A blind man appeared in court on a murder charge for beating a young man to death....

The judge asked the blind man: What do you have to say in your defense? For I see you have chosen not to have a lawyer.

The blind man replied: Well your Honor, I was walking down the road tapping my cane to guide me when I accidentally tap a young man's foot. The young man shouted in a loud voice, "Blind man if you hit me with that stick again you will *see*!"

So just like the woman who touched Jesus' robe and was healed, I decided to have faith. So I hit him and hit him and hit him, and up to this day I still can't see.

The judge says: "Case dismissed. You're free to go".
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Laughter will never cease from your mouth this month and beyond in Jesus name.

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*```An Ijebu Doctor can't find a job after graduation and so decided to open a clinic and puts a sign post outside
'GET TREATMENT FOR
20k - IF NOT CURED GET BACK 100k.

An Ijesha Lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn 100k and goes to the clinic...

Ijesha Lawyer:
"I have lost my sense of taste"

Ijebu Doctor:
"Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 22 and put 3 drops in patient's mouth"

Ijesha Lawyer:
"Ugh..this is kerosene"

Ijebu Doctor:
"Congrats, your sense of taste is restored. Give me 20k"
The annoyed Ijesha Lawyer goes back after a few days to recover his money...

Ijesha Lawyer:
"I have lost my memory. I cannot remember anything"

Ijebu Doctor:
"Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 22 and put 3 drops in his mouth"

Ijesha Lawyer (annoyed):
"This is kerosene. You gave this to me last time for restoring my taste"

Ijebu Doctor:
"Congrats. You got your memory back. Give me 20k"
The fuming Ijesha Lawyer pays him, and then comes back a week later determined to get back 100k.

Ijesha Lawyer:
"My eyesight has become very weak"

Ijebu Doctor:
"Well, I don't have any medicine for that, so take this 100k"
The Ijesha Lawyer (staring at the cash):
"But this is 20k,
not 100k"

Ijebu Doctor:
"Congrats, your eyesight is restored. Give me 20k"

1.One girl sent me a friend request on Facebook, I accepted her and she wrote *10×4d+* and I replied *5b-3y=0* then she Blocked me.

I never knew she meant "thanks for the add"
I thought we were doing algebra..
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2. After my secondary school, I decided to go to a medical school. .At the entrance, we were asked to re-arrange the letter:- *PNEIS*. to form the name of an important body part which is most useful when active ..
Those who wrote "SPINE" are now professional doctors. While, those that wrote what you're thinking are whatsapp group admins
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3.Anytime I Kills A Mosquito, I Put It Next To My Bed So That The Other Mosquitoes Can See How Dangerous I Am.. ���

4.Some Girls will choose "half a million" over Nine hundred thousand,
because there is 'Million' in it...������

5.*Telling a guy you got a boyfriend won't make him leave you alone....ask for money and he'll stop messaging you !*

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ODE! Old story

Women already have 3-5 days of loosing blood every month.
Can't mosquitoes be considerate and focus only on men.......
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Some people don't have the Spirit of Forgiveness at all, How can u sweep your room and use ur Ex' Picture as paker
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Only Typical Nigeria will understand :::When u are hungry and u think d food is ready and ur mum will just cum from nowhere and add more water....lemme cry�����

Follow and like the post for more exciting stuffs

Nice one OP.

BREAKING NEWS!!!!

Federal Govt has Set Up a Task Force COMMITEE to ensure that a bag of Rice is sold at #4,500...This is what we have all been Waiting for.
Confirm this news on Page 52 of Vanguard newspaper,November 23rd,1989.
I am just in the Habit of reading OLD Newspapers.
Good morning guys

BEGGAR: Sir! Please help me with something. I've not eaten since yesterday. Please give me money, I'm hungry!
AKPOS: Sorry. Do you have 1,000 Naira change?
BEGGAR: Yes sir!
AKPOS: Use the change to eat!
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You find a beautiful girl and the first thing she asks you is “do you have another girlfriend?”

My dear have you ever seen someone going to buy clothes while naked?

A guy proposes to you and you turn him down. He proposes to your friend and you call him a womanizer... Eeeiiii so if he doesn't get employed at Fidelity, he shouldn't try Ecobank too?? .......���������

Son: Mum Y Did Auntie Grace Named Her Son Diamond? Mom: Sometimes People Name Their Children After Things They Like. Son: So What's Behind My Name? Mom: Oh.. Please Dickson, Stop It! �������

Confused generation

Welcome to Africa where a girl borrows clothes from her friends to go visit a guy who borrowed a room from his friend.

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If Your Girlfriend Visits You And Doesn't take a selfie. My brother you need to decorate your room.

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From Ile-ife 2 Ibadan is N800 but Ibadan to Ile-Ife N1200....

I asked the conductor why?

He asked me... "why is Monday to Friday 5 days while Friday to Monday is 3 days?".
I kept quiet ��
Up to now am still mute and searching seriously for the answer for him. Any one who can assist will be highly appreciated like d whistle blower

The way Africa is corrupt .You need connections to get into a relationship. She will ask you....' Who gave you my number ?

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He starts by telling you that you are SEXY..then he remove 'Y' and have SEX with you,after that he runs away with 'S' then he calls you my EX

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If your girlfriend is always looking good but you know perfectly well that you haven't contributed anything towards that,my brother you are no different from a security man guarding a bank

*Life*
1. A guy met one of his school mates several years after school and he could not believe his eyes; his friend was driving one of the latest sleek Mercedes Benz cars. He went home feeling awful and very disappointed in himself. He thought he was a failure. What he didn't know was that his friend was a driver and had been sent on errand with his boss's car!

2. Rosemary nagged her husband always for not being romantic. She accused him for not getting down to open the car door for her as her friend Jane's husband did when he dropped her off at work. What Rosemary didn't know was that Jane's husband's car had a faulty door that could only be opened from the outside!

3. Sampson's wife went to visit one of her long time friends and was very troubled for seeing the 3 lovely kids of her friend playing around. Her problem was that she had only one child and have been struggling to conceive for the past five years. What she didn't know was that one of those kids who was the biological child of her friend had sickle cell and had just a year to live; the other two are adopted!

4. Life does not have a universal measuring tool; so create yours and use it.
Looking at people and comparing yourself with them will not make you better but bitter. If you know the sort of load the chameleon carries, you would'nt ask why it takes those gentle strides. So, enjoy what you have and be grateful to God for it.

Not all that glitters is gold, live and be happy with what you have, everyone is going through one thing or the other,
Be blessed.

You're dating a DJ and you still cry when he cheats on you. My sister, what do you expect from someone who can mix three songs at a time?

By now some Senior High School couples are planning to finish together, go to the same university, graduate, get jobs n marry
Hmmmmmm

The Rope Thief

A group of people were beating a thief, who was accused of stealing a goat. On their way, they met a pastor.

PASTOR: Why are you beating him?

PEOPLE: He stole a goat.

THIEF: Haa! I didn't steal a goat, I only stole a rope, but at the end of the rope, there was a goat.

WHO SAID EVERYTHING THAT HAS DISADVANTAGE HAVE AN ADVANTAGE PLS WHAT IS THE ADVANTAGE OF BODY ODOUR?

The more you meet people the more you know why *Noah took more animals than humans into his ark*

Sleeping next to your new bae for the first time is really tough... You have to breath in English Not too loud, not too deep and not too fast.....

WORDS OF ELDERS

1) "Never fight a man under GRACE, because the GRACE he carries will DISGRACE you!"

2) "No African girl will choose Six packs over six Cars.. So my sons stop the gym and work hard!"

3) "Beware of the naked man who offers you clothes!"

4) “The death of a lion cannot be announced by a goat”.

5) “When one’s goat get missing, the aroma of a neighbor’s soup get suspicious”.

6) “The future belongs to the Risk takers, Not the Comfort seekers!"

7) “The words of the elders do not lock all the doors, they leave the right door open”.

“A deaf husband and a blind wife are always a happy couple!"

9) “Coca-Cola only sold 25 bottles the first year but kept going. Never give up!"

10) “Let not what you cannot do tear you from what you can do”.

11) “A child who asks questions does not become a fool”.

12) “The first person you think of in the morning, or last person you think of at night, is either the cause of your happiness or your pain!"

13) “Be careful who you trust! Salt and Sugar are both white!"

14) “To Make A Difference In Life, You Don’t Have To Be Brilliant, Rich, Beautiful, Or Perfect. You Just Have To Care!"

15) “Kindness is like butter, it works best when you spread it around!"

16) “The walls don’t only have ears, they also see!"

17) “The leopard is beautiful, but has a bad heart!"

18) “Everybody is a nobody, trying to be somebody!"

19) “Fake hair, fake nails, fake eye lash, artificial face, and sometimes, fake behavior. Yet, a woman will say she needs a real man!"

20) “Never open the door for an Armed Robber. Let them break it, its part of their Job!"

21) “Sometimes, you have to play the role of a fool to fool the fools who thinks they are fooling you!"

22) “One Man’s food is every other man’s food. Just because one idiot refuses to eat it doesn’t make it poison!"

23) “If you have a mom, there is nowhere you are likely to go where HER prayer has not already been!"

24) “The only person that reads the terms & conditions is the one who writes it!"

25) “The Chief who doesn’t know what to say, says that his friend has said what he would have said!"

26) “Just because you met them at the church doesn’t mean they’re the ones. Demons go to church too!"

27) “A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful, when her lips are closed!"

28) “No matter how long the night, the day is sure to come!"

29) “A woman’s greatest perfume is the fragrance of her man’s success!"

30) “A wise person knows that there is something to be learned from everyone!"

31) “It requires wisdom to understand wisdom. The music is nothing, if the audience is deaf”!

32) “No matter how rich you are, you cannot pay for your sins”!

33) “First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win!"

34) “Give them a chair, if they can’t stand your Success!"

35) “Be careful about the rumors you hear about a lady. It either comes from a man, who can’t have her, or a lady who can’t compete with her”!

36) “None of us is as smart as all of us. Work together achieve more”.

Cheap abortion method Just drink 5liters of water nd the baby will drown

It is annoying when you sleep and you entered Canada in your dream only to wake up and start hearing ..
Ekaaro ologi de oooooo
Yoruba people will understand

Still don't understand how Nigerian cockroach survive inside gas cookers, oven, microwave...
U 'll be warming Your food jejely nwayoly...suddenly u see them walking lyk Shedrach, Meshach and Abednego...
Maybe they re also serving a living God...

I saw a lady wearing a wedding ring on d wrong finger n i asked why? She said its because she married d wrong man. What a wicked world.