I know I might sound as a bitch. The fact is this: I can't sleep with my husband anymore because I no more have feelings for him. I am just living day by day in pains and regret. I'm scared and confused, but I don't know, please help me.

communication !! communication !! communication

that's the key. Sit him down and talk to him, tell him you're no longer enjoying the marriage and you want to leave.

Of-course he'll be hurt, (anyway that's if he's not feeling the same way you are) but when he gets over the shock, he'll realize that he wouldn't want to be sharing a home with someone that doesn't love him anymore

Using this solution, you not only get to walk away but you get to do it in peace at the same time, you guys can remain friends BUT if he starts proving stubborn after you've tried to be honest with him, then no one would blame you if you just packed your bags and left

A loveless home is just a house to those who live in it , who'll want to be in it??

cute ass, you are right.

sometimes it is the fear of starting life all over that is making one confused and scared.
such is life.

you aren't a bitch sister, sometimes love dies.

That was well said cuteass. Ihujumbo heres hardly an issue beyond solution where theres communication.
But the advice youll get from this forum may be of better quality if you gave a brief background to the current situation [good communication ] like

how long youve been together
kids?
reasons for pains and regret

Essentially I want to believe something has changed about him. . . .what?

Dont you think you can somehow bring the love back?

you need a good councellor

Thanks ya all 4 replying this post,

Of course i have seen a counsellor but the feeling of wanting 2 leave seemed worst, but the feeling of fear is a bit ok,

[b]1forall[/b]
Thanks too, we've been married for two years now after dating for a year, I was heart broken when we met-- the fact is, he has been nice 2 me-- I am the one with the problem.
I am the wrong person here. -- I thought that with time, I will be able to love him for real,
The fct is, the more the days went by, the more I felt choked. I dont have a date outside if thats what u think-- I cant even make love with him-- its also affecting my getting pregnant- No kids yet.

So youre probly gon.na break his heart when u let him know the status quo. Well now I understand how u feel more, theres no best way to do this. . . all ways are gon.na cause yawa, if you know what i mean.

The damage's already been done, what you need do now is damage control.

You have to let him know oh, put him down as gently as you can before it gets out of hand but be warned. . .its not gon.na be easy.

And be ready for anything, or can you attempt to predict his reaction when he learns he's been sharing his precious privacy with a strange woman all along?

But be optimistic, I still wouldnt write off the possibility of a redemption of your relationship (depends how he reacts), or have you lost all hope?

1forall,

Am glad someone is replying my post dont think I want to go on- my happiness is paramount here-- I dont have any in that union.
I caused it for myself I know but God help me

communication !! communication !! communication

What if her husband is not the type that is interested in any form of communication except obedience to orders?

Seun:

What if her husband is not the type that is interested in any form of communication except obedience to orders?

The poster wrote

Thanks too,  we've been married for two years now after dating for a year,  I was heart broken when we met-- the fact is,  he has been nice 2 me-- I am the one with the problem.
I am the wrong person here. -- I thought that with time, I will be able to love him for real, 
The fct is, the more the days went by, the more I felt choked

At least she didn't say so,she tells us the problem is all hers,she went into a marriage hoping to love the guy as the days go by.
What a deceitful girl!!

Please save this poor man the heartache and tell him your position frankly.
You would not want a man to stay with you out of pity.
I'm sure there's a great girl out there that'll love him for him.
You are no victim here,he is.

What if her husband is not the type that is interested in any form of communication except obedience to orders?
Seun , , u've been watching too many naija home videos



but serriously,if you can tell us what worries you about your man, is he boring, does he disgrace you in public, is he not focused, is he still doing the same thing as when you married 2 years ago, is he not romantic, is he too religious, or are you too sexually , umh umh, does he not meet your ned in bed, do you both climax at different times, does he not know what to do to you to make you happy(both emotionally and sexually), can you not discuss these things (if any exists in your relationship) with him.
My Dear, some people are dying to be married. You have a home. Pleas do all you can to keep it, except there is something so serious you are not telling us.

puree:

What if her husband is not the type that is interested in any form of communication except obedience to orders?
Seun , , u've been watching too many naija home videos



but serriously,if you can tell us what worries you about your man, is he boring, does he disgrace you in public, is he not focused, is he still doing the same thing as when you married 2 years ago, is he not romantic, is he too religious, or are you too sexually , umh umh, does he not meet your ned in bed, do you both climax at different times, does he not know what to do to you to make you happy(both emotionally and sexually), can you not discuss these things (if any exists in your relationship) with him.
My Dear, some people are dying to be married. You have a home. Pleas do all you can to keep it, except there is something so serious you are not telling us.

If I take this girl ihujumbo seriously,if she's here in the States or the UK,it could be one of those girls that deceive unsuspecting men into marrying them for the sole purpose of "going abroad".
She never loved him in the first place by her own admissions,asking her to seek counsel could be a waste of time.

not loving someone anymore can't just be ordinary. it's either there is something she does not like anymore, you can't just wake up one morning and say you do not love your husband anymore. its a gradual process, it could be anything. its suprising to know the amount of things that can stop the flow of love, bad sex, money, gifts, attention, comittment, trust, worry, phobia,complex, odour, romance skills,communication,, etc

So please make it a bit clear to us so that Advice (if any) can be properly given

if im asked What is love? i will say trust + Understanding = Love. What happened to the vows at where ever you got married? common think of it, if you can't remember i will remained you the on you said smiling, For Better For Worst. So tell Us what is you problem, the light dose not go off except someone puts it off. . My sis think of the beginning and also the plan you had for the then future, and have a rethink.

babyosisi:

If I take this girl ihujumbo seriously,if she's here in the States or the UK,it could be one of those girls that deceive unsuspecting men into marrying them for the sole purpose of "going abroad".
She never loved him in the first place by her own admissions,asking her to seek counsel could be a waste of time.

i tilt towards this answer unless proved wrong. Another poor man decieved, used and about to be dumped.

.

@Ihujumbo
You are not telling us the whole story ! It sounds like to me that you have met another man that you think is better than your husband. If that is so, just remember that you 'll get what you give. It's calld Karma Baby !!! Some women can be so decieving, this is why some men are so crude !!! I bet this man still thinks the world of you.

Sweet T:

@Ihujumbo
You are not telling us the whole story ! It sounds like to me that you have met another man that you think is better than your husband. If that is so, just remember that you 'll get what you give. It's calld Karma Baby !!! Some women can be so decieving, this is why some men are so crude !!! I bet this man still thinks the world of you.

and then if the poor man can't handle it and does something silly (God forbid),the whole world would blame him without hearing his side of the story.

feminism is on her side. I can imagine if a man had made this same thread.

an Elderly Friend of Mine once said and i quote "where the devil dears , send a woman". Truth is women are and can be very deceitful , hence the grace of God should be in demand all the time(s) we deal with them . As humans we find it difficult identifying an Angel when one stands before us and that is why a nice and caring young man , who stood by our dear sister in time she most needed a shoulder to lean and cry upon , is today been made to pay the price of an offense he is quite innocent of on the alter of deceit.

I pity that man no be small , God only Knows how long you have starved him sexually ( conji go don kill am ) even you self is not better placed . It Beats me to know how women think "Marrying a Man who you feel nothing for " and now you are thinking of Dumping Him after using him , abi na him send the pearson way break Ur heart ? , i will recommend for you thirty days dry fasting and prayers before a severe deliverance service with Pastor T.B.Joshua.

My Candid advice for you will be to confess your taught and actions to your beloved husband , remove deceit from your mind , ask for his forgiveness and remember you said "I DO" to him , see him as your comforter and possession, forgive the man who broke your heart because that way you will be able to Love again , trow your Legs wide  open for him that night and let him pour out his soul into your abunna , who knows you might just have twins and guess what children are the spice and blessings of Marriage before him mama go say you be barren woman . Be Wise Woman and Think Straight.

young men look before you leap !!! this why i'm taking my time and when i do find her, she will be my all in all. But until then the search continues. Dear lord, if you are listen to me please give me a woman that will love me and care about me and give me the ability and the power to love her until my sunsets !!!

@ihujumbo,
dont think this forum is the right ind of place to share this, cos the quality of advice you get here will be very questionable and unreliable. All sorts of people will give advice, even people that are worse off than you! Kudos to you for coming out though, if u dont walk-out now in another 12months, you'd wished u done it a year ago. follow your heart my dear, since you dont feel a thing please, i beg of you free your hubby from his misery. though he's gonna be broken-hearted, i think that's better than him been deceived. You never loved him. Dont wanna know your reasons for getting married, but think the nice guy deserves to be happy. And i dont think you can provide that, so just move on now before you start having kids!
DOnt let anyone make you feel bad. We all make mistakes.

Sweet T:

@Ihujumbo
You are not telling us the whole story ! It sounds like to me that you have met another man that you think is better than your husband. If that is so, just remember that you 'll get what you give. It's calld Karma Baby !!!

Is that what she said? How about you stop making up stuff for her.


Anyway this is why you don't jump into a relationship right after a heartbreak. He was nice to you, you thought you could force yourself to love him because of his kindness and unfortunately it didnt come to pass. It happens.

Shame that it got to the marriage point though Good thing you two don't have kids
You should tell him and let him go find someone who does love him while you do the same.

igbonla:

I thought you went into it with your eyes wide open (or maybe not).

Drop him and start looking for who's going to pick a 2nd hand luggage!

Stay there and make it work! That's what marriage is about, thank God the problem is with you so you should fix it.
And the guy is nice to you? You think the next one will be better?

Neway, Poster, why did you marry this guy in the first place? Is marriage actually a joke or what the Bleep is up here?

What you want is what you get!

I think the lady has a rigth to her feeling, i bet we ve all been a situation where we think we can love or change how we feel about someone. I will  blame her because she entered the marriage with her two eyes wide open, all these stuff about been heart broken doesn't hold any water. Please girl tell the dude as soon as possible and save him the thought of having a lovely wife. He will get over it and he will surely move on but you have to be careful and check your position before going into another relationship because what goes around comes around.

If I take this girl ihujumbo seriously,if she's here in the States or the UK,it could be one of those girls that deceive unsuspecting men into marrying them for the sole purpose of "going abroad".

Na wa o,

sharp sharp madam don put 2 and 2 together

tatafo gbeborun adugbo, shewele aunty

@ThiefOfHearts,
very true, who can we blame? Men's life moved from worse to worst after the beijing women conference! Now we r just at the mercy of women. Orange theory, (suck when juicy, discard when nothing is left).
God go save Him children especially the GUYS!

KARMA is innevitable! As much as we pray and fast about it.

I feel you, @ihujumbo, but I do not know what kind of husband you have.

Let me share my past marriage I was in your shoe---feel lost, unwanted love, low self-esteem, confused and scared. That was 19 years ago from this year. Getting married him was not my fault, that was forced by my mother to stay out of wedlock but i did not love him.

Seeking marriage counselor under my husband's sake in order to save the marriage does not work out well, therefore; I decided to file for divorce on the ground of cruel harsh verbal abusive loveless incompatible 5-years marriage (irreconcilable difference).

My ex-husband was jealousy, controllable, stingy, Mr. Know-it-all type, reckless hot-temper, workaholic, egostic, sex manic and compulsive gambling addict. He never come home to sleep with me---only 4 hours sleep and get up ready to work---lack of communication, leaving me cold in bed. I was the one struggling to raise my children at that time i had job, going to pick up children from daycare, come home to do housechore, and at bedtime i was extremely tired.

Ex-hubby commanded telling me what to do, refused to help me out when my children were baby for changing diapers, feeding them, etc to take turn that i need some sleep ready for work the next day. (remember he was not home after work at 3pm until 3am in the morning grabbing only 4 hours sleep to get up ready to work next day---hang out with coworkers in the bar).

Everyday he yelled at my face (my children were not present) calling me bad names even call me "SLUT". I was loyally faithful married wife for 5 YEARS---make no sense in marriage. We always argued about money issues that he refused to compromise on financial obligations for 5 years.  He spent whole his paycheck in cash before giving me money for financial obligations. He always FLATLY BROKE asking me for my money. We had been evicted twice! Electric and water were cut off. No food/clothes to buy for family. I CANNOT TOLERATE this marriage.

Finally 5 years later, my mother saw what kind of man my husband was and regret that she NEVER FORCED me to marry wrong guy---BECAUSE OF MY DEAFNESS. Not fair to my sister who is hearing, does not get married when she was in wedlock. She paid for my divorce paperwork. I now am 14 years divorced mother of children at age 14 and 19---very much happy independent celibacy myself. My ex-husband currently has long-term illness (cancer---3 organs medically surgery removal) He is only 40 years old even though he does not smoke or drink.

Yes, he is still scary after finding out about his cancer 2 years ago. He already sat down talking to me face to face asking me for his forgiveness letting me know that i have nothing wrong in marriage!!! Because he thought that I was like those women (gold-digger, and materialist) and I would grow to love him more after marriage, but I am very opposite---humble, conserved, quiet, humorous and open-minded person. He grew up in a city welfare family being poor all his life. I grew up in a small rural farming being hard-working class humble Christianity life. He is mixed catholic/baptist--not go church regularly and I am baptist---i do go church regularly. We are different people!!!

@ihujumbo, I ask you please find your courage to talk to your husband to work out the marriage---do not make the same mistake I had suffered in the past!  Too many divorced single women out there that most men do not want to date with. I was one of them---unwanted dating. Go back seeking your church marriage counselor to overcome your fear and feeling---don't let DEMONS attack you in the name of JESUS CHRIST!!!

@Radiant, Karma? Please spare us, if you talk about Karma, what about the guy, maybe it's his own evil deed that finally caught up with it. If you keep saying Karma, then no one is free o!

urspry, why were you ever in a relationship with such a horrid person?