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Between Baba Kekere And Baba Agba. by Nobody: 11:44am On Jun 03, 2018 |
"May God help us in this country oh, my brother." "You have started again. What is it this time?" "Haven't you heard?" "Heard what?" "Don't tell me you have not been listening to the news or reading the dailies these past few days?" "Well... one sometimes gets tired of the depressing news stories coming out of the radio and the ones making newspaper headlines and stop bothering altogether. Have I missed something big?" "Ah, you have missed oh. These are interesting times. You can't afford to shut your ears to the news these days." "Is that so?" "It is oh." "So what have I missed?" "It is Baba Kekere and Baba Agba again oh." "Really? What is the trouble this time?" "Baba Kekere said Baba Agba spent 16 billion dollars, not naira oh, on power projects and couldn't generate one kilowatt of electricity." "Jesu! So what was Baba Agba's response, I trust him not to keep quiet over such allegation. Did he write another letter?" "No, he didn't. He merely asked Baba Kekere to get a copy of his book, My Watch, and read chapters 41, 42, 43 and 47 for clarification; but if he found that difficult, he should ask one of his aides to read those chapters and explain to him in the language he understood." "Hmm, that book." "Have you read the book?" "Yes, I have. I bought a copy as soon as it was available in bookshops." "I see. What did Baba Agba say in the book?" "He said a lot, my brother, but I would rather lend you the book than give a synopsis." "All right. Thanks a lot." "You are welcome. But wait oh, did Baba Agba say in the language Baba Kekere understands? Could he mean English or another language?" "Me, I don't know oh. All I know is that Baba Kekere understands English and can never mispronounce transmission or is it transfusion like the...?" "I see you are one of those mocking the IGP. Don't you know English can be confusing at times?" "What confusion? The man is simply an illiterate who got into the police force through wayo." "Sshh! Your mouth will not put you in trouble. Can't you people excuse a little mistake? The IGP could have been reading an illegible speech, you know?" "Which illegible speech? Was the speech handwritten or typed? You like defending these people. Are you being paid to do that?" "Paid ke! If I were I would have grown fat cheeks like that government spokesman." "Which government spokesman? The one who taught semantics after the President's horrible gaffe in London?" "Na you sabi oh. But what is Baba Kekere doing about the alleged missing or is it wasted $15 billion, isn't that corruption?" "I don't really know, but it was reported that the EFCC had begun an investigation." "Good! It seems Baba Kekere is gradually waking up to the fact that corruption didn't start under Jonathan. It began many administrations before his." "That is true, but Baba Kekere needs to be careful. Baba Agba is not to be trifled with." "What do you mean? Is he above the law?" "No, he isn't. But he is the boss of bosses like Jonathan said. Baba Agba has seen it all and, like a sentry, he is ever watchful. Didn't he write My Watch?" "So he should escape justice?" "What justice? Baba Agba said the money 'spended' was well 'spended', isn't that enough?" "You people don't forget things. Hasn't the minister explained that his thick Tiv accent caused that mistake?" "Yes, he has. I don't even know how it slipped into my mouth. The kind of grammar one hears these days ehn. And talking about grammar, I really miss Honourable Patrick Obiagbon. He would have used English, French, Greek, Hebrew and Latin to describe the face-off between Baba Kekere and Baba Agba. I wonder why he is silent these days." "Well, his silence on the issue might be deliberate." "Why did you say so?" "When two generals fight one must keep away to avoid collateral damage." "Hmm, that is true. Thank God I have finally registered to vote. It is time to retire all these babas from politics." "So you were finally able to register after all that trouble?" "Yes, I was. I had to keep a vigil at the registration centre to get it done. With my PVC, I will send these old men home to their grandchildren. They ought to be with their grandchildren telling them stories of their youth." "You mean how they planned coups and toppled governments? Those are not interesting stories to tell." "Whatever stories they like they can tell. I just want to see them retired." "It is okay. So to whom does your vote go? Are you Atikulating, or Taking it back or Running for a new Nigeria?" "These their campaign slogans sef. That was how people were deceived with 'CHANGE.' Thank God I couldn't vote in that election; I would have suffered a buyer's remorse like my next door neighbour." "Oh, that affable gentleman. How is he? I heard he now has a phobia for brooms. Is that true?" "It is very true. He says the sight of brooms calls up sad memories." "Eyah! He was quite fanatical about the whole thing." "Yes, he was. Do you remember that I told him politicians barely keep their word, but he said 'Sai Baba' was different? "Yes, I do." "Now he says he has learned his lessons and the mistake must be corrected. He took his PVC to the bank for safekeeping the other day, you know." "You kid, right?" "No, I don't. He said he must take no chances." "Ha! Ha! Ha! I have to go now. You can come and pick the book this evening." "I will. But anything for me, even if na small change?" "Chai! I was just about to ask you the same thing." |
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