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Grief - Literature - Nairaland

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Moving On... Final Note On Grief. / Grief Is An Endless Journey! / The Soldiers Of Grief A Poem Written By A Nairalander For Our Fallen Soldiers (2) (3) (4)

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Grief by Nobody: 6:54pm On Sep 05, 2018
Hey guys, how's your day been and the week? Hope things working fine. So, I wrote this write-up and would appreciate feedback, constructive ones ohh. Would post it shortly. Stay tuned...
Re: Grief by Nobody: 6:55pm On Sep 05, 2018
The air feels heavy as it carries the scent of the nearby lake along with it. Nothing feels right anymore. 'What is life even all about?' I ask myself as the tears begin to build up in my tear ducts. The once beautiful and pleasant-scenting rose garden doesn't feel so elegant anymore; it reeks of disgust to my mind and entire being. I know life is not a bed of roses but I did not think it would be just a carpet of thorns and a bag of stones either. Yes, I agreed with the widely conceived idea that problems and disappointments are part of the journey or at least I thought I did. I advised people to never give up and to get up when the going got tough… but now, I'm not so sure. There's no point in living anymore.

Without them here, what is the point of anything? With their silky black hair and hazel eyes, they were everything to me. Pauline, my soulmate, had mysteriously disappeared about two years ago. How cruel life could be to have taken Pauline from her daughter and me. Her ill-fated plane had crashed but we don't still know if she's dead or actually did board the plane because her name didn't appear on the released deceased list and neither were we contacted by the airline company. I still wonder what exactly happened to my Pauline as I and our little angel, Ada had to pick up the broken pieces of our lives and tried to move on, hoping that one day, my missing rib would knock at our front door. But, that never happened for the past two years and I never got any closure. In spite of this growing feeling of emptiness, I and Pauline's only treasure, Ada, gave me a reason to push through, to live on. I knew she missed her mom too but her charming smile always had a way of soothing our placid emotions. As I reminiscence all these, my cheeks feel warm and misty giving way for a tear to escape my right eye. I bring up my palms to feel the tears trickle down from my eyelids while still fixing my gaze upon my Ada as she lay on the white silky material, unresponsive to any stimulus whatsoever… so emotionless and lifeless, unlike her, with those charming smile and high pitched laughter that always seemed to lighten one's mood and quell the pain, I feel deep within right now.

Her once bright, bubbly face now looks pale. 'Oh! Will I ever get past this? What is there to live for anymore?' I question my sanity once again, hoping but knowing that no answer is forthcoming. Just as the great teacher said before giving up his spirit, '…Father, this is the end…' indeed it is for me.

'Dad, what are you doing?' Ada's voice fills my ears, and for a brief moment, I'm both happy and confused at the same time. Happy to hear her angelic melody once again… confused because I should not be hearing it here.

'Dad,' her voice comes again. 'We'll be late for my music recital.' the morbid surrounding gradually fades and I am now in the familiar warmth of my family home. My princess is dressed in the pink floral dress her mum had gotten her before her unfortunate and mysterious departure. I smile weakly as the memory of that day envelopes my mind. Even now, she still makes me smile. She jumped and hopped in the zigzag pattern her dance instructor had taught her class as she dramatized the dance steps to me.
How I wish things could have been different. My Ada would still be hopping and jumping, but no! Nothing in this country works, nothing.
'We don't have many options and time isn't on our side. If it was detected sooner, perhaps there would've…'
'She was misdiagnosed, you...' I wanted to yell at the doctor but quickly calmed myself down. Besides, all these bickerings wouldn't change anything, I just wanted my Ada hale and hearty again.
'Trust me, I'll do all that I can. We will also be having the technical support of a renowned cardiothoracic surgeon via web chat. If you wish, you could be in the viewing room or at the chapel down the hallway at the B wing. The viewing room of operating room three where the surgery was to take place was around the corner. I took quick, shaky strides to get to the door. The viewing room had several rows of black seats and a wide transparent glass covering the other side of the room for easy access to see the ongoing surgery. I couldn't quite pick up what was being said at the operating room; I concluded the glass wall had some sort of sound shielding properties.

Two hours out of the four hours thirty minutes of surgery, the power went out. 'What!' I was in total dismay and shock. 'This can't be happening… not now.' Every second of this dark moment felt heavier than usual. Wasting no time, I turned on my phone flashlight towards and pointed towards the glass to get a glimpse of what was happening, but unfortunately, it was cold comfort. Forty minutes after, the generator kicked in and the power was restored. I squinted as my eyes tried adjusting back to the room's lighting. Getting a better view of the OR, I wondered in perplexity if they had continued the surgery in the dark and while the transmission with the cardiothoracic expert was also down. I remembered seeing flickers of yellow torchlight rays traveling across the OR like some sort of activity was being done. The monitor finally came on and Dr. Hawkins, the cardiothoracic surgery expert whom the surgeons were consulting with, reappeared on the screen. He was saying some inaudible things I couldn't quite pick out due to the soundproof glass in front of me, but his face was not looking good at all. I got worried. 'What could be he be saying to them now?' I could only imagine. Had they missed a step during the power out? My worry grew in leaps and bounds. With all that was going on, I hoped things went through. My hope soon turned to doubt when I noticed the slow-motion movement of Dr. Hawkins and his glitching on the screen. What was happening now? I checked my phone to see no cell signal. I shrugged the thought off, 'we couldn't be using the same service provider?' I sank deeper into my seat as if it was going to open up and swallow me anyways. But that didn't happen. The video hanging continued persistently and this made me greatly disturbed. Staying in the viewing room was beginning to get highly uncomfortable and so I got up and left it to find my way to the chapel. After sitting in the chapel hoping for a miracle for as long as I could remember, completely oblivious to the passing of time, I heard the doctor's voice behind me. I turned around to see him and hear the news. 'I'm so sorry, Mr. Patrick. We tried our best,' he said and I just wanted to grab him by the collar and smash his head against the wall. 'Did you?' I asked with a tinge of anger. 'How would they? With the power outage and rubbish connection and all the other problems? How could they do anything tangible? They probably killed her… killed my sweet Ada. And the doctor was here spewing trash trying to cover up the mistake, what do I know? I was just angry at everything, angry at the world. A simple surgery that could be done anywhere, if not for the state of this country, everything is in ruins and they've taken my Ada with them. I stood transfixed there as this myriad of conflicting thoughts clouded my senses. I couldn't take a step. Frozen at that point, I began to think of what next in my life. Nothing. These two women were all that kept me going. They didn't know what they did to me… how much they transformed my life. I lived for them and now… where are they? Life! Where are they? You've suddenly gone mute again, feigning unawareness but I know you're listening. You took her mom two years ago, and now her. When would you take me too so I can reunite with my beloved girls once more? When?
Since Ada's death a week ago, the same feeling of emptiness and depression that enveloped me then still gushes through my feeble being even now at her burial. It's been a week she was gone but it feels just like yesterday. The priest has long finished the sermon and the pallbearers are beginning to put her to rest three feet below. Disconnected from this torture chamber called a world, my mind wavers away, yearning to be in a paradise where my two princesses are with me. Oh, my Pauline and my pretty little Ada.
Re: Grief by Nobody: 8:47pm On Sep 16, 2018
Nairalanders Nah wa o.
Is the story that bad? No single comment or criticism or review. Hmmm.
So, anyways, How's your weekend been going?

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