OBJECTIVE
To sit in a cubicle and stare at a monitor for eight hours, occasionally looking attentive when approached by a superior.

EDUCATION
School: Very Expensive
Major: Not Important
GPA: Don't Ask

EMPLOYMENT
Network Management (9/'96-Present)
Produced daily itinerary of television programs to watch. Duties included changing channels, avoiding infomercials, and staying tuned after those messages.
Debt Consolidation (4/97-12/99)
Using various tools such as credit cards and borrowed cash, I managed to combine groups of unpaid bills into one monthly bill that goes straight to my father.
Resident Inhaler (9/98-6/99)
Assisted all students with chemical intake, from purchasing to exhaling.

COMPUTER SKILLS
*Solitaire *Minesweeper *On/Off Repair Method

HONORS AND AWARDS
*First Place in "Miller Lite Funnel Tournament"
*Said Toast at brother's wedding
*High Score on Theta Chi's Pinball Machine

For further references, contact my mother. For positive responses, please pose all questions as though you're considering me as a law school applicant.