@ Op
I think it's sad that this post was taken off. You asked an honest question and deserved an honest response. I am not sure why the question was removed but there is no shame in what you asked. What you are going through is completely normal. I wanted to respond to your question but refrained from doing so because you wanted people who experience what you go through and overcame it.

I will leave this link here because it has some useful advice.

https://www.nairaland.com/4599617/masturbation-think-already-pe-ed

Question
I am a young married girl of twenty-one,my desires rule over me and leave me restless, confused, frustrated and resentful, tell me o honorable sir how to get rid of evil desires in islam ?

Answer
Sexual desire is something that has been created in man and it cannot be got rid of. Getting rid of it is not something that is required of the Muslim; rather what is required of him is to refrain from using it in haraam ways, and to use it in the ways that Allaah has permitted.

The problem of desire in a young woman may be solved by taking two steps.

The first step is to reduce and weaken the things that may provoke desire in a person. This may be achieved in a number of ways, including the following:

1 – Lowering the gaze and refraining from looking at that which Allaah has forbidden. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And tell the believing women to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts)”

[al-Noor 24:31]

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Do not follow one glance with another, for the first is allowed but not the second.” There are many sources of haraam looking, such as looking directly at young men and thinking about their attractive looks, or looking at pictures in magazines and movies.

2 – Avoiding reading stories and novels which focus on the sexual aspect, and avoiding reading internet websites which deal with such topics.

3 – Keeping away from bad company.

4 – Avoiding thinking about desire as much as possible. Thinking in and of itself is not haraam, but if one thinks about it for too long, that may lead a person to haraam actions.

5 – Spending one's time in useful pursuits, because spare time may lead one to fall into haraam things.

6 – Avoiding as much as possible going to public places where young men and women mix.

7 – If a girl is tested with studying in a mixed environment, and cannot find any alternative, she has to remain modest, serious and dignified, and should avoid sitting with young men and speaking to them as much as possible. She should restrict her relationships to friendships with righteous female classmates.

The second step is:

To strengthen the factors that will prevent one acting in accordance with one’s desires. This is achieved in a number of ways, including the following:

1 – Strengthening the faith in one’s heart and strengthening one’s relationship with Allaah. This may be achieved by remembering Allaah a great deal, reading Qur’aan, thinking of the names and attributes of Allaah, and doing a lot of naafil prayers. Belief strengthens the heart and soul, and it helps one to resist temptation.

2 – Fasting, as taught by the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) when he said: “O young men, whoever among you can afford to, let him get married, for it is more effective in lowering the gaze and in guarding one’s chastity. Whoever cannot afford it, then let him fast, for it will be a shield for him.” This is addressed to young men, but it also includes young women.

3 – Strengthening one’s resolve and willpower, for this will make a young woman able to resist and control her desires.

4 – Remembering what Allaah has prepared for righteous young women. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Verily, the Muslims (those who submit to Allaah in Islam) men and women, the believers men and women (who believe in Islamic Monotheism), the men and the women who are obedient (to Allaah), the men and women who are truthful (in their speech and deeds), the men and the women who are patient (in performing all the duties which Allaah has ordered and in abstaining from all that Allaah has forbidden), the men and the women who are humble (before their Lord Allaah), the men and the women who give Sadaqaat (i.e. Zakaah and alms), the men and the women who observe Sawm (fast) (the obligatory fasting during the month of Ramadaan, and the optional Nawafil fasting), the men and the women who guard their chastity (from illegal sexual acts) and the men and the women who remember Allaah much with their hearts and tongues. Allaah has prepared for them forgiveness and a great reward (i.e. Paradise)”

[al-Ahzaab 33:35]

5 – Thinking about the lives of righteous women who guarded their chastity, such as Maryam, whom Allaah praises in the Qur’aan (interpretation of the meaning):

“And Maryam (Mary), the daughter of ‘Imraan who guarded her chastity. And We breathed into (the sleeve of her shirt or her garment) through Our Rooh [i.e. Jibreel (Gabriel)], and she testified to the truth of the Words of her Lord [i.e. believed in the Words of Allaah: “Be!” and he was; that is ‘Eesa (Jesus), son of Maryam (Mary) as a Messenger of Allaah], and (also believed in) His Scriptures, and she was of the Qaanitoon (i.e. obedient to Allaah)”
[al-Tahreem 66:12]

And thinking about the immoral, fallen women, and comparing between the two types, for there is a huge difference between them.

6 – Choosing righteous companions and spending time with them, so that they can help one another to obey and worship Allaah.

7 – Comparing the effects of immediate fulfillment of desire when a girl responds to haraam, which is followed by loss of pleasure and all that is left is regret and sorrow, with patience and striving against one’s whims and desires, and realizing that the pleasure of conquering one’s whim and desires is far greater than the pleasures of enjoying haraam things.

8 – Seeking help by calling upon Allaah and asking Him for help. The Qur’aan tells us the lesson to be learned from the story of Yoosuf (peace be upon him):

“He said: ‘O my Lord! Prison is dearer to me than that to which they invite me. Unless You turn away their plot from me, I will feel inclined towards them and be one (of those who commit sin and deserve blame or those who do deeds) of the ignorant’

So his Lord answered his invocation and turned away from him their plot. Verily, He is the All‑Hearer, the All‑Knower”

[Yoosuf 12:33 – interpretation of the meaning]

https://islamqa.info/en/20161

Q- He is suffering from excessive desire and he wants to masturbate or watch porn movies to relieve that, and he is asking which of them is less sinful?

Answer
Praise be to Allah

We are well aware – in sha Allah – of the extent to which you are suffering from stress, pain and anxiety, and we know the conflict you are living through between either striving to control desires or submitting to them and falling prey to them, between either blaming yourself for doing it or giving yourself free rein to indulge in it, so that you can find relief from this anxiety.

But we also know that you have not been able to bear the bitterness of the remedy with patience, and hence you soon give up on it and go back to your problem as soon as you taste the bitterness of the remedy.

The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Fasting is a shield,” i.e., a protection. Narrated by al-Bukhari (7492). But that does not mean that you can a put a worn-out shield with holes in it on your arm, then expect it to protect you on the battlefield! Rather we may say that you are taking it off, and thinking that you are still under its protection.

The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) also said: “O young men, whoever among you can afford it should marry, and whoever cannot afford it should fast, for it will be a shield for him.”

Narrated by al-Bukhari (5065) and Muslim (1400).

One of the effects of fasting is that it weakens desire and reduces it, but there is no way you can achieve that result if you try in only one way to weaken it, but you do not pursue the matter wholeheartedly to the end, rather you strengthen it again in other ways.

Al-Hafiz Ibn Hajar (may Allah have mercy on him) said:

What we learn from this hadeeth is that fasting suppresses sexual desire.

However, there may be a problem in that fasting increases heat in the body, and this stirs up desires.

But that only occurs in the beginning, then when one persists in fasting and gets used to it, that settles down.

End quote from Fath al-Bari, 4/119

Do you not see that you have not completed the course; rather you were content to take one step, then you began to fall back?

You need to be patient with the remedy and put up with its bitterness, and strive to overcome your nafs all the way.

You want to choose between two things: the secret habit or watching movies.

Well, suppose we tell you to go ahead and watch the movies; will that solve your problem and weaken your desire, or will it make it worse?

It may be possible to accept such a choice if in both options, or one of them, there is a solution to your problem. However, one of them is the problem, or is one type of the problem, and the other is a way that will surely lead to it. Are you, perhaps, jumping out of the frying pan into the fire? Or do you want to treat the disease with the thing that is itself the disease, then you want us to choose for you which is best for you or is the least sinful?

You will never find healing or relief in either of these two options.

Reflect upon this hadeeth that was narrated by al-Imam Muslim in his Saheeh (1984): Tariq ibn Suwayd al-Ju’fi asked the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) about khamr, and he forbade him or expressed his disapproval of his making it. He said: I only make it as a remedy. He said: “It is not a remedy, but it is a disease.”

In this case the Sahabi thought what many people think, that there is some benefit in khamr (alcohol) for treating some diseases, and he asked for a concession allowing him to make it for that reason.

But the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) explained to him that something that is itself a disease cannot bring healing from a disease; rather it will only make the disease worse.

So what you must do is strive to keep yourself chaste by means of marriage at the earliest possible opportunity. You do not have to be restricted by traditional social requirements; rather you should try to reduce these restrictions as much as possible and hasten to marry someone who will keep you chaste. Until you are able to do that, you must keep away from movies completely, lower your gaze, and refrain from this secret habit. You should also fast a great deal and strive hard therein and in other acts of worship and all kinds of permissible deeds that will benefit you in this world and in the Hereafter. Do not allow yourself any free time, because if you do not keep your nafs busy with the truth, it will keep you busy with falsehood.

This is no more than a passing desire and transient pleasure, but what will be left is regret and remorse. One wishes that this sense of sorrow would be limited to this world and would end with our death, but it is regret that never dies; it will follow us to the grave, the gathering (on the Day of Resurrection) and the standing before the Judge. Why should we lose our Hereafter for something which, if we sought the help of Allah against it, asked Him to make us steadfast in keeping away from it, and strove to overcome our nafs, we would overcome it by His grace.

There follow some ways and means that may help you, by the grace and power of Allah, to keep away from these sins:

- Hasten to repent and strive against your nafs in order to do so.

- Sincerely turn to Allah, and ask Him to help you against the evil of your nafs and to overcome your desires, and to make it easy for you to find ways to direct your desires in permissible ways, and to divert away from you that which is haram (forbidden) and that which leads to haram.

- Strive to offer prayers on time, and offer a lot of nawafil (supererogatory) prayers.

- Strive to fast and read Quran regularly.

- Always bear in mind that Allah is watching you, and that He is Most Noble and Generous, the One Who conceals sins, may He be glorified. So beware of showing audacity in committing sin, lest Allah then expose your sins

- Strive to find good friends who will help you to do good and will guide you to it.

- Try to exercise regularly and spend time in useful pursuits such as reading.

For more information, please see the answers to questions no. 329, 148007, 26985.

We ask Allah to guide you and to keep you away from evil and immorality, and to make you one of His sincere slaves.

And Allah knows best.
https://islamqa.info/en/210259