Onchedu:

The elusive man. That's who U've described. Looks good and very desirable but trust me the end with him is usually sadness to U. Firm in decision and in control of his emotions means whatever he does for U, he does cos he wants to and not ever because U "made him do it;" and what he doesn't do he doesn't do because he has chosen to not do it and there really isnt a thing U can do about it. Which woman is there alive that doesnt enjoy the secret pleasure of knowing she can make her man do things she wants him too?

Do U know what happens to a woman that feels she's helpless in influencing her man's decisions? Do U realize that she spends the rest of her life and energy trying to "break him" even if being unbroken has never been a bad thing in the long run for them?

Women want a strong firm man but trust me the one's that find the few string firm men in the core sense of it hardly ever get validation of worth from him.

Men are not strong. We are weak somewhere even when we look strong and we need wives that understand just were and can help us stand there better than we would on our own.

Maybe I misunderstood your post. A decisive man that has an internal council of "elders" and has his emotions under control with out being in consistent touch with God and living in His perfect love is the most dangerous man anyone can come across. Very attractive but dangerous cos U can't say U have him and there's just no telling what he'l decide to do next.

Then that would be my fault. Yes you have misunderstood, but that's not a problem, I don't mind re-explaining. The combination of all these factors are CRUCIAL. The average person here, seems to have a simplistic view of things - that's my opinion.

As soon as you say SOFT HEARTED they don't think of a kind and emotionally deep man, and if they do, they are unused to this idea. It is this stereotype of Nigerian and African or even just BLACK men, that many women say that they wouldn't mind dating a white man - white men seem to have eliminated this taboo to feel. Yes, you get a lot of softies, but you get some black guys who are softies too - who pretend not to be. The important bit is to be free with yourself, free enough to allow yourself to be vulnerable at times.

People are not silly, we can tell if someone is trying to hide something, and how painful would it be if my guy had to leave the house, slam the door everytime his emotions got overbearing. So imagine an extreme scenario, you're arguing about a really emotional subject - maybe you've been having trouble having a baby together, and you start to shout and get upset, you can't help it and your eyes moisten, he shouts back, and his emotions become overwhelming at seeing you upset and in such a state, so he results to the little boy, he starts shouting obscenities or insults, or the other option is to shout about getting angry, and then when most people would break emotionally, he instead is so preoccupied with hiding his emotions, that he can't wait to get out of the room, so he makes an excuse to leave, and he slams the door (there are two main extreme reactions, you either get really sad and upset, or you get really really mad) he looks angry, and possibly at you, he slams the door and leaves.

You're left there on the living room floor, cuddling yourself, and protecting yourself, and you manage to calm down after crying everything out, he's gone. And when you stop crying you start to recuperate - ALONE, and then maybe a few hours back he returns home, and maybe a few apologies and words will be exchanged but the process of knowing and learning each other's truest feelings is missed.

----

Also, I definitely prefer a man who is consistent with God.

-------


Now, the guy doesn't have to be a cry-baby. So please can people stop putting down this 'guy', a man who has tears, and sometimes comes to breaking point IS NOT A CRY-BABY. There are signs for cry babies; immaturity, pettiness, foul spirited, or emotionally dependent on you; now what girl in the right mind wants to date a man who behaves like an 8 year old boy

segzi cres:

when ladies say a guy is sweet then just know that he's a dummy.

segzi cres:

when ladies say a guy is sweet then just know that he's a dummy.

IyaBasira:

That isn't true.

Faher:

Lmao, you almost convinced me. 

Faher:

^^^ It means I don't believe you

Faher:

Any guy who has been in this situation will naturally learn his lesson and toughen up
But unlike what some ladies have said here; it's not a facade, neither does it mean that we just try to act tough.
What happens is that you become naturally tough over time because of your experiences.

Btw, a tough guy in this case is not a necessarily the tough-looking type.
It's simply a guy who has good control over his emotions and can be in control of his relationship.

I should also add; We feel emotions (pain, fear, etc) but control is necessary in most cases.

Thank you jare.

Faher:

^^^ Okay, I've done a lot of arguing on this thread but I'll give you a straight honest answer

Most guys will attest to the fact that the tougher guys have it better with the ladies
The soft ones that get ladies are sometimes allowed to do so because they can be used as mugus

Any guy who has been in this situation will naturally learn his lesson and toughen up
But unlike what some ladies have said here; it's not a facade, neither does it mean that we just try to act tough.
What happens is that you become naturally tough over time because of your experiences.

Btw, a tough guy in this case is not a necessarily the tough-looking type.
It's simply a guy who has good control over his emotions and can be in control of his relationship.

I should also add; We feel emotions (pain, fear, etc) but control is necessary in most cases.

iice:

I'm kinda like you when it comes to the independence and being opinionated.  But i don't attract the emotionally constipated ones (I wouldn't mind ).  I get the emotional wrecks. 

follypimpi:

We men are human afterall.

topup:

Lol, no guy friend of yours is going to admit that he shed a tear or two to his girlfriend LOL, so you probably won't have accurate facts.

And control over your emotions is a basic necessity for any human to survive really. I don't see what the big deal about it being a manly quality, children who can't control their emotions get bullied, same for adults - male or female.

topup:

Why do you think that is?

The best i can come up with is. . .i have this thing that inspires protective instincts That, and the challenge of changing a tiger into a leopard

iice:

The best i can come up with is. . .i have this thing that inspires protective instincts That, and the challenge of changing a tiger into a leopard

Hmmmm interesting

(The tiger/leopard being yourself).

iice:

I'm kinda like you when it comes to the independence and being opinionated.  But i don't attract the emotionally constipated ones (I wouldn't mind ).  I get the emotional wrecks. 

vivaladiva:


i tend to attract guys who r seriously emotionally constipated and i think my personality doesnt help much
they mis interprete my independence and being opinionated as a high propensity to want to dominate a man if given the chance, the fact that i have dated mostly nigerian men doesnt help much

topup:

Hmmmm interesting

(The tiger/leopard being yourself).

Yes. . .stripes can't turn into spots


@GL well said

Faher:

^^^ Okay, I've done a lot of arguing on this thread but I'll give you a straight honest answer

Most guys will attest to the fact that the tougher guys have it better with the ladies
The soft ones that get ladies are sometimes allowed to do so because they can be used as mugus

Any guy who has been in this situation will naturally learn his lesson and toughen up
But unlike what some ladies have said here; it's not a facade, neither does it mean that we just try to act tough.
What happens is that you become naturally tough over time because of your experiences.

Btw, a tough guy in this case is not a necessarily the tough-looking type.
It's simply a guy who has good control over his emotions and can be in control of his relationship.
I should also add; We feel emotions (pain, fear, etc) but control is necessary in most cases.

MRbrownJAY:

you misunderstand the type of men that are out there. i am not afraid of being hurt (unlike you) so i've always gave myself 100% to the right woman. if you think that i am a mugu because i am real to myself and her, so be it. the catch is that the passion/bond that this gal and I gonna share, you will never come close to that in any of your relationships.

yes you have to be in control of your emotions when you just meet someone or when you are not 100% secure with that person but the minute that you know that she is the one, then you have to let it out and liberate yourself in showing that gal the fantastic person you truly are in and out!

are you saying that you wouldnt show your emotions to the woman you are about to marry?! or the gal you spent few good yrs with?! what a waste of time!!!!
yes, be in control of your emotions at work or with strangers but when you are on a one on one with the person you decided to share a part your life with, dont be afraid to show your true emotional self!

imagine living life feeling pain but not being able to let it out just because you wanna act strong, while you aint and therefore suffering inside. it can never be good for any long term relationship/union because your actions wont match your being so your partner will never understand why you are pissed off or not in the mood for whatever.
you can put on an"happy mask" but your demeanor wont match.

the only way to truly love someone is to fully open up and put your heart on the table (at the mercy of being hurt). if you hold yourself because you are afraid/worry that she might hurt you then you will NEVER truly bond or love that person!

topup:

I have not described the elusive man, you have. I do not want a man to do what I want him to like you've explained, unfortunately I am not one of those ladies, the only reason I can think why someone would want that is if the guy and the lady are not on par, and he is often doing things she doesn't like. But if they are heading towards the same goal, who cares if he applies for a job first or takes some certain decisions by instinct.



"Women want a strong firm man but trust me the one's that find the few string firm men in the core sense of it hardly ever get validation of worth from him."

I agree with this, and that is why I want a strong man, who can handle his emotions but hasn't barracaded them i.e. his heart is soft. I believe this should be a human quality. I think if a man has strong emotions but definitely has a passion and shares a little sensitivity when it comes to certain issues, many problems can be evaded. Afterall you can't teach a jerk why it's important not to demoralize beggars on the street, or why it's important to be polite to those who work under you.

"Maybe I misunderstood your post. A decisive man that has an internal council of "elders" and has his emotions under control with out being in consistent touch with God and living in His perfect love is the most dangerous man anyone can come across. Very attractive but dangerous cos U can't say U have him and there's just no telling what he'l decide to do next."

Then that would be my fault. Yes you have misunderstood, but that's not a problem, I don't mind re-explaining. The combination of all these factors are CRUCIAL. The average person here, seems to have a simplistic view of things - that's my opinion.

As soon as you say SOFT HEARTED they don't think of a kind and emotionally deep man, and if they do, they are unused to this idea. It is this stereotype of Nigerian and African or even just BLACK men, that many women say that they wouldn't mind dating a white man - white men seem to have eliminated this taboo to feel. Yes, you get a lot of softies, but you get some black guys who are softies too - who pretend not to be. The important bit is to be free with yourself, free enough to allow yourself to be vulnerable at times.

People are not silly, we can tell if someone is trying to hide something, and how painful would it be if my guy had to leave the house, slam the door everytime his emotions got overbearing. So imagine an extreme scenario, you're arguing about a really emotional subject - maybe you've been having trouble having a baby together, and you start to shout and get upset, you can't help it and your eyes moisten, he shouts back, and his emotions become overwhelming at seeing you upset and in such a state, so he results to the little boy, he starts shouting obscenities or insults, or the other option is to shout about getting angry, and then when most people would break emotionally, he instead is so preoccupied with hiding his emotions, that he can't wait to get out of the room, so he makes an excuse to leave, and he slams the door (there are two main extreme reactions, you either get really sad and upset, or you get really really mad) he looks angry, and possibly at you, he slams the door and leaves.

You're left there on the living room floor, cuddling yourself, and protecting yourself, and you manage to calm down after crying everything out, he's gone. And when you stop crying you start to recuperate - ALONE, and then maybe a few hours back he returns home, and maybe a few apologies and words will be exchanged but the process of knowing and learning each other's truest feelings is missed.

----

Also, I definitely prefer a man who is consistent with God.

-------


Now, the guy doesn't have to be a cry-baby. So please can people stop putting down this 'guy', a man who has tears, and sometimes comes to breaking point IS NOT A CRY-BABY. There are signs for cry babies; immaturity, pettiness, foul spirited, or emotionally dependent on you; now what girl in the right mind wants to date a man who behaves like an 8 year old boy

We are weak somewhere even when we look strong and we need wives that understand just were and can help us stand there better than we would on our own.

vivaladiva:

i used to lov dating the so called tough guys, dey always break in the end, which was always fun 4 me a bit like breaking a wild horse, u get this sense of achievment

looooool I call them the sheep in wolf clothings.

MRbrownJAY:

you misunderstand the type of men that are out there. i am not afraid of being hurt (unlike you) so i've always gave myself 100% to the right woman. if you think that i am a mugu because i am real to myself and her, so be it. the catch is that the passion/bond that this gal and I gonna share, you will never come close to that in any of your relationships.

yes you have to be in control of your emotions when you just meet someone or when you are not 100% secure with that person but the minute that you know that she is the one, then you have to let it out and liberate yourself in showing that gal the fantastic person you truly are in and out!

are you saying that you wouldnt show your emotions to the woman you are about to marry?! or the gal you spent few good yrs with?! what a waste of time!!!!
yes, be in control of your emotions at work or with strangers but when you are on a one on one with the person you decided to share a part your life with, dont be afraid to show your true emotional self!

imagine living life feeling pain but not being able to let it out just because you wanna act strong, while you aint and therefore suffering inside. it can never be good for any long term relationship/union because your actions wont match your being so your partner will never understand why you are pissed off or not in the mood for whatever.
you can put on an"happy mask" but your demeanor wont match.

the only way to truly love someone is to fully open up and put your heart on the table (at the mercy of being hurt). if you hold yourself because you are afraid/worry that she might hurt you then you will NEVER truly bond or love that person!