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Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes - Family (4) - Nairaland

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Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by thorpido(m): 7:20pm On Sep 03, 2018
Sadgirl1281:
House please is it okay as I see his Mum tomorrow to narrate every single thing to her even though it’s the past. My dad said there was no need to move on and just try to fix things but I’m worried about the damage about me. Even if it wouldn’t change anything as long as blood is thicker than water, can I just for the sake of my sanity?
You can meet the mom but you don't have to talk too much or get on the defensive.Just narrate what happened,tempers were flared and it happened and you are sorry about it.
You are human so don't 'hang yourself'.

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Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by extremelygolden: 7:35pm On Sep 03, 2018
Sadgirl1281:


Trust me when I say I know these things. I am even shocked. But what will the world say or what they see, what he is holding on to and people see is I was physical. I pushed him so it surpasses all things. Trust me I want to give up but since the aim is to bring him back home at least and for peace to reign. Hopefully with time, the tables would turn.


We understand your situation, but kindly listen to the numerous advise experienced married people have already given you here. Believe me that your husband's heart is 24/7 at home with you, but he's using manipulate measure to punish you for going physical with him and you can't kill yourself because he has decided to be so unforgiving.

He doesn't know that the journey of a marriage is not a year journey. It lasts a life time. So the earlier he realizes that and braces up to maturity, the better for him. Just few months into marriage and he is already exposing his family's issue to everybody. He probably has never stumbled on or heard the Bible verse that says "so shall A MAN leaves his mother and his father and shall CLEAVE UNTO HIS WIFE and the Two shall become ONE". He thought marriage is a bed of roses. He better come back home and stop behaving like a secondary school boy.

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Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by NoToPile: 8:19pm On Sep 03, 2018
I don't know why I find the 'You have to prove to me before I come back home' statement funny, a bit manipulative and also having a dash of childishness within.

He's immature.

I wonder if the tables were turned and you hold this stance his family haboring him will see things this way. So nobody in his family can even say son it's okay she's apologised, kindly go back home. You mean no one shocked

What's with all the 'they forgive you' that you said his mum is telling you, what's with all the calling his siblings and all that paparazi on top this matter. You still have to go for a press conference detailing what led to and how the push occured at his mum's

Anyway get him home anyway you have to but be prepared for other matters arising from this

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Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by Sadgirl1281: 12:38am On Sep 04, 2018
NoToPile:
I don't know why I find the 'You have to prove to me before I come back home' statement funny, a bit manipulative and also having a dash of childishness within.

He's immature.

I wonder if the tables were turned and you hold this stance his family haboring him will see things this way. So nobody in his family can even say son it's okay she's apologised, kindly go back home. You mean no one shocked

What's with all the 'they forgive you' that you said his mum is telling you, what's with all the calling his siblings and all that paparazi on top this matter. You still have to go for a press conference detailing what led to and how the push occured at his mum's

Anyway get him home anyway you have to but be prepared for other matters arising from this

Honestly that statement made me mad but no way to express it so I took it as showing affection and all even though now I may have to cut down the affection since his head is still strong. Telling me he can feel I’m remorseful and sorry now that it’s just him clearing his head for a bit etc

As for no one in his family talking to him, I can’t say because I haven’t spoken to anyone else, no one has reached out except the mother but it has really thought me a big lesson. You are really on your own when the chips are down. Only his mum has been my support and looking out for me. It just makes me feel like when everything is back to normal, I would withdraw from his whole family I.e siblings and cousin etc or limit my relationship with them if they couldn’t stand up for me and also being that they are all way older than me and married.

The. Suiting the Mum is more like me apologizing to her I’m person but wanting to also express a bit of th issue from my own side.

1 Like

Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by Sadgirl1281: 12:40am On Sep 04, 2018
extremelygolden:



We understand your situation, but kindly listen to the numerous advise experienced married people have already given you here. Believe me that your husband's heart is 24/7 at home with you, but he's using manipulate measure to punish you for going physical with him and you can't kill yourself because he has decided to be so unforgiving.

He doesn't know that the journey of a marriage is not a year journey. It lasts a life time. So the earlier he realizes that and braces up to maturity, the better for him. Just few months into marriage and he is already exposing his family's issue to everybody. He probably has never stumbled on or heard the Bible verse that says "so shall A MAN leaves his mother and his father and shall CLEAVE UNTO HIS WIFE and the Two shall become ONE". He thought marriage is a bed of roses. He better come back home and stop behaving like a secondary school boy.

I’m still in shock but too stressed and others to deal with to express my shock.

The other painful part is even if I’m reducing doing anything anymore, my dad is t resting, he even complained of his health and all that he’s not happy... young marriage and we are doing this. Have we spoken, is he back home, what did he say etc this is the conversation 100 times in a day from my dad
Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by Sadgirl1281: 12:41am On Sep 04, 2018
thorpido:
You can meet the mom but you don't have to talk too much or get on the defensive.Just narrate what happened,tempers were flared and it happened and you are sorry about it.
You are human so don't 'hang yourself'.

Yeah that’s what I plan on doing but hopefully it doesn’t back fire.
Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by bigl: 8:43am On Sep 04, 2018
Sadgirl1281:


I can’t believe I just laughed for the first time since at your last sentence lol

But thank you for for these. Would go with this logic to help me through.

I was surprised when he said I sounded remorseful. The annoying part though was he had actually called my poor father in Nigeria as if everything wasn’t enough to tell my dad how he wasn’t still back home but I am sounding remorseful and just wants to be assured we wouldn’t fight again blah blah... I was like gush why would he have to call my dad again?

Its good laugh away our issues, don't you think? And yes, laughter is good for the soul.

Why did he call your father? To report his own daughter? Abegi! See, he has realised he went too far and is losing both the battle and the war together so chillax jare. He will soon show face.

And please, ignore all the drama. We men and our silly ego.

Like i recommended, chicken and chips with a cold bottle of red wine will keep you calm till he comes knocking.

And u can ask him this sef, prior to his arrival: "Darling, what do you want me to prepare for you when you're coming? Your favourite, right?". Prepare a hot steaming delicious meal.

See, every man likes food and matters of "za oza room". After that, u no get problem jare.

I'm awaiting your testimonies

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Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by extremelygolden: 9:41am On Sep 04, 2018
Sadgirl1281:


I’m still in shock but too stressed and others to deal with to express my shock.

The other painful part is even if I’m reducing doing anything anymore, my dad is t resting, he even complained of his health and all that he’s not happy... young marriage and we are doing this. Have we spoken, is he back home, what did he say etc this is the conversation 100 times in a day from my dad


In that case, feign sickness so that when he calls he'll feel it in your voice that your enemy is sick and not you. Tell him he needs to come take you to the hospital because you can't really explain how you're feeling. Meanwhile get him a gift, something that wouldn't bore hole in your pocket but something beautiful. Prepare him his favourite dish, and get his parents involved in your plans, especially his father. When he comes, set the table for lunch or dinner, kneel down and apologize yet again, ok? Then give him the gift. Tell him how very sorry you're and how you've learnt your lessons and wouldn't ever hit him again. How you didn't even know what came over you in the first place to have acted the way you did. How you love him and wants him back home.

Since that is what he's yearning for, give it to him, ok? He might think he has won a trophy when you've done all this, but he'll not know you did it just for peaceful coexistence.

And I beg you not to ever put yourself in a situation where he will play god over you again.
The relationship should be that of partners and not of boss and subordinate.

I pray God to touch his heart.
Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by eaglez(m): 4:28pm On Sep 04, 2018
Sadgirl1281:
Good day everyone,

I feel all alone and not heard, more like the whole world against me, hence me coming on here to see th best way I could seek any advice.

I’ll do my best to be very brief and concise and go straight to the point.

You have a good job, independent and everything, you meet the love of your life, boom date and get married and travel out of the country to start your lives. Of course you would resign and leave your comfort zone. In other words that’s what I did of course and travelled.

As I said to go straight to the point. Got married early this year and as usual the first year marriage woes, arguments and misunderstandings but nothing out of the extra ordinary.

Hubby and I had a misunderstanding this faithful day and while he’s not violent, He knows how to spit venom from his mouth. His words would pierce your soul or any deeper than his soul. Words were exchanged on both sides and he said things I had told him in confidence, my weakness and threw it on me and I reacted physically by pushing him. We didn’t talk for 2 days and and then the next day he left the house in the morning.. I went out hours later only for my dad to call me in the night from Nigeria to mention my husband had called him and told him everything how I pushed him, he’s left the house to go somewhere etc... And not only that he told all his family members. I felt so hurt being that I do not have anyone here and because he has his own family.

Issue now is we have talked including our parents etc. but he said he’s not going to come back to the house now until I assure him and work for it. I have to prove to him why he should come back home.

I would like to ask for suggestions, while aim very hurt and in shame, I can’t express it as my pushing has overshadowed everything. He even told his folks our other petty fights and the words I’ve said to him etc They have said I am the woman and the one who did the violence so I have no choice.

This is the best I could summarize so I left a whole lot of details but what am I supposed to do to make him come back home?
Op, these things happen,I wouldn't know your weaknesses(probably u cheated on him during courtship,had abortion while growing up or make him less a man when he has caught you red handed,for a man with a mind,he will always remember those weaknesses you told particularly if he is in the picture when the event occured) you told him that made him react like that, it quite unfair on his own part to let such confidential talk get to the ears of his people,truth is he may be feeling like a demi- god and this could be fuelled by his people being around him sake of say you might have wronged them in one way or the other,but in his innermost heart,he wouldn't want to lose his new family,please after accepting your mistakes of verbal wars and pushing him,talk to him,call him he may not pick,keep calling,get someone in the family who listens to YOU and you know is always on the side of the truth,let he/she know sacrifices u will always make keeping your virtue as a wife to keep your home. I tell u, one silent reasonable voice will always conquer thousands of noisy evil voices. I wish u well

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