megareal:


Give this a break already. My very good friend was as bashful and boastful as you. He was the alpha male and king of the jungle till he got married. He thought marriage was dating and while we all tried to advice him to softpedal on the head of the home ish and total submissiveness nonsense, he couldn't be persuaded.

Today he is a married man, the irony is that a he is softer than a kitten. The wife has made mince meat of his ego and shredded all that alpha male power to nothing.

He complains, we laugh. A wise man knows the real make up of a woman.

Nature has a way with your type, so cool down.

Since you want him to softpedal on being the head of the home(a position which even places more burden on the man) ,would you also tell his wife to softpedal on her financial demands?

Because if you don't agree to him calling the shots and deciding what goes, then the bills must be shared (trust me, no sane African man will allow a woman take decisions for him when it comes to matters like this and he's providing everything 100%)

Elder001:



Since you want him to softpedal on being the head of the home(a position which even places more burden on the man) ,would you also tell his wife to softpedal on her financial demands?

Because if you don't agree to him calling the shots and deciding what goes, then the bills must be shared (trust me, no sane African man will allow a woman take decisions for him when it comes to matters like this and he's providing everything 100%)

heheheheheeeee ....I'm amused o!. Sha you have forgotten that a lot of women work and earn a lot these days ni. Many(not all) share bills with their husbands already. And trust me, the "women" I refer to here can meet their own small-small needs too. They do not have to wait for their husbands before they buy stuffs for the home. One of my "mummys" does not even allow her husband buy anything foodstuff..she handles it all. The man does other stuffs.

Also, are you saying that its only when a woman shares the bill that she has a say in the home? I just want to be clear ni o. No offence intended.

megareal:


Give this a break already. My very good friend was as bashful and boastful as you. He was the alpha male and king of the jungle till he got married. He thought marriage was dating and while we all tried to advice him to softpedal on the head of the home ish and total submissiveness nonsense, he couldn't be persuaded.

Today he is a married man, the irony is that a he is softer than a kitten. The wife has made mince meat of his ego and shredded all that alpha male power to nothing.

He complains, we laugh. A wise man knows the real make up of a woman.

Nature has a way with your type, so cool down.

Stop blabbing pls!

Do I look like your so called friend? Is he me? AM I him? I am not interested whether your once upon a time so-called Alpha male wannabe turned kitten, it is his business not mine.

If you have any shred of idea about me you will know that I am strongly opinionated and I don't lobby with my ideology.

So, stop making yourself feel happy! Family FIRST and always!

Elder001:



Since you want him to softpedal on being the head of the home(a position which even places more burden on the man) ,would you also tell his wife to softpedal on her financial demands?

Because if you don't agree to him calling the shots and deciding what goes, then the bills must be shared (trust me, no sane African man will allow a woman take decisions for him when it comes to matters like this and he's providing everything 100%)

I don't know of others but as for me, I will not surrender 1% of my authority to my wife even if I am to keep 99%. I must exercise 100% authority!
Same way I won't allow her surrender her 1% authority to the kids, she must exercise 100% but must recognise the Big Boss !

She will know her place and be submissive while I treat her right, same way the kids must be absolutely submissive to her while she treat them right!

Her place include accepting the fact that we are not starting a new family but we are all part of my family and extending the family tree. That means my family's interest is of prime importance in the home.

Anything less, NO DEAL! I rather do baby mama and know that my responsibility/headache is the Baby not the mother of the baby

Winter4:



heheheheheeeee ....I'm amused o!. Sha you have forgotten that a lot of women work and earn a lot these days ni. Many(not all) share bills with their husbands already. And trust me, the "women" I refer to here can meet their own small-small needs too. They do not have to wait for their husbands before they buy stuffs for the home. One of my "mummys" does not even allow her husband buy anything foodstuff..she handles it all. The man does other stuffs.

Also, are you saying that its only when a woman shares the bill that she has a say in the home? I just want to be clear ni o. No offence intended.

Not really!

A woman should have say in the home but not to the extent of contesting authority of her husband.

I believe a woman's worth should be taken advantage of to the fullest for the good of the home but when such woman begins to contest or protest the rights of her in-laws in their own Son's/Brother's home or when she tries to dramatize over certain fundamental issues that has to do with family, then she must be called to order and made to know her place.

Like I posted days ago, my family is my family for life, my nephews/nieces are my kids as well (not that they are like my kids), my parents and siblings are my parents and siblings for life, and they enjoy UNRESTRICTED/UNREGULATED access to my life and my home.

My wife must understand, realise and accept this fundamental FACT!

TonyeBarcanista:
[/b]
Not really!

A woman should have say in the home but not to the extent of contesting authority of her husband.

I believe a woman's worth should be taken advantage of to the fullest for the good of the home but when such woman begins to contest or protest the rights of her in-laws in their own Son's/Brother's home or when she tries to dramatize over certain fundamental issues that has to do with family, then she must be called to order and made to know her place.

Like I posted days ago, my family is my family for life, my nephews/nieces are my kids as well (not that they are like my kids), my parents and siblings are my parents and siblings for life, and they enjoy UNRESTRICTED/UNREGULATED access to my life and my home.

My wife must understand, realise and accept this fundamental FACT!

Hey bro it isn't by force to marry because from the way you speak everything revolves around you.

Marriage is a union of two people. If you feel the only way a wife can be submissive is totally accepting your words without questions. I say hmmm.

Remember before submission, the bible gave mandate for husbands to love their wives as christ love the church. Please read about Christ's love for church and gave himself to the church. Read with understanding and not sentiment. I wouldn't have quoted you if u didn't say you are a Christian.

mylove4him:

Hey bro it isn't by force to marry because from the way you speak everything revolves around you.

True, it isn't by force to marry and FALSE everything doesn't revolve around me but I also know that I cannot shut out my own blood out of my life or start restricting/regulating them just because I married one lady.

Marriage is a union of two people. If you feel the only way a wife can be submissive is totally accepting your words without questions. I say hmmm.

Marriage is a Union of two families not two people, otherwise, we wouldn't bother seeking endorsements of both families.

Remember before submission, the bible gave mandate for husbands to love their wives as christ love the church. Please read about Christ's love for church and gave himself to the church. Read with understanding and not sentiment. I wouldn't have quoted you if u didn't say you are a Christian.

Do you know what love is? If you know what is and if you are a Christian you will understand the meaning of "brotherly love" that Jesus preached. You will understand that Jesus married the Church to God His Father and Holy Spirit, He didn't marry the church exclusively. Same way I marry my wife into my family and not exclusive to myself.

And submission means loyalty, I, on my own part will show love and care BUT she must not contest my authority with me nor try to misbehave when it comes to my family. She must be a virtuous woman

Tonyebarcanista are you married?

I have been reading your posts and laughing since.

Some people will be forming Mr Macho online. Most of them can't do jack in real life.

CHoccolaTE:
Tonyebarcanista are you married?

I have been reading your posts and laughing since.

Only married people have opinion/ideology on what they want of their family life? Smh

Janelle08:
Some people will be forming Mr Macho online. Most of them can't do jack in real life.

Lol funny! Nobody have anything to prove to you but everybody know him level

CHoccolaTE:
Tonyebarcanista are you married?

I have been reading your posts and laughing since.

I don't think he's married. I find his posts here very amusing too

Unrestricted and unregulated indeed.

TonyeBarcanista:

True, it isn't by force to marry and FALSE everything doesn't revolve around me but I also know that I cannot shut out my own blood out of my life or start restricting/regulating them just because I married one lady


And submission means loyalty, I, on my own part will show love and care BUT she must not contest my authority with me nor try to misbehave when it comes to my family She must be a virtuous woman

The 'one lady' and your children should come first, every other person comes next. Their preferences come first.

Anyway I doubt you would want someone to have unrestricted and unregulated access to you, only one person should have that access- your wife

TonyeBarcanista:

True, it isn't by force to marry and FALSE everything doesn't revolve around me but I also know that I cannot shut out my own blood out of my life or start restricting/regulating them just because I married one lady.


Marriage is a Union of two families not two people, otherwise, we wouldn't bother seeking endorsements of both families.


Do you know what love is? If you know what is and if you are a Christian you will understand the meaning of "brotherly love" that Jesus preached. You will understand that Jesus married the Church to God His Father and Holy Spirit, He didn't marry the church exclusively. Same way I marry my wife into my family and not exclusive to myself.

And submission means loyalty, I, on my own part will show love and care BUT she must not contest my authority with me nor try to misbehave when it comes to my family. She must be a virtuous woman

I understand all what you are saying but I must warn that you don't expose your wife to undue family pressure. Yes if you have an understanding family there is nothing wrong in you running this kind of home but you have to thread with caution.

My marriage almost went soar because my hubby has your mentality but I must tell you from experience. You may be a good man with good intentions but you can't vouch for orders.

My hubby is a good, selfless man that goes all out for his family. Before they sneeze he has covered their mouth. You know the disadvantage, they felt he always had so if they come to my house and I am like please let's manage. It looks absurd cos they didn't believe he could be looking after them so much and I am complaining. So they felt I was the issue.

So please before you tow that lane, make sure you protect and shield your wife. Don't ever think because you are a good man every other family will be good.

It is just an advise.

mylove4him:

I understand all what you are saying but I must warn that you don't expose your wife to undue family pressure. Yes if you have an understanding family there is nothing wrong in you running this kind of home but you have to thread with caution.

My marriage almost went soar because my hubby has your mentality but I must tell you from experience. You may be a good man with good intentions but you can't vouch for orders.

My hubby is a good, selfless man that goes all out for his family. Before they sneeze he has covered their mouth. You know the disadvantage, they felt he always had so if they come to my house and I am like please let's manage. It looks absurd cos they didn't believe he could be looking after them so much and I am complaining. So they felt I was the issue.

So please before you tow that lane, make sure you protect and shield your wife. Don't ever think because you are a good man every other family will be good.

It is just an advise.

Good! I know the kind of family I'm from. My wife is covered but she must not make any attempt to create a wedge between my home and my family. She mustn't! It is highly unacceptable!

She's safe and protected nevertheless

TonyeBarcanista:

Good! I know the kind of family I'm from. My wife is covered but she must not make any attempt to create a wedge between my home and my family. She mustn't! It is highly unacceptable!

She's safe and protected nevertheless

No one in their right senses creates a wedge unless the woman has witchcraft spirit. It is the things that has happened in the course of the marriage that people might interpret wrongly.

I still insist that you shield your wife no matter how good and sincere your family is, so you might not be able to read everyone's mind. I have seen kind gestures and comments being misinterpreted. Everyone is not well read like you and everyone can't think like you. So if you can sieve the good ones and endear them to your wife and shield her from the bad ones. You can't tell me everyone in your family is 100% saints.

NoToPile:





I don't think he's married. I find his posts here very amusing too

Unrestricted and unregulated indeed.

I know a woman who has a husband like him. After their marriage the guy started giving funny laws,
stop talking to your family,
delete all your Facebook friends except five or six
stop working so that you can depend on me and I can control you totally.

When the wife started showing him the true definition of frustration and misery in the house nobody told him twice to undo his selfish laws.

The most annoying one was the one about cutting her family off. So her parents that suffered to train her and spent millions to make her the educated, refined wife he wants to marry should just be discarded and abandoned like they are nothing.
Shoro niyen?

Avoid husband's relation, if you want your marriage to last. You can help them from afar. No matter how good you are.,it will eventually affect your relationship with your husband. Don't rub it in his face, just maintain you don't need someone younger.

Cece23:
Avoid husband's relation, if you want your marriage to last. You can help them from afar. No matter how good you are.,it will eventually affect your relationship with your husband. Don't rub it in his face, just maintain you don't need someone younger.

Thanks Ma'am for the advice...What about ones Mum In Law? Can she visit frequently?

Thank you all for the advice.l will update thread as events unfold.

TonyeBarcanista:

Only married people have opinion/ideology on what they want of their family life? Smh


Lol funny! Nobody have anything to prove to you but everybody know him level

And nobody should come online chest beating. We all know how it always end.

[s]

Janelle08:
And nobody should come online chest beating. We all know how it always end.

[/s]
Will you cease from disturbing my mention please? If you think it's chestbeat, good luck to you. Your opinion, which you are entitled to.

And FYI not all men are Pu$$ies that are controlled by women or by their witchcraft.

Meanwhile, I've made known my position and I'll appreciate if I'm not mentioned again on this thread.

TonyeBarcanista:
[s][/s]
Will you cease from disturbing my mention please? If you think it's chestbeat, good luck to you. Your opinion, which you are entitled to.

And FYI not all men are Pu$$ies that are controlled by women or by their witchcraft.

Meanwhile, I've made known my position and I'll appreciate if I'm not mentioned again on this thread.

Who is disturbing your mention? I NEVER quote you initially.


You are the one going about quoting every post that doesn't support your narcissism.


The feeling is mutual. And I'll appreciate it if you don't mention me again.

#Peace

ClassicQueen:
I already called the mum to know how far she told me all and I'm planning to raise capital for her to start something as soon as I get paid. Though I was also sceptical initially cos she is a Senior wife to me but I asked hubby and he said I can talk to her if I want to. The girl in question is her first daughter and I don't think its right giving out your children to someone else to take care of while the parents are still alive. By Gods grace I can't give out my daughter like that I will rather hussle and take care of them. Life is not easy though may God help us...

find out properly if your hubby don't have a child out of wedlock

bamidelee:

find out properly if your hubby don't have a child out of wedlock

No he dosnt...

dominique:
Ask yourself, would you have objected to this move if it was your sibbling's child that was suggested to move in with you? Anyways, with the way you're already harbouring resentment towards a girl you barely know, it's best she doesn't come to stay with you. We don't want another case of child maltreatment splashed all over the news.

The truth

ClassicQueen:
Thanks Ma'am for the advice...What about ones Mum In Law? Can she visit frequently?

Yes pls,take her as you would your mum.If your mum can visit frequently, so could she.

But the younger girl,hell no!!!!!
Don't pay school fees from afar,you don't owe her.
Your hubby should have brought her while single not coming g to lay the burden on you.

LadySarah:


Yes pls,take her as you would your mum.If your mum can visit frequently, so could she.

But the younger girl,hell no!!!!!
Don't pay school fees from afar,you don't owe her.
Your hubby should have brought her while single not coming g to lay the burden on you.

OK thanks

ImaIma1:


Men do not understand it because it is their family and their family can never go wrong.

My friend just went cold after so much issues from her mother inlaw. The woman visits a lot and would spend a month and want to be treated like a queen while my friend runs helter skelter cracking her brain on breakfast, lunch and dinner for her(she can be picky).

Her and her husband were having issues because of the mum's constant interference. My friend complained but it didn't stop and so she just went quiet. When her MIL visits, she would be a dutiful DIL and nothing extra. Her hubby noticed her distance but it was late.

It took intervention from her dad and respected family members that resolved it and talked some sense to the husband. Now his mum hardly visits though her and her DIL are cool.

Men are clueless most times.

I have a younger brother and my mom was visiting my brother and his wife for like three months
I was going to ask my brother if my mom was causing any problem
I kept forgetting
Finally I ask my brother
My brother told me my mom said " what type of useless food is the wife cooking for her"
Told my brother to put my mom on the phone
I said mom you are causing problem we send you feeding money
send market to get the type of food you want
There are good husbands and wives family -- We are individuals
If you look out for other, The Lord will surely look out for you

Thanks Ma'am for the advice...What about ones Mum In Law? Can she visit frequently?

Yes, she can visit. No matter how close or in love you are with your husband,avoid issues with his Mum or her siblings, if not, they will ruin your marriage.if she visits often, don't complain but always pray for the grace of God to handle her properly. It is won't be easy for you.

Couples should bond together before bringing in a third party into the home.It's better for you to leave the girl with her parents or else she may end up leaking your family secrets to extended family members.

Janelle08:
And nobody should come online chest beating. We all know how it always end.

We know them chestbeasters

babythug:
She's young and won't suit your purpose in terms of helping with baby and house chores especially if shes going to attend school too.

Your instincts are likely to be right about taking her in. Don't let your husband pressure you into what you're not comfortable doing .

Well i have come to update this thread after a year. The lady came registered her in lesson which she took for granted. go today, tomorrow she will tell you she is not going. Started making bad friends for just the short period she stayed. She came with tattered clothes and rags as pants. Got new sets for her. A big tin of milk i get she will finish it within two days. note this is something she cannot even eat at home. I talk and talk, shout, advice but she wouldnt listen. She will say im sorry ma i will say no problem this is food you can eat as much as you want but please food must not waste people are hungry outside...The people around even noticed her misbehaving and adviced me. well me i pity people a lot. After one Month she stayed, hubby told her she is going back home she was crying didnt want to go again. Begging to stay back as for me, my mind was made up. Baby is doing well in creche and since she left, her mum only called me once to say thank you that her daughter is refreshed...the girl in question is not smart to even carry phone to call me and say thank you ma. Anyways all i did was for God i didnt do anything in order to get help in return. It is God that rewards.....

I asked her why she want to stay back she said her mum always tell her no money and that to eat is a problem. well i had pity on her but my pity should not put me in trouble. she is better off with her parents, she is young and will decide on her own when she grows up. In all, i say thank you Jesus...

Pavona18:
Couples should bond together before bringing in a third party into the home.It's better for you to leave the girl with her parents or else she may end up leaking your family secrets to extended family members.

Thanks...