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Why Your Husband Won't Meet Your Needs - Family (2) - Nairaland

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Re: Why Your Husband Won't Meet Your Needs by KanwuliaExtra: 6:47pm On Jul 10, 2018
cococandy:
I can bet you’re a little bit of both

While your roots may never leave you, your environment will inevitably impact you


Absolutely correct!
Only because I live in the U.S.A.
I am an American Feminista only wink, but an African woman who is used to dealing with ONLY AFRICAN/NIGERIAN MEN.

Don’t be too emotionally needy.
Never GIVE more than you receive or you get ripped off, used and abused. kiss
Dem nor dey appreciate o, but they want you to GIVE YOUR ALL. wink
Never beg for money or honey. kiss

No OLOSHO work or Sugar Daddy to pay for hia o.
On your own! O. Y. O.!
I love it. smiley

1 Like 1 Share

Re: Why Your Husband Won't Meet Your Needs by KanwuliaExtra: 7:03pm On Jul 10, 2018
crackhaus:

Congratulations on your longetivity, we dey count awa own dey come small small.

Now we are talking!
Levels please! cool

2 Likes

Re: Why Your Husband Won't Meet Your Needs by Greatzeus(m): 9:17pm On Jul 10, 2018
crackhaus:
Expository write-up, quite balanced. The writer comes off as someone who has broken free from the cage of SELF and transcended into the realm of enlightenment.

The moment a woman starts making her HAPPINESS dependent on HER NEEDS and of course expecting her spouse to be the one who meets them, she will always remain unhappy and unfulfilled simply because a woman's needs are endless.
There will always be something the man is yet to do for her which he hasn't done yet.

The question is, "why would any woman do that to themselves"
My answer is, "They don't even know they did"
Expository what? Just comment and stop pretending that you read that aimless crap up there, cos you didn't

2 Likes

Re: Why Your Husband Won't Meet Your Needs by crackhaus: 9:34pm On Jul 10, 2018
Greatzeus:

Expository what? Just comment and stop pretending that you read that aimless crap up there, cos you didn't
I did not read it?

3 Likes

Re: Why Your Husband Won't Meet Your Needs by crackhaus: 9:41pm On Jul 10, 2018
KanwuliaExtra:

Now we are talking! Levels please! cool
Congratulations on your levels.
Re: Why Your Husband Won't Meet Your Needs by KanwuliaExtra: 9:45pm On Jul 10, 2018
crackhaus:

Congratulations on your levels.

Amen oooooo.
Many may never reach there! wink
Re: Why Your Husband Won't Meet Your Needs by crackhaus: 9:49pm On Jul 10, 2018
KanwuliaExtra:

Amen oooooo. Many may never reach there! wink
Many already did. wink
Re: Why Your Husband Won't Meet Your Needs by KanwuliaExtra: 10:01pm On Jul 10, 2018
crackhaus:

Many already did. wink

Are you one? wink
Re: Why Your Husband Won't Meet Your Needs by KanwuliaExtra: 10:06pm On Jul 10, 2018
chisco82:

Sorry, @ the bolded, are you a divorcee, how many time have you divorced ?

Is that the topic for discussion? grin
Na for NL I go tell my tory? wink
Tufiakwa! kiss

2 Likes

Re: Why Your Husband Won't Meet Your Needs by crackhaus: 10:09pm On Jul 10, 2018
KanwuliaExtra:


Are you one? wink
30 years in marriage?
I'm not that old cheesy

Does this now invalidate the fact that MANY people have crossed that milestone?
Re: Why Your Husband Won't Meet Your Needs by KanwuliaExtra: 10:10pm On Jul 10, 2018
crackhaus:

30 years in marriage?
I'm not that old na cheesy

Does this now invalidate the fact that MANY people have crossed that milestone?

Which milestone?

Longevity in marriage or emotional/sexual satisfaction? wink
Re: Why Your Husband Won't Meet Your Needs by crackhaus: 10:17pm On Jul 10, 2018
KanwuliaExtra:


Which milestone?

Longevity in marriage or emotional/sexual satisfaction? wink
Longetivity in marriage is what I congratulated you for, not your emotional/sexual satisfaction which can't be proven by any measure.
Re: Why Your Husband Won't Meet Your Needs by KanwuliaExtra: 1:46am On Jul 11, 2018
crackhaus:

Longetivity in marriage is what I congratulated you for, not your emotional/sexual satisfaction which can't be proven by any measure.

cheesy grin cheesy grin cheesy


Longevity is more important to me. Satisfaction?
With a Nigerian man? shocked
NEVER.

First to quench. . . . Is the name of the game! cool
Re: Why Your Husband Won't Meet Your Needs by Nobody: 2:39am On Jul 11, 2018
KanwuliaExtra:


Is that the topic for discussion? grin
Na for NL I go tell my tory? wink
Tufiakwa! kiss
Lol! Okay naa, feel free to tell me via pm grin grin grin
Re: Why Your Husband Won't Meet Your Needs by KanwuliaExtra: 2:41am On Jul 11, 2018
chisco82:

Lol! Okay naa, feel free to tell me via pm grin grin grin

Habaaaaaaaa. . . . !
PM ke?
This na 2018 o.
PM still dey reign? cheesy
Re: Why Your Husband Won't Meet Your Needs by Nobody: 4:34am On Jul 11, 2018
KanwuliaExtra:


Habaaaaaaaa. . . . !
PM ke?
This na 2018 o.
PM still dey reign? cheesy
Wetin you wan say make i talk naa, abi u go tell oga Seun make him remove the Pm button since this is 2018.
Wetin dey reign, how u wan tell me naa?
Re: Why Your Husband Won't Meet Your Needs by andrey1985: 8:57am On Jul 11, 2018
Men with erectile dysfunction are benefiting greatly from this medication. The generic Viagra is for men with ED. It will not only restore your sexually capacity but also restore your happiness.
Re: Why Your Husband Won't Meet Your Needs by KanwuliaExtra: 9:04am On Jul 11, 2018
chisco82:

Wetin you wan say make i talk naa, abi u go tell oga Seun make him remove the Pm button since this is 2018.
Wetin dey reign, how u wan tell me naa?

Gooooood morning! wink
Abeg, lef my mata o.
I ain’t gat nothing to tell! kiss
I don’t do PMs, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, Mindspace, IMO or whatever.
I don’t discuss my private life.

The gist wey I dey gist for NL nor get anything to do with my private life. kiss

The dey I go open thread to ask for ADVICE or HELP, feel free!

*tufiakwa to the highest pawa*
Re: Why Your Husband Won't Meet Your Needs by bukatyne(f): 5:08pm On Jul 11, 2018
crackhaus:

No be only 10 out of 15, why not just 1 out of 15 and the wife should be grateful cheesy

Don't you see how you ladies think? grin grin

I am sure you meant 11 out of 15.

Who wouldn't be grateful for 11? grin
Re: Why Your Husband Won't Meet Your Needs by bukatyne(f): 5:49pm On Jul 11, 2018
enabledgoddess:



True talk. I remember when I used to expect my husband to do everything for me;he never always met my expectations and that made me unhappy every time. If something didn't go right, I will say if only you had done this, if only you have bought this , if only I had this . I expected him to do all this. Then I realized he is only a human , prone to fail and has needs too. I began to tell myself to do something by myself and appreciate the ones he can and learn to wait for him to fulfil his promises. I became happier and well mentally. It is dangerous for another human to depend fully on another human. Love is beautiful when we don't expect our happiness from our spouse. After all having all our needs met by our men do not equate happy marriage

Good one.

Want to give vague examples of some needs you are referring to?
Re: Why Your Husband Won't Meet Your Needs by bukatyne(f): 5:59pm On Jul 11, 2018
KanwuliaExtra:


I be AMERICAN WIFE? shocked
As an AFRICAN WIFE. . . . . 2 things I can NEVER TRUST ANY MAN WITH ARE MY WALLET ANS MY HEART! I guard both seriously! kiss

There are many dangers with trying to “copy” western marriages. It is easier to meet the needs of a man than a man meeting the needs of a woman. We are not raised in western ways. The concept of relationship and marriage is PURELY CONTRACTUAL in Africa. kiss

In Africa? ? ? WOMAN GO WAIT TAYA KE! grin
The reason I have CONDITIONED myself not to EXPECT too much. I can NEVER give less than I receive sha! kiss

If he says good morning, I say good morning.
I have learned not to give where I don’t receive!
I way to self-absorbed to look at any man’s face.
I nor get that kain time. cool I don’t have that “finicky need” to feel special with gifts of “flowers” or “G-Wagon Assurances”! kiss

My emotional bank akkant dey always “GBAGAM” for myself than invest foolishly in NIGERIAN MEN. kiss

I have only dated and married Nigerian men. . . .So I get them formula wella-wella! cheesy

No emotional of financial FREEEEEEBIES! kiss
Efry barry. . . . how im own o! kiss

Hahahahahahahahahhahahahahahaha at 'African wife'.

I agree sha the concept of needs met and what not is a 'foreign concept' in typical Nigerian marriages.

Husband provide, wife cares for the family and everyone finds their 'fulfilment' in drinks, children, side chics, gossip partners, witchcraft, work, age groups etc.

It is our generation that talks about needs. It is will interesting to study the correlation between 'destruction' (for lack of a better word) of the extended family and growth of unmet 'needs' in marriage.
Re: Why Your Husband Won't Meet Your Needs by bukatyne(f): 6:00pm On Jul 11, 2018
crackhaus:

Nice one cool

Some women were not so lucky to figure this out before giving up on their marriages and citing 'irreconcilable differences' as the only reason.

True at the 'irreconcilable differences'
Re: Why Your Husband Won't Meet Your Needs by bukatyne(f): 6:17pm On Jul 11, 2018
cococandy:


I still think she shouldn’t generalize. I’m an American wife and that doesn’t describe me or any of my friends. However, it is true that there are unappreciative women out there. They are not the majority.

okay



see? Something like this. . Maybe I’m naive for thinking most women would naturally appreciate and bask in the moment of A rather than look out for B-Z. Or maybe because I’ve seen what ingratitude does in a relationship so I appreciate everything I receive. But I don’t believe I’m in the minority. Which is the only problem I have with her post. If she knows a handful or ladies who do this, it doesn’t mean that’s the norm.

this might be true for those who are not used to receiving tenderness from their men. If it happens often, they would know it’s part of their love life. Otherwise, I can see how the rare act of tenderness would evoke suspicion. (that doesn’t make it right) but it makes it understandable.

awesome

I’m sorry I don’t understand what you mean by this.

that’s mature



I agree they are good. I was reading it however and I kept going “that’s not me”, “that’s not me”. So while she has great points, it doesn’t describe most women.

Hahahahahahahahahhahahahahahaha at 'American wife'.

The American wife proper will start from your daughter because she is born and brought up there.

You are still looking at Oyinbo things with Nigerian eyes.

Like you said, you saw what ingratitude did to a relationship and made a conscious effort not to be like that.

Well, our men will be able to ascertain if most women are not like that. The customer (husband) determines the value of the (wife). Ditto the wife.

I however agree that most women would not have all the issues... one here, one there.

On a different note: a lot of men complain about not getting sex from their wives so.....

Re understanding: if my husband said 'babe, do this (99.99% cooking)' and put me in a tight corner e.g. ask where someone is, I would do it well (I love food looking and tasting good so my tiredness/reluctance has no effect on it.

His appreciation makes me super duper irritated. A better appreciation would not to put me in a tight spot.

I would also feel this way irrespective of the person.

1 Like

Re: Why Your Husband Won't Meet Your Needs by enabledgoddess(f): 6:36pm On Jul 11, 2018
bukatyne:


Good one.

Want to give vague examples of some needs you are referring to?

Both emotional, physical and financial. For example, I used to expect him to automatically know when I'm sad and to guess right and do exactly what I want even when I don't ask. I used to expect him to buy all I say we need without agreeing to wait. If he say wait I just withdraw till I force him to even when not convenient. Physically, for example he often help me take the hanger out to spread my cloth. One day I woke him up to take the hanger out. He said wait let me rest a bit I got sad . but since I have learnt to wait and do what I can do myself and communicate more and expect less and told myself I can be happy. Guess what, we quarrel less and he's seem happier too and the sex have increased because fight has reduced. Lol I used to complain about him not being appreciative, now he appreciates and sends thank you messages from work. Truly, men can't meet all our needs so why hang our happiness to that ?

1 Like

Re: Why Your Husband Won't Meet Your Needs by bukatyne(f): 9:51pm On Jul 11, 2018
enabledgoddess:


Both emotional, physical and financial. For example, I used to expect him to automatically know when I'm sad and to guess right and do exactly what I want even when I don't ask. I used to expect him to buy all I say we need without agreeing to wait. If he say wait I just withdraw till I force him to even when not convenient. Physically, for example he often help me take the hanger out to spread my cloth. One day I woke him up to take the hanger out. He said wait let me rest a bit I got sad . but since I have learnt to wait and do what I can do myself and communicate more and expect less and told myself I can be happy. Guess what, we quarrel less and he's seem happier too and the sex have increased because fight has reduced. Lol I used to complain about him not being appreciative, now he appreciates and sends thank you messages from work. Truly, men can't meet all our needs so why hang our happiness to that ?

Thanks a lot for the detailed response.

Three points I picked:

More patience;
Communicating better in plainer terms;
Reducing expectations.

I am sure the patience and waiting part did the most magic and so happy that sex has increased wink.

See how changing yourself also brought out the 'qualities' you thought he didn't have.

A number of lessons to be learnt.

Good one.

2 Likes

Re: Why Your Husband Won't Meet Your Needs by mgtow: 10:52pm On Jul 11, 2018
Insightful piece!

Unrealistic expectations have always been the bane of many a relationships/marriages, especially on the part of the woman. This is because their wants are endless.

Generally, men all over the world turn to pudding so far we are provided with good food, sex, respect, appreciation and above all, peace of mind. We are so simple it really should be annoying.

#OkBye

1 Like

Re: Why Your Husband Won't Meet Your Needs by bukatyne(f): 9:20am On Jul 12, 2018
mgtow:
Insightful piece!

Unrealistic expectations have always been the bane of many a relationships/marriages, especially on the part of the woman. This is because their wants are endless.

Generally, men all over the world turn to pudding so far we are provided with good food, sex, respect, appreciation and above all, peace of mind. We are so simple it really should be annoying.

#OkBye

The men will turn to pudding if they appreciate it else they are like the women in the OP.

So where are you going to?
Re: Why Your Husband Won't Meet Your Needs by jaksmillioniar: 1:24pm On Jul 12, 2018
KanwuliaExtra:


Absolutely correct!
Only because I live in the U.S.A.
I am an American Feminista only wink, but an African woman who is used to dealing with ONLY AFRICAN/NIGERIAN MEN.

Don’t be too emotionally needy.
Never GIVE more than you receive or you get ripped off, used and abused. kiss
Dem nor dey appreciate o, but they want you to GIVE YOUR ALL. wink
Never beg for money or honey. kiss

No OLOSHO work or Sugar Daddy to pay for hia o.
On your own! O. Y. O.!
I love it. smiley
baby did u live in america
Re: Why Your Husband Won't Meet Your Needs by jaksmillioniar: 1:26pm On Jul 12, 2018
bukatyne:


The men will turn to pudding if they appreciate it else they are like the women in the OP.

So where are you going to?
I see ur mention dear am on ban will reply later
Re: Why Your Husband Won't Meet Your Needs by crackhaus: 9:17pm On Jul 12, 2018
bukatyne:

I am sure you meant 11 out of 15.
Who wouldn't be grateful for 11? grin
A robot would better serve such a wife, not a husband. cheesy

1 Like

Re: Why Your Husband Won't Meet Your Needs by crackhaus: 9:22pm On Jul 12, 2018
bukatyne:


True at the 'irreconcilable differences'
Yup.. It's just a fancy phrase for 'we are tired, can't stand each other anymore, and too proud to work it out'.

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