True story, with Jara.

So, I've never actually had a girlfriend. The difficult part was always telling the girl. I prefer when ladies can read between the lines. But that's stale news.

Recently, I decided to ask a lady that was topping my list out. After several deliberations on the lady most worthy of the mantle, "girlfriend." �

I struggled with it. Wasn't sure I was even ready for the commitment, but who said you can't eat indomie after trying mini-mie. So I went for it. Fine girl. Curvy in the right places. She only has a 'short'coming. Everything else is on point.
Her sense level is good, or let's say acceptable. We've had some pretty intelligent Conversations in the past.

That night, I told myself, it is time! Placed a phone call.

I dunno what rule says you can't ask a lady out on phone but then, it's me. I don't do rules. Asked her if we could meet anytime soon but no positive response. Fine. If suraju won't go to the mountain, let's use a rope to tie him. Oh. You thought you can carry the mountain to suraju? You like too much play.

So I started. Gush. Asking a girl out should be rated as one of the top causes of heart races and attacks. That night, I wasn't even articulate. Then I said, Bleep that. Let's talk. I want a relationship with you. She said she was sleepy that we should talk the following day. Honestly, that day, I was convinced the only thing that beats waiting for credit alert is waiting for a woman's response. She put sense on voicemail, my heart on long hold, my spirit on call waiting...

Following day, I called. She dinor pick. Morning, night. Day two. She no pick. Day three. I'm doing something, I'll call you back. Ah. Again, she dinor call. Aye mi my life. On top woman fa. I kuku mellow. Na me dey find love. If you want to see the underside of a train, you must be ready to jump on the rail way track. Except you'll finish the film in heaven Sha. Important stuff. �
Last last, she picked. Oh. Tenkyu Jesus. Oya now. That fateful night. I said how far. Babe say she no remember our last conversation. I weak. � Why do the righteous suffer?

I started over. She sighed. I heard. Undeterred, I told her to let me explain where it all started. Man was honest. Okay, maybe not completely but you don't whisper to an untied Christmas goat that it's death day is close. You'll eat rice meatless.

She then started. Ermm, Emmanuel.
I said yes dear. Please. I've been in several lectures, my attention has never been that sharp.
"Several pastors have given the same prophecy."
I said, okay? As long as it ends up being the boyfriend you'll date has a name that starts with E, has a crazy mind and will call you like a mad man for four days continuously. Who am I to stop the prophecy of the Lord?
Then she hit me. Ha. "Four pastors have said I must never marry a fair guy."

Brethren. I died within. It was like I heard Jesus when he said, 'it is finished.'

My heart stopped racing. I acted like a reasonable person. I said, okay. So what's gonna happen. She said it's personal.
In my mind, I thought, personal kill you there. After all the sleepless nights and credits and fasting and prayer. This is my reward. Like Jesus, I wept.

As if that wasn't enough. She said If not for that, I wouldn't have met her single to want to date her sef. That was when I realized that I had touched a sleeping tiger by mistake o. But it didn't caught me.
I said okay. Phone went off. I looked at my skin and I cried again. Oh Jesus. I didn't know I would be a victim of 'skinism,' and colorism. literally, discrimination against skin color outside the race realm.
I wanted to say, "baby, I can paint my skin dark for you." My melanin will pop for your sake. But the devil said no, "you act too much like me. Don't look like me." �

Let's just say If I had any idea she had such religious inclinations, I would never ever, have asked her out.
And I subbed her. Don't believe in false prophecies. Unfortunately, she probably didn't decode. I consoled myself.

I consoled myself. End of story.

Sorry bro. Probably best she left abeg.

Kowor:
Sorry bro. Probably best she left abeg.

Yeah. No hard feelings.

That part "end of the story" I know you must have cried bro, don't worry there are many barbecues, nkwobis, suya, sharwama just keep trying you will find the one that satisfies your taste.

epelumi42:
As if that wasn't enough. She said If not for that, I wouldn't have met her single to want to date her sef. That was when I realized that I had touched a sleeping tiger by mistake o. But it didn't caught me.
I said okay. Phone went off. I looked at my skin and I cried again. Oh Jesus. I didn't know I would be a victim of 'skinism,' and colorism. literally, discrimination against skin color outside the race realm.
I wanted to say, "baby, I can paint my skin dark for you." My melanin will pop for your sake. But the devil said no, "you act too much like me. Don't look like me." �

Let's just say If I had any idea she had such religious inclinations, I would never ever, have asked her out.
And I subbed her. Don't believe in false prophecies. Unfortunately, she probably didn't decode. I consoled myself.

I consoled myself. End of story.

Sorry o, such is life

You funny die this man.
I laughed all through.

That part about Suraju and the mountain got me rotfl
And the other part about not stopping the prophecy of the lord as long as the name starts with E.
Thumbs up man!

I swear, u just made my day. U crack my ribs.

Wow you can really write a good read. Had some difficulty concealing my giggles.

Anyways why the biggie about a girl? dont worry within a week you would be over it, anything past that and you vindicate her, you would be a weakling.

No woman should make you have heart palpitations unless she wants to kill you, or steal your life's work.

She wasnt into you in the beginning and her attitude showed that, move on to someone who would appreciate your light skin.

and i hardly comment on romance threads.

nuggarito:
That part "end of the story" I know you must have cried bro, don't worry there are many barbecues, nkwobis, suya, sharwama just keep trying you will find the one that satisfies your taste.

Ha. It's not that serious. I just learnt to find humor in sad stuff