MY NYSC DIARY AND 21 DAYS IN CAMP (SEASON 2)
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MY NYSC DIARY AND 21 DAYS IN CAM SEASON 2 EPISODE 1 “Ibadan people will have an accident, stand up, curse the driver, then fall down and die” 8th of January 2016 was the much awaited date most redeployed corpers in oyo state are waiting for. Eniola, the girl I sat with in the luxurious bus (on our way back home from camp) and I are always in close contact to know when we will get to Ibadan for another round of registration. Bibie, on the other hand has finally moved to Ibadan permanently. It seems some of her relatives are residing there also her camp boyfriend is now an oyocorper, so she’s got all the reasons why she should stay in Ibadan. Aside from my Uncle that stays in ibadan, I have no other person there. Although I spent 3 good years at the polytechnic Ibadan, only few of my friends are still there. I even heard some of them are married. Na wa o. I wonder what is still keeping me single. I packed all things that are available for packing on the 8th of January. I never thought about where I would stay yet but I know as long as I am in Ibadan, I know my way. Se na Iwo road, monathan, Academy, Oremeji, Bodija, Sango, U.I, Apete, Idi Bere, Apata, name them. I don root all those places tire. So I know am in safe hands no matter what. I left my base in Ogun state at 7am, bidding my family and friends farewell to continue my NYSC adventure but this time, it will be my LIFE AS A CORP MEMBER IN IBADAN. I got to the NYSC secretariat at 10.10am. All the area was jam packed with corpers all wearing their NYSC kits. My OBS girls are still not in Ibadan yet. They were given a different dates. Eka went back to AkwaIbom for her convocation while Jessica is still enjoying her break in Owerri. THE REGISTRATION PALAVA By the time I was through with the registration, I was so tired that I couldn’t even remember the capital of Oyo state. We were told to come back for the collection of our posting letter in two weeks’ time. I had to move to my uncle’s house for the time being, pending the time the posting letter will be out. It has just been a normal routine of eating, sleeping, browsing and eating all through my time there. Ibadan was just boredom! During this period, Seyi and I talked on the phone virtually every day. She was still sad that she couldn’t see me ever since we left camp. She has virtually told all her friends and relatives about me. One of her relatives often call me “My in law’’ whenever we talk on phone and I was like “In law bawo”? (In TKM’s voice) According to Seyi, life as a corp member in Enugu (The coal city) doesn’t seems to be what she actually thought it would be and she really regret her decision picking that state. I had to encourage her and assure her that one of these days, she will come and spend some time with me and am sure Eka and Jessica would be very happy to see her. :

EPISODE 2 “A typical Ibadan man sprays all his money at a party and treks home” 19th of January was here! 9.10am, I was at the secretariat at Agodi putting on my NYSC Kit. I could see lots of familiar faces this time around unlike the previous time I was here. Some of the people who knew me started hailing me shouting OBS! OBS! I laughed and greeted each of them with the customary handshake. I inherited that name at the variety night when I performed a song for the OBS crew. We were all catching some good time together, discussing about the events that happened back in Kangere. One of the guys started imitating the camp commandant, Captain Balal and how he walked with his walking stick and everyone bursted into laughter. Within minutes, we’ve created a scene whereby some corp members who camped in Kangere also joined us. When it was past 10am, the NYSC officials started arriving one by one. The office in- charge of the sharing of the posting letter was still empty. Everyone was standing in the sun waiting for them to answer us. About 15 minutes later, a woman showed up and she entered the office. She came out some minutes later with loads of files in her hands. Two corp members also assisted her in bringing out the rest of the files from the office. She shouted that everyone should please listen to their name as she will be calling the name. The woman was a typical Ibadan woman because the way she was pronouncing the name was in oyo accent. Everyone was laughing each time she calls the name and it got to a point she wanted to mention an Edo names, that was what scattered the whole place. LovethIgbinedion turned to LofetIgiedion! Chai! The woman don murder person name o. All the corp members there laughed really hard. Some people laughed hard to the extent that they were rolling on the bare floor with their whites. At that point, the woman said “ Oloribuunigbogbo yin” (All of you are mad) It is not you people’s fault. Na me unadey use dey laugh abi? Oya, make una come pick una file by una- self. We rushed to where she is and we started checking out for our files. It was getting rowdy already and the woman shouted again, do you want to tearing the files? Ehn! (See English) Ofo le se (you will all get wasted) we were all laughing. I got my file and I was shocked to see where I was being posted. To be continued…

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dlawnoni:
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EPISODE 3 “The world cannot end tomorrow because Ibadan girls still use spoon to drink viju milk” Name: I am Ola Olowo PPA: Rural day grammar school Local govt: Igbo onirin So na school dem post me go? Chai! I was under the tree contemplating on how I was going to cope when I heard someone called my name. OBS, how far now? Only one person has that voice, it was Goddy the Goddynator! OBS: Goddy, how far now? Goddy: OBS, I dey. I just enter Ibadan yesterday night o OBS: Nawa o. And you no fit call me abi? Goddy: No vex jare. How your side now? OBS: I just dey. I come collect my posting letter and na where dem post me go I dey here dey reason. Goddy: Where dem post you go? OBS: Na one public school joor Goddy: See you. Na one grammar school sefdem post me go OBS: Ehnehn, make I see naa I collected his file and what I saw shocked me Name: Godwin Philip PPA: Rural day grammar school I screamed for Joy! Na the same place them post us go o. You sure? Goddy asked? I gave him my file to see and he screamed also. OBS! OBS! OBS! We go make things happen for that school, Goddy said. I dey tell you. I replied. Olamide? I heard a female voice calling me then I looked around only to see Precious and Bisi coming my way. What? Am I dreaming? I couldn’t believe my eyes. Were you girls posted to Oyo state? I asked no one in particular but precious replied first. Precious: Yes o Ola. I was posted to oyo but I had to go to Lokoja first before coming here. OBS: That’s good. You come for your posting right? Precious: Yeah. Na one yeye place dem carry me go joor OBS: Ehya, Bisi, where dem carry you go? Bisi: Na one primary school like that jare. Na school dem post 90% of us go except people wey bring letter from any company or organization OBS: Na God go help us jare Amen o. They all answered. Goddy and I decided to go to our local government so that we could sign all necessary document and resume duties ASAP. We took a straight bike from Agodi to the school. The school has a very big compound. We could also sight other corp members that was posted tothe school too. After the filling of all the necessary forms, we were told to resume the next Monday, January 25. According to my research, Rural day is one of the oldest schools in that area. The popular Gbagi market is not far from the school. It is just the same lane and it also has some sort of short-cuts and sharp corners which links up the school and the market within minutes. The next Monday, Goddy and I resumed to the school alongside some corp members like ourselves. I was given government to teach while Goddy was given integrated science. I remembered one of those days he told his student to draw a skeleton. Na there I know say Skeleton get family. Godwin showed me one of the drawings and I almost ran mad. Na Skeleton be this? Godwin asked me. This one no be skeleton, this one naSkelemba. I replied. To be continued…

EPISODE 3 “The world cannot end tomorrow because Ibadan girls still use spoon to drink viju milk” Name: I am Ola Olowo PPA: Rural day grammar school Local govt: Igbo onirin So na school dem post me go? Chai! I was under the tree contemplating on how I was going to cope when I heard someone called my name. OBS, how far now? Only one person has that voice, it was Goddy the Goddynator! OBS: Goddy, how far now? Goddy: OBS, I dey. I just enter Ibadan yesterday night o OBS: Nawa o. And you no fit call me abi? Goddy: No vex jare. How your side now? OBS: I just dey. I come collect my posting letter and na where dem post me go I dey here dey reason. Goddy: Where dem post you go? OBS: Na one public school joor Goddy: See you. Na one grammar school sefdem post me go OBS: Ehnehn, make I see naa I collected his file and what I saw shocked me Name: Godwin Philip PPA: Rural day grammar school I screamed for Joy! Na the same place them post us go o. You sure? Goddy asked? I gave him my file to see and he screamed also. OBS! OBS! OBS! We go make things happen for that school, Goddy said. I dey tell you. I replied. Olamide? I heard a female voice calling me then I looked around only to see Precious and Bisi coming my way. What? Am I dreaming? I couldn’t believe my eyes. Were you girls posted to Oyo state? I asked no one in particular but precious replied first. Precious: Yes o Ola. I was posted to oyo but I had to go to Lokoja first before coming here. OBS: That’s good. You come for your posting right? Precious: Yeah. Na one yeye place dem carry me go joor OBS: Ehya, Bisi, where dem carry you go? Bisi: Na one primary school like that jare. Na school dem post 90% of us go except people wey bring letter from any company or organization OBS: Na God go help us jare Amen o. They all answered. Goddy and I decided to go to our local government so that we could sign all necessary document and resume duties ASAP. We took a straight bike from Agodi to the school. The school has a very big compound. We could also sight other corp members that was posted tothe school too. After the filling of all the necessary forms, we were told to resume the next Monday, January 25. According to my research, Rural day is one of the oldest schools in that area. The popular Gbagi market is not far from the school. It is just the same lane and it also has some sort of short-cuts and sharp corners which links up the school and the market within minutes. The next Monday, Goddy and I resumed to the school alongside some corp members like ourselves. I was given government to teach while Goddy was given integrated science. I remembered one of those days he told his student to draw a skeleton. Na there I know say Skeleton get family. Godwin showed me one of the drawings and I almost ran mad. Na Skeleton be this? Godwin asked me. This one no be skeleton, this one naSkelemba. I replied. To be continued…

EPISODE 4 “Ibadan girls know more INCANTATIONS than bible verses, #Fact #” Those were my two best subjects in my secondary school days. Even though I have currently lost interest in the subject because of the way things are done in this country, I still have some sort of interest in it especially when it comes to the historical aspect of it. I wonder why history is no longer common in our educational set up now a days. No wonder most of the students nowadays knows nothing about what has happened in the past regarding our government. That made me remember the incident that happened in my class during one of the days I was teaching them. Doing a brief introduction about the students, they are the set of students I never knew still existed. Kudos must go to the Oyo state government for all the unnecessary strikes they caused as a result of not paying the teachers. Now back to the real issue, I was teaching them the military system of government and after explaining how it all started and ended, I decided to throw a cheap question to the class before rounding up the class for the day, then I asked. Who was in power in 1983? The whole class was silent. Then I asked again, I said who was in power in 1983? Silence followed again then I decided to ask in Yoruba language. Abi e gbo n i? (Didn’t you hear me?) Ani ta lo waniijobani 1983? I said who was in power in 1983? Then one short boy named Debo sitting towards the back and also known for his mischievous act raised up is hands and said “TayeTaiwo”. All the class erupted into laughter. TO BE CONTINUED….

EPISODE 5 “With current recession, an Ibadan parent will still collect tithe and offering during morning devotion.” Even I myself didn’t know when I joined them in laughing too. It was also alarming too to discover that most of these students are ageing. I could see the files of some of the student in SS1 and I was shocked when I was seeing 25yrs, 24yrs,23yrs! What was the parents of this kids looking when their child is still in SS1,SS2 at that age? When will they finish higher institution, serve, get a good job before getting married? I will use this avenue to please advise every parent reading this piece to please endeavor to send their kids to school at their young age. Imagine a class where co-student calls themselves, Aunty this, Aunty that. It is serious. There are even cases of students toasting corpers? That was the case of corperIfeoma aka the forming corper. Ifeoma could be tagged as one of the big man’s daughter (if you know what I mean). She believes she was better than any of the corpers in the school, even when we go for CDS, She dey show herself wella. Although I don’t have any issue with her but Goddy didn’t like her for a bit. Ify and I do exchange pleasantries once in a while but the reverse was the case when it comes to Goddy. Living with my Uncle was becoming tiring. I called Goddy to discuss with him if we could both get an apartment together which will be closer to the school. After two months, we were able to raise some money and we searched for an apartment which was just some few kilometers away from the school, unknowing to us that that was where Ify, the forming corper lives. Our house was called the Binary house because the landlord was very popular in the area and everybody knows him as Baba Binary but what we failed to know is that this house was where our adventure will start from. The house has twelve rooms with two boy’s quarter. Life in that house was a case for another day because the humans living there are a set of mad people. The landlord uses three rooms with his two wives, Mr. Caleb who works with the ministry of information also uses two rooms. Baba Ibeji’s room was the one before ours. He has 5 kids and he uses just a room. This man is a clown but there is this thing about him and his wife. They never allow us to sleep at night. Whenever they fight in their room, it’s like a royal rumble wrestling competition. His wife was also like Nai-Jax in WWE. They never got tired. If they don’t fight within a week, my dear brother, something is wrong. TO BE CONTINUED…. read more,on www.emperorblog.com.ng

I love this...lord willn,wud be a corper soon...amen...sis ride on,am enjoyn ur experience nd ordeal....eager for part 7

aw can i open a diary pls?

victoria2000:
aw can i open a diary pls?

a diary ？ cant understand u ma

victoria2000:
I love this...lord willn,wud be a corper soon...amen...sis ride on,am enjoyn ur experience nd ordeal....eager for part 7

amen. buh am not a sis am bro. u can visit www.emperorblog.com.ng

EPISODE 6 “If an Ibadan man was the owner of blackberry, BBM smileys would have had tribal marks.” THE FIRST ALLOWY God bless my able country Nigeria! Goddy and I have been living together for two weeks now and we were awaiting the alert of the first allowy in 2016 not knowing that the federal government will play a fast one on us. When we got to Ibadan, we were made to open another account where the Oyo state government will be paying us therefore rendering the Zenith bank account useless. We were made to open a Union bank account while we were also told that the Oyo state government will be paying us a state allowy of N4000 monthly. No be only federal government sef be scam, the Oyo state government was also a culprit. One of my sister who happens to be in the same PPA with me told me not to put mind on it because it was not regular. The foodstuffs we had at home was getting down daily. No federal or state allowy show face! Na there I know say we don enter one chance. One day, Goddy suggested that we should speak with one woman beside our house that sells foodstuffs named Mama Kadijat, Mama K for short. After much deliberation, we both summon courage to meet this woman if she can assist us with foodstuffs till the end of the month. Later in the evening, we got to Mama K’s shop. Ah, eyinCorperema kale (Corpers, good evening). Mama K greeted us immediately she sighted us. Adupe ma (Thanks you Ma), I replied. I informed the woman about what we came for. After much pleading and promise not to fail her, she agreed to give us the food items we needed. During our CDS, the following week, we were briefed that the main reason we didn’t see allowy was because we have already been paid the money for December in camp, therefore before we can see any alert, it will be towards the second week of February. Yeeeeeeeeee! And we promised to settle Mama K at the ending of January. When it was on the 28th of January, Goddy suggested we had to leave the house to save ourselves from any embarrassment from this woman. You can never predict Mama K. I can never forget her encounter with Baba Ibeji. After one of the bout between him and his wife, Mama Ibeji left angrily the next day to God knows where leaving Baba Ibeji with 5 kids to feed. When he couldn’t sort things out with the available cash he has, he visited Mama K to collect foodstuffs from her with the view to pay back in two weeks. Two weeks came like a flash and he couldn’t meet up with the agreement made with Mama K. The guy man had to run away from home for some days and the very day he had in mind to come around past 10, he jammed Mama K infront of his door step. Na that day I know say Mama K was once a local wrestler. Other co tenants tried to separate them but this woman will not take all those s–t not until Baba Ibeji was bleeding from the mouth. Back to the Present God helping us, allowy entered at a time nobody expected it to. It was what you can call an August visitor. Goddy called me immediately he got his and we both promised to meet at the Tantalizer at Iwo road to use the Atm machine there. My dear readers, if only we knew what would befall us, we would have gone to another place. On this fateful morning, Goddy and I met infront of the restaurant to meet a queue of people waiting to use the machine too. We got nearer to them and I asked a woman. Please, are you the last person here? Then the woman responded almost immediately, “I will always be the first and not the last” heeeeeee! I screamed in my mind! Ibadan people don come again o.

“It is only in an Ibadan fast food that you will see “Meat pie N120….Meatpie (With Gen) N1500” I just kept quiet and I waited till it got to my turn. Goddy moved to the Atm machine and slotted his card in and what we both saw surprised us. The machine was asking us to select our preferred language then I selected Yoruba language. The next thing I heard was “Ekaboo..Jowotenombaasiri re” (Welcome, please enter your secret number) Goddy was still opening his mouth, getting surprised at the level of technology in Ibadan. In all my years in Lagos and Ogun, I have NEVER seen this type of machine in my life. I don’t know what happened to Godwin that made him forget his pin number because all I was hearing was “Nombaasiri re kojoirawon, jowo tee nombaasiri re” I have heard that two times before I said, Goddy, wetin happen now? Naso hunger make you forget your pin? Abeg type better thing joor make wecomot for here. At the 3rd attempt that Goddy input a wrong pin, the machine said, “Mo mope oloribuuni e. (I know you are foolish) Ole siniepelu.(And you are a thief)Oleeeeeeeeeeeeee (Thief)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My dear brother, the rest they said was history. If you are conversant with Iwo road very well, you will know that there is always a stand by police van always at alert. Two policemen started coming towards the restaurant. Hmmmmm, who says Usian Bolt is the fastest man in the world? He never compete with us naa. Are you still asking what happened next? Well, OYO is your case naa….

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EPISODE 9 “Struggles are required in order to survive in life, because in order to stand up, you gotta know what falling down is like” I no fit cry as a big boy. That was when it was dawn on me that this girl played me. Where could she be at just 9.17am? She can’t tell me she was still sleeping or she was in the church already when we’ve both concluded that I will be in her house before 10am. I braced up myself and I took a cab going to Iwo road. It’s been 3 years I visited my former school so I decided to use the opportunity to visit my department, check out the environment before going to U.I. The polytechnic Ibadan has changed a little unlike how I left it in 2013. The hostel was quiet except for some echoes of Church programs coming from the south side in one of the classes. There is also some bunch of guys on the field playing soccer and beside the field were some Bike men with SUG vest. North! I told the bike man. Bike man: N40 Me: What? Kilode? (What happened?) Bike man: Boo se n wonuu (That is the current amount we charge) Me: Oga o (Na wa o) The Bike man started shouting, Apete, North! Apete North! He was waiting for one more passenger. Things have really changed within the space of 2013 and now. Challenge from Toll gate was N100 before, now it is N120. Iwo road from challenge was N80 before, now it is N100. Now, a bike from the south at the polytechnic Ibadan which was N20 before to the North was N20 before, now it is N40. What is this N20 difference all about? Challenge, Sango, Iyana Poly, Eleyele, Monathan, idiabe, idiarere, Bodija,gbagi, iwofun. All this places I mentioned as 1 thing in common and it is N20 change that has been added to the cost of transport. Ibadan Sha! Sangeni o( Na change o). A guy came, climbed the bike and we zoomed off. While I was on the bike, I was admiring the building which was being constructed beside Wema bank. This people sha! And dem go say money no dey? There is also a gigantic building beside the administrative block which was just newly built. Na wa o. This school don change small o! I said within me. Within some minute, I was at my department. The public administration department! The best department in the whole school, argue that at your own peril because I know you can’t beat that (In Enzo Amore’s voice) TO BE CONTINUED… EPISODE 10 “BREAKING NEWS! KFC closes all branches in Ibadan. Report says people just come in, take pictures and leave.” I checked out my department all round and I could see just some little changes. In front of my department, I could see a tape which was done/ commissioned by one of the craziest lecturer we have then Mrs. Akinseye and some group of people. Am sure the student will enjoy this new infrastructure. I could remember back then, if there was something we suffered for in the hostel, it was water. When we got tired, we had to look for a house elsewhere around Apete, thanks to my Fantastic guys. We were known as The Fantastic 4 back then (A.y, Benji, Ugo and I). School was fun with these guys! You can never find their part two elsewhere again, believe me. Talking of Apete, there was this plank bridge we used to pass then while the main bridge was still under construction. It was always fair during the dry season but anytime it gets to the raining season, it was like hell. As a matter of fact, this bridge killed 2 students during my stay there. When I got there, I was amazed to see that the bridge has been completed. Big ups to the Oyo state government for the wonderful job. I was happy to see cars, bus, and bikes moving freely on the bridge. I could also sight a new shopping complex around the place too. The construction of the bridge has brought development to the area of Apete. I walked towards the bridge, located a woman cooking noodles and egg. I ordered for a plate of noodles with 2 fried eggs. After eating, I had a little discussion with the woman and from our discussion; she informed me that the bridge was completed around 2014 that was a year after I left. I thanked the woman and I continued my journey back to my department. I took a stroll down to the gate that linked the polytechnic Ibadan with the University of Ibadan. I sat down on one of the chairs at the security office awaiting the arrival of a bike which will take me to the Zoo. After 20 minutes of waiting, I spotted one, waved it down and off we went. Straight to the Zoo! The bike man and I had a little chat on our way, telling me the tales of the Zoo and it was shocking when he told me the Elephant which was popularly called “Biodun” had died in 2014. I was surprised. The last time I came here in 2002, the Elephant was still there hale and hearty. In a matter of minutes, we were in front of the Zoo.I paid the man and he zoomed off. The place has really changed unlike the first time I came here 14 years ago. It has been renovated and everything was well coordinated but the ticket was now N500. My small bag was checked before I went in by the security personnel at the entrance. The Zoo is open for everybody from 8.30am-6.30pm daily. What I saw there can’t be explained. Different sorts of birds, monkeys, chimpanzees and baboon. The crocodiles were well caged and a notice was written that no one should go close to the gate where they were kept. I also visited the sections where all sort of snakes was kept; the cobra, phyton, etc. I saw the giant land tortoise, stallion and mare, colourful peacocks, giraffes, giant Eland, Honeybadger, ostrich, Emu, Hyena and the king of all animals, THE LION! TO BE CONTINUED….


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EPISODE 11 “One Ibadan girl just said TFC and KFC are twin brothers. Taiwo and Kehinde friend chicken. I cried” Initially I was lost. I couldn’t see the lion but I was hearing a huge sound like that of a big speaker coming from somewhere in the Zoo but I thought there was a church service going on and the pastor was probably at the top of his voice. I asked the Popcorn seller where the lion was. It was at that point that the lion was roaring. Then he simply said; that is it! Mehn, God is wonderful! An hour later, my peeps arrived. Eka was looking beautiful with her make up as usual while Jessica was looking stunning. It just shows that they are enjoying the city of Ibadan. Some minutes later, Sylvia and Precious showed up. They were really looking good I must confess. I paid for their tickets and we all moved in. It was one of the best moments have had this year. They were really cracking me up and I was enjoying their company. We took different sorts of pictures together all thanks to Eka, the talented photographer and model among us. When it was past 5, we all left the place and went to our different homes hoping to have such outing again very soon and probably after our passing out. THE ROBBERY INCIDENCE When you talk of notorious armed robbers in Nigeria, you mention the likes of Lawrence Anini, and co, but in this case in this part of Ibadan, the Alamala boys is well popular. They have been raging the area for some time now it seems the police couldn’t see anything to do about them. On the 5th of August, on a typical Friday night was the day Goddy and I will never forget in a long while.Goddy and I was watching a movie on African magic on our Go-TV decoder. We were so engrossed in the movie so much that we couldn’t hear that Baba Ibadan was screaming at the top of his voice,”yeeeeeeeee, mogbe o! Egba mi o! We thought it was the usual stunt that Baba Ibadan and his wife do pull whenever they are fighting. This your Uncle don start again this night. Goddy said. I tell you. Am getting tired of this house. If not that we just have some few months left, I would I suggested that we should park out of this house. I replied. Almost immediately, we heard “kokoko on our door. Who be that? Goddy said while standing up from the bed. Immediately he unlocked the door with the key, the person outside the door kicked the door with his leg. I was startled where I sat. Goddy was also shocked too and he was about to tear for the person when we saw the Ak47 held by the person that entered, I knew we are in for a long thing. TO BE CONTINUED READ MORE ON www.emperorblog.com.ng

EPISODE 12 “Ibadan babes be like “ afe lo se soping (shopping) nisoprite (shoprite), se emo telewa? (we want to go and sop in shoprite, will you follow us)” Corper, corperehhhhhhhhh……..(In Phyna’s voice) The girl in a mask said accompanied with two other guys who didn’t bother to use their mask but with the equipments in their hands, you dare not look their face twice. Na una be the male corperweydey for this house abi? Oya, weyuna money? One of them asked no one in particular. Goddy and I was shivering where we knelt down. We no get any money. Goddy managed to say. Kpoooaaa! That was the next thing I heard. One of the guys slapped Godwin. Eleribuuni yin. (Unadey mad) One of them spoke in a typical Ibadan dialect. Erope mi o ri yin nigbati e lo gbaalawi yin abi? (You think I didn’t see you guys when you went to withdraw your allowy?) Eda mi lounki n to change e fun yin (Answer me before I change it for you) Like a flash, I took hold of the trousers I had put on to school today, brought out my wallet and hand it over to them. Godwin also stood up and gave them his wallet too. Omo! Alawin la won people yisha! (Guy, this people no get money o) One of the robbers said. From the corner of my eyes, I can see the one with the wallet showing the content of our wallet to the girl and the other guy. Out of annoyance, the Ibadan guy among them spoke, Eya were ni? Se eyintimorini bank, se iyetiowo yin ku le leyi? (Are you guys mad? Were you not the one I saw at the bank earlier today? Is this the amount left? He asked angrily. Daddy, I managed to say. Ati san gbeseti a je nibe, owo to ku, afi se obe. (Daddy, we’ve paid some debt inside and the remaining one, we had to cook some soup.) Ibadan robber: Wey the soup? TO BE CONTINUED…

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EPISODE 13 “Ibadan girls can still ask someone in a BBM group “are you on BBM?” I managed to stand up and took him to where our pot of soup was. I could hear Godwin sniffing. That signifies one thing, He is surely crying! Why won’t he cry when the first soup we would cook with Turkey and some fishes is being taken away by some guys who never worked for it? Our God is a great God! Immediately they held the pot, something miraculous happened. Nepa took off the light and instantaneously, we started hearing the sound of a siren! AwonOjoti de! Awonojoti de (The police has come, the police has come!) They dropped the pot and started heading outside. So thief sefdey fear police. Everything went calm for about 30 minutes just for the sound of the siren. We were expecting the police to come in but we didn’t see any. The sound of the siren was now louder and it seems it was closer to us. Not quite long, Nepa restored the light. Goddy stood up almost immediately and the first thing he could think of was the soup. Thank God dem no carry am go. He whispered. I opened our door hoping to trace where the sound of the siren was coming from and guess what? It was coming from Bababibeji’s room. When did baba ibeji become a police man? Out of curiosity, I barged into his room and saw Baba Ibeji laying on the floor unconscious with his head hitting his old binatone rechargeable lamp and his head hitting the small button at the side of the lamp where the siren sound was coming from. I lifted him up and called Goddy for help. People in other rooms came out and to check out the damage that has been done by the armed robbers. With the help of other tenants, we rushed Baba Ibeji to the clinic towards the end of the second street. Trust Ibadan clinics now, it’s one of the places you won’t want to be especially in a case of emergency. When I came back from the clinic, I remembered I haven’t seen the forming Corper, Ify since the incidence. I went straight to her door and knocked. Who is there? Ify asked from inside with a croaked voice. It’s like someone has been crying all night or somewhat. What’s wrong? What is the matter? Did they do anything to you? That was all the questions I asked her when I entered her scattered room. Ify’s eyes had swollen up and it just shows that she has been crying all night long. I got close to her, placed her head on my shoulders while she was crying uncontrollably. Ify, did they hurt you? I asked the crying Ify. After some minutes, she stopped crying, looked up to me and said, I was raped! Ewoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!! TO BE CONTINUED…

EPISODE 14 “It is only in Ibadan that driver use hand to trafficate even when the car trafficator is still intact…You will be hearing “So poo rowo mi? (Will you say you didn’t see my hand?)” I couldn’t believe what I just heard. The mama G was raped! OMG! How can this people be so heartless? Lot of things was popping in my head. I left her room in silence and headed to my own room to know the state of my room. When I got inside, I met Goddy eating. I needed no invitation to join him. Goddy: Guy, where you go now? Wetindey do you? OBS: Guy, the thief matter tire me joor.. I just hope Baba Ibeji is just fine sha. Na who go take care of his pikin? You no how mad his wife be. Goddy: Wetin for pain me pass na the soup wey we just cook. If to say dem carry am go ehn, nah hin for pain me pass. OBS: Did you know they got to Ify’s room? Goddy: What? Goddy exclaimed and in the process, dropping the morsel of Eba in his hands which dropped in the soup and it spilled on my face! OBS: Wetindey worry you now? (Trying to get water to wash my face) Goddy: Guy, no vex. The thing shock me now. Hope dem no touch her sha. Even if dem touch her, na she sabi. OBS: U wicked! What if she is your sister? Goddy: Guy forget that thing joor. After washing my face, Goddy continued eating while I was in search of my towel to clean my face properly when I saw a phone which was stained with soup. I picked it and asked Goddy, where you see phone now? Why you let your mumu phone fall inside the soup? Goddy: Guy, no be so. Na the time wey I dey warm the soup nahin I discover say he be like say something wey strong dey inside. Checking it, I see say na phone but I don’t have time to check who owns it. I thought about it very well and adding one plus one together, this phone was owned by one of the armed robbers and if there is a way to catching the thieves, this phone will be our guide. I cleaned the phone and tried to power it on but it seems the phone don drink soup tire. I took it an engineer at Iwo road. After about an hour, he got it working again! TO BE CONTINUED…

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EPISODE 15 “You sent her 1k recharge card, she loaded it and now flashed u. U with only N30 on your phone will now call her and ask her if she has loaded it… Bro come forward, No I won’t beat you oh, Just come forward, Oyah keep shouting FIRE!” Immediately I left the engineer’s place, I went to the police station. I met with the officer at the counter and I requested to see the DPO. I was taken to the DPO’s office and I explained everything to him. He sprung into work immediately, taking the phone to the ICT department to run some checks on the phone. I never knew Ibadan people sef get technology like that. I only see it in American movies. The DPO thanked me and promised to call me if there is any development on it. When I got home, I told Goddy about everything and he advised I should be careful because you can never trust police. They can as well turn the case back to your head. My people, na so he be? 6 days later, I received a call from the DPO informing me that the gangs has been arrested and I should come to the station and see things for myself. I was happy. Am not doing this for anything but to know who actually led them to our house and most importantly, who raped Ify. About an hour later, Goddy and I got to the station. We went straight to the DPO’s office and he was very happy to see me. He thanked me for assisting them in getting the boys. He called one of the sergeant to bring one of the boys that was arrested. Some minutes later, two guys was dragged to the DPO’s office and what I see made me want to go mad. KABIRU AJANLEKOKO! I screamed

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EPISODE 16 “Simple Maths, If you have N2OO and your girl has N50, she now has N25O” #Fact # Flashback We were in the staff room gisting and talking aftersome couple of lectures when Mr. Lanre, one of the staffs of the school was gisting us about things happening in the school and the caliber of student we have. He said most of them are cultist and they are very dangerous. He said KabiruAjanlekoko popularly known as K1 among his peeps is their gang leader. He said he has raped some of the girls in the school but no one dare report him to the school authority because even the principal is scared of him. He had showed the principal some stunts which the principal will never forget. Stunts like bursting the tires of the principal, stealing exam scripts and the peak of it was when technology was poured on his chair. Did you know what technology is? Yoruba call it “Werepe”. He was also known to toast any female corper brought to the school but if you know your way, you might escape his wrath. Ify once told me he toasted her and she had given him a dirty slap. According to Ify, she said he promised to show him and I guess he has truly shown her. Isn’t it? Initiating a robbery attack and in that case, raping Ify. Back to the present Ogacorper, kilonshele? Kabiru said. Did you know him? The DPO asked me. Yes, I know him. He is one of our student in my school. Take him away. The DPO ordered the sergent that brought him in. We will investigate this matter further and if possible, we will have to come to your school to see the principal. What about the others? I asked him? Unfortunately we met just 4 of them where they were captured. We will get back to you as soon as possible. Thank you very much gentlemen corp members for your assistance in the case. He shook our hands and we left. I became much closer to Ify so she could forget about the bad incident that happened. I also informed her that some of the robbers has been captured and surprisingly K1, was the leader of the robbers that attacked us. It was really a bad incident that I won’t forget in a hurry and I prayed something of such should not happen to me again. Life as a corp member in Ibadan!


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… EPISODE 17 “Gala is now N70, Handkerchief is now N70, Titus Sardine is now N300, smallest detergent is N30, Smallest bread N80, Egg roll with half egg N80, Is the trumpet not ready to be blown? “THE KIDNAP INCIDENCE I woke up this morning having a slight headache. It was just as if I just finished a race with Usian Bolt because the rate at which I was breathing was quite alarming. I just had a terrible nightmare where I dreamt I was kidnapped by some ritualist and we were taken to an unknown destination where we were all killed. God Forbid! I breathed calmly then I rose up from the bed to pray. After praying for like 5 minutes, I looked up and I was surprised to see Goddy already dressed ready to go out. Goddy: Obs, wetin do you? Why were you breathing heavily like that? I saw you when you woke up and all the drama you were performing while praying. What’s wrong? OBS: Guy, I had a very bad dream. And you know I don’t joke with my dreams. They somehow come to pass if I am not careful about it. Goddy: Guy, you don come again with this your dream. Abina because you no chop go sleep yesterday nahindey affect you? OBS: Oops! (Then it occurred to me that truly we didn’t have anything for dinner yesterday) Goddy: See you. Na hungry dey do you. You better stand up and let’s go for CDS joor. Goddy was right. Hunger could make you have a bad dream at times. The economic recession going on in the country is virtually affecting everybody. Gone were those days when you dream that you were eating pounded yam, Jollof rice, fried rice, Chicken, Turkey, even Elephant Meat. Now a days, you can’t even dream of such again. The economic recession has affected the witches and wizards. Dem sef don see food chop, talk-less of giving to someone else? I brushed aside the thought of the dream and headed straight to the bathroom. After 15 minutes, I was back in the room but the atmosphere I left it was not the way I met it. TO BE CONTINUED…

Episode 18&19 EPISODE 18 “The brain is the most outstanding organ. It works for 24 hours, 365 days, right from your birth until you fall in love. Then the foolishness starts” I saw Goddy singing a song in his local dialect, thanking God with his phone in his hands. All I could do was to stand at a point, watching the drama that was being performed by Godwin. Obs, Lateef don show! Godwin said. Gerraheremehn. Today na 29 naa. I replied. Check your phone. Godwin replied. Immediately I picked my phone and I saw a message from “UNIONBANK”, I was smiling, then I opened the message. Behold federal government has performed wonders. Allowy don show. I don see alert, Godwin! It was a good thing that we saw the alert this morning because we really don’t know what we were going to eat throughout today. Now I confirmed the truth behind the adage in the local palace that says “when you no get money, nah in hunger go dey fire you but when you have money, you won’t fill hungry. How true is that (Oya, make una start the debate). Goddy, I will advise we go for CDS first, then immediately after CDS, we will go to the bank, then from the bank to the market before going home. I told Goddy. Guy, forget that thing o. We gats cash that money first, chop better thing before we dey go for any CDS o. To hell with CDS! Goddy said. A hungry man is indeed an angry man. I had no choice but to agree with him but if only we knew, we would have gone for CDS first. It was past 8 already when we left our apartment, walking happily to the bus stop hoping aGood Samaritan would carry us to the bank along the road. Who says na only woman like taking lift? Corpers love it more! We got to the banking hall to meet just a not to long queue. We both filled the withdrawal slip and waited till it got to our turn. Goddy and I was at our able best cracking all sorts of jokes inside the bank. There was this middle aged man who was enjoying everybit of our show. The Unionbank officials was like “You this corpers, una don come again abi? Where is your withdrawal slip make we answer unajoor? One of them even asked if we both studied Comedy science in school. Everybody laughed. Few minutes later, we were done. I asked the security man for the way to the toilet and I quickly excused myself to visit the toilet. Na person wey chop nah in dey s–t. I had different plans. I actually went there to separate the money into different pocket. I’ve never done that before but I don’t know the spirit that led me there. Few minutes later, I was out of the toilet while Godwin and I strolled out of the bank to get abus then we saw a car parked beside us. When we checked who it was, we discovered it was the man we met some few minutes ago at the bank. Hey Funny Corpers, where are you guys heading to? The man asked. Acually sir, we are going to Academy. Come in. Let me drop you guys off. The man replied. Oga mi, thank you sir. Goddy said happily and he has already opened the back door. I was feeling somehow about the whole thing and I felt reluctant to go inside the car. Everything seems strange and it’s just like a play being replayed. Goddy dragged me inside the car and the man zoomed off. O boy, wetindey do you now? You no know say this man don save us N100 so? That one buy Kerosine now. Goddy whispered into my ears. The little traffic caused by the long trailers was really making me pissed off because we are late already. Few minutes later, Goddy and I was feeling sleepy and before I could think about what was happening, everything went black out.
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Episode 18&19 EPISODE 18 “The brain is the most outstanding organ. It works for 24 hours, 365 days, right from your birth until you fall in love. Then the foolishness starts” I saw Goddy singing a song in his local dialect, thanking God with his phone in his hands. All I could do was to stand at a point, watching the drama that was being performed by Godwin. Obs, Lateef don show! Godwin said. Gerraheremehn. Today na 29 naa. I replied. Check your phone. Godwin replied. Immediately I picked my phone and I saw a message from “UNIONBANK”, I was smiling, then I opened the message. Behold federal government has performed wonders. Allowy don show. I don see alert, Godwin! It was a good thing that we saw the alert this morning because we really don’t know what we were going to eat throughout today. Now I confirmed the truth behind the adage in the local palace that says “when you no get money, nah in hunger go dey fire you but when you have money, you won’t fill hungry. How true is that (Oya, make una start the debate). Goddy, I will advise we go for CDS first, then immediately after CDS, we will go to the bank, then from the bank to the market before going home. I told Goddy. Guy, forget that thing o. We gats cash that money first, chop better thing before we dey go for any CDS o. To hell with CDS! Goddy said. A hungry man is indeed an angry man. I had no choice but to agree with him but if only we knew, we would have gone for CDS first. It was past 8 already when we left our apartment, walking happily to the bus stop hoping aGood Samaritan would carry us to the bank along the road. Who says na only woman like taking lift? Corpers love it more! We got to the banking hall to meet just a not to long queue. We both filled the withdrawal slip and waited till it got to our turn. Goddy and I was at our able best cracking all sorts of jokes inside the bank. There was this middle aged man who was enjoying everybit of our show. The Unionbank officials was like “You this corpers, una don come again abi? Where is your withdrawal slip make we answer unajoor? One of them even asked if we both studied Comedy science in school. Everybody laughed. Few minutes later, we were done. I asked the security man for the way to the toilet and I quickly excused myself to visit the toilet. Na person wey chop nah in dey s–t. I had different plans. I actually went there to separate the money into different pocket. I’ve never done that before but I don’t know the spirit that led me there. Few minutes later, I was out of the toilet while Godwin and I strolled out of the bank to get abus then we saw a car parked beside us. When we checked who it was, we discovered it was the man we met some few minutes ago at the bank. Hey Funny Corpers, where are you guys heading to? The man asked. Acually sir, we are going to Academy. Come in. Let me drop you guys off. The man replied. Oga mi, thank you sir. Goddy said happily and he has already opened the back door. I was feeling somehow about the whole thing and I felt reluctant to go inside the car. Everything seems strange and it’s just like a play being replayed. Goddy dragged me inside the car and the man zoomed off. O boy, wetindey do you now? You no know say this man don save us N100 so? That one buy Kerosine now. Goddy whispered into my ears. The little traffic caused by the long trailers was really making me pissed off because we are late already. Few minutes later, Goddy and I was feeling sleepy and before I could think about what was happening, everything went black out.
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