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Should I Tell My Wife I Want A DNA Test? - Romance - Nairaland

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Should I Tell My Wife I Want A DNA Test? by TheNaijaMan: 5:22pm On Jun 13, 2018
This is something I have been thinking about for some time now and I’m hoping I can get some mature advice here or have someone share their own experience

I have been married for 11 years now and our first daughter is 10. I also have another girl and then a set of twin boys. I have never had any cause to doubt the paternity of my last 3 kids and I have also never doubted my wife’s fidelity since we got married but a few years ago, some doubts crept into my mind about our first daughter as I recalled a few things that happened before she was born, when my wife and I just met essentially- but I would spare you all that.

Because of this doubt, I’m beginning to observe that, although I make every effort to conceal it, I have somewhat less affection for her than I do for her sister and brothers. I feel this is unfair to the little girl and I try to dismiss those thoughts but they come back occasionally and it also affects my peace of mind.

I had considered a secret DNA test as I do not want to upset my wife but the girl is all grown up and smart and I do not know how this can be done without her probably saying something about it to her mom and causing the same rift I want to avoid. I also considered speaking to my wife about it and getting her consent to do it but I have a feeling she might not like it and this might even have unpleasant effects on our marriage in the long run. So do I just leave it and continue to stomach those doubts and for how long? or should I discuss it with my wife and live with all the possible after-effects? This is my dilemma!

I love my wife and I believe she loves me too but I really don’t want to go to bed every time with these doubts or wake up someday when I’m quite old to realize she really isn’t my child.

Appreciate matured advises please. Thanks
Re: Should I Tell My Wife I Want A DNA Test? by blezzy080: 5:25pm On Jun 13, 2018
This is a serious issue.. But
You still have not told us the reason why you're doubting if she's your child.
We need to know for us to know what advice we are going to give you.

4 Likes

Re: Should I Tell My Wife I Want A DNA Test? by Anigreat: 5:31pm On Jun 13, 2018
shocked





You see weting that woman were commit suicide for 3rd mainland bridge cause nowshocked
Re: Should I Tell My Wife I Want A DNA Test? by Airtimex(m): 5:33pm On Jun 13, 2018
You suddenly realise she is not your daughter undecided


Why is the devil using You? What if she is not your daughter, what will you do


You want to throw her and the mother away? From your explanation your marriage is going on well. Please cancel those silly thoughts and live your normal life...

In this century, eleven yrs of marrige no be beans... Please for the sake of that innocent girl cancel those thoughts...

10 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Should I Tell My Wife I Want A DNA Test? by Abascoh: 5:34pm On Jun 13, 2018
Hmmmm

1 Like

Re: Should I Tell My Wife I Want A DNA Test? by Nobody: 5:34pm On Jun 13, 2018
Oga, let the sleeping dog lie biko. Either way, you'll still get hurt.

If she's your daughter, you'll live with the regrets of not trusting your wife when everything seems to be good with you guys and if she's not your daughter, the once happy family will turn to a soccer field.

7 Likes 1 Share

Re: Should I Tell My Wife I Want A DNA Test? by Nobody: 5:40pm On Jun 13, 2018
CaptJeffry:
Oga, let the sleeping dog lie biko. Either way, you'll still get hurt.

If she's your daughter, you'll live with the regrets of not trusting your wife when everything seems to be good with you guys and if she's not your daughter, the once happy family will turn to a soccer field.
Feminist movement.
Re: Should I Tell My Wife I Want A DNA Test? by Nobody: 5:40pm On Jun 13, 2018
This one pass nairaland.
Any advice you take from here you’ll use it against yourself.


Secret DNA: your smart daughter will blow it out

Tell your wife: she and your kids becomes your enemy. “Daddy say he nor sure say naim born me”

Conceal it?: you’ll start developing hatred towards your wife and daughter because you think your wife cheated and daughter isn’t yours, then you might end up drinking sniper one day. Also avoid 3MB route if your in Lagos.

6 Likes

Re: Should I Tell My Wife I Want A DNA Test? by Tallesty1(m): 5:42pm On Jun 13, 2018
What would you do if it turns out that she's not your blood? Throw her out? Adopt her? Or turn her to a househelp?

Oga. That girl is your daughter whether she's your blood or not so don't allow DNA to ruin your home.

11 Likes

Re: Should I Tell My Wife I Want A DNA Test? by killuminati(m): 5:43pm On Jun 13, 2018
Yes asap.. Dont trust ladies. Dem can be dogs a times
Re: Should I Tell My Wife I Want A DNA Test? by delugajackson: 5:52pm On Jun 13, 2018
I suggest you don't. We don't want to hear that another lady has jumped into the lagoon.

4 Likes 1 Share

Re: Should I Tell My Wife I Want A DNA Test? by Oyindidi(f): 6:35pm On Jun 13, 2018
Tallesty1:
What would you do if it turns out that she's not your blood? Throw her out? Adopt her? Or turn her to a househelp?

Oga. That girl is your daughter whether she's your blood or not so don't allow DNA to ruin your home.
Baba T for Presidentgrin

If I'm your wife, the marriage will end after the DNA test.

1 Like

Re: Should I Tell My Wife I Want A DNA Test? by Josh64(m): 6:45pm On Jun 13, 2018
Look into the girls’ eyes and ask yourself if the DNA result would change anything about how you feel about her. If it will, then do proceed with the test, but if it wouldn’t, just accept her as yours Forever and ever, amen!
Re: Should I Tell My Wife I Want A DNA Test? by kushercain: 6:51pm On Jun 13, 2018
Dont tell her, just do it on code

4 Likes

Re: Should I Tell My Wife I Want A DNA Test? by Apina(m): 7:27pm On Jun 13, 2018
You are speaking from both sides of your mouth. Since you are in doubt, its better you go for the test, there are ways to get samples without your wifes knowledge but the moment she finds out, your marriage is 99% buried. Also, asking her for permission is also going to yield the same result since you would be questioning her intergrity. So whatever way u approach it, the outcome is most likely the same.

But for your peace of mind and for the sake of that innocent child, do whats best for all the parties involved, go for the test and put an end to your doubts undecided

4 Likes

Re: Should I Tell My Wife I Want A DNA Test? by memories1(f): 7:29pm On Jun 13, 2018
IF I were your wife, I would prefer you talk to me AND also do the DNA test. If the girl is truly yours, then I'd always dangle the guilt over your head.

Either way, communicate your doubts to your wife, do it with tact. The earlier you allay your fears the better. I'm sure she would agree to the test... but if she appears reluctant or begins to emotionally blackmail you....well, check each other's fidelity.

1 Like

Re: Should I Tell My Wife I Want A DNA Test? by chris2face(m): 7:39pm On Jun 13, 2018
memories1:
IF I were your wife, I would prefer you talk to me AND also do the DNA test. If the girl is truly yours, then I'd always dangle the guilt over your head.

Either way, communicate your doubts to your wife, do it with tact. The earlier you allay your fears the better. I'm sure she would agree to the test... but if she appears reluctant or begins to emotionally blackmail you....well, check each other's fidelity.
Is weired to just wake up one day and ask ur wife for a DNA test on ur girl for me if am the wife not biggie i wil do that but thats the end of that marriage
I will tell the Op the let the sleeping dog lie

1 Like

Re: Should I Tell My Wife I Want A DNA Test? by Tallesty1(m): 7:43pm On Jun 13, 2018
Oyindidi:
Baba T for Presidentgrin

If I'm your wife, the marriage will end after the DNA test.
I weak for some people. Let him continue searching for wetin no lost, he will surely find something
Re: Should I Tell My Wife I Want A DNA Test? by Oyindidi(f): 7:44pm On Jun 13, 2018
Tallesty1:
I weak for some people. Let him continue searching for wetin no lost, he will surely find something
You just forget me sha.

Social media don destroy many happy homes, this op is next
Re: Should I Tell My Wife I Want A DNA Test? by Burgerlomo: 7:51pm On Jun 13, 2018
TheNaijaMan:
This is something I have been thinking about for some time now and I’m hoping I can get some mature advice here or have someone share their own experience

I have been married for 11 years now and our first daughter is 10. I also have another girl and then a set of twin boys. I have never had any cause to doubt the paternity of my last 3 kids and I have also never doubted my wife’s fidelity since we got married but a few years ago, some doubts crept into my mind about our first daughter as I recalled a few things that happened before she was born, when my wife and I just met essentially- but I would spare you all that.

Because of this doubt, I’m beginning to observe that, although I make every effort to conceal it, I have somewhat less affection for her than I do for her sister and brothers. I feel this is unfair to the little girl and I try to dismiss those thoughts but they come back occasionally and it also affects my peace of mind.

I had considered a secret DNA test as I do not want to upset my wife but the girl is all grown up and smart and I do not know how this can be done without her probably saying something about it to her mom and causing the same rift I want to avoid. I also considered speaking to my wife about it and getting her consent to do it but I have a feeling she might not like it and this might even have unpleasant effects on our marriage in the long run. So do I just leave it and continue to stomach those doubts and for how long? or should I discuss it with my wife and live with all the possible after-effects? This is my dilemma!

I love my wife and I believe she loves me too but I really don’t want to go to bed every time with these doubts or wake up someday when I’m quite old to realize she really isn’t my child.

Appreciate matured advises please. Thanks

Re: Should I Tell My Wife I Want A DNA Test? by Medunah(f): 7:58pm On Jun 13, 2018
I would have said let sleeping dogs lie too but did u guys see the part where Op said he shows less love to the girl compared to his other kids because of his doubt?
Pls op, do the DNA test and clear your doubts.

But the question is, what will you do if she isn't your daughter? Ask your wife to take her to her father? Or you will start to treat the child with even more contempt than you have been doing before?

My own advice for you is treat her solely as your own and show her as much love as you show the others DNA or no DNA

6 Likes

Re: Should I Tell My Wife I Want A DNA Test? by Nobody: 8:04pm On Jun 13, 2018
There are better ways of getting samples from the girl without the knowledge of your wife ,also you don't need any permission from your wife to conduct the test. Go for the test,if that will bring peace to your heart

1 Like

Re: Should I Tell My Wife I Want A DNA Test? by cyndy1000(f): 8:06pm On Jun 13, 2018
What ever that might have happened in the past bury with the past. she might be your daughter she might not be. For God sake you have been fathering her for the past 10years while then. Show her love as you show her siblings, stop making her start feeling somehow based on your behavior towards her sometimes.
you might not know what that child will be tomorrow. everything thing happens for a reason. so just shut that thought off n live like a family. Telling your wife will break her emotionally

1 Like

Re: Should I Tell My Wife I Want A DNA Test? by Evangkatsoulis: 8:14pm On Jun 13, 2018
chris2face:

Is weired to just wake up one day and ask ur wife for a DNA test on ur girl for me if am the wife not biggie i wil do that but thats the end of that marriage
I will tell the Op the let the sleeping dog lie

Why would you end a marriage because of dna test?

1 Like 1 Share

Re: Should I Tell My Wife I Want A DNA Test? by Nobody: 8:32pm On Jun 13, 2018
Do whatever pleases, but for godsake don't raise another mans child unwillingly.

6 Likes

Re: Should I Tell My Wife I Want A DNA Test? by Nobody: 9:17pm On Jun 13, 2018
Get hair from her comb or take her tooth brush. Dna costs 100k . abeg do am. See wetin a gal i know wanted to do

1 Like

Re: Should I Tell My Wife I Want A DNA Test? by Tallesty1(m): 9:41pm On Jun 13, 2018
Oyindidi:
You just forget me sha.

Social media don destroy many happy homes, this op is next
Please don't vex for me
Re: Should I Tell My Wife I Want A DNA Test? by luminouz(m): 9:43pm On Jun 13, 2018
I can't believe nigerians Sha....so emotionally unstable..always dangling between 0 n 9.9 on the Emo-meter(0 is no...10 is yes). Lots of guys here were so cool with the DNA test few weeks ago only to hear of the 3rd mainland bridge story and NOW they prefer the OP to ACCEPT his fate in the marriage?? What are these guys saying nitori olorun undecided

For the OP to be asking all these online is an insult to his manliness....if u doubt ur kids paternity, sharply go and do DNA test..no one needs to know....if the kid is urs,fine..If she aint,then u act on it....at least either way ur free of lies/doubts in ur own home!! Or that poor child will keep suffering from ur hands both consciously n unconsciously!!!!!

6 Likes

Re: Should I Tell My Wife I Want A DNA Test? by Moneyspeakingz: 9:44pm On Jun 13, 2018
Go for the DNA and dnt tell ur wife about it.
Before u
get her blood sample, play with a bit then tell her you want ur doctor to check if she has malaria parasite or u can say u want to knw r genetotype.Buy her sweet or any snacks then Leave the snacks to do the rest work

3 Likes

Re: Should I Tell My Wife I Want A DNA Test? by luminouz(m): 9:47pm On Jun 13, 2018
cyndy1000:
What ever that might have happened in the past bury with the past. she might be your daughter she might not be. For God sake you have been fathering her for the past 10years while then. Show her love as you show her siblings, stop making her start feeling somehow based on your behavior towards her sometimes.
you might not know what that child will be tomorrow. everything thing happens for a reason. so just shut that thought off n live like a family. Telling your wife will break her emotionally

Jesus!!! I can't believe this came, actually came from a woman!!!
U want him to forever doubt himself and make that child suffer?? He deserves to know d fvcking truth for chrissakes! undecided

4 Likes

Re: Should I Tell My Wife I Want A DNA Test? by Hector09(m): 9:48pm On Jun 13, 2018
U can do the test without the knowledge of ur wife and the poor little girl, just collect her hair, but what of if it shows that she is not ur daughter, can u handle the pressure, that is the million dollar question that some men failed to answer
Re: Should I Tell My Wife I Want A DNA Test? by Nobody: 9:51pm On Jun 13, 2018
Moneyspeakingz:
Go for the DNA and dnt tell ur wife about it.
Before u
get her blood sample, play with a bit then tell her you want ur doctor to check if she has malaria parasite or u can say u want to knw r genetotype.Buy her sweet or any snacks then Leave the snacks to do the rest work
hair on brush Nd tooth brush is ok abeg

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