naira.


I was just vexed and i asked a lady close to me if it was possible and she said that nothing God cannot do. I just knew that the lady was more stupid than the woman testifying
grin
CarlosTheJackal:
if you want to hear funny testimony just attend Sign Fireman church in Surulere.


A woman shared a testimony of how the Prophet asked everyone to raise their money last Sunday that after the prayers she took her 1k to the market and so she spent the money buying two bags of foodstuff and still she was still left with 300 naira.


I was just vexed and i asked a lady close to me if it was possible and she said that nothing God cannot do. I just knew that the lady was more stupid than the woman testifying
Olagbara o
Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by yoyouyou(f): 10:44am On Apr 29, 2018
BluntBoy:


Who are your fathers in the faith? Those men who call themselves are no different from you. How can you call them fathers in the faith. If the Apostles and the other unnamed disciples called themselves our fathers in the faith, it would be understandable because they were the ones that brought the faith to us as directly handed down to them by Christ Himself.

Mr. BluntBoy, you are entitled to your opinion. I respect that.
Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by Lomprico2: 10:47am On Apr 29, 2018
Tellemall:
The one where a woman claimed to have seen a vision about a church theme. She was so enthusiastic about it but it seemed rather unlikely with the response her fellow women in the church were giving. Then the next guy to step up wanted to beat her testimony. He spent 15 minutes just trying to tell us he was alone at home because his kids are in uni, he went on to tell us their various jamb scores, we really needed to know his wife was in Ethiopia, blah, blah, blah, he's in a large home alone. OK. Lame way to brag. At the end of it he simply wanted to tell us that he's the one opening the gate for himself. (Do I need to mention the time he came to testify about a dog that fell into his father's grave before they put the coffin in it? Soooooo dumb as there was no testimony, he just wanted to tell us that.)Then the next woman who came on stage wanted everyone to know that she was not left out of it, she mentioned that she likes to fly, that she doesn't use transport. "You know, I don't like to use transport". Isn't air travel a means of transport? I never understood her point until someone mentioned that she was referring to road transportation as"transport" which is stupid not to mention conceited. I'm very serious about these three dumb "testimonies". It felt like each was coming up to try and give a more exciting story than the previous testifier. The last one is actually funny because of her emphasis on transport and how importantly she said it when it actually is stupid.

Hahahahahaha grin
Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by BluntBoy(m): 10:47am On Apr 29, 2018
yoyouyou:


Mr. BluntBoy, you are entitled to your opinion. I respect that.

It is not my opinion.

When I was a pastor and people said such nonsense, I always took the time to sit them down and tell them the truth. I am not your father in the faith. I am just a hireling. A hireling does not own the sheep.

4 Likes

Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by KENNSAMMY(m): 10:57am On Apr 29, 2018
always irrelevant and appaling like yoruba movies

2 Likes

Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by Paradigm777: 10:58am On Apr 29, 2018
God can not be mocked. OP be careful
Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by longerthroat(m): 11:03am On Apr 29, 2018
the day a woman came and gave and testimony how 3 cups of rice raised and filled the pot they use to cook 7 cups... I have no other option Dan to leave.

1 Like

Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by Jsucre(m): 11:05am On Apr 29, 2018
Koph:
Every Sunday NL pushes topics that are targeted at ridiculing Christian practises to front page and everyone jumps in to make all manner of comments. However on Fridays, the topics pushed to the FrontPage for Muslims promotes and propagates the faith, you can not even comment without swearing to an oath of allegiance to the Faith. Are NL moderators on a mission against the Christian Faith?
Let every True Child of God reflect on this before promoting or commenting on post such as this lest you join the enemies to pull down the church, yes the Church has its challenges but that is why Christian need to walk with the Lord to be conformed to his image.

correct
Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by Koph: 11:05am On Apr 29, 2018
TrumpDonald2:


Well, its because you Christians are making mockery of Christianity. Tell me if the comments people are making are false? Churches are springing up on daily basis, with false doctrines, breeding hatred and greed among members etc. When people like Freeze try to draw our attention to the wrongs of these 'god of men', its people like you that will still condemn him.

Bottom line, Nairaland Mods are not to be blamed. Your so called Pastors are.
Hmm...There is nothing happening now that had not been predicted and if you are truely a Child of God, guided by the Holy Spirit, you don't need a freeze or what's over to show you the ills of the Church sir. There is a battle on going and you have the choice of being used as a pawn by the kingdom of darkness to further discredit the Light or you become discerning and stay true to God. May I also remind you sir (That is if you are truely a Child of God) that the scriptures also warns that there will be mockers in the last days, I hope you are not one. May the Lord bless you, reveal himself the more to you and enable you to walk the more in understanding with him

3 Likes

Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by jgreyinteriors(m): 11:07am On Apr 29, 2018
Way back a woman came out to testify in a church in Sapele of excess flatulence anytime the sermon is about to begin ...that she's a changed person and that God should forgive her of the act ...the congregation went mute for some minutes before shouting hallelujah.
Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by KillaB(f): 11:07am On Apr 29, 2018
grin grin
Biko which church I for wan come laugh
Tellemall:
The one where a woman claimed to have seen a vision about a church theme. She was so enthusiastic about it but it seemed rather unlikely with the response her fellow women in the church were giving. Then the next guy to step up wanted to beat her testimony. He spent 15 minutes just trying to tell us he was alone at home because his kids are in uni, he went on to tell us their various jamb scores, we really needed to know his wife was in Ethiopia, blah, blah, blah, he's in a large home alone. OK. Lame way to brag. At the end of it he simply wanted to tell us that he's the one opening the gate for himself. (Do I need to mention the time he came to testify about a dog that fell into his father's grave before they put the coffin in it? Soooooo dumb as there was no testimony, he just wanted to tell us that.)Then the next woman who came on stage wanted everyone to know that she was not left out of it, she mentioned that she likes to fly, that she doesn't use transport. "You know, I don't like to use transport". Isn't air travel a means of transport? I never understood her point until someone mentioned that she was referring to road transportation as"transport" which is stupid not to mention conceited. I'm very serious about these three dumb "testimonies". It felt like each was coming up to try and give a more exciting story than the previous testifier. The last one is actually funny because of her emphasis on transport and how importantly she said it when it actually is stupid.
Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by TrumpDonald2: 11:18am On Apr 29, 2018
Koph:

Hmm...There is nothing happening now that had not been predicted and if you are truely a Child of God, guided by the Holy Spirit, you don't need a freeze or what's over to show you the ills of the Church sir. There is a battle on going and you have the choice of being used as a pawn by the kingdom of darkness to further discredit the Light or you become discerning and stay true to God. May I also remind you sir (That is if you are truely a Child of God) that the scriptures also warns that there will be mockers in the last days, I hope you are not one. May the Lord bless you, reveal himself the more to you and enable you to walk the more in understanding with him

We are saying the same thing. I'm not mocking Christianity but those (fake pastors which people won't believe are fake) mocking Christianity. It now behoves on us to criticize and condemn their acts that are contrary to the teachings of the bible rather than oppose those criticizing them.

1 Like

Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by elegance101(m): 11:19am On Apr 29, 2018
Koph:
Every Sunday NL pushes topics that are targeted at ridiculing Christian practises to front page and everyone jumps in to make all manner of comments. However on Fridays, the topics pushed to the FrontPage for Muslims promotes and propagates the faith, you can not even comment without swearing to an oath of allegiance to the Faith. Are NL moderators on a mission against the Christian Faith?
Let every True Child of God reflect on this before promoting or commenting on post such as this lest you join the enemies to pull down the church, yes the Church has its challenges but that is why Christian need to walk with the Lord to be conformed to his image.
true bro very true
Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by Crixina(f): 11:28am On Apr 29, 2018
Tellemall:
The one where a woman claimed to have seen a vision about a church theme. She was so enthusiastic about it but it seemed rather unlikely with the response her fellow women in the church were giving. Then the next guy to step up wanted to beat her testimony. He spent 15 minutes just trying to tell us he was alone at home because his kids are in uni, he went on to tell us their various jamb scores, we really needed to know his wife was in Ethiopia, blah, blah, blah, he's in a large home alone. OK. Lame way to brag. At the end of it he simply wanted to tell us that he's the one opening the gate for himself. (Do I need to mention the time he came to testify about a dog that fell into his father's grave before they put the coffin in it? Soooooo dumb as there was no testimony, he just wanted to tell us that.)Then the next woman who came on stage wanted everyone to know that she was not left out of it, she mentioned that she likes to fly, that she doesn't use transport. "You know, I don't like to use transport". Isn't air travel a means of transport? I never understood her point until someone mentioned that she was referring to road transportation as"transport" which is stupid not to mention conceited. I'm very serious about these three dumb "testimonies". It felt like each was coming up to try and give a more exciting story than the previous testifier. The last one is actually funny because of her emphasis on transport and how importantly she said it when it actually is stupid.
That's exactly the part I hate most in church gatherings.
In fact, I wait outside till people are done looking for excuses to show off in the name of testimonies. It's getting lamer and lamer everyday.

1 Like

Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by suckerr: 11:33am On Apr 29, 2018
someone came to tank God for seeing a dead wall gecko. Everything now is from village people. Mtcheeewwwwww
Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by MakeADifference: 11:38am On Apr 29, 2018
Koph:
Every Sunday NL pushes topics that are targeted at ridiculing Christian practises to front page and everyone jumps in to make all manner of comments. However on Fridays, the topics pushed to the FrontPage for Muslims promotes and propagates the faith, you can not even comment without swearing to an oath of allegiance to the Faith. Are NL moderators on a mission against the Christian Faith?
Let every True Child of God reflect on this before promoting or commenting on post such as this lest you join the enemies to pull down the church, yes the Church has its challenges but that is why Christian need to walk with the Lord to be conformed to his image.
Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by saintaustine(m): 11:38am On Apr 29, 2018
Koph:
Every Sunday NL pushes topics that are targeted at ridiculing Christian practises to front page and everyone jumps in to make all manner of comments. However on Fridays, the topics pushed to the FrontPage for Muslims promotes and propagates the faith, you can not even comment without swearing to an oath of allegiance to the Faith. Are NL moderators on a mission against the Christian Faith?
Let every True Child of God reflect on this before promoting or commenting on post such as this lest you join the enemies to pull down the church, yes the Church has its challenges but that is why Christian need to walk with the Lord to be conformed to his image.
God in his infinite mercy, bless you abundantly. AMEN
Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by yus248(f): 11:39am On Apr 29, 2018
Wizkhalifa2:
A woman once testified concerning her son in my church, so the boys peni.s was stolen by would be ritualist, after series of prayers by a pastor, the peni.s was restored. Praise God ryt?. Well it didn't end there, she further said they took the boy to go nd test the peni.s on a prostitute. The whole church went silent. grin grin
Lol... Very crazy woman

1 Like

Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by Chimourinho(m): 11:40am On Apr 29, 2018
DonPiiko:
I hate visa testimonies
Am curious to know why? Am going for visa interview moro
Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by PrimadonnaO(f): 11:48am On Apr 29, 2018
CarlosTheJackal:
I know that NL has been attacking the Christian faith unjustly but i think we need to call out the excesses going on in the church because we can't continue to condone it if we really need genuine Change in the Church.


Why didn't you attend service?

Ohh. I went for service. Church closes early.
Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by Nobody: 11:49am On Apr 29, 2018
If you meet the requirements and have genuine reasons for travelling, a visa should be a normal thing, not a big deal or something needing a miracle to actualize
Chimourinho:

Am curious to know why? Am going for visa interview moro

1 Like

Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by PrimadonnaO(f): 11:50am On Apr 29, 2018
CarlosTheJackal:
I know that NL has been attacking the Christian faith unjustly but i think we need to call out the excesses going on in the church because we can't continue to condone it if we really need genuine Change in the Church.


Why didn't you attend service?


I've been noticing the pattern, too. And quite ignorantly, so-called Christians, oblivious of the plot, come online to ridicule the faith.
Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by odehaj: 11:53am On Apr 29, 2018
So many people at time of Jesus must have doubted the miracle of turning water to wine, so it makes no difference today. Keep doubting the efficacy of God’s power. Some won’t believe until it happens to them or someone close to them.
Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by ollah2: 11:59am On Apr 29, 2018
PrimadonnaO:



God bless you for this!


What he wrote doesn't deserve God's blessings in anyway because God isn't hypocritical. Yes, you swear an oath before you comment on Muslim threads but have you ever asked why it's so? Muslims hardly troll your threads, they could visit it but hardly would they comment to derail it. There are minimum of 5 christian threads presently on the FP, none of them is derailed. Same can't be said about Muslim threads on Fridays. If you doubt me, check Friday threads and visit the Muslim ones then you will see the hate that runs in the blood on Christians and yes, God doesn't love those that hates his fellow human.

4 Likes 1 Share

Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by Nobody: 12:00pm On Apr 29, 2018
trustworthy1:
I have once listened to a testimony on TV where one woman said she used to involve herself in salon business (fixing weavon, plaiting people's hair with attachment etc ),but she has repented.





That church must be Chosen
Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by Lumig: 12:01pm On Apr 29, 2018
CarlosTheJackal:
if you want to hear funny testimony just attend Sign Fireman church in Surulere.


A woman shared a testimony of how the Prophet asked everyone to raise their money last Sunday that after the prayers she took her 1k to the market and so she spent the money buying two bags of foodstuff and still she was still left with 300 naira.


I was just vexed and i asked a lady close to me if it was possible and she said that nothing God cannot do. I just knew that the lady was more stupid than the woman testifying
Lolz
Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by yoyouyou(f): 12:01pm On Apr 29, 2018
BluntBoy:


It is not my opinion.

When I was a pastor and people said such nonsense, I always took the time to sit them down and tell them the truth. I am not your father in the faith. I am just a hireling. A hireling does not own the sheep.

Very well.
Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by AlanSugar(m): 12:01pm On Apr 29, 2018
Lorechino:
mods are busy pushing irrelevant topics to FP and buhari still retain the right to call us lazyNigeriaYouth

Park well johr if you have no sense of humour. Let those of us who realise how comical churches are get a good laff mbok!
Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by ollah2: 12:07pm On Apr 29, 2018
sodeide2013:

Its not only on NL, its all Satans agenda for the end times along with the Daddy freezes of this world. Why not attack other faiths? Only one is the original, the others are fake. The ones that are not a problem for satan would not be attacked. Christianity is attacked because it is the one that has eternal life to offer. The ideavis to ridicle it and make it unattractive. Jesus is Lord

Only a dumb ass will conclude his faith is the one true faith whike others are just wasting their lives. You are an extremist already because you see other who aren't a christian as jokes. The billions of Muslims, Jews, Buddhist, et al are hell bound by your stupid logic. Use your head and see humanity first. Fuvk a religion

6 Likes 1 Share

Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by Lorechino(m): 12:07pm On Apr 29, 2018
AlanSugar:


Park well johr if you have no sense of humour. Let those of us who realise how comical churches are get a good laff mbok!
ass leaker spotted
Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by ollah2: 12:10pm On Apr 29, 2018
zicoraads:

Seun, this is the unbridled truth. Lalasticlala, there exists certain issues in Islam that are controversial and can also be debated on. You protect them, but pour scorn on us.

Seun, you can practice whatever you decide to practice without pouring scorn on Christendom.


How is he protecting the Muslims?
How is he pouring scorn on Christendom?

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by felixation123(m): 12:14pm On Apr 29, 2018
DonPiiko:
I hate visa testimonies

And declarations like GO AND GET YOUR US VISA!!!!it sounds dumb lol how many times have you seen people thankin God for getting a burkina Faso visathey only thank God for US AUSSIE and CANADA VISAS lol

2 Likes

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