Note: this is really going to be a long gist, and I know I'm not supposed to bring this up here... but I really do need your advice, you know...your opinion, thanks?

I've been friends with Mr Jay for like... since 2013, and we started dating officially December 2017 (after much pressure from his side).
I'm in my early 20s and this is my first relationship, hey! not cos guys were not coming but mum still thinks I'm a child (different story).

When I and Jay got started, I was about to round up my service year. I got a job at my state of deployment, Jay asked me to resign and come back home so we can be together. I did, came home (we both reside in the same state) and I started looking out for a job. I was trying to be submissive cos one of the reasons my parents got separated was this issue of career and submission

It's five months into our relationship but then:

1) He talks about his exes and other female friends, how they want him et al all the time... #who cares anyways

2) He made me cut off all my male friends cos he believes they are threats. well?

3)I dare not miss his calls or I'd have to apologize for the next 24hrs #not exaggerating

4)He's never gotten me no gifts... yes I've done same countless times #flowers, chocolates, books and any kinda gift at all would go a long way.

5)We've never gone out on a date, no breakfast, brunch, lunch or dinner dates. We don't even get to hang out. I tried to take him out a couple of times(bills on me) then I got accused of something else.

6) No Pictures of us together on either our phones... not anywhere

7) He always wants me coming to his house, so we get to see only at his house, then after every church service(so I don't get to relate with no-one,) and I dare not keep him waiting.

He calls me all the time, and I have to report my location and what I'm doing ATM.

I know we're both not perfect and I'm trying not to put pressure on him. I've never asked for material things, cash or kind, he's never offered and I'd definitely refuse if he had.

I really don't want to be the reason why this whole thing crashes, I tried to talk to him and he got all emotional asking me not to leave him et al...

It's exhausting, I feel myself drifting away. This is the first for me, but I can't count the number of times I've apologized, cried, had sleepless nights ...

please I need you all to talk to me... am I over-reacting? what do you think I should do?

Thanks for your time.

All these from him? Well I'd love to hear his own part cause you just painted yourself to be perfect.

Anyway, it seem you are tired of the relationship and looking for a way out. Walk if that will make you happy, what really matters is your happiness. If you are not getting the happiness in your relationship..gbawa door!

BukkyDan:
Note: this is really going to be a long gist, and I know I'm not supposed to bring this up here... but I really do need your advice, you know...your opinion, thanks?

I've been friends with Mr Jay for like... since 2013, and we started dating officially December 2017 (after much pressure from his side).
I'm in my early 20s and this is my first relationship, hey! not cos guys were not coming but mum still thinks I'm a child (different story). J ni

When I and Jay got started, I was about to round up my service year. I got a job at my state of deployment, Jay asked me to resign and come back home so we can be together. I did, came home (we both reside in the same state) and I started looking out for a job. I was trying to be submissive cos one of the reasons my parents got separated was this issue of career and submission

It's five months into our relationship but then:

1) He talks about his exes and other female friends, how they want him et al all the time... #who cares anyways

2) He made me cut off all my male friends cos he believes they are threats. well?

3)I dare not miss his calls or I'd have to apologize for the next 24hrs #not exaggerating

4)He's never gotten me no gifts... yes I've done same countless times #flowers, chocolates, books and any kinda gift at all would go a long way.

5)We've never gone out on a date, no breakfast, brunch, lunch or dinner dates. We don't even get to hang out. I tried to take him out a couple of times(bills on me) then I got accused of something else.

6) No Pictures of us together on either our phones... not anywhere

7) He always wants me coming to his house, so we get to see only at his house, then after every church service(so I don't get to relate with no-one,) and I dare not keep him waiting.

He calls me all the time, and I have to report my location and what I'm doing ATM.

I know we're both not perfect and I'm trying not to put pressure on him. I've never asked for material things, cash or kind, he's never offered and I'd definitely refuse if he had.

I really don't want to be the reason why this whole thing crashes, I tried to talk to him and he got all emotional asking me not to leave him et al...

It's exhausting, I feel myself drifting away. This is the first for me, but I can't count the number of times I've apologized, cried, had sleepless nights ...

please I need you all to talk to me... am I over-reacting? what do you think I should do?

Thanks for your time.

My sister, these are red flags. You can continue only if you are ready to continue with this till end.

BukkyDan since we haven't heard his side of the story, I would say what you are seeking for is perfection. You have a picture of your dream man and his characteristics but uncle isn't anywhere near that picture.
The ball is in your court however I will suggest you go back and reminese on what you really want from the relationship and where you see yourself. Does where you are fits into what you want, then you may take your decision

A relationship shouldn't be something that zaps your energy and makes you feel depressed everyday. If you feel arent happy in it then you can just simply walk out.




P.s
Someone says she loves me, biko what have I done to deserve such love, when the chips are down will she continue to love me? Pls desperation shouldn't kill some girls o.. Pls advise. I don't want to lead anybody on biko.

You resigned in this economic recession just to be with someone who might not marry you..

Skyfornia:
All these from him? Well I'd love to hear his own part cause you just painted yourself to be perfect.

Anyway, it seem you are tired of the relationship and looking for a way out. Walk if that will make you happy, what really matters is your happiness. If you are not getting the happiness in your relationship..gbawa door!

Hi... we are both not perfect... believe you me I am not looking for a way out. I just want this to work, how I can make it work.

I couldn't type somethings up there cos I don't want to appear perfect.
thanks all the same.

phr33man:


My sister, these are red flags. You can continue only if you are ready to continue with this till end.

thanks so much

BukkyDan:


Hi... we are both not perfect... believe you me I am not looking for a way out. I just want this to work, how I can make it work.

I couldn't type somethings up there cos I don't want to appear perfect.
thanks all the same.

If what you wrote up there is the truth then I can say the relationship is DOA. The guy is a chauvinist and someone who will always want to be in control. Plus he has a low self esteem.

Cutehector:
A relationship shouldn't be something that zaps your energy and makes you feel depressed everyday. If you feel arent happy in it then you can just simply walk out.




P.s
Someone says she loves me, biko what have I done to deserve such love, when the chips are down will she continue to love me? Pls desperation shouldn't kill some girls o.. Pls advise. I don't want to lead anybody on biko.

thanks so much

tabithababy:
You resigned in this economic recession just to be with someone who might not marry you..

funny right... I know it sounds stupid... but then I felt it would bring us closer. maybe I made the wrong decision...

Skyfornia:


If what you wrote up there is the truth then I can say the relationship is DOA. The guy is a chauvinist and someone who will always want to be in control. Plus he has a low self esteem.

hmm... thanks...but what should done to help it? I'm just confused out here

Bukkydan

My then most favorite writer.

Why did you get into a relationship with him in the first place? Was it because of the pressure from him or from your own angle you had some feelings for him.

I might not be the best of relationship advicer, heck!! I've not been able to sustain one myself but what I do know is the idea of a perfect relationship is one where the two partners are all out to make sacrifices to sustain the union. You've made sacrifices from your own end, how about him??
Or is he a typical male that has that notion of the female been the submissive and ever obedient subordinate. If this is it, I'm afraid its gonna be a difficult one.

Don't think you should walk out of the relationship as there are other better options outside. Rather work on nurturing this to the best of your ability.

You talked alot about his not too good acts.
Definitely there exists another part of him that endeared him to you. Appreciate him in that regards whilst helping him improve in other areas.

All in all your happiness matters. Don't loose that in your bid to make things work

All the best bukkydan

u neva marry n ur complaining.. well seem to be. D guy must be old school. My advise... marry him n take all d heat... bust him and go 4 a guy u rily luv but note there is no perfect man . Dont b forced into marriage . y endure mental torture .

I do hope you've gotten another job which keeps you busy?

If it drains you, it ain't your vibrational match. This could be an invasion of your private space in the name of love.

You either define boundaries at the beginning or pay heavily for it.

BukkyDan:

funny right... I know it sounds stupid... but then I felt it would bring us closer. maybe I made the wrong decision...

.

Do you have a job now??

If no... Who pay the bills??

Hmmm....you resigned from a job to be with a boyfriend? what were you thinking? You need to create your own space and breathe fresh air, you also need to get something doing, there's still a reason why your mum believed you are still young.Please if you were to be my younger sister, I will advise you to cut that relationship and scold you for lleaving your job for a guy who you are not sure of spending the rest of your life with(which mature man who wants to settle down to start a family talks about ex this and that)

my dear I have been in this kinda relationship before and believe you me, u are better off without him, I got back my senses when my friend told me that if I had to always cry in a relationship....its best to leave, it won't be easy trust me but in the long run u will be glad you did and hey... it's only a matter of time and u will meet someone who treats you right

You are making unhealthy 'wifey' sacrifice for one who is not your husband. How many husband responsibility has he taken for you?

Go get thoroughly schooled on what an healthy relationship should be. Dont be over careful of your parent's.

Even if you get a job now, trust me, he ask you to resign, anything to keep him in control. It so sad that you are wasting your youth which is your highest chances of making it right in life. If you dont leave that destiny waster now you may realise you missed it again like the job offer.

You resigned to be with a control freak boyfriend? Despite not having a job, you still pour him gifts, of course with your mom's money and nysc savings. And what have you been getting in return apart from NOTHING? Orgasm?

You're a disgrace to every responsible parent striving day and night to see their daughters through school. A bad market to the campaign on girl child education.

BukkyDan:

hmm... thanks...but what should done to help it? I'm just confused out here

Nothing!...either you continue with him hoping for him to change in future which I doubt or you take a walk, perhaps when he is ready to have a RELATEionship(a situation where both values and principles are respected) with you he will come for you.

Does he have big dicck and fucck you well well? Because I am trying to understand why you are so daft at this your tender age. Quitting a job for a man that is not even your husband, his dicck must be really good. Please describe the dick and sex to me. I need a good dick that will turn me into mumu.

The problem here is you. You wont listen now to counsel. I am sure people have been warning you offline but you wont hear. Did i read you say you want to make it work. Continue to change a devil. You even take financial responsibility, tommorrow you come and complain he trapped you into marrying him and that he wakes you up for Tfare like radicaluv.

OmoAlata1:
Does he have big dicck and fucck you well well? Because I am trying to understand why you are so daft at this your tender age. Quitting a job for a man that is not even your husband, his dicck must be really good. Please describe the dick and sex to me. I need a good dick that will turn me into mumu.

lmao...

OmoAlata1:
Does he have big dicck and fucck you well well? Because I am trying to understand why you are so daft at this your tender age. Quitting a job for a man that is not even your husband, his dicck must be really good. Please describe the dick and sex to me. I need a good dick that will turn me into mumu.

Plenty out there. Just need to find the one, you shall be dickmatized.

Just kidding


On to the topic, darling the signs are just too much. He’s possessive and controlling, similar traits to a manipulative abuser. Run whilst you can, dont think with love think with your head. How can you be apologising for 24 hours, I wish somebody would try me like that. This is your first relationship, so it’s your training ground to build you up to better things. You will leave when you get tired, hopefully by then it’s not too late.

OmoAlata1:
Does he have big dicck and fucck you well well? Because I am trying to understand why you are so daft at this your tender age. Quitting a job for a man that is not even your husband, his dicck must be really good. Please describe the dick and sex to me. I need a good dick that will turn me into mumu.

Just see another radical luv loading. It just pains me to her waste a treasure as her youth.

Luckygurl:
Bukkydan

My then most favorite writer.

Why did you get into a relationship with him in the first place? Was it because of the pressure from him or from your own angle you had some feelings for him.

I might not be the best of relationship advicer, heck!! I've not been able to sustain one myself but what I do know is the idea of a perfect relationship is one where the two partners are all out to make sacrifices to sustain the union. You've made sacrifices from your own end, how about him??
Or is he a typical male that has that notion of the female been the submissive and ever obedient subordinate. If this is it, I'm afraid its gonna be a difficult one.

Don't think you should walk out of the relationship as there are other better options outside. Rather work on nurturing this to the best of your ability.

You talked alot about his not too good acts.
Definitely there exists another part of him that endeared him to you. Appreciate him in that regards whilst helping him improve in other areas.

All in all your happiness matters. Don't loose that in your bid to make things work

All the best bukkydan

wow... thanks so much Luckygurl

blackboy:
u neva marry n ur complaining.. well seem to be. D guy must be old school. My advise... marry him n take all d heat... bust him and go 4 a guy u rily luv but note there is no perfect man . Dont b forced into marriage . y endure mental torture .

thanks so much man... I don't really know if I can continue to endure it...

Good day
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GHoJes:
The problem here is you. You wont listen now to counsel. I am sure people have been warning you offline but you wont hear. Did i read you say you want to make it work. Continue to change a devil. You even take financial responsibility, tommorrow you come and complain he trapped you into marrying him and that he wakes you up for Tfare like radicaluv.

I pray that doesn't happen to her cuz that matters is very terrible

yvesboss:

I pray that doesn't happen to her cuz that matters is very terrible

Amen to your prayer.

@chubhie... thanks so much, I'd try

@tabithababy... I pay my bills complete... thanks

@chii8...seriously I wasn't thinking at all, but it is all well

@missdee384...thanks so much, I'm grateful

@GHoJes thanks alot, you've helped... I had no one to share this with, I had to come up here cos I was suffocating

@Acidosis...#smiles
I was actually looking out for your comment, I respect you alot... thanks Man. I'm not using my mum's money, I'd never do that. I used mine cos I felt he'd mirror it, you know... I thought he would learn. I never thought he'd be controlling. That orgasm part? Hell no! I feared something like this was going to occur so I enforced a no-sex rule (I'm happy I did), we've argued over that, but thank God I was able to stand my ground.
But being a disgrace? oh well, but I think this is a great mistake on my side.

@skyfornia thanks so much, you've really helped, thanks

@OmoAlata1...My resignation was a mistake or more like a sacrifice. I try not to regret but I've learnt from it, you know... this is someone I've known for years... I guess much pressure pushed me into this. and No! this has nothing to do with sex. I'm a no-sex before marriage kinda person. thanks sis

@safiaa, thanks sis, you've done well