Many people are caught up in the web of choosing between their family and their lovers. They tend to hang on both parties which unknowingly might not favour one of the parties. Your partner or spouse is very important, so also are your blood relatives. You basically spend more than half of your life time with your spouse but you cannot disregard those who gave birth to you, gave you the foundation of life and through which you got socialized. You would not have the love of your life if not for your mother. At the same time, it is your family members that will push you out to survive, have a partner and they are the one to bestow marital blessings unto you. When married, your partner will assume the responsibilities of your parents and relatives.

Both parties are equally important. Equal respect, obedience, attention and audience should be given to them. As an adult, you should know when to draw the line between the relationships and in cases of interference. The holy books command us to obey and respect our parents and at the same time to love, cherish and respect our spouse. This depicts that the Holy Book has laid down the principle of equality between the family and partners.

The first issue that always brings confusion in handling the relationship between parents and partners is in the aspect of partner selection. Some parents can so much dictate, interfere and influence in the choice of their child’s life partner. They give rules as to who they want as in-laws. They tell their child the tribe, educational level, religion and social status they want him/her to marry. These parents kick against marriage plans if a child acts against their wish. Some even go to the extent of arranging spouses for their children so as to strengthen friendship and business bonds. Wisdom and caution should be applied in such cases like this.

You should not ALWAYS accept nor reject your parents’ opinion, especially in the choice of future partner. Do not be forced into marrying someone you cannot be happy with or someone you cannot guarantee a bright future with. Parents can be right some times because they have the experience of which we do not have. If your parent kicks against your partner and they give you cogent and reasonable reasons for their actions, you should try and reason with them to an extent. If you are not loved by your potential in-laws, find your way into their hearts by going through their child, which is your partner. Their love can also be bought with prayers. Do not be stingy to your future in-laws. If you think bribing them will open ways for you, go ahead with it. If you find it hard to make them love you or if they are very adamant in their decision against your union despite the steps taken, it is advisable to leave the child because things will not be easy as they may frustrate you and make you regret the relationship. There must be mutual love between you and your in-laws because they serve as the bridge between you and your partner in the relationship. They settle disputes and you can make your partner do what you want through them.

Problems can arise when mothers or in-laws are living in the same house with you. It is advisable to not allow any family members (except in cases of children given birth to in or outside the relationship) live with you for the first few months or years of your marriage. Allowing parents and relatives to move in with you at the early stage of your marriage can be unhealthy for your relationship. This is because the early stage of marriage is known to be turbulent period where patience, love and perseverance are being tested. It is a time to know each other and to cope with various differences. Having a relative around can make the problems bigger. Wrong advice can be given to both partners these can make the marriage crumble if care is not taken.

In situations where you cannot avoid housing a relative member, a balance should be made. Equal attention and care should be given to everybody in the house. Do not allow your mothers to enter the kitchen if your wife is hale and healthy. Do not [/b]make your relatives your confidant when your partner is there for you. The wife should make her in-laws visits memorable and at the same time short. Am not saying you should drive them out with actions or with your words. But, make sure they do not stay for a long period of time if there is no need to do so. Let there be a gap for the sake of mutual respect. Master bedroom should not be turned to visitor’s room where people go in and out. There should be privacy in the house. All these should be discussed and agreement to terms should be made before marriage.

[b]Present your spouse well in the presence of your family members. On the other hand, respect your parents and other relatives in the presence of your spouse. If you are rude to your partner, other people will do more to them and vice versa. Do not report discouraging words to both your partner and relatives. Settle any form of strain or disagreement and find a way, by all means to encourage consensus. Stand up for your spouse always and when you are with your parents. Let them know his or her worth. Do not allow your siblings or young relatives treat your partner anyhow and vice versa. Let there be a smooth relationship and create a family-like relationship between both parties.

Do not run to your family when you have issues you can handle. Avoid making reportsof how you do things or run the affairs in the house. Try not to tell them the gifts you buy for your partner or how you handle your finances. When you have a running mouth or when you keep telling your family members every detail, they might want to poison your mind or make you leave the marriage, especially if they never for once liked your partner. Do your things in private. They do not need to know many things.

Appreciate your parents and family members. Do not abandon your parents because you are married. You and your partner should always reach out to your family members with cash, gifts and words of encouragement. Frequent visitation should be made to your family house with and without your kids. Let them know you love them the way you do love your partner.

If you find yourself dating a momma’s boy or girl, tell them what you want and what they should drop for things should work out in the relationship. Things should not be left unsaid till the future. Respect their parents and do not be rude to those they cherish.


Source: https://www.healthlifestylehub.com/steps-striking-balance-spouse-relatives/

I don't know of others but anything wey make a woman am in love with disrespects my mom, and instead of owing up she tries justifying that with whatsoever reason, you're a goner. I'd put you above my siblings and maybe even my dad but u see my mama, I don't joke with anything concerning that woman.



bring your mtn bulk airtime lets do business.

Try as much as possible to limit extended family living with you, it will save you some stress.

This is cool!

This is Apt.

Nice thread.

What Men fail to realise is that ALL women have insecurity issues. God wired them that way. Trouble in the home begins when you make it look as if you are one-sided.
- Every woman guards her home jealously so you cannot come and be bringing your mum into issues in your home. You are no longer sucking her breast. Your wife's own has taken that place.

- You should also never allow your wife to distance you from your Mum. Do not forget that SHE IS THE ONLY PERSON ON THE FACE OF THIS EARTH THAT LOVES YOU 'UNCONDITIONALLY'. The only person your wife loves unconditionally is her child (not you).

Draw your boundaries and you will live in peace.

NO TIME TO READ ALL THAT...

CHIMDIYA4EVA:
Try as much as possible to limit extended family living with you, it will save you some stress.

You are so right because it comes with its own pressure rather provide help from a distance. While single ring it into the ears of family members that once married that focus would shift so they don't get to blame the man or woman one marries as the cause of the lessen attention or financial assistance

Ladies nowadays prefer to marry someone whose parents are dead or far away from him so that the in-laws won't constitute any friction. The funny thing is that such ladies bring their own family members closer to them. Imagine the 'concubility'.

This is why i love western culture. They rarely interfere in family members homes/business. All this mother inlaws and siblings wey dem yansh no go stay one place self ehn.

This thing too long nah...how on earth do you expect me to read all these?

Interesting- cos I'm getting married VERY soon.


Cheap Architectural designs? See my signature

Emeskhalifa:
I don't know of others but anything wey make a woman am in love with disrespects my mom, and is instead of owing up she tries justifying that with whatsoever reason, you're a goner. I'd put you above my siblings and maybe even my dad but u see my mama, I don't joke with anything concerning that woman.



bring your mtn bulk airtime lets do business.

yinmu!

Nice pieces of advice, especially the ones relating to relatives living with a new couple and the mother-wife relationship management on the part of the man. It is not easy.

spidey77:
What Men fail to realise is that ALL women have insecurity issues. God wired them that way. Trouble in the home begins when you make it look as if you are one-sided.
- Every woman guards her home jealously so you cannot come and be bringing your mum into issues in your home. You are no longer sucking her breast. Your wife's own has taken that place.

- You should also never allow your wife to distance you from your Mum. Do not forget that SHE IS THE ONLY PERSON ON THE FACE OF THIS EARTH THAT LOVES YOU 'UNCONDITIONALLY'. The only person your wife loves unconditionally is her child (not you).

Draw your boundaries and you will live in peace.

Na sense u make
Kudos

CHIMDIYA4EVA:
Try as much as possible to limit extended family living with you, it will save you some stress.

especially at the beginning of your marriage when both of you are still getting to understand each other.

idioticpmb:
Ladies nowadays prefer to marry someone whose parents are dead or far away from him so that the in-laws won't constitute any friction. The funny thing is that such ladies bring their own family members closer to them. Imagine the 'concubility'.

That's y as a guy, u have to be technical most times when sitting with a lady(dating), just ask her some technical questions dat she is not prepared to defend and trust me u will get d deep answer from them instead them bring their friends answer for u .


Most times me day even intentionally make my ex vex becus I wan see how she fit condo reach, ,,,,,everyday isn't Christmas in a relationship

K

bookishme:
especially at the beginning of your marriage when both of you are still getting to understand each other.

There is a particular tribe in nigeria
When u get to the new couples hux u most see relation for the hux......at times d mater day weak me ooo

I lectured my in-law on this recently.

lilwaalx:
NO TIME TO READ ALL THAT...

If you don't have time to read this great piece,then,am afraid; you are the type that's coursing problems to humanity. If you can read and assimilate it,then,it can improve your relationship with any body around you,and equally improving the standard of living,thereby invigorating anybody around u.

lilwaalx:
NO TIME TO READ ALL THAT...

If you don't have time to read this great piece,then,am afraid; you are the type that's coursing problems to humanity. If you can read and assimilate it,then,it can improve your relationship with any body around you,and equally improving the standard of living,thereby invigorating anybody around u.
Gee,read it and gain insights. U dey hear me so!

Emeskhalifa:
I don't know of others but anything wey make a woman am in love with disrespects my mom, and instead of owing up she tries justifying that with whatsoever reason, you're a goner. I'd put you above my siblings and maybe even my dad but u see my mama, I don't joke with anything concerning that woman.



bring your mtn bulk airtime lets do business.

so your dad no make contribution for your life

afroxyz:


so your dad no make contribution for your life

Not like that. But at some point most male children put their wives and kids before their dad. .. S

Quite educative and inspiring, I shall try to apply some of these rules in my relationship.

Presenting your spouse well is really important but it's good to call the family's attention if things don't seem to improve in some aspects

Am always afraid of marriage because of my siblings
I love them to the moon

This issue of problems between spouses and their relative are just simple thing to handle if you really learn it.

Any man approaching the age of marriage should learn it and it will help you in your marriage. I will tell you how I did mine.
I am fortunate to come from a family where there was/is a very strong love and bond. Secondly, I am blessed with great parents that will hardly interfere with their children marriage and wen there is need for that, they do it with utmost wisdom.
Wen I started thinking of getting a wife, I started distancing myself a little from my family. I called it strategic detachment. I normally visit them every weekend. It was like a ritual. It is what I must do and we enjoy that togetherness.

It struck me den that once I get married, I may not have all these time to be visiting as I was doing den. I told myself to start breaking that ritual else, wen iI get married and I stop visiting, it will seem as if it's my wife that has stopped me from visiting. This may make it seem as if my wife does not really love my family and stopping me from visiting them.

I started promising my parents that I will visit which I will intentionally not fulfilled. When they ask, I will find a reason to give to them. I kept doing this until they get used to managing without seeing me. They will take wen they see me and still relax wen dey don't. So wen I married, the issue of my wife tying me down too much that I don't visit regularly is removed from onset.

Another thing is to get very close to your spouse's parents. Be like a son to them and preserve your dignity before them. Be in good terms with your wife's siblings. This will help u live happily with ur wife.

Ur parents and siblings will take ur wife the way u present her to them. Never you tell them bad things about you wife. You may forgive ur wife in the night but they may never forgive her. Present ur wife as a Queen to ur parents and siblings and they will respect her as a Queen irrespective of her age.

Avoid living together with your inlaws or ur siblings. If there is a need to go against this, as a man, chose to live with ur wife's sibling/s.
Men can easily tolerate sister/brother inlaws more than women.
If u are living with ur sister and ur wife in the same house, if there happens to be a problem between them, if you blame ur wife, she will say it's because she is ur sister daz why u don't want to scold her. If the other way ur sister will say same and may even start reporting ur wife to ur parents.
When u are living with ur wife's sister and they quarrel u will just tell ur wife, pls take it easy with her, u know she is ur sister and she will even be the one forcing u to take action against her sister. Just behave as if u are reluctant to take the action and she will take it on ur behalf. She will send her packing and u will see that u are out of the picture.

spidey77:
What Men fail to realise is that ALL women have insecurity issues. God wired them that way. Trouble in the home begins when you make it look as if you are one-sided.
- Every woman guards her home jealously so you cannot come and be bringing your mum into issues in your home. You are no longer sucking her breast. Your wife's own has taken that place.

- You should also never allow your wife to distance you from your Mum. Do not forget that SHE IS THE ONLY PERSON ON THE FACE OF THIS EARTH THAT LOVES YOU 'UNCONDITIONALLY'. The only person your wife loves unconditionally is her child (not you).

Draw your boundaries and you will live in peace.

Na man you be!!!!!

mogbojaiye:


There is a particular tribe in nigeria
When u get to the new couples hux u most see relation for the hux......at times d mater day weak me ooo

This post cracked me up! Lol
But tell me the tribe. I have a feeling it is Igbo, but I don’t know for sure. Is it Igbo?
P.S I am Igbo

@OP
I absolutely would not mind at all if my husband loves frolicking with his family. He should help them too, as much as he can, nuclear o, extended o, friends o, all. He should and would not use me as an excuse to be stingy. I would not like a man who would not stay close with his family because he married me.
Of course it goes without saying that my family is my love circle, lol. Nobody tries to expunge them from it at all. My partner only makes my circle bigger.
He cannot make me not be there for my people, nobody can. If he has a problem with this? He bounces. I “know” I would have it harder, he is a man and a million women would be willing to move in with him and as a woman I would be menopausal and lonely bla bla bla he still bounces

As a couple we will turn poorer (homeless and in our city) relatives/friends away from our home ONLY if we are able to provide a place for all of them to squat in and find their footing. This way, we still show them care and support and have all the privacy we may need
(As a matter of fact I am mildly OCDish and would hate people disturbing my niche (this niche is less of “my husband and I in our private world” and more the haven I live in- furniture in place, smells intact, ambience all right and etc)