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The Divorcé Woman - Literature (3) - Nairaland

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Re: The Divorcé Woman by alcmene: 9:49am On Jul 01, 2018
You're a genius bro...keep it up
Re: The Divorcé Woman by Born2Breed(f): 11:11am On Jul 01, 2018
grin grin grin
The main character here sounds like Nkem Owoh aka Ukwa.

I've not had a good laugh reading for a long time.

You are a genius and your parables,i swear you be Methuselah.

Keep it up!
Re: The Divorcé Woman by CowHard: 12:39pm On Jul 01, 2018
Born2Breed:
grin grin grin The main character here sounds like Nkem Owoh aka Ukwa.
I've not had a good laugh reading for a long time.
You are a genius and your parables,i swear you be Methuselah.
Keep it up!

Daalu nne...thanks
Re: The Divorcé Woman by CowHard: 12:40pm On Jul 01, 2018
update coming shortly
Re: The Divorcé Woman by Pablo95(m): 1:01pm On Jul 01, 2018
CowHard:
update coming shortly
Make d update come ni o....no time to check time
Re: The Divorcé Woman by CowHard: 2:20pm On Jul 01, 2018
As I left my friend's place, I was surprised on what came out of my mouth. "So good thing can actually come from Jerusalem" I murmured as I trekked home.
At home and resting on top of my late father's CG125 motorcycle, noises began to emanate from our neighbor's compound. What really made it strange and unusual was the fact that it was the man's voice that was heard soliciting for help. "Its like I will just leave this village" I said and reluctantly went to know what's the problem. What I saw was incredible and unbelievable. My neighbor's wife was verbally and physically assaulting his husband.
Not that she was only assaulting him but held onto his 'manhood' as she swung the man like she was throwing dirt's into the public refuse bin.
"Haba madam do you want to kill your husband" I shouted and made to pull her hand from the man's 'manhood'.
"If you detach it from his waist, where else do you expect him to pass out urine from even if you no longer need the service of the black object" I continued.
"I told my father not to marry this woman for me but he refused" said the husband on the ground. "If you don't shut up now, I will leave you for your wife to handle you properly" I lashed out at the man as his outstretched figure laid on the ground like a bale of Okrika

"He must tell me his business with Gladys before I leave him" the woman said while still holding the man at a very bad juncture.
"Madam this thing you're holding tightly has no bone and can be easily cut, please leave him let's hear him out" I pleaded.
"What's use is this to me when he can't go more than one round" the woman thundered.
"Wait, do you guys have a boxing ring in the house where you slug it out for as many rounds as you want or...I don't understand" I interrupted.
"How can my father marry a woman that is 3 times my size. Now see how she defeats me in everything" the man said this time sounding sorrowful.

1 Like

Re: The Divorcé Woman by akpota(m): 2:39pm On Jul 01, 2018
Rib cracking chapter. Abeg keep posting!!!
Re: The Divorcé Woman by hollawuyi2013(m): 5:01pm On Jul 01, 2018
You too gbasky baba.....More update.
Re: The Divorcé Woman by CowHard: 7:39pm On Jul 01, 2018
"Oga whats your business with Gladys let me know how to save you because I can't guarantee the safety of your teeth with the type of blow your wife is moulding" I asked the man.
I then pleaded with the wife " madam if you must hold him, please hold his tongue or ears because that place you're holding him is ungodly and may result to a deformed baby"
Fortunately the wife removed her hands from the man's troubled spot and cleaned her palms on the ground.
"Gladys is only my customer" said the husband.
"Bia this man will you tell us in details or I should tell your wife to return her hands from where they are coming from" I threatened.
Almost in tears the man said "Ugo, I've been a good neighbor to you;even my goats refrain from destroying your crops"

"Yes you have been good to me including your animals, but tell us what you're doing with Gladys that made your wife wanting to send you to your early grave" I replied
"Please tell my wife to straighten her palm because she's still moulding a blow and may land it on my chin if I explain further" he pleaded. I then pleaded with the wife and she straightened her palm and appeared less pugnacious.
"Gladys is my ex girlfriend, I went to her when my wife decided not to sleep in our bedroom" he said.
"So because your wife decided not to sleep in the bedroom, you decided to cheat on her" I queried him.
"You will not understand, it goes beyond sleeping in the bedroom" he submitted
"I think I should leave you guys to continue with your affairs" I said and made to leave.

"Please don't go, this woman will kill me with her bare hands" the man pleaded.
I then pleaded with the wife forgive her husband since he has quit the Gladys of a woman.
To the man, I told him to avoid Gladys at all cost else, I will not be around to save him from his wife's thunderous blows.
As I left, I saw the woman lift the man from the ground and I whispered to the woman "please sleep in the bedroom this time for I'm tired of mediating on issues of friends and neighbors"

1 Like

Re: The Divorcé Woman by CowHard: 5:13pm On Jul 02, 2018
My friend visited me a week later to inform that his sister's husband has accepted to take her back after the family completed the fasting and prayer.
We rejoiced and he disclosed to me the plans put in place to formerly 'cleanse' her sister and get her back to her husband's house.
The day of the occasion came and we were handed the job of buying the palm wine drink for the occasion.
So I left, together with Mkpokoro to the palm wine market.
"Come and check this one" said a man on slippers made of Engine fan belt as he used his left hand to chase flies from the gallon.
I made to price the palm wine only to see some men 'drinking' from the same gallon in turn.
We later bought after much hesitation as a result of the 'testing' method.
Back home, we were again given the duty of killing the goat that has been tied to a tree.

The goat on sighting our sharpened knife and probably sensing danger began to bleat on top of it's voice. The bleating and indirect plea touched me and I said to my friend.
"Guy I'm no longer interested in sniffing life out of this goat. The blood of this innocent goat shall not be on my head"
Mkpokoro with a hardened heart like the Egyptian Pharaoh replied "let its blood, intestines, head and laps be on my head and stomach" The goat's plea and bleating fell on deaf ears as my friend slit the throat without remorse. The next thing I saw was the goat shining its dirty teeth on fire.
At the backyard were women cooking and testing the soup endlessly.
Soon the foods and meat were ready and everyone served. The kindred were seated at the front yard together with the in-laws.

After the traditional rites were observed, the in-laws made to leave with their unofficial new wife. Mkpokoro's sister emerged from the backyard looking remorseful and embraced her equally unofficial husband.
Her mother came forward, shedding tears and grabbed her daughter as she knelt down.
"You're no longer a divorcé woman. The rest of my daughter will learn from this; I wish your father was alive to save us from this embarrassment" her mother said amidst tears from mother and daughter under the public watch.
Tears started rolling down the eyes of onlookers. The husband came forward, embraced his wife and said " I've forgiven you, come and take care of your home".
She then bid farewell to everyone and left with her in-laws as her family and well wishers sobbed.

STORY ENDS.....

3 Likes

Re: The Divorcé Woman by KpagoGIN(m): 5:20pm On Jul 02, 2018
Curtains closed........
Re: The Divorcé Woman by SPDAZZY(f): 6:17pm On Jul 02, 2018
CowHard:
"Why did you decide to run away from that shop like that na?" Mkpokoro asked.
"So you never hear that voom ka mma karia statement" I replied.
"Besides accidental discharge may occur and I wouldn't like to die from a bullet wound" I explained further.
I then told him that its high time they reach out to her sister's 'original' husband for forgiveness and reunion for we can't continue to be running like we are preparing for the summer Olympics.
He promised that he will discuss it with his family when we get home.
The next day I went to his house to know the extent they have gone with the discussion. I decided not to knock on the gate to avoid a repetition of the disgraceful run.

For the first time ever, my friend's mother welcomed me with cheers.
"You're more or less a member of this family, please advise us on the best way to approach this case" the mother said.
She continued "since my husband died, we have been making many unpopular decisions as a result of lack of a male figure to guide us"
"My husband's relatives have all abandoned us to our fate; my family has gone astray"
At this point, the woman has started sobbing and I almost joined but remembered I'm a man and held back tears.
"Mama what's your daughter's position on the issue; is she willing to apologize to her husband and return to his home? I asked.
"My son, she has no option and the family's agreement is for her to reunite with him and we have decided to approach my husband's relatives to accompany us to her husband's house for apology" she replied.

"Mama, it's the duty of your daughter to make the first move and not that of your husband's relatives" I told her
"You women have this uncanny way of making the strongest heart melt like an ice. Your daughter should approach him privately and should continue doing until he gives her audience because the man will possibly snub her at the initial stage" I said at the admiration of the woman.
Continuing, I said"we also need to back up this program with prayers and fasting to avoid the enemies spoiling the whole thing. Mama you people should fast from 6am-3pm and do midnight prayers for seven days while I fast from 6am-9am"
Mkpokoro's mother thanked me so much and asked her daughter to give me food. It was Akpu and egwusi soup and I enjoyed it.
"Lower your voices while praying in the midnight to avoid attracting the Neighborhood watch security" I told them as I made to leave.

LOL, crook!
Re: The Divorcé Woman by CowHard: 7:23pm On Jul 02, 2018
SPDAZZY:

LOL, crook!

Before nko...you want us to share it equal?
Re: The Divorcé Woman by tyeenigga(m): 9:38am On Jul 03, 2018
I love the story pls we need more, a must read for all intending divorcee
Re: The Divorcé Woman by CowHard: 11:12am On Jul 03, 2018
tyeenigga:
I love the story pls we need more, a must read for all intending divorcee

Oliver twist...lol
Re: The Divorcé Woman by BuariCopyPaste: 7:00pm On Jul 04, 2018
Well-done niga
Re: The Divorcé Woman by Cmyname(m): 9:28am On Jul 05, 2018
Nice story bro.

But this your moniker be like "cowhead." That is the name that comes to my mind anytime I see this your "cowhard."
Re: The Divorcé Woman by SaiNigeria: 4:22pm On Jul 05, 2018
Publish this story and thank me later.....
Re: The Divorcé Woman by SaiNigeria: 11:33pm On Jul 12, 2018
CowHard:
My friend visited me a week later to inform that his sister's husband has accepted to take her back after the family completed the fasting and prayer.
We rejoiced and he disclosed to me the plans put in place to formerly 'cleanse' her sister and get her back to her husband's house.
The day of the occasion came and we were handed the job of buying the palm wine drink for the occasion.
So I left, together with Mkpokoro to the palm wine market.
"Come and check this one" said a man on slippers made of Engine fan belt as he used his left hand to chase flies from the gallon.
I made to price the palm wine only to see some men 'drinking' from the same gallon in turn.
We later bought after much hesitation as a result of the 'testing' method.
Back home, we were again given the duty of killing the goat that has been tied to a tree.

The goat on sighting our sharpened knife and probably sensing danger began to bleat on top of it's voice. The bleating and indirect plea touched me and I said to my friend.
"Guy I'm no longer interested in sniffing life out of this goat. The blood of this innocent goat shall not be on my head"
Mkpokoro with a hardened heart like the Egyptian Pharaoh replied "let its blood, intestines, head and laps be on my head and stomach" The goat's plea and bleating fell on deaf ears as my friend slit the throat without remorse. The next thing I saw was the goat shining its dirty teeth on fire.
At the backyard were women cooking and testing the soup endlessly.
Soon the foods and meat were ready and everyone served. The kindred were seated at the front yard together with the in-laws.

After the traditional rites were observed, the in-laws made to leave with their unofficial new wife. Mkpokoro's sister emerged from the backyard looking remorseful and embraced her equally unofficial husband.
Her mother came forward, shedding tears and grabbed her daughter as she knelt down.
"You're no longer a divorcé woman. The rest of my daughter will learn from this; I wish your father was alive to save us from this embarrassment" her mother said amidst tears from mother and daughter under the public watch.
Tears started rolling down the eyes of onlookers. The husband came forward, embraced his wife and said " I've forgiven you, come and take care of your home".
She then bid farewell to everyone and left with her in-laws as her family and well wishers sobbed.

STORY ENDS.....

We dey wait for another story
Re: The Divorcé Woman by BuariCopyPaste: 6:10am On Jul 14, 2018
SaiNigeria:

We dey wait for another story

If you write your own you go die?
Re: The Divorcé Woman by CowHard: 10:44am On Jul 15, 2018
SaiNigeria:

We dey wait for another story
Lol...coming up with another tonight

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